My Inner Life: Chapter 13 - The Encounter
Apr. 25th, 2010 11:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zelda_queenProjection Room Voices: Good news!
ZeldaQueen: Woot! I'm back! My word, those brownies work wonders...
Link: Fantastic! Let's get rid of these dipsticks then, and get going
Midna: Oh no, not so fast!
Ganondorf: I do wish to see how this turns out, if only to tell Vaati and Zant later
ZeldaQueen: M.A.R.Y.S.U.E. rules clearly state that any sporkers can join in if they want
Link: Fine! But know this, Ganondorf - if you even hint to anyone else about what goes on in this chapter, I swear I won't rest until I've dug up the worst fanfiction about you and have everyone spork it
Ganondorf: *goes pale* You wouldn't dare
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter 13: The Encounter
The Encounter
ZeldaQueen: Of a close kind
Grabbling
Midna: That sounds faintly dirty
my bow and my (9)Phoenix circles and Link equipped with the Master Sword, I kissed little Link, said a few words to Ruto then Link and I headed for Lake Hylia and the Water Temple.
All: *stare*
Link: Wow. I really think she topped herself with that one
ZeldaQueen: Yep. Let's see, bad sentence structure, run on, and a god-awful footnote which goes as such - "(9) The Phoenix Circles are one form of a Charkam. A Charkam is a round weapon kind of like a sword only in the form of a circle (exe Zena Warrior Princess's weapon). The Charkam has a blade curvature in the shape of a crescent moon with a round hilt on one side. The Phoenix Circles in this story, its blade is lined with all different kinds of valuable gems and the symbol of the Phoenix." In other words, they look like this
ZeldaQueen: It's also spelled "Chakram", not "Charkam"
Link: So wait, where the fuck did those things come from? She never mentioned having them at all! And "valuable gems"? How did she even afford them? How did she learn to use them? Were they gifts from Zelda? What?
Ganondorf: Hm, I knew not that there were Phoenix in the land of Hyrule
Midna: Zena in a Zelda fanfiction. My my...
We went to the stable to grab our horses,
All: END SENTENCE!
since Epona was carrying, I saddled Star Dancer and Link saddled Midnight Star.
Link: Oh, that's nice! Just butt my horse out of action, why don't you?
ZeldaQueen: You know, this sort of strikes me as more of this stupid anti-feminism stuff. "Oh look! The canon female horse who served Link faithfully throughout the whole game is pregnant and can't be used! How convenient!"
Link: It's really creepy how she keeps separating me from my canon female acquaintances
Midna: Watch out for your rabbit if you ever break up with her, Link
Mounting our horses, we left the sanctuary of our house, and made our way through the blinding snow. The storm had kicked up again. It was very cold and the snow knee deep.
Ganondorf: Will you shut up about the snow and cold!
Midna: *yawning* Typical Sue, even the weather is exceptional for her to marvel over
ZeldaQueen: Well, I know she did a lot of repetition when I was zonked and I need to catch up, so I'll just give her ten bumps for good measure. PDORD Count = 50
The wind whipped our cloaks around as we pushed onward. Visibility was next to nothing, I could barely see Link in front of me. "Jenna are you ok?!" Link yelled over the howling wind. "So far I'm ok, but I can barely see anything in front of me!" I yelled back. "Just follow the sound of my voice my love, I will help guide you!" Listing to Link's voice, I was able to follow him. We kept a steady pace, pushing through the deep wet snow. I wrapped my now damp cloak around me trying to stay warm.
Link: Yadda, yadda, yadda, boring stuff
ZeldaQueen: Seriously Suethor, figure out what the audience wants to read about! I can assure you, the battle with Dark Link is infinitely preferable to them going through a storm
After some time we finally came to the fences leading to Lake Hylia.
Ganondorf: My, that was fast
By this time the storm had died down some so visibility was much better. Link made Midnight Star come to a complete stop, causing snow to kick up behind the stallion's powerful hooves. Pulling back on the reins Star Dancer came to a complete stop just a few feet behind Link. "Why did we stop?" I questioned. "We need to jump these fences, but with the snow as deep as it is I know that Midnight Star can make the jump but, do you think your mare can handle the jump?" Looking down at my mare, I patted her on the head and stroked her mane. "I have full confidence in her Link, she can make the jump." "Then lets go!" Link yelled.
ZeldaQueen: Yes Jenna, Link's big, strong, male horse can obviously make the jump, but can your punny, weak, female horse do so? AUGH!
Midna: This is completely pointless.
Link: More than you even know! There are ladders around the fences! They could just climb over them!
ZeldaQueen: *sigh* Jump, jump, jump! PDORD Count = 52
Backing up his horse, Link prepared for the jump. When he had enough distance, he booted the horse in the legs
Link: You boot a horse in the ribs, not the legs! C'mon now, I ought to know better!
and ran towards the fences guarding the lake. With a kicking up of snow, the black stallion flew gracefully over the fences, leaving a trail of mist behind him. Bringing the horse to a stop on the other side of the fences he looked at me. "Now you make the jump."
All: GET ON WITH IT!
Nodding, I backed up my mare and prepared for the jump. When I had enough distance between the fences and I, I booted my horse in the legs
Link: RIBS!
and bolted towards the fences. Just before I reached the fences, a cloud of snow kicked up behind my horse's powerful hooves as she made the rough jump over the fences. Link then took off in front of me and called for me to follow. I watched as the lake slowly became visible.
Midna: Well, I'm glad that they devoted... *counts* two or so paragraphs to leaping a fence
Ganondorf: Indeed, for the story is that much more enriched by it
When we reached the bank of Lake Hylia, we were shocked at what we saw. Pulling our horses to a complete stop I exchanged glances with Link. "The lake is frozen over!
ZeldaQueen: Much like Hell
How are we supposed to get inside now?" I said as we dismounted.
All: USE A DIFFERENT WORD!
Pulling out his bow, Link nocked an arrow of fire and shot it at the lake. Steam rose up as the fire melted the ice beneath its fiery rage.
ZeldaQueen: Think you could mention fire any more there? PDORD Count = 53
"Well well, Link your full of surprises." I said with envoy.
Midna: His full of surprises what?
Link: Must have something to do with the Sue's envoy
Link smiled, then nocked a few more arrows and shot them one by one into the ice, creating a hole in the ice. "Now we can get inside." Link inquired. "Wait a second Link, isn't the door to the Temple under the water?" Link nodded. "How do you suppose we are going to get in there?"
Link: "We" aren't. I'm going to tie you to a rock and drop your butt into the lake to drown. Hopefully your pretty little corpse will scare Dark Link into never leaving the temple ever
Walking back over to his horse, Link reached into his saddlebags and pulled something out of it. Turning back to me he threw a blue looking tunic at me. "Put that on."
Ganondorf: Ah, it is "blue looking"? Does that suggest that it is not actually blue, an imitation?
Link: No, I think she just was trying to sound deep
"That's the Zora tunic, it allows its wearer to breath under the water." I looked down at the tunic in my hands, wondering if it would really work.
Link: Look bitch, I've been from one end of Hyrule to the other and used all of my items long enough to have plenty of experience. If I say something will work, then it fucking well will!
"Are you sure its going to fit me?"
ZeldaQueen: Jenna, the Zoras are far skinnier than Link and he still fits into the tunics. I doubt it'd be an issue. Or are your hooters really that big?
Looking back at me his eyes seemed to glow.
All: SHUT UP ABOUT THE EYES!
"Don't worry my love it will." Looking back down at it one more time, I took it and slipped it on over my dress.
Midna: Fighting in a dress. How practical
Then I walked over to Link just as he finished putting his on.
Link: Why would I have two of those things at once? I could only just manage one of everything
"Now the entrance is at the bottom. The only way to get down there is with the Iron Boots."
ZeldaQueen: So Link has the Fire Arrows, the Zora Tunic, the Iron Boots, and the Master Sword. This all implies that he still has all of his weapons from the game. Keep this in mind for later, dear viewers
"Iron what?" I asked with curiosity in my voice.
Ganondorf: They are called the Iron Boots! What do you think they are, you idiot?
"The Iron Boots are boots made of Iron to help the wearer to be heavy enough to walk on lake bottoms.
ZeldaQueen: You don't say?
ZeldaQueen: CAPTAIN OBVIOUS, to the rescue! Oh and PDORD Counter = 54
"Oh that's amazing, you never cease to surprise me Link my love." I said with a little giggle.
Midna: Is she retarded?
ZeldaQueen: Well, she's not the crunchiest chip in the bag...
