Marked: Final Assessment

[zelda_queen]

ZeldaQueen: And thus, we conclude our journey through Marked, the first of PC and Kristen Cast's very long and still ongoing vampire series. *cracks knuckles* Right, let's KO this baby

---

PLOT

Ah yes, the plot. One of the reasons my laptop's keyboard now has several dents in the shape of my head.

Let's start with the obvious - the plot was utterly cliche. The new "nice girl" goes to the new school, quickly gets a group of "geeky" friends who are her nakama and support her, the hottest guy there loves her for her personality, and the Mean Girl is jealous that she's new yet has everything. Cue the new girl defeating the Mean Girl with the Power of Love and Friendship.

Now that in and of itself is not a bad thing. There are many stories that can be boiled down to cliches and still manage to be entertaining. The trick is to rewrite them in a way that adds a unique twist to them. And this? It doesn't bother to do that. Instead, it reads almost exactly like a million high school chick flicks that came before, the kind that PC and Kristen talk about watching all of the time together.

Then, there is the matter of the pacing. In a well-written book, the plot ought to start with the exposition, continue through the rising action, peak at the climax, and spend just enough time going through falling action to tie up everything and reach the denouement. This plot? It moved forward at uneven intervals, like a drunk rabbit. I’m completely at a loss as to what the inciting incident is supposed to be, exactly. Is it Zoey being Marked in Chapter One? Being blessed by Nyx and being told to be her eyes and ears in Chapter Five? Given that the conflict is meant to be Zoey facing Aphrodite, I suppose the inciting incident is when Zoey finds out that Aphrodite possibly is hiding her visions and decides that something must be done about it. You know, in Chapter Nineteen. This implies that the first nineteen chapters ought to be exposition, laying out the groundwork for the world and the rules it follows, but we still get very little of that. Instead of working to give a clear idea of how vampires work in this world, the Cast ladies give us pointless details about the People of Faith and how much Zoey hates her family. Yes, I realize that those things are meant to add depth to the characters, but they shouldn’t push out details that are vital to the plot!

And the climax? It is set up in Chapter Twenty-Seven and goes through in Chapter Twenty-Eight. In other words, we get the climax one chapter from the end of the book, two chapters if you want to be generous. As a result, the falling action is rushed. There’s virtually no reflection on what happened and pretty much no negative consequences at all to be dealt with. Finally, the cherry on this sundae of fail is the sheer number of hanging plot threads left unresolved, just as set-up for sequels. Let's have a look at them all, shall we?

• The red-eyed ghosts
• Aphrodite's prophecy, which clearly ties in to said red-eyed ghosts
• The erm, implication that Neferet is Not Good
• The higher purpose to Nyx blessing Zoey and encouraging her to be the High Priestess-in-Training
• Zoey's family situation
• Zoey's relationship with Heath, along with the fact that she might have accidentally caused him to imprint on her

Ouch. That is just bad. It is one thing to leave a sequel hook or set up items or people who will be important later. It's quite another to outright have those people or items be a part of the plot and just ignore them until later. When most writers begin a series, the first book is self-contained, so that it can stand alone. This is because there is no guarantee that an entire series will be published, so it's best to not set up a million plot threads that could very well be left hanging. This book has the exact opposite thing going. The red-eyed ghosts, Zoey's family, Nyx, Neferet, and Aphrodite's visions, all of those things set up for more books in a series. Those are, as I said, the most interesting aspects of the book, as well as the aspects that are most glossed-over and ignored. I honestly don't know if PC and Kristen were told ahead of time if they would be definitely get publication for their entire series or not, but either way it doesn't matter. The fact remains that this plot was little more than a weak conflict and a set-up for sequels.

Too long, didn’t read? Shorthand version then - there’s only one other story I read that did exactly all that, frittering away chapters on pointless details while shoving the climax until the last possible minute and resolving everything in half a paragraph or so, all whilst leaving a bajillion plot threads hanging. That book was The Legend of Rah and the Muggles. And I assure you all, that is not a favorable comparison

CHARACTERS

Zoey Redbird - You know, Zoey really is a fascinating character. By that, I mean that it's fascinating how PC and Kristen Cast were so incapable of keeping her characterization consistent and the least bit likable.

To give credit where credit is due, the Cast ladies did seem to make an effort at the beginning of the book to establish some sort of personality with Zoey. Little details like her stuffed fish, her beloved car, her love of Star Wars, or her Monsters Inc toys all ideally would have acted as some form of insight into her character. I say "would have" because, while the Cast ladies tried to use those things to build up Zoey's character, it ultimately fell flat. From what I've gathered, they intended for Zoey to be a geeky girl who is a little awkward, in touch with her Cherokee heritage, and hurt from the abandonment of her parents.

Ultimately though, it all falls apart. Zoey's geeky side is very rarely actually called on, except when she makes very obvious asides to the audience to outright say things like "Yes, I'm such a dork, I like Star Wars!" or "How embarrassing, I still keep Monsters Inc toys!" It's a major violation of one of the cardinal rules of writing - show, don't tell.

