Announcements From The Realm: City Of Ashes, Upcoming Stuff, And Affiliated Projects!

[zelda_queen]

Hello, hello, ladles and gellymints! It is time for another check-in for the City of Ashes group sporking. As before, this is the time to send me your sporkings if they're done and, if they're not, to drop me a message or otherwise let me know what's going on. Please, feel free to contact me if there are any questions or concerns about the sporking. The deadline for this round of turn-ins and check-ins is February 15th, so please get in touch with me by then.

If you have not, I highly recommend checking up on the sporking list status and making sure the info for your chapters is up-to-date. If I have down, say, that your sporking hasn't been received and you sent it to me months ago, please let me know.

Sadly, I have also re-opened several chapters due to the sporkers vanishing. The now-available chapters are:

• Chapter 15: The Serpent's Tooth
• Chapter 17: East of Eden

If there is anyone who would like to take up those chapters, please let me know. Or, if the people assigned to those chapters were still interested in sporking them, please let me know ASAP.



On an unrelated sporking note, someone in the comments section for the Fifty Shades of Grey sporkings mentioned a book by the title of Gabriel's Inferno. It was another Twilight fanfiction that became published, this one ripping off following a theme of Dante's Inferno. Being the curious sucker I am, I checked it out.

MOTHER. OF. GOD.

You know, it's probably not the most pretentious pile of hamfisted, overly-symbolic dog crap I've ever read, BUT BY GOD IT'S TRYING FOR THAT POSITION! Dear God! Bad enough the Suethor apparently doesn't get anything out of The Divine Comedy except for "Beatrice/Dante = OTP!!!" Bad enough we're supposed to buy Edward Cullen Gabriel Owen Emerson's nine million descriptions of Bella Swan Julianne Mitchell as "Beatrice" to count as meaningful literary allusions. BAD ENOUGH THEY GIVE THE BELLA SWAN EXPY A FUCKING FAUX-STIGMATA. We also get to endure the expy of Jacob, who is even more of a bastard than he ever was in Eclipse (safe to say the Suethor is a diehard Bella/Edward fan). Oh, and guess what? LEAH'S DRAGGED INTO IT. The fucking Suethor made her Jacob's girlfriend (sorry, "fuckbuddy" and dear God but they use that phrase too much to describe her!) who is catty and spiteful and cruel to poor Bella. Oh, and she's eeeeevil too. In fact, the Suethor spares no expense to show us how eeeeevil she is. She's so eeeeevil that she engages in anal sex with Jacob, hits on Bella, and oh yeah, is bisexual and dumps Jacob for a girl. BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS EEEEVIL LIKE DEVIATING FROM WHAT'S CONSIDERED SEXUAL NORMALCY, AMIRITE?

So yes. This thing is going down. I don't know when, but IT WILL BE SHOVED UNDER THE FROZEN LAKE WITH SATAN. Which is a more sound Inferno allusion than most of what goes on in that book!



On one final, non-ranty and non-sporking note, I've gotten involved with an online project known unofficially as the Ghost Tricks Musical. For those of you who have heard of the Turnabout Musical project, yeah it's an unofficial offshoot of that. It's a different crew, but our goal is the same - to make an online radio drama/musical of the game Ghost Trick. I'm not sure how many folks here are fans of that game (though I highly recommend it - ton of fun, and by the same folks who did the Ace Attorney series), but if anyone is interested in joining in or following along, please feel free! Our headquarters (so to speak) are at this thread here, so welcome!

And that should be all for now. Good luck to everyone on their recaps, hope life is going well, and enjoy February!

Comments

[chibi-regalli.livejournal.com]

Oh my god. That description... Woooow.