Link: Okay, they're sneaking into an underwater temple with a dark monster they were pissing their pants over before. Now my fictional self is holding a questions and answers session while the Sue giggles about how great said counterpart is. What?
"Now since there is only one pair, you'll have to hang onto me or you will just float back to the surface." Nodding, I watched as Link equipped the Iron Boots.
ZeldaQueen: (Sue) "More excuses to cling! Hooray!"
When he was ready, I grabbed onto his arm as we made our way into the lake. The boots made a loud clopping sound as we descended to the lake's bottom. Walking on the bottom of the lake made me feel a little uneasy, but I had confidence in my husband's abilities. When we reached the Temple's gate, I looked up at the blood red jewel sitting above the entrance. A slight shiver went down my spine as I stared at the ghoulish looking thing. Hugging onto Link, we descended into the Temple. As we walked further into the eerie Temple, a wash of uneasiness ran over me.
Link: Blah, blah, blah, vaguely creepy stuff which is nowhere near the worst I've fought, get on with it!
"Where do we go from here?" I said as I held onto Link tightly.
All: STOP CLINGING!
"I'm not sure, but my best guess is that we should head for that strange room."
Ganondorf: HA! That's specific!
Link: Right. We're in an underwater temple with three floors that have countless and mostly-flooded chambers, pools, traps, and tunnels. Let's go for "that strange room"!
As we descended deeper into the Water Temple, I started to feel as if someone was watching us. "Link do you feel as if we are being watched?"
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 55
"Yeah I feel it, I also feel a presence as well. He's here I can feel it."
ZeldaQueen: GOD DAMN IT! PDORD Count = 56
Feeling my cat like instincts kick in,
ZeldaQueen: Wait, what?!?
Link: Where the fuck did those come from?
Midna: Probably the same place she got those Phoenix Circle things from
I raised my head up and sniffed the air.
Midna: Wow, she really is part cat!
ZeldaQueen: It's a were-Jenna! Run for your life!
"You're right, I smell something fowl.
All: *stare and then burst out laughing*
Ganondorf: She really is part cat! Who knew?
ZeldaQueen: That explains the tiger sex before!
He's close." I said lowering my head.
ZeldaQueen: I like to think that her neck can extend like a car jack
"Closer then you think." A sneering voice called from within the Temple.
Link: What? Where are they? The temple is huge! Doors? Tunnels? What?
I jumped at the sound of the eerie voice echoing threw the corridors. "Come out and show yourself, I know you're here!" Link yelled as he unfastened his sword in its sheath.
Link: Oh come on! There is no way in Hell that I react like that!
"Ha ha so…the "Hero of Time" has returned to challenge me." The sneering voice called again.
ZeldaQueen: You know, I can almost accept the quotes around "Hero of Time" there. At least Dark Link has a reason to be doubtful
"Your more of a fool then I thought."
ZeldaQueen: Lord almighty is this guy generic
Midna: Does Dark Link have a mustache? It sounds like he's that type of villain
Ganondorf: At least he's not speaking in old fashioned English
I begun to shake as the sneering voice continued to vibrate threw
All: "THROUGH"!!!
the Temple's corridors. "FOOL!? You're the fool! Why won't you show yourself?!" Link screamed as he unsheathed the Master Sword.
Link: *stands up on sofa* Okay, I need to vent. Sorry. LISTEN AND LISTEN WELL, SUETHOR! I AM NOT A SHAKESPEAREAN ACTOR, NOR AM I A HERO IN A CHEESY MOVIE! I FIND THE MONSTER, I KILL THE MONSTER, I DON'T BREAK A SWEAT, I GO HOME! I DO NOT STAND AROUND MAKING STUPID SPEECHES! LET DARK LINK, THE STUPID BASTARD, TALK LIKE THAT IF YOU WANT, BUT LEAVE ME ALONE! GOD!!! *sits back down*
Ganondorf: Well howled
Just then we heard a shuffling sound behind us.
Midna: Wait, aren't they still underwater? How is there shuffling underwater?
ZeldaQueen: How are they yelling underwater?
Then the next thing I knew, I was struck from behind and then all went black.
Midna: Dark Link just attacked the Sue. I think I like him now
Ganondorf: I am confused. What sort of a room where they in? I do not believe many of the rooms in the Water Temple were so large that an enemy could sneak up behind Link without him knowing
When I awoke, I noticed I was lying on the floor bound hand and foot with rope. Looking around the room, I saw Link sitting next to me bound as well.
Link: Oh come on! There is no fucking way that I would be knocked out and defeated that easily! I've had boulders fall on me and stayed conscious! What the goddam hell, Suethor, what the goddam hell?
I tried to tug at my bonds, but it seemed no matter how hard I tried the bonds seemed to tighten.
ZeldaQueen: Mighty strange laws of physics you've got in the land of Hyrule
"Its no use Jenna, I've already tried." Link said in a faltering tone. "It seems that we are prisoner of my mirror self."
ZeldaQueen: Yes, despite the fact that Link was clearly able to destroy him the first time around, when he didn't even know what to expect! And despite the fact that LINK HAS ARROWS AND BOMBS AND A FIRE SPELL AND A NUMBER OF SHARP, POINTY THINGS HE COULD USE TO CUT THE ROPES, IGNORING THE FACT THAT HE'S MOVED FAR HEAVIER THINGS AND OUGHT TO BE ABLE TO BREAK A FEW ROPES!
Link: *sobs at his canon rape*
Midna and Ganondorf: *stay quiet out of sympathy*
"You are so right." Called the sneering voice again.
Link: Yes, sneering. Have we established yet that Dark Link is evil? I don't think we have!
Just then a figure appeared in the doorway to the room. "So…the "Hero of Time" is now my prisoner. How long I awaited this day, the day when I would get revenge on my counter part."
Midna: Revenge for what?
Link: Killing him I think, though that ought to have gotten in the way of any later plans he might have had
I watched as the shadowy figure moved forward revealing an exact copy of Link. Although the "copy" was darker, wearing a black tunic and hat, and those blood red eyes shone with pure evil. As he approached Link, the look of him made me shiver in fear. "What are you going to do with us?" Link said with hatred in his voice. "Hmmm….I haven't decided what I'm going to do with you yet."
Ganondorf: And he has no ulterior motives? No plans besides pure spite? What sort of a silly villain is he? I have dirtied my boots stepping on more terrifying enemies!
Then he glanced over at me, his blood red eyes piercing into my soul. "But I think I have plans for that beautiful wife of yours." The mirror image said with amusement in his voice.
Midna: Yes. He's going to rape the Sue to show us how eviiiill he is and because she's just that beautiful
"Oh by the way…call me Dark Link."
ZeldaQueen: Call me Ishmael
Just then Dark Link strode over and bend down beside me, "Such a beautiful creature." He said as he put his hand under my chin, lifting my head up to face him. I shot him a look of hate.
Ganondorf: How sweet, she is attempting to act brave and tough
"I have plans for you sweet thing." Dark Link said as he ran his hands seductively down the side of my face.
Link: Yeesh, could you lay it on any thicker, buddy?
"What the hell are you talking about!?" I looked up at him, his red eyes seemed to glow with an evil desire.
Midna: What do you think, you brainless idiot?
"Oh…I have special plans for you. You will soon find out." He begun to laugh, a laugh so hideous that it made my skin crawl.
ZeldaQueen: Given his act thus far, he's probably going to tie her to some railroad tracks
Realizing what he meant, my eyes grew as big as saucers.
Link: Which I set cups of blood on
"I want nothing to do with YOU in that manor!" I cried as I spat in his face.
ZeldaQueen: But she'll have something to do with him in another manor? The first one must not be up to her standards, my oh my
"You Bitch, you'll pay for that!"
Midna: And it seems that "bitch" is now a proper noun
Whipping the spit from his face, he backhanded me, leaving a stinging sensation on my cheek. "How dare you hit my wife!" Link screamed.
Ganondorf: How dare you fart before my wife?
Midna: I'm sorry, I didn't know it was her turn
"Well it seems you're in no condition do anything about it." Dark Link said with humor.
ZeldaQueen: Did adverbs personally offend this Suethor's mother or something? Why does she go out of her way to avoid using them?
Then the dark being faced me again. "I will be back for you real soon." Running his hand down the side of my face again, he smiled then got up and strode to the door. "Now don't think of trying to escape." He said with a smirk then walked out.
Link: (Dark Link) "No really, don't think of trying to escape. I'm just going to leave you for no reason at all and I know you probably have some means of cutting rope hidden on your person, so please don't think of ways to escape or else I can't get my revenge"
I looked over at Link. "What are we going to do?"
ZeldaQueen: I'm going to weep for the loss of canon
"I dunno, he took my sword and I cannot break the bonds.
