zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: When we last left off, Nora and Vee faked a bomb threat for the noble goal of reading Patch’s student records, which we found out were nonexistent. Also, Patch is a creepy mofo, but we already knew that.

Ket: I know it’s spring, but I’m cold. So let’s deal with Asshole and Moron, so I can climb under a pile of blankets.

Why Is This Chapter A Thing? )
zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: Before we begin, I want to apologize for the bizarre update schedule. I accidentally posted Chapter 9 here instead of at das_sporking and then took forever and a day to get it cleaned up. So to anyone confused by that, I'm very sorry. I'm going to knuckle down and catch up on updating over here.

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...

ZeldaQueen: So! When we last left off, Vee decided that somehow, breaking in to see Patch’s private records would be beneficial to Nora. Any takers on whether or not Nora acts sensibly over all of this?

Ket: That’s a sucker’s bet. We also got Chinese food instead of the usual booze and ice cream. *Offers Zelda fried wontons*.

ZeldaQueen: Ah, thank you kindly but I conjured a pepperoni pizza out of my hat. Mmmm...cheesy. And in a good way!

Now With RESEARCH On Bomb Threats And Why One Shouldn't Fake Them! )
zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: In which Coach continues to piss us off and we move into a slasher movie.

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...

In Which No Sense Is Made And Everything Is Pointless )
zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: Well, we’re at one of Those Chapters. You know, one of the infamous ones that gets pointed out so very often in criticisms of this book.

Ket: Because the rest of the book was such a literary masterpiece?

ZeldaQueen: No, because this is one of the points that’s so hair-rippingly infuriating that it stood out amongst the general criticism of “this is boring”. This chapter is arguably this book’s equivalent of Edward stealing Bella’s car engine - really frigging creepy, meant to be charming and funny, and just horrible to read.

Ket: Again, sounds like the rest of the book.

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...

In Which Nora Is Sexually Harassed By Her Future Boyfriend In Front Of Her Class )
zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: When we last left off, Patch was a creepy fucker and Nora was infuriatingly dense about it.

Ket: Doesn’t that sum up the whole book?

ZeldaQueen: More or less.

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...

In Which Nora Makes Some Piss-Poor Decisions )
zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: We continue on through Chapter 1, where we see the most bizarre homework assignment ever be used as an excuse to get the leading couple together.

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...

In Which This Insane Assignment Continues )
zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: Well, we met the male lead of our little tale in the prologue, so it's time we met our female lead! Oh boy!

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...

In Which Sex Ed Is Bonkers )
zelda_queen: (Spork)

ZeldaQueen: Time to continue onward, as the mysterious boy becomes infinitely more disturbing!

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...

In Which A Monster Attacks An Innocent Man (And Later Will Be Our Romantic Lead) )
zelda_queen: (Spork)

Projection Room Voices: You're redoing this one?

ZeldaQueen: Oh yeah! Greetings and salutations, folks! Welcome to the revamped sporking of
Hush, Hush! Some of you may recall when I sporked this the first time around, over at the Realm. Well, I took a look at it, and decided that my sporking skills improved and I missed quite a few things the first time around, so I’d be giving this a second shot. So please enjoy, and -

[Suddenly, the closet door flies open behind her and crashes to the ground. Ket Makura is standing inside of it, spatula between her teeth and an armload of papers clutched to her chest.]

ZeldaQueen: The hell?!?

Ket: *Spits out the spatula* I’m not letting you do this alone. This series is full of religious fail, and I aim to rip it apart. I am personally offended, and I demand satisfaction. I have done research! *Drops the stack of papers with a heavy thud.*

ZeldaQueen: Well, far be it for me to deny you the chance to inflict the torture of badfic upon yourself. And there certainly is quite a lot of religious fail. *holds out hand* Welcome to Hush Hush, Ket!

Ket: *Picks up her things, then shakes Zelda’s hand firmly* Thank you. *Sits beside her* Just a note before we begin: I’m an enthusiast when it comes to religion, especially things to do with angels and demons, but I don’t call myself an expert. Religious studies are not always concrete--to be blunt, it’s hard to get scholars to agree on what time it is. However, I’m here to point out the absolute fail that Fitzpatrick has done with even the most basic of research into Abrahamic religions.

ZeldaQueen: Well, no time to get started on that like the present! Let us begin.

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...