The Ghost Trick Musical sounds cool, though! Will definitely check it out. (By the way guys the game itself is gorgeous and awesome play it sometime)

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Yeeeaaah. The one good thing I can say about it is that it doesn't have the constant "I'M GONNA RAPE YOU" layer that Fifty Shades of Grey is saturated with. Other than that though... lord. >_<

:D Please do! We're always happy to have more people. Right now, we're roughly a crew of five or six. XD And yes, I love Ghost Trick. It's most awesome! ^_^

[morri-delrae.livejournal.com]

Ouch >_< I've read about this Gabriel's Inferno. At first I was pretty convinced that whatever it does to the original premise, it can only be an improvement (apparently, 50 Shades has taught me nothing). But then I read some of the reviews... and it's pretty much more of Twilight, plus its fans get to be pretentious snobs, going on and on about "clever literary allusions", "deep symbolism" and "sophistication". The protagonist apparently is the same cowed, spineless pushover we came to know and hate, but her fans think her strong, because she yelled at Not!Leah that one time.

... so, yeah. Looking forward to your sporkings.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Well I'm going through the fanfiction that spawned it, and it's relation to Twilight is also rather remote. For instance, in the fic, Bella's false romantic lead was Peter. As in Peter, the Southern vampire friend of Jasper, who was in canon for all of five minutes. Meanwhile, Angela is a whore who tries to win Edward's affection with flirting and cookies (no, really) and Leah... yeah, told you about Leah.

The one thing I will say about not!Bella is that there is the occasional moment where she'll stand up to not!Edward, so she doesn't make me want to kill puppies as much as canon!Bella or Ana does. But still, she is a wibbling mess to the point where it's just irritating to read. The Suethor tries to explain it as a result of a history of abuse and neglect, but it still is damned annoying.

XD Thanks.

[annealysse.livejournal.com]

I...I had no idea that there were more of them...How do these things get published?!

I look forward to a sporking of Gabriel's Inferno, though part of me just kind of wants to cry and bury my head in the sand. Please, try not to let your head explode. It sounds even more painful than Twilight. ;p

[lilyxlightning.livejournal.com]

Frankly, I'd never want to be in a relationship with some twit who calls me by a name that isn't my own. (But then again, I'm one of those EEEEVIL ladies who picks girls over guys, every time even, so what do I know? XD)

[mibamonster.livejournal.com]

' BAD ENOUGH THEY GIVE THE BELLA SWAN EXPY A FUCKING FAUX-STIGMATA'
You can't have 'a' faux-stigmata; 'stigmata' is a plural, of the Greek 'stigma'.

Can't wait to see the sporking!

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Oh no, I meant stigmata like the wounds of Christ

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stigmata

Not!Bella breaks a wine glass and, like a dumbass, starts pawing around to try to pick up the shards. When Not!Edward checks her hands to see what the damage is, the Sledgehammer of Symbolism is swung as we're told how she is now bleeding from the palms, because of shards stuck in there.

XD Thanks. As soon as I get some stuff cleared up, it's coming.

Gabriel Spork

[ruin-takada.livejournal.com]

Zelda Queen,

I know this is a tad early, but I'll happily join you for the Gabriel's Inferno spork. I've been studying the original Inferno lately, and somehow it seems amazing fun to rip into something that rips the shit out of the great Florentine.

When/If you start it, put me on your list of sporkers. I mean it. Just tell me who the story is by so I can borrow it from the libary forever, and I'll help you kill it.

Thanks,
Ruin Takada XXX Amateur Dante-ologist.

Re: Gabriel Spork

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Sure! I'll be sure to let you know when it's coming up. ^^

[illyriasacolyte.livejournal.com]

Count me in too. Anyone who touches the Divine Comedy deserves to go DOWN!

Re: Gabriel Spork

[textureoftime.livejournal.com]

I'll throw my metaphorical hat in the ring to spork a chapter of this fucker. I'm reading it right now and laughing my ass off at how fucking pretentious it is jesus. Unfortunately I'm not too familiar with Dante, but then I'm pretty sure I'm more familiar with him than the author of this POS was.

Re: Gabriel Spork

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Woot!