Link: What on Earth is up with the Suethor? Didn't she go on before about how I was the "perfect man"? She played the game, right? How could she think that I'd admit defeat with only a few ropes holding me back?
"I will not concede to defeat!" I cried as I twisted forward. "I don't want to either my love, but I'm at a loss on what to do."
Midna: (Link) "Since I've never had to solve puzzles or work my way through difficult situations before or anything, I think I'll just give up and let you get raped and be killed by Dark Link"
I was beginning to grow concerned. The thought of what hideous things Dark Link might do to me, sent shivers up my spine.
Ganondorf: You know, seeing as she is tied up and at the sexual mercy of a crazed monster, she gives the impression that she is only mildly concerned
I tried to tug at my bonds again, but to no avail. I was beginning to think that all hope was lost, when a glint of something shiny caught my eye. I peered deeper into the darkness on the other side of the room, as I pushed my self away from the wall and slinked across the floor. When I got close enough to the shining object, I realized that the glints were coming off the gems on my Phoenix Circles. It seemed that in his hast to remove our weapons, Dark Link seemingly forgot to take my Phoenix Circles with the rest of the weapons.
Mida: Wow, Dark Link is even stupider than I thought
Ganondorf: Wait, were the things just lying on the floor? And he just didn't notice them?
ZeldaQueen: Okay, I think I understand the assassination of Link's character - the Suethor needs to pussify him so that her own character can steal the spotlight and lead the escape
"Link look, over on that table across the room. Its my Phoenix Circles. "I said as I leaned forward.
ZeldaQueen: They're on a table? They're on a table? AND DARK LINK STILL DIDN'T NOTICE THEM? HOW DID THEY GET ON THE TABLE THEN? DID THEY JUST HOP UP THERE THEMSELVES?!?!
"How do you suppose we are going to get to it? We're still bound." Link reminded.
Ganondorf: But they are not tied to the floor or wall. Can they not simply craw across the floor?
Looking back down at my bonds, the feeling of my cat instincts washed over me again.
Midna: Here we go again
Gracefully, I leaned forward until my mouth met the bonds around my ankles. Slowly I took part of the rope into my mouth and begun to gnaw at it. Quickly I chewed my way threw the rope, knowing I had to make hast. I had to break my bonds before Dark Link returned.
Link: Sorry, one second - YES, YOU CHEWED THROUGH THE ROPES THAT A HERO, WHO IS SURELY MORE MUSCULAR THAN YOU ARE, COULDN'T BREAK! AND YOU DID IT "QUICKLY"! IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT! YOUR TEETH OUGHT TO BE LITTLE PIECES OF GRAVEL!
After some work, I managed to chew through the bonds around my ankles.
Midna: Mighty limber there
ZeldaQueen: Might explain some of the sex scenes
Link: Shut up!
I got up and staggered over to the table where my Phoenix Circles where sitting. Turning around, I took one of them into my hands and worked it around until the blade was resting against the bonds around my wrists. Taking it, I slowly managed to cut threw my bonds.
ZeldaQueen: Again, why couldn't she have just wiggled across the floor and used the table for support to get upright?
Ganondorf: Because then she could not show off
ZeldaQueen: Ah yes. And for those many mentions of bonds, PDORD Count = 58
Putting my weapon down, I rubbed my wrists to soothe the pain from the slight wounds that came from when I tried to break the bonds. "Link I'm free." Grabbing my weapon I walked over to him. "How did you manage to break your bonds?" Link asked with shock. "Well I owe it all to the training I had while I was traveling.
Link: WHAT?!?
ZeldaQueen: For the love of fuck, Suethor, STOP PULLING SKILLS OUT OF YOUR ANUS!
Now its time to break your bonds." Reaching down I placed the blade of my Phoenix Circle against the bonds on Link's ankles. Snapping the ropes off, I motioned for Link to turn around. Placing the blade against the rope, I sliced it off in one swift swipe. Rubbing his wrists he looked up at me with a smile on his face.
Ganondorf: In the midst of enemy territory and still there is time for Sue fawning
"You're amazing my love." He said with a smile. I walked into Link's arms and kissed him.
ZeldaQueen: Not now! You are fighting for your lives!!!
Then his expression changed into a serious one. "Now we must get out of here and find the rest of our weapons before Dark Link returns." Nodding, I grabbed my Phoenix Circles, and followed Link as we slowly made our way to the door. Inching his way out the door, Link checked to see if anyone was coming. "Coast is clear, lets go." Link whispered. Slinking our way down the dark corridors, the echo of Dark Link's taunting voice lingered in the air. "We must hurry…this way." Link pointed towards a hallway with a light shining at the end.
Ganondorf: To summarize this passage, they leave the room and run down the hallway. In one sentence, I replaced that entire paragraph
Winding threw the shadows we came upon a lighted room. Quietly Link opened the door. Peeking inside what we saw was a sight for sore eyes. There on a table sat our weapons. "Oh my Goddesses…..there they are." I said as I ran inside. "Link the Master Sword is here along with our bows!"
ZeldaQueen: So Dark Link did get Link's bow. What about his bombs, Deku Nuts, spells, shield, Megaton Hammer, or Longshot?
Reaching over I grabbed my bow and quiver. I swung the bow over my back, then threw the quiver over my shoulder. Then I grabbed the Master Sword, his bow and quiver and handed them over to Link. Link took the sword and buckled it over his back then swung his bow and quiver over his shoulder. Unfastening the sword, Link removed it from its sheath. He took the sword and swung it threw the air, listening to the rushing sound it made as though it was cutting the air like a knife threw butter. "I'm just glad to have my sword back." Link said as he swung it one last time before sheathing it. "Now lets get the hell out of here." Just then the door swung open.
Midna: My turn - they get their weapons, put them on, and try to run away. Hooray
"Going somewhere?" There in the doorway stood Dark Link. "I thought I told you two to stay put!" An evil sneer crossed Dark Link's face as he eyed us over. "I don't take orders from the likes of you!" Link sneered back.
Link: I DON'T SNEER!
"You will be after I'm finished with you." Just then Dark Link drew a sword with a remarkably likeness to the Master Sword. At that point, with Dark Link holding a sword just like the Master Sword, I begun to think that this is one battle Link would not win alone.
Ganondorf: Despite the fact that he already did so
Drawling
Midna: Is that like "grabbling"?
my Phoenix Circles I made a daring charge at Dark Link. Feeling my cat like instincts kick in, I jumped gracefully into the air, aiming my weapons directly at his face.
ZeldaQueen: Seriously, if she could do all of this before, why didn't she mention it? And how is she able to leap around like that? She just had a kid not so long ago!
Just before I managed to strike, Dark Link raised his sword and blocked my weapon causing a clank of metal and sparks to fill into the air. Falling back, I swiftly rushed forward and high kicked Dark Link in the face, causing him to go flying back into a wall. Staggering back up, his face twisted into an evil grin. "So…you want to play rough do you?" He said wiping the blood from his mouth. "I can show you just how rough I can play!"
Ganondorf: Ah yes, the Sue is able to strike and draw first blood before Link does. Of course
Link: *screams incoherently*
A flash of white light surrounded the room, causing Link and I to be blinded. I felt myself being lifted into the air, as if someone was carrying me. I heard Dark Link's sinister laugh ring threw my ears then all went black.
ZeldaQueen: Spoilers folks - this is never explained
With unblinking eyes I stared into the blackness of the room I was in. Cold water shifted around my ankles as I walked around. Pushing my way threw the darkness, I listened for any sounds that might be my love Link. "LINK…Link where are you my love?! Link are you there?" I cried out into the darkness, but all there was, was silence.
ZeldaQueen: Just use that fancy mental connection of yours then
Continuing to move forward, I finally found myself standing in front of a strange tree. Looking up at it, it looked twisted and ugly, as if it was a tortured soul. Its twisted branches stretched out like clawed fingers, as if it was trying to grab something. Backing up, the cold water brushed up against my legs, causing a cold chill to run up my back.
Link: Oh how nice, she's trying to be poetic
Just then a chilling laugh pierced the darkness. Looking back towards the tree, a black figure slinked out from behind it. It's chilling blood red eyes sending a chill deep into my soul. "Dark Link…where the hell am I and where is Link!?" I sneered raising my Phoenix Circles up in front of me. Snapping his fingers a sudden light filled the room, lighting up the surroundings. A sudden shock ran threw me. "Oh…my Goddesses…is this the strange room Link described where he first met his counter part?"
