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zelda_queenProjection Room Voices: Last chapter of this section. Think you're up for it?
ZeldaQueen: Oh yeah!
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
Chapter 18: There Are No Words For This
ZeldaQueen: Evidently Meyer’s never heard of “squick”.
Well then, leaving off from our…interesting cliffhanger, we dive right into the action, with Bella shaking like she’s possessed while snaps, crackles, and pops come from her body.
Rosalie and Edward nab Bella and drag her up to the room they prepared for the delivery and dose her up with morphine while Rosalie and Alice call for Carlisle. Edward pulls off all of her clothes and Jacob spares a moment to think back to all of the times he’d wished to see her naked and how he was too scared to look now. How nice, Jacob, the girl you’ve been mooning over is birthing a little chest burster and that’s what you can think of?
Edward calls out that the placenta has detached - hence the ripping noise heard in the previous chapter. Funny, Bella doesn’t really fit any of the signs of being at risk for this, nor does she show any of the symptoms. Ah well, she’s a Mary Sue, we need it to be really dramatic. Anyway, Bella hears this and freaks out and starts screaming that the baby can’t breath and to get it out right now! Good God, someone duct tape her mouth shut! Do they have any duct tape? All good emergency rooms, even makeshift ones, ought to. And how does she know about detached placentas? She said before that her knowledge of pregnancy pretty much came from movies and I don’t recall that being much of an issue in films.
Oh, and apparently she screams enough to break some blood vessels in her eyes. DANG!
Evidently fate agrees with me and Bella is shut up via another gushing of blood. Thank you, grossly inaccurate anatomy.
Rosalie takes up a scalpel to cut the baby out and of course continues to be shown as a heartless witch who cares more about getting the baby out than keeping Bella alive. Given how much Bella is supposed to be thrashing around and bleeding and given that the baby is apparently chewing out through her stomach, I doubt that she’d notice a few scalpel cuts anyway. And then -
"Her hand came down on Bella's stomach, and vivid red spouted out from where she pierced the skin. It was like a bucket being turned over, a faucet twisted to full. Bella jerked, but didn't scream. She was still choking."
ZeldaQueen: *rubs head* You know, I don’t know a whole lot about human anatomy, but I find it very hard to swallow that a person has that much blood to spare like that.
And in the middle of it all, Rosalie chooses this inopportune moment to remember that Bella’s blood is so nummy and looks about ready to dive in and eat her. YES! YES! YE - aw man! She’s foiled as Jacob leaps across the table, tackles her to the ground, and punches her for good measure. All while Bella’s flailing around on the table naked and Edward is helping her breath.
If they ever get around to making this into a movie, this will either be extremely creepy, or wicked awesome.
Alice drags Rosalie away and Jacob runs over to help Bella in the breathing department. He gets to give her CPR, woot for him. Amazingly, he doesn’t use this opportunity to go on about kissing her bloodstained lips or whatever. And then the little demon fetus breaks Bella’s spine. No, really
"Another shattering crack inside her body, the loudest yet, so loud that we both froze in shock waiting for her answering shriek. Nothing. Her legs, which had been curled up in agony, now went limp, sprawling out in an unnatural way.
'Her spine,' he choked in horror.
'Get it out of her!' I snarled, flinging the scalpel at him. 'She won't feel anything now!'"
ZeldaQueen: Is it wrong that I’m really enjoying this? Mervin, your beat down has become canon.
And then we get some lines from Jacob, apparently taken out of a soppy chick flick movie. Really. He starts shouting for Bella not to die on him and to keep her heart beating like she promised. All this while, Edward is hacking at her stomach with a scalpel. And - dear lord, he starts chewing open her stomach! This is just - how are they going to make this into a movie? This is - I - I’m going to lighten the mood with a bit of mood music, if you don’t mind.
ZeldaQueen: Well, they finally get the little demon spawn out of her and of course it’s a girl, which they name Renesmee, as per Bella’s idea. Grr… Jacob mentally comments on how she was wrong about the baby’s gender and "What hadn't she been wrong about?"
Thank you for speaking for all of us, Jacob.
