Ghosts Of The Abyss: Chapter 19
May. 22nd, 2011 07:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zelda_queenZeldaQueen: Hey, everyone! We're just speeding through this fic, aren't we? Link's back to playing Jack Sparrow -
Link: *ripping garden hoses off of his cheek* Goddesses above, I hate these costume changes
ZeldaQueen: - and I am still playing Kate. Marvel as nothing happens!
THE CURTAINS RISE FOR...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 19
Jack: Grr, fear my anger! I return from Beckett's ship, having just been offered the promise of Kate's freedom and safety if I show him to the Cove. Even though I thought we already sorted that out, I know that Beckett still wishes to kill Kate. I have no idea why! After all, she's just the daughter of a pirate and is married to a pirate and engaged in piracy for a number of years, having surely done horrible things in that time. It's not like she's done anything wrong. What ho! I come across Kate crying. What is wrong, my love?
Kate: Oh Jack, I instantly begin to wangst about my problems, because that's all that matters in this story
Jack: Well? Don't keep me in suspense!
Kate: I'm...pregnant! *dramatic chord*
Jack: Even though I have long suspected this, I have been "rendered speechless for the first time in my life"
Kate: I wangst because I fear for the safety of my baby! After all, it's not like we can arrange for it to be raised somewhere safe after it's born. No, despite boning you, my darling husband, at any and all possible opportunities, I apparently never gave this any consideration
Jack: Don't worry, darling. My love for you is so great that I shall have this war ended by the time you have the baby. There, there. Let me hold you, so that I may feel "hot drops of moisture caress my skin through my shirt" and you "slender form trembling in my arms". Feel better?
Kate: Sure, sure. What was Beckett after?
Jack: Oh yeah, he promised us protection and employment to England, the fiend!
Kate: What?!? I am a genius and note that he first wanted to kill us and is now offering us safety! SOMETHING SUSPICIOUS IS GOING ON!
Jack: Yes, and I have no idea what. I mean, it's not like I suspect that he's just lying or something
Kate: I do, for I am smarter than you
Jack: Yeah, yeah, whatever. I didn't answer him on it, because working for England is totally enslavement and it's not like you should ever be expected to be held to any rules
Kate: Well, we'll play along until we get to the Cove. Not really much else we can do, seeing as he's clearly following us there, but I thought of that plan so clearly it's brilliant. I shall be inspirational now, and call Beckett a dictator! I shall kill him myself, because I have been reminded that he is, in fact, a source of conflict
Jack: That's fine. Time for a bit of backstory bullshit
Kate: Marvelous!
Jack: So yeah, I was once a privateer under Beckett's command, and was dumb enough to think I still had a pirate's freedom. I would sink the ships of enemy countries and give twenty percent of the plunder to England. And then we went for six months without seeing any enemy ships and were starving and so I decided that we had no choice but to fire upon another English ship instead of, you know, going over and asking if they could offer us assistance. For that, Beckett had me branded as a pirate, even though that wasn't really piracy. But I got revenge by revealing how he was corrupt and horded plunder and breached his own contract and let his privateers and fleet starve. This got his ass hauled before the court in England. I'm not entirely sure how that fall from grace jives with the fact that he was clearly promoted not long before the events of the second movie, but whatever. Freeing captive slaves apparently wasn't cool enough for Gethesemane
Kate: So you humiliated him
Jack: Meh, he deserved it. After all, Gethesemane is determined to make me as blameless as possible, so here we are. And while he paid off the courts to avoid prison, I know there was a huge scandal over it and that's why he's killing pirates, to make people think he's righteous. I mean, as if pirates actually were dangerous, pffft!
Kate: Oh Jack, you are so magnificent!
Jack: Love you too, baby. Let's make out while I rhapsodize about how you and that spawn of yours are the greatest things ever and vaguely imply that I'm willing to appeal to my dad for help, even though my canon self would rather stick a knife through his head than do that
----------------------------------------
Onward to: Chapter 20
Back to: Chapter 18
Return to: Table of Contents
Link: *ripping garden hoses off of his cheek* Goddesses above, I hate these costume changes
ZeldaQueen: - and I am still playing Kate. Marvel as nothing happens!
THE CURTAINS RISE FOR...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 19
Jack: Grr, fear my anger! I return from Beckett's ship, having just been offered the promise of Kate's freedom and safety if I show him to the Cove. Even though I thought we already sorted that out, I know that Beckett still wishes to kill Kate. I have no idea why! After all, she's just the daughter of a pirate and is married to a pirate and engaged in piracy for a number of years, having surely done horrible things in that time. It's not like she's done anything wrong. What ho! I come across Kate crying. What is wrong, my love?
Kate: Oh Jack, I instantly begin to wangst about my problems, because that's all that matters in this story
Jack: Well? Don't keep me in suspense!
Kate: I'm...pregnant! *dramatic chord*
Jack: Even though I have long suspected this, I have been "rendered speechless for the first time in my life"
Kate: I wangst because I fear for the safety of my baby! After all, it's not like we can arrange for it to be raised somewhere safe after it's born. No, despite boning you, my darling husband, at any and all possible opportunities, I apparently never gave this any consideration
Jack: Don't worry, darling. My love for you is so great that I shall have this war ended by the time you have the baby. There, there. Let me hold you, so that I may feel "hot drops of moisture caress my skin through my shirt" and you "slender form trembling in my arms". Feel better?