Link: I have no idea why they call it "the strange room". Sure it was weird, but there are more descriptive ways of putting it
Then something caught my eye. Looking over my shoulder, there bound to the wall over the way out, was Link. "OH MY GODDESSES…LINK!" I cried clopping
All: "CLAPPING"!!!
my hands over my mouth. "What the hell have you done to him you bastard!?"
ZeldaQueen: (Dark Link) "I got him out of this fic! Stop that howling, woman! It's kinder than leaving him with you!"
"I told you earlier…if you want to play rough, I will show you just how rough I can play!" An evil glint rose in Dark Link's eyes, the flame of hatred flicking in them. "If you want to save your love; then you must defeat me."
Link: Ganondorf, whatever I may say about you, know that I think you are infinitely more classy than this doofus
Ganondorf: That is very kind. And I know you to be a far superior warrior than this castrated cheesball
Eyeing him, I poised into a fighting stance, placing my Phoenix Circles up in front of me. I knew I was in for a long battle
All: CONVENIENT CLIFFHANGER, AHOY!
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Midna: Is it over?
ZeldaQueen: That chapter is. Jesus Christ, even when there's fighting, this thing is unbelievably boring!
Onward to: Chapter 14: The Final Fight
Back to: Chapter 12: Down The Road
Return to: Table of Content
ZeldaQueen: Woot! I'm back! My word, those brownies work wonders...
Link: Fantastic! Let's get rid of these dipsticks then, and get going
Midna: Oh no, not so fast!
Ganondorf: I do wish to see how this turns out, if only to tell Vaati and Zant later
ZeldaQueen: M.A.R.Y.S.U.E. rules clearly state that any sporkers can join in if they want
Link: Fine! But know this, Ganondorf - if you even hint to anyone else about what goes on in this chapter, I swear I won't rest until I've dug up the worst fanfiction about you and have everyone spork it
Ganondorf: *goes pale* You wouldn't dare
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter 13: The Encounter
The Encounter
ZeldaQueen: Of a close kind
Grabbling
Midna: That sounds faintly dirty
my bow and my (9)Phoenix circles and Link equipped with the Master Sword, I kissed little Link, said a few words to Ruto then Link and I headed for Lake Hylia and the Water Temple.
All: *stare*
Link: Wow. I really think she topped herself with that one
ZeldaQueen: Yep. Let's see, bad sentence structure, run on, and a god-awful footnote which goes as such - "(9) The Phoenix Circles are one form of a Charkam. A Charkam is a round weapon kind of like a sword only in the form of a circle (exe Zena Warrior Princess's weapon). The Charkam has a blade curvature in the shape of a crescent moon with a round hilt on one side. The Phoenix Circles in this story, its blade is lined with all different kinds of valuable gems and the symbol of the Phoenix." In other words, they look like this
ZeldaQueen: It's also spelled "Chakram", not "Charkam"
Link: So wait, where the fuck did those things come from? She never mentioned having them at all! And "valuable gems"? How did she even afford them? How did she learn to use them? Were they gifts from Zelda? What?
Ganondorf: Hm, I knew not that there were Phoenix in the land of Hyrule
Midna: Zena in a Zelda fanfiction. My my...
We went to the stable to grab our horses,
All: END SENTENCE!
since Epona was carrying, I saddled Star Dancer and Link saddled Midnight Star.
Link: Oh, that's nice! Just butt my horse out of action, why don't you?
ZeldaQueen: You know, this sort of strikes me as more of this stupid anti-feminism stuff. "Oh look! The canon female horse who served Link faithfully throughout the whole game is pregnant and can't be used! How convenient!"
Link: It's really creepy how she keeps separating me from my canon female acquaintances
Midna: Watch out for your rabbit if you ever break up with her, Link
Mounting our horses, we left the sanctuary of our house, and made our way through the blinding snow. The storm had kicked up again. It was very cold and the snow knee deep.
Ganondorf: Will you shut up about the snow and cold!
Midna: *yawning* Typical Sue, even the weather is exceptional for her to marvel over
ZeldaQueen: Well, I know she did a lot of repetition when I was zonked and I need to catch up, so I'll just give her ten bumps for good measure. PDORD Count = 50
The wind whipped our cloaks around as we pushed onward. Visibility was next to nothing, I could barely see Link in front of me. "Jenna are you ok?!" Link yelled over the howling wind. "So far I'm ok, but I can barely see anything in front of me!" I yelled back. "Just follow the sound of my voice my love, I will help guide you!" Listing to Link's voice, I was able to follow him. We kept a steady pace, pushing through the deep wet snow. I wrapped my now damp cloak around me trying to stay warm.
Link: Yadda, yadda, yadda, boring stuff
ZeldaQueen: Seriously Suethor, figure out what the audience wants to read about! I can assure you, the battle with Dark Link is infinitely preferable to them going through a storm
After some time we finally came to the fences leading to Lake Hylia.
Ganondorf: My, that was fast
By this time the storm had died down some so visibility was much better. Link made Midnight Star come to a complete stop, causing snow to kick up behind the stallion's powerful hooves. Pulling back on the reins Star Dancer came to a complete stop just a few feet behind Link. "Why did we stop?" I questioned. "We need to jump these fences, but with the snow as deep as it is I know that Midnight Star can make the jump but, do you think your mare can handle the jump?" Looking down at my mare, I patted her on the head and stroked her mane. "I have full confidence in her Link, she can make the jump." "Then lets go!" Link yelled.
ZeldaQueen: Yes Jenna, Link's big, strong, male horse can obviously make the jump, but can your punny, weak, female horse do so? AUGH!
Midna: This is completely pointless.
Link: More than you even know! There are ladders around the fences! They could just climb over them!
ZeldaQueen: *sigh* Jump, jump, jump! PDORD Count = 52
Backing up his horse, Link prepared for the jump. When he had enough distance, he booted the horse in the legs
Link: You boot a horse in the ribs, not the legs! C'mon now, I ought to know better!
and ran towards the fences guarding the lake. With a kicking up of snow, the black stallion flew gracefully over the fences, leaving a trail of mist behind him. Bringing the horse to a stop on the other side of the fences he looked at me. "Now you make the jump."
All: GET ON WITH IT!
Nodding, I backed up my mare and prepared for the jump. When I had enough distance between the fences and I, I booted my horse in the legs
Link: RIBS!
and bolted towards the fences. Just before I reached the fences, a cloud of snow kicked up behind my horse's powerful hooves as she made the rough jump over the fences. Link then took off in front of me and called for me to follow. I watched as the lake slowly became visible.
Midna: Well, I'm glad that they devoted... *counts* two or so paragraphs to leaping a fence
Ganondorf: Indeed, for the story is that much more enriched by it
When we reached the bank of Lake Hylia, we were shocked at what we saw. Pulling our horses to a complete stop I exchanged glances with Link. "The lake is frozen over!
ZeldaQueen: Much like Hell
How are we supposed to get inside now?" I said as we dismounted.
All: USE A DIFFERENT WORD!
Pulling out his bow, Link nocked an arrow of fire and shot it at the lake. Steam rose up as the fire melted the ice beneath its fiery rage.
ZeldaQueen: Think you could mention fire any more there? PDORD Count = 53
"Well well, Link your full of surprises." I said with envoy.
Midna: His full of surprises what?
Link: Must have something to do with the Sue's envoy
Link smiled, then nocked a few more arrows and shot them one by one into the ice, creating a hole in the ice. "Now we can get inside." Link inquired. "Wait a second Link, isn't the door to the Temple under the water?" Link nodded. "How do you suppose we are going to get in there?"
Link: "We" aren't. I'm going to tie you to a rock and drop your butt into the lake to drown. Hopefully your pretty little corpse will scare Dark Link into never leaving the temple ever
Walking back over to his horse, Link reached into his saddlebags and pulled something out of it. Turning back to me he threw a blue looking tunic at me. "Put that on."
Ganondorf: Ah, it is "blue looking"? Does that suggest that it is not actually blue, an imitation?
Link: No, I think she just was trying to sound deep
"That's the Zora tunic, it allows its wearer to breath under the water." I looked down at the tunic in my hands, wondering if it would really work.
Link: Look bitch, I've been from one end of Hyrule to the other and used all of my items long enough to have plenty of experience. If I say something will work, then it fucking well will!
"Are you sure its going to fit me?"
ZeldaQueen: Jenna, the Zoras are far skinnier than Link and he still fits into the tunics. I doubt it'd be an issue. Or are your hooters really that big?
Looking back at me his eyes seemed to glow.
All: SHUT UP ABOUT THE EYES!
"Don't worry my love it will." Looking back down at it one more time, I took it and slipped it on over my dress.
Midna: Fighting in a dress. How practical
Then I walked over to Link just as he finished putting his on.