Zoey's love of her Cherokee heritage is, if possible, handled even more ham-fistedly. Almost every single time her Cherokee-ness is brought up, she promptly spouts a fountain of purple prose that doesn't fit her intended character at all. Eventually, it's leaned on so much that it comes across as more of "LOOK, SHE'S CHEROKEE, HOW SPECIAL!!!" than "she is a girl who is in touch with her ethnic roots". That isn't even going into the unfortunate implications that it's the Native Girl who is magical and knows the old legends and everything. A note to Ms and Ms Cast - positive discrimination is still discrimination nonetheless.

And then there's the other aspect to Zoey's character, one which I'm sure the Cast ladies had no intention of writing in. As the story goes on and Zoey starts to get more and more power and attention, she becomes downright sociopathic! After being in the vampire world for only a day or so, she decides to kick Aphrodite out of power because she obviously can do a better job. She continues to lie about her relationship with Heath, being furious with Kayla for dating him, yet saying to Stevie Rae and Erik, in no uncertain terms that she and Heath are over. She hides a number of things from Neferet and her friends. She doesn't feel the least bit sorry about threatening Kayla and outright admits that she doesn't feel sorry about Elliot's death, nor does she show much concern that he was being used as a snack bar by the Dark Daughters, which possibly led to said early, painful death. She also outright tells Erik that she feels bothered by the fact that he dated Aphrodite before her, despite him clearly having been hurt and abused in that relationship.  She is quick to turn on people, even those who are supposed to be her friends and loved ones, for various slights which often have little to do with the situation at hand (Kayla's smoking of pot, Aphrodite's name choice, Elliot's coughing fit, etc).

In short, Zoey Redbird is a bitch. But it doesn't stop there, oh no. Because, for whatever reason, the Cast ladies were apparently incapable of keeping Zoey's character and voice consistent. There will be stretches of time when her voice and character is actually rather pleasant, if still bland, and other times when she moves into complete airhead territory, giggling about how hawt a boy is or how she wishes her boobies were bigger and still other times were she starts rhapsodizing about how spiritual everything is. These shifts in character are jarring, inconsistent, and just make her character even more baffling and unlikable. It doesn’t make her look complex, it makes her like she has some multiple-personality thing going on.

In short, I just find myself scratching my head, wondering what the hell the Casts had in mind when they wrote her

Erik Night - I have to admit, Erik surprised me. In the glut of Young Adult literature stuffed with Asshole Love Interests, he actually is a fairly decent guy. He doesn’t force his will on Zoey, he doesn’t belittle her, he doesn’t mock her, he doesn’t dictate who she can associate with, he doesn’t stalk or spy on her (to the best of our knowledge), he doesn’t continue to threaten or scare her, and he doesn’t drag her places she doesn’t want to go. (And I find it rather alarming that it’s a nice surprise that he doesn’t do those things)

Ultimately though, Erik does fall prey to exactly the same problem that every other character in this book has - he is flat as a piece of cardboard. Yes, he’s possibly the most likable character, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s given pretty much no personality beyond “hot, sensitive theater guy who is a closet geek”. However, like Zoey, the Cast ladies wrote in something with Erik that I'm sure wasn't intentional. In this case, it's regarding how everyone treats the poor guy. Yeah, that stereotypical description I gave him, how he was hot, involved with the theater, and a geek? Guess which of those three aspects we're constantly reminded of? All Zoey, Stevie Rae, the Twins, Damien, and everyone else in the school talk about is how good looking Erik is. His theater success is pretty much only there as an excuse for him to run into Zoey again and a reason for his popularity. His geekiness is virtually nonexistent and used only as a token way to show that he's a fun guy to be around. What makes that particularly infuriating is that continually describing him as "hot" doesn't give any sense of his character, but his life as a theater student and a geek could.

That aside, there's the treatment of Erik. Yeah, flat as he is, he's a nice guy who sounds fun to be around. And his entire purpose of the story is pretty much to be a pretty piece of meat and be appraised and drooled over by girls. We are told that he used to be with Aphrodite, who tried to force sex out of him and made life miserable for him. It's fairly obvious that this is normal for the Dark Daughters to do to the Dark Sons. Now like I said above, it's clear the Cast ladies were going for some "Sixteen Candles"-esque routine, where Erik falls for Zoey, who is clean, kind, and loves him as a person and not for sex. The trouble with that is that all Zoey thinks about is how hot he is! She never gushes about his personality, she never bonds with him over their alleged shared geekiness, none of that! And it moves right into full-on squicky territory when he is very open with her and tries to tell her how happy he is with her, with a relationship that wasn't just based on physical things, and all she does is go on about how he dared date Aphrodite before her.

In short, Erik is the most likable character there, and mostly it's in ways that weren't even intended

Aphrodite - Okay, so she's supposed to be the Bad Guy of the book. She's supposed to be the Mean Girl, the Scary Sue, the source of all of the conflict.