Bella mutters that she wants to hold the baby and Jacob keeps conveniently staring at her face and not seeing the baby. Well, I wonder why that is? And we’re once again reminded of how bloody everything is. Seriously.
“By the time I looked, it was too late. Edward had snatched the warm, bloody thing out of her limp arms. My eyes flickered across her skin. It was red with blood–the blood that had flowed from her mouth, the blood smeared all over the creature, and fresh blood welling out of a tiny double-crescent bite mark just over her left breast. ”
ZeldaQueen: For those of you who can’t or don’t want to count it, the word “blood” was used five times. In four sentences. Bad form there, Meyer.
All that aside, it turns out that the little spawn of Satan actually bit Bella when she held it. So much for it recognizing her so well. Rosalie shows up and offers to take it while Edward sees to Bella. Edward then procures a syringe of venom and stabs Bella in the heart with it while biting her body in other places. It…kind of reads like some extremely tame vampire torture porn.
And everyone who was enjoying any halfway decency that conceivably was beginning to rear its head with Jacob? I’m very sorry for all of you. Because it has gone straight out of the window along with any characterization for poor Leah. Because apparently Jake here loses his mind at the sight of Bella’s bloody and mangled corpse and becomes convinced that she’s dead Jim and there’s no possible way to fix her up. He also mentions that the weird pull he’d been feeling towards her was gone and now leading him out of the room.
Jacob goes stumbling out of the room, angsting like he’s never done before. No, seriously. You think he was bad at the beginning of this section, when Bella got married? That has nothing on how bad he is now. He starts going on about “ocean[s] of pain” and how he’s lost his purpose and wishes he could bleach his brain to forget those last few moments. I’m sure we all wish that, Jake.
And then - *blinks* well this isn’t disturbing. As Jake is about to leave the house, he catches sight of Rosalie cuddling and rocking Renesmee. He instantly starts referring to the baby as a murderer and an executioner - honestly, he uses those exact words - and he plans to kill it. He honestly and truly intends to kill a newborn infant because of how it was birthed.
I am just - what is this? This does not convince me that Jacob is loyal and devoted, it convinces me that he is deranged! I think I’ll cite the Tenth Doctor, when he was asked if he’d kill some alien babies that were born from human fat. He said he wouldn’t because they were babies. They couldn’t help how they were born. (Ah Doctor Who, a source of infinitely superior wisdom than this baloney).
He starts going on about how this is his revenge and he didn’t care what came of it. So he’s going to murder an infant to avenge Bella, Bella who was so attached to the thing that she died for it? I think you missed the point somewhere, bunghole! He also goes on in elaborate detail about how he’d try to kill Alice and Rosalie and Jasper after killing the baby and figured that while the vampires could be fixed up, Renesmee couldn’t.
And then he gets a good look at the baby’s face. And I - I - WHAT IS THIS?!?!?
"The murderer stared past Rosalie's shoulder at me, its gaze more focused than any newborn creature's gaze should be.
Warm brown eyes, the color of milk chocolate–the exact same color that Bella's had been.
My shaking jerked to a stop; heat flooded through me, stronger than before, but it was a new kind of heat–not a burning.
It was a glowing.
Everything inside me came undone as I stared at the tiny porcelain face of the half-vampire, half-human baby. All the lines that held me to my life were sliced apart in swift cuts, like clipping the strings to a bunch of balloons. Everything that made me who I was–my love for the dead girl upstairs, my love for my father, my loyalty to my new pack, the love for my other brothers, my hatred for my enemies, my home, my name, my self–disconnected from me in that second–snip, snip, snip –and floated up into space.
I was not left drifting. A new string held me where I was.
Not one string, but a million. Not strings, but steel cables. A million steel cables all tying me to one thing–to the very center of the universe.
I could see that now–how the universe swirled around this one point. I'd never seen the symmetry of the universe before, but now it was plain.
The gravity of the earth no longer tied me to the place where I stood.
It was the baby girl in the blond vampire's arms that held me here now.”
ZeldaQueen: Excuse me, what was that? WHAT WAS THAT?!?