Link: Why would I have two of those things at once? I could only just manage one of everything
"Now the entrance is at the bottom. The only way to get down there is with the Iron Boots."
ZeldaQueen: So Link has the Fire Arrows, the Zora Tunic, the Iron Boots, and the Master Sword. This all implies that he still has all of his weapons from the game. Keep this in mind for later, dear viewers
"Iron what?" I asked with curiosity in my voice.
Ganondorf: They are called the Iron Boots! What do you think they are, you idiot?
"The Iron Boots are boots made of Iron to help the wearer to be heavy enough to walk on lake bottoms.
ZeldaQueen: You don't say?
ZeldaQueen: CAPTAIN OBVIOUS, to the rescue! Oh and PDORD Counter = 54
"Oh that's amazing, you never cease to surprise me Link my love." I said with a little giggle.
Midna: Is she retarded?
ZeldaQueen: Well, she's not the crunchiest chip in the bag...
Link: Okay, they're sneaking into an underwater temple with a dark monster they were pissing their pants over before. Now my fictional self is holding a questions and answers session while the Sue giggles about how great said counterpart is. What?
"Now since there is only one pair, you'll have to hang onto me or you will just float back to the surface." Nodding, I watched as Link equipped the Iron Boots.
ZeldaQueen: (Sue) "More excuses to cling! Hooray!"
When he was ready, I grabbed onto his arm as we made our way into the lake. The boots made a loud clopping sound as we descended to the lake's bottom. Walking on the bottom of the lake made me feel a little uneasy, but I had confidence in my husband's abilities. When we reached the Temple's gate, I looked up at the blood red jewel sitting above the entrance. A slight shiver went down my spine as I stared at the ghoulish looking thing. Hugging onto Link, we descended into the Temple. As we walked further into the eerie Temple, a wash of uneasiness ran over me.
Link: Blah, blah, blah, vaguely creepy stuff which is nowhere near the worst I've fought, get on with it!
"Where do we go from here?" I said as I held onto Link tightly.
All: STOP CLINGING!
"I'm not sure, but my best guess is that we should head for that strange room."
Ganondorf: HA! That's specific!
Link: Right. We're in an underwater temple with three floors that have countless and mostly-flooded chambers, pools, traps, and tunnels. Let's go for "that strange room"!
As we descended deeper into the Water Temple, I started to feel as if someone was watching us. "Link do you feel as if we are being watched?"
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 55
"Yeah I feel it, I also feel a presence as well. He's here I can feel it."
ZeldaQueen: GOD DAMN IT! PDORD Count = 56
Feeling my cat like instincts kick in,
ZeldaQueen: Wait, what?!?
Link: Where the fuck did those come from?
Midna: Probably the same place she got those Phoenix Circle things from
I raised my head up and sniffed the air.
Midna: Wow, she really is part cat!
ZeldaQueen: It's a were-Jenna! Run for your life!
"You're right, I smell something fowl.
All: *stare and then burst out laughing*
Ganondorf: She really is part cat! Who knew?
ZeldaQueen: That explains the tiger sex before!
He's close." I said lowering my head.
ZeldaQueen: I like to think that her neck can extend like a car jack
"Closer then you think." A sneering voice called from within the Temple.
Link: What? Where are they? The temple is huge! Doors? Tunnels? What?
I jumped at the sound of the eerie voice echoing threw the corridors. "Come out and show yourself, I know you're here!" Link yelled as he unfastened his sword in its sheath.
Link: Oh come on! There is no way in Hell that I react like that!
"Ha ha so…the "Hero of Time" has returned to challenge me." The sneering voice called again.
ZeldaQueen: You know, I can almost accept the quotes around "Hero of Time" there. At least Dark Link has a reason to be doubtful
"Your more of a fool then I thought."
ZeldaQueen: Lord almighty is this guy generic
Midna: Does Dark Link have a mustache? It sounds like he's that type of villain
Ganondorf: At least he's not speaking in old fashioned English
I begun to shake as the sneering voice continued to vibrate threw
All: "THROUGH"!!!
the Temple's corridors. "FOOL!? You're the fool! Why won't you show yourself?!" Link screamed as he unsheathed the Master Sword.
Link: *stands up on sofa* Okay, I need to vent. Sorry. LISTEN AND LISTEN WELL, SUETHOR! I AM NOT A SHAKESPEAREAN ACTOR, NOR AM I A HERO IN A CHEESY MOVIE! I FIND THE MONSTER, I KILL THE MONSTER, I DON'T BREAK A SWEAT, I GO HOME! I DO NOT STAND AROUND MAKING STUPID SPEECHES! LET DARK LINK, THE STUPID BASTARD, TALK LIKE THAT IF YOU WANT, BUT LEAVE ME ALONE! GOD!!! *sits back down*
Ganondorf: Well howled
Just then we heard a shuffling sound behind us.
Midna: Wait, aren't they still underwater? How is there shuffling underwater?
ZeldaQueen: How are they yelling underwater?
Then the next thing I knew, I was struck from behind and then all went black.
Midna: Dark Link just attacked the Sue. I think I like him now
Ganondorf: I am confused. What sort of a room where they in? I do not believe many of the rooms in the Water Temple were so large that an enemy could sneak up behind Link without him knowing
When I awoke, I noticed I was lying on the floor bound hand and foot with rope. Looking around the room, I saw Link sitting next to me bound as well.
Link: Oh come on! There is no fucking way that I would be knocked out and defeated that easily! I've had boulders fall on me and stayed conscious! What the goddam hell, Suethor, what the goddam hell?
I tried to tug at my bonds, but it seemed no matter how hard I tried the bonds seemed to tighten.
ZeldaQueen: Mighty strange laws of physics you've got in the land of Hyrule
"Its no use Jenna, I've already tried." Link said in a faltering tone. "It seems that we are prisoner of my mirror self."
ZeldaQueen: Yes, despite the fact that Link was clearly able to destroy him the first time around, when he didn't even know what to expect! And despite the fact that LINK HAS ARROWS AND BOMBS AND A FIRE SPELL AND A NUMBER OF SHARP, POINTY THINGS HE COULD USE TO CUT THE ROPES, IGNORING THE FACT THAT HE'S MOVED FAR HEAVIER THINGS AND OUGHT TO BE ABLE TO BREAK A FEW ROPES!
Link: *sobs at his canon rape*
Midna and Ganondorf: *stay quiet out of sympathy*
"You are so right." Called the sneering voice again.
Link: Yes, sneering. Have we established yet that Dark Link is evil? I don't think we have!
Just then a figure appeared in the doorway to the room. "So…the "Hero of Time" is now my prisoner. How long I awaited this day, the day when I would get revenge on my counter part."
Midna: Revenge for what?
Link: Killing him I think, though that ought to have gotten in the way of any later plans he might have had
I watched as the shadowy figure moved forward revealing an exact copy of Link. Although the "copy" was darker, wearing a black tunic and hat, and those blood red eyes shone with pure evil. As he approached Link, the look of him made me shiver in fear. "What are you going to do with us?" Link said with hatred in his voice. "Hmmm….I haven't decided what I'm going to do with you yet."
Ganondorf: And he has no ulterior motives? No plans besides pure spite? What sort of a silly villain is he? I have dirtied my boots stepping on more terrifying enemies!
Then he glanced over at me, his blood red eyes piercing into my soul. "But I think I have plans for that beautiful wife of yours." The mirror image said with amusement in his voice.
Midna: Yes. He's going to rape the Sue to show us how eviiiill he is and because she's just that beautiful
"Oh by the way…call me Dark Link."
ZeldaQueen: Call me Ishmael
Just then Dark Link strode over and bend down beside me, "Such a beautiful creature." He said as he put his hand under my chin, lifting my head up to face him. I shot him a look of hate.
Ganondorf: How sweet, she is attempting to act brave and tough
"I have plans for you sweet thing." Dark Link said as he ran his hands seductively down the side of my face.
Link: Yeesh, could you lay it on any thicker, buddy?
"What the hell are you talking about!?" I looked up at him, his red eyes seemed to glow with an evil desire.
Midna: What do you think, you brainless idiot?
"Oh…I have special plans for you. You will soon find out." He begun to laugh, a laugh so hideous that it made my skin crawl.
ZeldaQueen: Given his act thus far, he's probably going to tie her to some railroad tracks
Realizing what he meant, my eyes grew as big as saucers.
Link: Which I set cups of blood on
"I want nothing to do with YOU in that manor!" I cried as I spat in his face.
ZeldaQueen: But she'll have something to do with him in another manor? The first one must not be up to her standards, my oh my
"You Bitch, you'll pay for that!"