In Which A Nobleman Decides To Engage In Field Sex And Walk Home In The Rain For No Reason )
zelda_queen: (secretary)
As those of you who follow [livejournal.com profile] das_sporking may have noticed, I recently posted a table of contents there for a sporking of Hush, Hush. For those of you who haven't seen it and for anyone else curious, yes, this means that I will be rebooting the sporking of that book. I had been debating on it for some time, and decided to do so for two reasons:

  1. In hindsight, it occurred to me that my first sporking wasn't as complete as it could have been. And, after all, I'd hate to deny anyone the squicky wonder that is Hush, Hush.

  2. Ket, in a complete and utter rage over the amount of myth!fail, asked for a chance to join me in having at it.

It was pretty much Ket's offer that was the tipping point here. I read her sporkings with Gehayi of Fifty Shades of Grey, and was glad for her help. So we decided to dive on in.

So, where does this leave my Crescendo sporking? Unfortunately, that one's going to be shelved for the time being. To everyone waiting for that to update, I'm really, really sorry. I was trying to muscle through it, and it's gotten to the point where it's so damned dull that I was worried I was missing too much and not being sufficiently snarky. Fear not though, dear Viewers! When Ket and I finish with Hush, Hush, we'll move on to the rest of the series. So worry not, Crescendo and the sequels will be sporked. It'll just be a bit, so please hang tight.

Hopefully the wait won't be too bad though, because you'll have the shiny new Hush, Hush sporking to follow along with! Besides new insight provided by the ever-reliable Ket, there will be new counts, new rages, and new points to bring up. So even if you read the previous sporking, there's going to be plenty of new stuff to keep you entertained!

Finally, I realize that I have been focusing mostly on updating my sporkings at [livejournal.com profile] das_sporking. I also know that I have readers here who aren't a member of the comm, who I've been neglecting. For everyone here, I do hope to begin Chosen soon, however that's going to wait until I have a few of my current sporking projects finished. I'm currently working on... *counts* two more, not counting Hush, Hush, with another due to start soon and several more set to follow, so things are a little tight. So until that sporking begins, I will be posting the Hush, Hush: Redux sporking here, as well as at [livejournal.com profile] das_sporking. That way, people don't have to follow along at the comm if they don't want to, my journal will get some updates, and people who just like to hang out at the Realm will be able to easily get alerts (and for those wondering, I will be editing the Redux TOC to the same post as the original one, so just go there to check on it).

On one final note, I mentioned this at the comm, but I'll be gone for pretty much the entirety of next week (June 22 - 28th) for a vacation. I'll have my laptop, but I'm not sure what sort of internet service I'll have access to. So if anyone needs to get in touch with me, I'm likely not going to be able to respond until next weekend. Terribly sorry if something incredibly urgent has come up, but that's how it is. ^^;

Anywho, let me know if there are any questions about this all, and hope you enjoy the upcoming events!
zelda_queen: (Zelda Queen Spork)

ZeldaQueen: Time to continue with this insanity, as we watch Nora try (and fail) to logic her way through things.

As a note - because of length issues, I had to move the start of this sporking to the end of Part 1 here. If you read Part 1 before this, please, please go back and read the end of it again.

Read more... )

zelda_queen: (Zelda Queen Spork)

ZeldaQueen: And now for a chapter that somehow manages to feel entirely pointless, even though it supposedly involves Nora making a breakthrough. Also, warnings - this chapter has it made clear that Nora is aware Patch stalks her, but doesn't care.

Read more... )

zelda_queen: (Zelda Queen Spork)
ZeldaQueen: *cheerfully* Well, it's certainly been some time, hasn't it? How about we continue on, through the never-ending fail?
Read more... )
zelda_queen: (Zelda Queen Spork)
ZeldaQueen: And we’re back, ladies and gentlemen! Sorry for the delay, but this chapter is just bad. Have a snack and drink of choice on hand because…lordy!

WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER! Besides Nora being excessively humiliated (seriously, why does Fitzpatrick do that constantly to her?), we have her contemplating suicide at the very beginning here! Please, proceed with caution!

Read more... )
zelda_queen: (Zelda Queen Spork)
ZeldaQueen: Finally, we lay this dreadful chapter to rest! Be warned - this section gives us Patch being a manipulative bastard and Nora being at her most spineless.
Read more... )


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