Let me get this straight, Meyer. Jacob spends the entirety of his section angsting about what a terrible little parasite Bella’s baby is and how he is so freaking in love for her that he just can’t go and bother to pursue a relationship like an ordinary person. Upon seeing Bella die, he goes off to kill this baby. And now you expect me to accept that he has all of a sudden fall in in love with it? That he’s just forgotten about how he’s mooned over Bella and hated on the vampires with one look? AND YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT THIS IS SWEET?
And on top of all of that, dear viewers, just look at that quotes. He falls head over heals for Renesmee and look at what he says happens - he forgets his love for Bella (who he describes as “the dead girl upstairs”, how sweet), he forgets his love for his family and his friends and Seth and Leah (if you believe that any of that was already there to begin with), and abandons his hatred for the vampires. In other words, he has just dropped all bonds and emotions except for intense feelings of desire for a newborn baby. And he likes it. He sees nothing wrong with it. And of course everyone will hand wave it by saying “Oh, it’s not sexual of course! He’s just going to raise her until she’s old enough to marry and bang her!” Um, screw you Meyer. That sounds about as convincing as Harry “I’m Ticking My Naked Daughters In A Platonic Way” Potter in Hogwarts Exposed or Rose “I’m Not A Lesbian, I Just Like Girls To Soap Me Up” Potter.
That’s not even going into the implications and problems in general with this child grooming-imprinting, which I already went into with Claire.
And of course, I win my bet. Jake is perfectly happy to be brainwashed into loving the very thing he had been walking towards to kill not two seconds ago.
Folks, I hope I gave this rant justice. I’m sure there’ll be more later, but this is what I’ve got now.
Oh, and we get a sentence mentioning that Bella’s heart has restarted upstairs and the Sueing up has begun. But Jacob doesn’t talk about that too much, he’s too busy finding True Love.
GOD!!!!!!!!!!
Projection Room Voices: Well, that's all over. Feel better?
ZeldaQueen: Sort of. Good lord, but that was boring! It almost makes me miss Bella's endless prose. Almost.
Projection Room Voices: I'm sure you'll change your mind soon enough. Take a break. When we start again, it will be on the third and final section of Breaking Dawn.
Onward to: Chapter 19: Preface/Burning
Back to: Chapter 17: What Do I Look Like? The Wizard Of Oz? You Need a Brain? You Need A Heart? Go Ahead. Take Mine. Take Everything I Have.
Return to: Table of Contents
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(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-03 02:14 am (UTC)Really, the single worst thing that happens to her is the demonspawn pregnancy -- which is pretty bad, realistically speaking -- but it also turns out so saccharine and beautiful and perfect that it doesn't matter a tick what happened, since she got a perfect sparklebaby out of the deal and has a perfect husband (however emotionally abusive he was) and everybody finds their soul mate and all Bella had to do was whine, moan, and go through a week of intense discomfort and then she becomes immortal and super-powered and the most perfect newborn vampire to have ever vampired.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-03 03:02 am (UTC)Normally I'd agree with you, but right now I'm getting on to sporking the chapter where we hear her narrate how she's in awful pain from the birthing and transformation. It is AWFUL. I don't know if I could take her going on like that for a frigging year. And I also suspect that Meyer has no idea how to write Bella's thought process for that long. She (Bella) is an empty-headed little twit who can't do anything unless it involves making out with Edward. What's she supposed to do if she's kept in the Arctic for months on end. Reflect about her life? HA!
"Really, the single worst thing that happens to her is the demonspawn pregnancy -- which is pretty bad, realistically speaking -- but it also turns out so saccharine and beautiful and perfect that it doesn't matter a tick what happened, since she got a perfect sparklebaby out of the deal and has a perfect husband (however emotionally abusive he was) and everybody finds their soul mate and all Bella had to do was whine, moan, and go through a week of intense discomfort and then she becomes immortal and super-powered and the most perfect newborn vampire to have ever vampired."