Midna: And it seems that "bitch" is now a proper noun
Whipping the spit from his face, he backhanded me, leaving a stinging sensation on my cheek. "How dare you hit my wife!" Link screamed.
Ganondorf: How dare you fart before my wife?
Midna: I'm sorry, I didn't know it was her turn
"Well it seems you're in no condition do anything about it." Dark Link said with humor.
ZeldaQueen: Did adverbs personally offend this Suethor's mother or something? Why does she go out of her way to avoid using them?
Then the dark being faced me again. "I will be back for you real soon." Running his hand down the side of my face again, he smiled then got up and strode to the door. "Now don't think of trying to escape." He said with a smirk then walked out.
Link: (Dark Link) "No really, don't think of trying to escape. I'm just going to leave you for no reason at all and I know you probably have some means of cutting rope hidden on your person, so please don't think of ways to escape or else I can't get my revenge"
I looked over at Link. "What are we going to do?"
ZeldaQueen: I'm going to weep for the loss of canon
"I dunno, he took my sword and I cannot break the bonds.
Ganondorf: (Link) "Durr...I dunno!"
It seems were at Dark Link's mercy." Link said as his face faltered.Link: What on Earth is up with the Suethor? Didn't she go on before about how I was the "perfect man"? She played the game, right? How could she think that I'd admit defeat with only a few ropes holding me back?
"I will not concede to defeat!" I cried as I twisted forward. "I don't want to either my love, but I'm at a loss on what to do."
Midna: (Link) "Since I've never had to solve puzzles or work my way through difficult situations before or anything, I think I'll just give up and let you get raped and be killed by Dark Link"
I was beginning to grow concerned. The thought of what hideous things Dark Link might do to me, sent shivers up my spine.
Ganondorf: You know, seeing as she is tied up and at the sexual mercy of a crazed monster, she gives the impression that she is only mildly concerned
I tried to tug at my bonds again, but to no avail. I was beginning to think that all hope was lost, when a glint of something shiny caught my eye. I peered deeper into the darkness on the other side of the room, as I pushed my self away from the wall and slinked across the floor. When I got close enough to the shining object, I realized that the glints were coming off the gems on my Phoenix Circles. It seemed that in his hast to remove our weapons, Dark Link seemingly forgot to take my Phoenix Circles with the rest of the weapons.
Mida: Wow, Dark Link is even stupider than I thought
Ganondorf: Wait, were the things just lying on the floor? And he just didn't notice them?
ZeldaQueen: Okay, I think I understand the assassination of Link's character - the Suethor needs to pussify him so that her own character can steal the spotlight and lead the escape
"Link look, over on that table across the room. Its my Phoenix Circles. "I said as I leaned forward.
ZeldaQueen: They're on a table? They're on a table? AND DARK LINK STILL DIDN'T NOTICE THEM? HOW DID THEY GET ON THE TABLE THEN? DID THEY JUST HOP UP THERE THEMSELVES?!?!
"How do you suppose we are going to get to it? We're still bound." Link reminded.
Ganondorf: But they are not tied to the floor or wall. Can they not simply craw across the floor?
Looking back down at my bonds, the feeling of my cat instincts washed over me again.
Midna: Here we go again
Gracefully, I leaned forward until my mouth met the bonds around my ankles. Slowly I took part of the rope into my mouth and begun to gnaw at it. Quickly I chewed my way threw the rope, knowing I had to make hast. I had to break my bonds before Dark Link returned.
Link: Sorry, one second - YES, YOU CHEWED THROUGH THE ROPES THAT A HERO, WHO IS SURELY MORE MUSCULAR THAN YOU ARE, COULDN'T BREAK! AND YOU DID IT "QUICKLY"! IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT! YOUR TEETH OUGHT TO BE LITTLE PIECES OF GRAVEL!
After some work, I managed to chew through the bonds around my ankles.
Midna: Mighty limber there
ZeldaQueen: Might explain some of the sex scenes
Link: Shut up!
I got up and staggered over to the table where my Phoenix Circles where sitting. Turning around, I took one of them into my hands and worked it around until the blade was resting against the bonds around my wrists. Taking it, I slowly managed to cut threw my bonds.
ZeldaQueen: Again, why couldn't she have just wiggled across the floor and used the table for support to get upright?
Ganondorf: Because then she could not show off
ZeldaQueen: Ah yes. And for those many mentions of bonds, PDORD Count = 58
Putting my weapon down, I rubbed my wrists to soothe the pain from the slight wounds that came from when I tried to break the bonds. "Link I'm free." Grabbing my weapon I walked over to him. "How did you manage to break your bonds?" Link asked with shock. "Well I owe it all to the training I had while I was traveling.
Link: WHAT?!?
ZeldaQueen: For the love of fuck, Suethor, STOP PULLING SKILLS OUT OF YOUR ANUS!
Now its time to break your bonds." Reaching down I placed the blade of my Phoenix Circle against the bonds on Link's ankles. Snapping the ropes off, I motioned for Link to turn around. Placing the blade against the rope, I sliced it off in one swift swipe. Rubbing his wrists he looked up at me with a smile on his face.
Ganondorf: In the midst of enemy territory and still there is time for Sue fawning
"You're amazing my love." He said with a smile. I walked into Link's arms and kissed him.
ZeldaQueen: Not now! You are fighting for your lives!!!
Then his expression changed into a serious one. "Now we must get out of here and find the rest of our weapons before Dark Link returns." Nodding, I grabbed my Phoenix Circles, and followed Link as we slowly made our way to the door. Inching his way out the door, Link checked to see if anyone was coming. "Coast is clear, lets go." Link whispered. Slinking our way down the dark corridors, the echo of Dark Link's taunting voice lingered in the air. "We must hurry…this way." Link pointed towards a hallway with a light shining at the end.
Ganondorf: To summarize this passage, they leave the room and run down the hallway. In one sentence, I replaced that entire paragraph
Winding threw the shadows we came upon a lighted room. Quietly Link opened the door. Peeking inside what we saw was a sight for sore eyes. There on a table sat our weapons. "Oh my Goddesses…..there they are." I said as I ran inside. "Link the Master Sword is here along with our bows!"
ZeldaQueen: So Dark Link did get Link's bow. What about his bombs, Deku Nuts, spells, shield, Megaton Hammer, or Longshot?
Reaching over I grabbed my bow and quiver. I swung the bow over my back, then threw the quiver over my shoulder. Then I grabbed the Master Sword, his bow and quiver and handed them over to Link. Link took the sword and buckled it over his back then swung his bow and quiver over his shoulder. Unfastening the sword, Link removed it from its sheath. He took the sword and swung it threw the air, listening to the rushing sound it made as though it was cutting the air like a knife threw butter. "I'm just glad to have my sword back." Link said as he swung it one last time before sheathing it. "Now lets get the hell out of here." Just then the door swung open.
Midna: My turn - they get their weapons, put them on, and try to run away. Hooray
"Going somewhere?" There in the doorway stood Dark Link. "I thought I told you two to stay put!" An evil sneer crossed Dark Link's face as he eyed us over. "I don't take orders from the likes of you!" Link sneered back.
Link: I DON'T SNEER!
"You will be after I'm finished with you." Just then Dark Link drew a sword with a remarkably likeness to the Master Sword. At that point, with Dark Link holding a sword just like the Master Sword, I begun to think that this is one battle Link would not win alone.
Ganondorf: Despite the fact that he already did so
Drawling
Midna: Is that like "grabbling"?
my Phoenix Circles I made a daring charge at Dark Link. Feeling my cat like instincts kick in, I jumped gracefully into the air, aiming my weapons directly at his face.
ZeldaQueen: Seriously, if she could do all of this before, why didn't she mention it? And how is she able to leap around like that? She just had a kid not so long ago!
Just before I managed to strike, Dark Link raised his sword and blocked my weapon causing a clank of metal and sparks to fill into the air. Falling back, I swiftly rushed forward and high kicked Dark Link in the face, causing him to go flying back into a wall. Staggering back up, his face twisted into an evil grin. "So…you want to play rough do you?" He said wiping the blood from his mouth. "I can show you just how rough I can play!"
Ganondorf: Ah yes, the Sue is able to strike and draw first blood before Link does. Of course
Link: *screams incoherently*
A flash of white light surrounded the room, causing Link and I to be blinded. I felt myself being lifted into the air, as if someone was carrying me. I heard Dark Link's sinister laugh ring threw my ears then all went black.
ZeldaQueen: Spoilers folks - this is never explained
With unblinking eyes I stared into the blackness of the room I was in. Cold water shifted around my ankles as I walked around. Pushing my way threw the darkness, I listened for any sounds that might be my love Link. "LINK…Link where are you my love?! Link are you there?" I cried out into the darkness, but all there was, was silence.