At this point, I'm pondering making it a full-on group sporking, like with the Mortal Instruments series. Maybe see if there's an interest and such, and if anyone else is planning on doing it.

If we do go ahead with this, it'll probably be about when City of Ashes is finished up, but before City of Glass. I'll have to see. ^^;

[ruin-takada.livejournal.com]

Zelda Queen

Oh yes, and your Dante allusion? Lake Cocytus, at the deepest circle/level of Hell. Satan is trapping half-submerged in the ice, and as he tries to escape by beating his massive wings, attempting to fly out, he only circulates the cold air, causing the ice to remain frozen. Here, tyrants are punished, many submerged in the ice, and a select three in each of the three mouths of Satan himself, including Judas Iscariot and Alexander the Great.

This is what I've remembered from the top of my head, so sorry if I'm wrong there.

Again, consider me a sporker for Gabriel's Inferno. I'm very qualified.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Yep, that's it! ^_^ Though you remember more of it than I do. XD I remembered that the innermost circle was a frozen lake that Satan was half-submerged in, and that the sinners frozen underneath were condemned to suffer eternal pain as they cried and the pressure from their tears built up around their eyes, with nowhere to escape to.

Also, if I remember correctly, Dante was able to ascend to Purgatory by climbing over Satan.

[apep727.livejournal.com]

"Here, tyrants are punished,"

I think the 9th circle is reserved for betrayers. Hence why Satan is chewing on Judas, Brutus, and Cassius - three of the worst traitors ever, at least according to Dante.

It's one of those things I really liked about the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie - Jack tells two of his former crew that about the lowest circle of Hell being the one for betrayers and mutineers.

Sorry, I'm being pedantic.

[aikaterini.livejournal.com]

Yes, traitors (whether to family, country, or superiors) are reserved for the lowest circle. In fact, many literary critics have pointed out that the ice is supposed to represent the cold-blooded nature of the sinners' crimes.

[lady-fofa.livejournal.com]

Poor Leah. The only people who don't abuse her are the sane people.

Why are several books being made out of Twilight fanfiction? I'm pretty sure there are many original authors who'd sell an arm and a leg to get their stuff published and they get shoved aside for lazily polished turds.

[aikaterini.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes, a friend of mine read "Gabriel's Inferno" and said that it was basically "Twilight" with angels. Joy. -_-

Would you happen to have a PDF or Word doc of “City of Ashes” by any chance? Because if you do, I could spork a chapter if nobody else wants to take a stab at them or if the previous sporkers changed their minds.

[(Anonymous)]

Haven't read Gabriel's Inferno, but just reading the descriptions and quotes for it makes me want to puke. The Mary-Sue is sooooo pure and innocent that she nearly faints upon hearing a line from a Nine Inch Nails song from the '90s.... and she's 23 years old. I can't believe the pretentiousness of this author - at least EL James didn't compare her porn writing to one of the greatest works of European literature. I can't wait to see you rip it apart!

[indeedily-do.livejournal.com]

*Un-lurks*
I'll spork a chapter if you'd like. I've always wanted to take a crack at it, and I've read COA before.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, right now, all of the chapters have been claimed. If someone drops out though, I'll be sure to let you know. If that doesn't happen, you'll be more than welcome to sign on when we spork City of Glass. :)

[indeedily-do.livejournal.com]

Yeah, probably should have responded sooner. ^^' Oh, well. I can wait for City of Glass.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Hi! I do apologize for showing up so late about this, but one of the sporkers for the City of Ashes group sporking has dropped out. Would you be interested in taking the epilogue?

[indeedily-do.livejournal.com]

Hmmm...we'll, if I'm not too late, sure.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Alrighty! Do you have a general idea of about how long the sporking would take you? Just so I have an estimate to go off of.

[indeedily-do.livejournal.com]

As far as I remember it's not too long, right? Maybe a week and a half?

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

That sounds good! Just e-mail it to me when you're done. :)

(My e-mail's zeldaqueen64@gmail.com, btw. ^^ )