Kate: Sure, sure. What was Beckett after?
Jack: Oh yeah, he promised us protection and employment to England, the fiend!
Kate: What?!? I am a genius and note that he first wanted to kill us and is now offering us safety! SOMETHING SUSPICIOUS IS GOING ON!
Jack: Yes, and I have no idea what. I mean, it's not like I suspect that he's just lying or something
Kate: I do, for I am smarter than you
Jack: Yeah, yeah, whatever. I didn't answer him on it, because working for England is totally enslavement and it's not like you should ever be expected to be held to any rules
Kate: Well, we'll play along until we get to the Cove. Not really much else we can do, seeing as he's clearly following us there, but I thought of that plan so clearly it's brilliant. I shall be inspirational now, and call Beckett a dictator! I shall kill him myself, because I have been reminded that he is, in fact, a source of conflict
Jack: That's fine. Time for a bit of backstory bullshit
Kate: Marvelous!
Jack: So yeah, I was once a privateer under Beckett's command, and was dumb enough to think I still had a pirate's freedom. I would sink the ships of enemy countries and give twenty percent of the plunder to England. And then we went for six months without seeing any enemy ships and were starving and so I decided that we had no choice but to fire upon another English ship instead of, you know, going over and asking if they could offer us assistance. For that, Beckett had me branded as a pirate, even though that wasn't really piracy. But I got revenge by revealing how he was corrupt and horded plunder and breached his own contract and let his privateers and fleet starve. This got his ass hauled before the court in England. I'm not entirely sure how that fall from grace jives with the fact that he was clearly promoted not long before the events of the second movie, but whatever. Freeing captive slaves apparently wasn't cool enough for Gethesemane
Kate: So you humiliated him
Jack: Meh, he deserved it. After all, Gethesemane is determined to make me as blameless as possible, so here we are. And while he paid off the courts to avoid prison, I know there was a huge scandal over it and that's why he's killing pirates, to make people think he's righteous. I mean, as if pirates actually were dangerous, pffft!
Kate: Oh Jack, you are so magnificent!
Jack: Love you too, baby. Let's make out while I rhapsodize about how you and that spawn of yours are the greatest things ever and vaguely imply that I'm willing to appeal to my dad for help, even though my canon self would rather stick a knife through his head than do that
----------------------------------------
Onward to: Chapter 20
Back to: Chapter 18
Return to: Table of Contents
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2011-05-23 08:24 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-05-23 02:12 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-05-23 05:31 pm (UTC)...Gethbitxh. Maybe if you stopped masturbating to the movie and actually watched it, you would find out the real reason Jack was made a pirate. Namely, he refused Beckett's orders to kill a village full of innocent people and got thrown out of the East India Company. Beckett was also the one who branded Jack with that 'P' on his arm. It makes Jack look noble and Beckett look like a dick.
But no, you had to make it so that Jack looks like a complete and utter sociopath. Seriously, firing on a ship sailing under British colours because you're bored?! But that gets you all hot and bothered, doesn't it, you filthy hybristrophile? Is that why your Sue fucked Davy Jones? Sparrow not dangerous enough for ya?
As an aside, I do wonder what Gethbitch thinks about the new movie and Sparrow's love interest. Y'know, actual Blackbeard's daughter and a tough pirate chick in her own right? XP
(no subject)
Date: 2011-05-23 05:41 pm (UTC)As always, logic defeats all 'conflict' in Gethbitch's stories. Kinda like Meyer, her equally hybristophilic but richer twin sister.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-05-23 06:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-05-23 06:14 pm (UTC)You're probably right. She's also written her Sues as banging Victor from Underworld and Seripoth from Kingdom Hearts, who I've been told is pretty much Norman Bates.
All I've seen her say on Angelica is that she's surprised that there haven't been any Mattel dolls of her marketed.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-05-25 09:15 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-05-25 01:23 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-11-01 11:33 pm (UTC)Everytime I see direct quote from her in your sporking, I almost think you're making it up, because no one can write that much bullshit and still believe their story to be good...
Seriously, her tears are caressing his chest through his clothes?
I don't know whether to laugh or scream...
I love this way of sporking, by the way. The less I have to read of her actual writing, the happier I am. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2011-11-05 04:53 am (UTC)And oh no, there really is no way to make it up. Gethesemane's batshittery kind of transcends the realm of "deliberately bad".
Heh, thanks! ^_^
(no subject)
Date: 2011-11-07 03:59 am (UTC)But then, she's got over a dozen fics, doesn't she?
*Facepalm*
Maybe I should spork something by her as well...
(no subject)
Date: 2011-11-07 04:48 am (UTC)In any case, it ought to be an interesting time. XD Her work is...special.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-11-08 03:53 am (UTC)Damn, that sounds ominous...
She used to be on fanfiction.net, and got flamed? Wow...That says a lot about the quality of her fics.
I've seen so many bad fics on there with not a single negative review.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-11-08 04:48 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-11-08 07:24 am (UTC)God, this woman is annoying me.
At this stage, I'm pretty much obligated to spork her work now...
You have done a fantastic job in ripping this apart. This fic sorely needed it.
And...uh...just as a shameless plug, I'm doing sporkings on my livejournal...you wouldn't mind having a look at it when you have time, do you?
And, I'll go now. Sorry for the pimping...