ZeldaQueen: Just use that fancy mental connection of yours then
Continuing to move forward, I finally found myself standing in front of a strange tree. Looking up at it, it looked twisted and ugly, as if it was a tortured soul. Its twisted branches stretched out like clawed fingers, as if it was trying to grab something. Backing up, the cold water brushed up against my legs, causing a cold chill to run up my back.
Link: Oh how nice, she's trying to be poetic
Just then a chilling laugh pierced the darkness. Looking back towards the tree, a black figure slinked out from behind it. It's chilling blood red eyes sending a chill deep into my soul. "Dark Link…where the hell am I and where is Link!?" I sneered raising my Phoenix Circles up in front of me. Snapping his fingers a sudden light filled the room, lighting up the surroundings. A sudden shock ran threw me. "Oh…my Goddesses…is this the strange room Link described where he first met his counter part?"
Link: I have no idea why they call it "the strange room". Sure it was weird, but there are more descriptive ways of putting it
Then something caught my eye. Looking over my shoulder, there bound to the wall over the way out, was Link. "OH MY GODDESSES…LINK!" I cried clopping
All: "CLAPPING"!!!
my hands over my mouth. "What the hell have you done to him you bastard!?"
ZeldaQueen: (Dark Link) "I got him out of this fic! Stop that howling, woman! It's kinder than leaving him with you!"
"I told you earlier…if you want to play rough, I will show you just how rough I can play!" An evil glint rose in Dark Link's eyes, the flame of hatred flicking in them. "If you want to save your love; then you must defeat me."
Link: Ganondorf, whatever I may say about you, know that I think you are infinitely more classy than this doofus
Ganondorf: That is very kind. And I know you to be a far superior warrior than this castrated cheesball
Eyeing him, I poised into a fighting stance, placing my Phoenix Circles up in front of me. I knew I was in for a long battle
All: CONVENIENT CLIFFHANGER, AHOY!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Midna: Is it over?
ZeldaQueen: That chapter is. Jesus Christ, even when there's fighting, this thing is unbelievably boring!
Onward to: Chapter 14: The Final Fight
Back to: Chapter 12: Down The Road
Return to: Table of Content
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-26 03:21 am (UTC)Do I need say more?
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-26 03:22 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-26 04:10 am (UTC)....except he makes it look SEXY. And more like he's just having the time of his life playing Snidely.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-26 05:18 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-26 05:02 am (UTC)Also, I love how she's so supposedly in love with Link, yet her ego was too big to let him fight Dark Link again. I'm at a bit of a loss. On the one hand, it's better than the snivelling domesticated damsel from before. On the other hand, she had to mentally and physically castrate Link to do it.
And then there's the whole "defeating the evil inside yourself" aspect of Dark Link in the first place! Meaning, Link should be the only one to be able to defeat him!
So in conclusion, get stuffed up the arse with your ego, Suethor.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-26 05:14 am (UTC)It just makes no sense. She knows full well that he's saved Hyrule and it was implied before that he told her about a lot of the monsters he fought. She ought to *know* that Link isn't some sniveling guy who never fought anything before.
And yeah, Dark Link was just a shadow. He shouldn't even exist at all. There were plenty of bosses and monsters that would have served better, heck there was an entire level devoted to the undead!
I second your conclusion. It's only going to get worse though -_-
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-26 08:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-26 07:08 am (UTC)And where the hell did the 'cat like instincts' come from? Are they like Spidey-Senses, only for kittehs? (I use my Kitteh-Senses to figure out that I must cut the rope binding my legs! Kitteh-Senses say it is cloudy with a chance of rain! Kitteh-Senses say that a penny saved is a penny earned!) Usually anything involving cats is awesome, but here, its just confusing. Do we ever get an explanation for all the cat related behaviour or does this just hang?
On another note...*dreams of slash*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-26 11:08 am (UTC)Honestly, those just come out of nowhere. No explanation besides "I got it from my days as a merchant".
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-26 04:15 pm (UTC)Being a merchant, it is entirely possible that she may have picked up foreign weaponry and got interested, maybe learned how to use them if she hired an escort or guide, but we never have any indication of her doing any of this (apart from brief mentions of 'training', who or where she trained is another matter entirely) so I must assume that this is all an asspull.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-26 05:23 pm (UTC)And yeah, if she had spent a few paragraphs explaining these things, then it would be perfectly fine. But since her backstory doesn't involve sex with Link, we don't get anything beyond "Oh, here's my convenient weapons which I'm so skilled with!"
(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-11 12:11 am (UTC)Since she's a Nintendo freak and all.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-11 02:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-10 04:27 pm (UTC)Translation: More Sue-per powers and Sue-per weapons.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-26 07:22 pm (UTC)This could have been likable if it had been a parody. Like keep the rape implications but then do something like this:
D.L: And, now that I have you my pretty I will make you pay. Oh…I have special plans for you. You will soon find out!
Jenna: NO!!
D.Link: YES! You shall clean my windows!
Jenna: NOO!! Anything but that! Link, save me!
Link: I'm sorry, my deepest love, but he has me tied with a Chinese finger trap. You know I could never figure those out. (A single tear falls from his perfect blue eyes)
Jenna: But Link, my manicure will be ruined!!
Link: I know. (Starts to weep in anguish)
D.Link: Yes! Soon my plan of having streak free windows will be fulfilled! (Cue evil laugh) Now start doing your chores while I tell Link here to do the dishes... while wearing a french maid uniform.
Link and Jenna: You fiend!!
(Makes mental note of using something like this later on) I mean, I would have loved something like that. And hey, windows can be a pain.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-26 08:10 pm (UTC)This is it though. This is that chapter that I told you had me in insane giggles. The spelling mistakes, the EXTREMELY cliched villain, the powers as the plot demands, it's just flooring. And we haven't even gotten to Jenna's big battle against Dark Link. Ohh, that had me howling. X'D
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-26 08:38 pm (UTC)XD I'm looking forward to the next one then. This is hilarious, even more so because the author is serious about this. XD
And I have never seen a more useless character than this Link. Dude, he just sits there saying "Ok, my love, have fun getting raped. I know I'm ok getting killed."
My only complaint though is the overuse of the expression my love. At some point it stops being cute and it gets increasingly cheesy and annoying. Who talks like that?! Loving couples are more than just saying "my love"
PS: I started reading your work at the hospital. I need to email you about that.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-26 08:47 pm (UTC)I know! In the game, he goes though all sorts of death traps and puzzles! He's locked in rooms, surrounded by monsters, and thrown into countless nasty situations. And he's giving up in the face of a few ropes? And the Sue thinks of chewing on them before he does? *headdesk*
Ah yes, that is really annoying. I agree with the person who sporked this before I did - they use that phrase so much, it seems that they forgot each other's names.
Really? Okay, I'll keep my eyes open for that then. Thank you so much for the help!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-26 09:01 pm (UTC)I really feel like MSTing this single chapter. It is that funny.
And I imagined! Link is the hero of the game, in the fanfic he's the greatest thing since sliced bread and a couple of ropes stop him. Heck, he got beat off screen. He sucks that much.
I hate little things like "my love", even more so when overused. You have to be super-awesome to be able to overuse something like that. For example: Guido from Life is beautiful calls Dora Princess all the time, but when he does that in the movie he's doing something awesome so the pet name ends up being meaningful and really sweet. The movie really knows when to use it. Here it does not have that effect, especially with Link! So annoying!
And I have to re-read your story later on because my sister's computer doesn't have word so I can't do the "track changes" thing. So far I consider this a preliminary view. Only few things really bother me so far; over all it's really good. It really seems like the type of book I would buy.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-26 09:23 pm (UTC)Verily. Actually, it reminds me of Rose Potter and her "It could have been a boy who stole the diary, someone stole Fred's broomstick earlier". Yeah...
If you do, drop me a link to it!
I agree, those things should be used sparingly or they get really annoying. That princess thing sounds sweet. ^^ I've never heard of it before. I was myself thinking of Zoe and Wash from Firefly, who occasionally referred to each other as "dear", while gunning down Alliance soldiers or something similar.
Oh, thank you! Well like I said, there's no rush. ^^; I'm going to get back to your mermaid story also, now that finals are pretty much done.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-26 09:42 pm (UTC)And you haven't seen life is beautiful?! Unforgivable! That's my favorite love stories ever (and I'm very picky with love stories) I watch it each semester at the university when they show it and I laugh and cry each time. (Especially because Guido is my ideal father vs my real father who has never cared for me).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVG-qap7TmI
(English only, sadly. I just adore it in Italian, but it's very good in English too)
Guido >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> (infinite) Edward or any other Gary Stu out there. He is truly a prince!