And of course every person who sees the baby falls in love with it and it is unrealistically sweet and loving and never disagrees with Bella or Edward or Jacob. The only redeeming thing Renesmee does is bite Bella and Jacob. It's just...it's such blatant wish-fulfillment that it's sickening. I've never had children, but I know full well that it's nothing like that. And I also know that it's the experiences of child raising that bring the parents and child together. Bella and Edward do none of that. It's like Mervin said, she uses her daughter as a fashion accessory. Oy Meyer, how did you get this tripe published?
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-03 04:46 pm (UTC)I mean in the hands of a competent author, it would be an interesting exploration. You could really base an entire book around the struggles of a newborn vampire as they fight to maintain their humanity while their new instincts overwhelm them at every turn, experience revulsion at what they've become (especially if they were asking for it and then realize how hideous it really is). Of course Meyer just doesn't seem capable of handling it, and instead we get... well, the chapters your sproking right now. And some intense God Mode Sueism.
Wasted potential. Especially from Renesmee. Renesmee really could have been a horror, or at least a tragedy, if Meyer was just consistent and either had her grow extremely slowly throughout, despite her mind developing at a rapid pace that her body could never keep up with, trapping her in a decades-long infantile state even as she learns and matures and wants to interact with the world, or else grew too fast, and wound up reaching adulthood at seven and a deathly old age at twenty. Just-- anything but pure happy love-love perfection.
(Then again, being used as a brood mare from the age of seven in order to pass on werewolf genes is actually pretty sick... if Meyer ever wrote that Renesmee sequel, though, I doubt it would ever be looked on like that...)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-03 07:01 pm (UTC)Oh, gotcha. ^^; I agree, those are always good. Heck, in the hands of a competent author, this entire series could have been really good.
"(Then again, being used as a brood mare from the age of seven in order to pass on werewolf genes is actually pretty sick... if Meyer ever wrote that Renesmee sequel, though, I doubt it would ever be looked on like that...)"
And that's why I love a lot of the Renesmee fanfiction that's cropped up. There's a lot of it where she decides that she doesn't want to marry Jacob and goes off to live her own life. Those always have her grandfathers as being awesome (in the one, she always goes fishing with Charlie and in the other Carlisle secretly sets her up a bank account for like 5 million bucks so she can run away and live on her own). Those fics tend to include Claire (like in one where she runs away with an infant Claire so she can make her choice as well). And of course there are the "adult trapped in a child's body" and "child in an adult's body" fics, which are just weird. Again, they tend to center around how weird the Jacob/Renesmee thing is. Funny how fanfiction authors can do a better job than the canon author.
Of course, almost all of those fics have reviewers who are like "It's good, but I think you missed the point of imprinting..." No they didn't, trust me. *rolls eyes*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-03 10:21 pm (UTC)Of course, almost all of those fics have reviewers who are like "It's good, but I think you missed the point of imprinting..." No they didn't, trust me. *rolls eyes*
i no, rite? At least they acknowledge that it's good most of the time and don't explode into rage. Still, though... somebody should point them to the meaning of the word 'deconstruction'...
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-03 11:47 pm (UTC)"i no, rite? At least they acknowledge that it's good most of the time and don't explode into rage. Still, though... somebody should point them to the meaning of the word 'deconstruction'..."
I guess that even amongst hardcore Twilight fans, Jake/Renesmee shippers are few and far between. From what I've seen, the top contenders are Jake/Bella and Jake/Leah (that one's VERY popular). Heck, I'd imagine that people would still prefer the "Harry Potter" route, where he shows up several years later having married some woman who was never in the series.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-29 12:28 pm (UTC)If i judge from this...
http://www.fanfiction.net/book/Twilight/10/0/1/1/0/4677/5579/0/0/1/
and the popularity of these...
http://verauko.deviantart.com/gallery/#Twilight
I would have to disagree.
*goes to whimper in a corner*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-29 02:55 pm (UTC)Rule 34 for though and all. I've heard of people who've done fanfiction pairing Voldemort with Dobby. ^^; Scarily, there probably would have been people shipping those two (Jake and Renesmee I mean) if BD hadn't even done it first.
Might I join you in your whimpering?
(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-14 11:34 am (UTC)http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7657342/1/Let_me_go