And no prob. Your story is really cute. It actually reminds me of two of my other stories (but for very different reasons). Bree is reaching cutie status with me (just below munchkin, but it takes a very special brand of cuteness to be munchkin)
I'm sorry for my story though. I really need to work big time on it.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-26 11:14 pm (UTC)Aw, thanks! ^^ She's actually based off of a girl I was friends with. And Alice, from Alice in Wonderland (I read that book for the first time when I was writing those. I kept thinking "Augh, everyone will just say "she copied Alice in Wonderland for this!" D:)
Your story's still good! It's much more interesting than a lot of the young adult literature that's been published...
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-26 11:31 pm (UTC)Really? Bree is A LOT like me, double on the rant part. I actually had an inner rant about my habit on ranting about random stuff with weird transitions when the character started ranting about random stuff with weird transitions. Heck, I had a friend who used to challenge my ranting skills with "I dare you to start talking about eggs and end up talking about Peru without stopping your train of though." XD And I would and my mother gets so annoyed when I do it to her.
And don't mind the Alice thing. Everyone gets inspired by others. Look at my story. I started it in Spanish class years ago (it was a short story back then) when I was reading Don Quijote de la Mancha and I had just gotten my Hans Christian Andersen anthology. Guess what my inspirations are.
Thanks on the compliment. Hope my level of suckage doesn't plummet as you keep reading. XD I was thinking of cutting the first book in half since I plan on adding a whole new story between Rumiel and Eliza. I'll add another story and end it with Lily's story (You know, like water lilys XD). If that's the case I'm almost done with the first book!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-26 11:39 pm (UTC)Ha, what a challenge! XD Sounds a bit like that Wikipedia game, the one that goes "start on the article for Chucky and end on the article for Tim Burton". Very fun!
Ah, I see now! Yeah, Hans Christian Anderson rocks. :)
Woot! Well, I'll let you know but I'm sure it'll be great. That sounds like an interesting plan though. Lily. ^^ Nice name.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-04 08:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-05 12:18 am (UTC)And of all the enemies to pick, Link's Queen used him.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-05 02:02 am (UTC)As for the other enemies, I'm sure if she did choose something else, the personality or whatnot would be just as warped, and then destroyed by her God Mode Sueness.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-05 02:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-10 04:31 pm (UTC)If she really wanted to bring back a mustache-twirly kidnapping villain, what about Koume and Kotake? That was pretty much the entire plot of the Spirit Temple.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-09 03:37 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-09 04:38 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-15 02:37 am (UTC)Mikey: To make it even clearer, things that need to be explained in detail get one line. Things that can be left to one line get six. Yippy!
---
Anyway - So Link went through the well and the freakin’ Shadow Temple… this is the temple that actually scares players more than half the time. He’s faced those damn hand things that have always freaked the hell outta me since the first time I played the first Zelda when I was a child! Now - and only now is he afraid… and he’s afraid of a sub-boss that neither scared me, bothered me, nor was difficult to defeat (Thank you Din!).
I hate this person. I’m surprised they didn’t have her get raped! Then Link could comfort her and tell her that he still wuvs her as if getting raped was somehow her fault and she needs his pardoning to be purified (give the bipolar misogyny/misandry this fic bounces back and forth with…). Then later she turn out to be pregnant with Dark Link’s child, but it’s okay - she just has sex with Link and the baby is purified…
...
...
...
OH GOD I’M BEGINNING TO THINK LIKE HER! AHHHHHHHH!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-15 03:14 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-15 04:08 am (UTC)As I see it: Jenna is Twinrova's apprentice come back to avenger her mistress and revive her so she can split in two then bring back Ganondorf. She creates a fake Link to help her fight. Of course this is the Future after Link has been sent back (Wind Waker Timeline in theory). The Goddesses try to summon someone to help and thus summon Lilly the Heroine of Light. It has a bitter sweet ending (because obviously Wind Waker must happen), but I won't say what.
How would you describe your personality? Also height, hair colour, eyes, and the basic attire you would like your 'self insert' of sorts to have? I'm gonna go all out here! I wanna see if I can write a non-mary sue OC/Self-Insertish character and I got an awesome story in my head!
*she's extremely obscure so I doubt you know of her. She was from a Japanese only Zelda game that can't even be gotten anymore. Seems like a good enough excuse to me!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-16 09:44 pm (UTC)Meh, I'm about five foot three, brown hair, blue eyes. Dresswise, something medieval. And a sword. I must have a sword. XD
Personality wise, I usually swing between goofy and sarcastic.
Can't wait to have my say
Date: 2011-04-13 09:46 pm (UTC)Re: Can't wait to have my say
Date: 2011-04-13 10:21 pm (UTC)Man, don't I wish Xena was here
Date: 2011-07-23 02:30 pm (UTC)Re: Man, don't I wish Xena was here
Date: 2014-12-09 12:35 am (UTC)In the past there is that but in the future there will be notihing
Date: 2011-09-24 05:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-10-24 03:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-12-17 02:55 am (UTC)Speaking of which, If Dark Link has such severe chronic conjunctivitis that his eyes are blood-red, no wonder he couldn't see the phoenix circles that were right on the table! XD But yeah, Link's Queen took a powerful and intimidating villain (at least in his expanded fan interpretation) and turned him into a total cliché. Thank Hylia she hasn't played Skyward Sword. I can't even begin to imagine what she would do to Ghirahim.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-12-09 12:34 am (UTC)So it's kind of like a sword, only not really. Worth noting, most chackrams are a perfect circle and do not have "handle" sections.
Amusingly, I could see something like this showing up in a Zelda game, maybe as a fire replacement for the boomerang. Even the name isn't really out of place, although they probably wouldn't be so blinged out.
That being said, as a merchant, she probably hasn't explored ancient temples where legendary items are stored. And if she has... why haven't we been reading about that?
The lake is frozen over!
How did Ruto get in and out, then? Also, why bother going in right now, since Dark Link clearly can't get out?
That's the Zora tunic, it allows its wearer to breath under the water.
Yes, but will it let you survive freezing water? See, the fun thing about water is that, like with air, hot rises and cold falls. This means that the top of a lake can't freeze until all of the water is just above freezing temperature (which is also why larger lakes don't freeze). So that water they're in is literally as cold as water can get without turning into ice.
"Iron what?" I asked with curiosity in my voice.
Seriously. You've known him for a year and a half now, and he's never spoken about these things to you?
Walking on the bottom of the lake made me feel a little uneasy
But you're not walking. You're presumably floating beside him like a Sue-shaped balloon.
I raised my head up and sniffed the air.
Air? When did we leave the water? Sure, there are pockets of air in the temple, but you might mention something like that!
How long I awaited this day, the day when I would get revenge on my counter part.
Yes, your brilliant scheme of sitting around doing nothing until Ruto got bored enough to swim around the temple then almost die on her way to get Link who was dumb enough to go out in a blizzard when you pose no threat to anyone worked like a charm.
The sad thing is, it did.
It seemed that in his hast to remove our weapons, Dark Link seemingly forgot to take my Phoenix Circles with the rest of the weapons.
1) As your primary weapons, they would presumably be hanging from your belt in plain view.
2) Given that Link carried a small armory with him at all times, the idea that someone would get all of his weapons, but miss one of the only weapons his companion was carrying is ridiculous.
3) If he missed them, they should still be on her belt!
This would work so much better if she stuck with the bow and arrow. It had been mentioned before, so it wouldn't be as much of an ass pull, and Dark Link missing an arrow that fell out of her quiver would be a lost more believable than him leaving a pair of chakrams.
Quickly I chewed my way threw the rope,
First of all, why do you need cat like instincts* to chew through a rope?
More importantly, how do you chew through a rope? Human teeth are made to hold, tear, and mash. Ropes are specifically designed to resist tearing.
Finally, if you can just chew through this stuff, why didn't you just chew through the ropes on Link's hands, then he could just untie you both.
* Also, that's reflexes, not instincts. No one has cat-like instincts... except cats, of course**.
** Not counting my dummy, Cleo, who was apparently absent when they were handing them out.
Well I owe it all to the training I had while I was traveling.
Because merchants need to chew through ropes on a daily basis.
A flash of white light surrounded the room, causing Link and I to be blinded.
So... all it takes to defeat Link and Jenna is a Deku Nut? What was the point in them escaping, if they just get caught without a fight... again?
Also, he had enough time to string Link up over the door, but he didn't tie her up again? Or even take away her weapons?