She, like everyone else, is flatter than a piece of cardboard. Really, that's all I can say about her. She isn't sneaky, she isn't subtle, she isn't manipulative, she doesn't even come up with good insults half of the time. The only thing she does that's remotely good hazing is the blood in the wine trick, and even that fails, because there's no follow-up. She continues to threaten to see to it that Zoey's life is made a living hell, but she doesn't do anything. As such, it's impossible to take her seriously as a villain.

Now given the prophecy, I think the Cast ladies were trying to imply that there's more to Aphrodite than we see. That via her visions, she's privy to some horrible knowledge, which is tormenting her. If that's the case, kudos to the Cast ladies. Why the hell didn't they bother to include that in more than two points in the story?

Zoey's Friends - I'm not even separating these people, because they have very little going on. I swear to God, they all pretty much just congealed into one big blob of bad writing.

Really, this could be summed up in three words: They are stereotypes. Really, they are. Stevie Rae is the childishly loyal, friendly hillbilly chick. Damien is the kind token gay guy who has nary a friend in the world besides these other putzes. The Twins are the hot girls who are supposed to be seen as the Good Side of the stereotypical "Mean Girls", but just come across as just as bad. These people are just accessories. There is no purpose to them at all. They immediately latch on to Zoey literally the first time they meet her and don't have a life outside of her after that. When it looks like she'll be High Priestess, they just smile and nod and in no way contradict her or point out that she might be suffering from delusions of grandeur. In fact, they pretty much go from being friends to flat-out minions.

Also like Zoey, these people are also horribly unpleasant to read about. They try to force Zoey and Erik together because Erik is hot, paying no heed to the fact that there's little evidence that he and Zoey really love each other. They ask Zoey about her Mark, even though it's something personal. They are, in short, nasty. But there's one more thing about them that makes their characterization even worse to read. To a degree, they sound like Bella's human friends in Twilight - shallow, nasty, and stereotypical. Here, however, these people are supposed to be her bestest friends ever. They're supposed to be her nakama. The ones who complete her ritual circle and who trust and support her. We're supposed to look at them with Zoey and get lessons on the power of friendship. And yet, despite all of that, the Casts give them virtually no personality or traits at all. Nothing to say to that, except epic fail

Everyone Else - Yes, everyone else. Everyone else serves no purpose at all. Zoey's entire family? Plays virtually no part besides being an excuse for her to angst. Kayla and Heath? Pretty much the same (although Heath gets off slightly lighter, with charming characterizations like "perpetually drunk", "clingy ex", "cute", and "invokes bloodlust in Zoey"). Grandma Redbird? Someone for Zoey to go crying to when the plot needs advanced, otherwise she's forgotten. The teachers at the school? Nothing. They don't even serve as teaching a Chekov's Skill! The People of Faith? Complete nonentities. And like with Zoey's friends, we're supposed to believe that these people all play important roles in Zoey's life. We're supposed to feel sorry that her mom has abandoned her in favor of her stepfather. We're supposed to be angry at Kayla for abandoning her best friend. But we don't, because we don't know them!

WRITING STYLE

As I noted about Zoey's character, the Cast ladies are apparently incapable of picking a voice for the narrator and sticking to it. We swing from purple-prose descriptions to childish things like "horse poopie" or "boobies". You can't have it both ways Cast ladies - pick a voice and stick with it. I'm sure that a lot of people are tempted to blame Kristen for most of this. She has been very open in interviews about how she was the one who rewrite what her mother came up with, trying to make it sound like it came from a teenager. Still, PC Cast is a professional writer. "Teen"-sounding or not, she should know how to keep the narrator's voice consistent.

Also, there's the little problem of the timeline. Or rather, there's the problem of the little timeline. This story took place over about four days. Really. Now I know that it's possible for stories to go on without requiring a vast amount of time to pass, but this is just ridiculous. We're supposed to believe that within four days, Zoey has sufficiently adjusted to being Marked, settled in to a new school, come to terms with the fact that her family no longer wants her, come to terms with the fact that she could drop over dead at any point in time, settled into her classes, mastered her Sue-powers, snared a hot boyfriend, and become best friends with her little group, to the point at which one spat is the end of the world for her. To top it all off, there is no reason for it all to be so cramped. There is no deadline they have to work by. The Cast ladies could easily have set the story to take place in the early months so there was more time to build the world (and dear lord, does it need building).

Final Thoughts

What is there to say? This entire thing was God damned empty! It read like the worst sort of fanfiction, where the author has zero sense of scale, pacing, or characterization, placing all of the emphasis on the wrong things.

---

ZeldaQueen: And that's it for Marked. Good riddance! *spits* Don't get too cozy, folks. We still have a shitload of sequels to dig our way through. And in our next one...we're gonna get Betrayed

Onward to: Spite Fics

Back to: Blurb

Back to: Table of Contents

Comments

[greenerygripes.livejournal.com]

And in our next one...we're gonna get Betrayed

We might be, but I bet our expectations won't.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Probably not. ^^;

[carmyn]

Dude o.O, I have to say, your entry went all wonky for some reason and turned into a big block of text and the entire 'World building' section is missing. I don't know what's going on o.o.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

I had to take out the entire "World Building" section because otherwise the tags and the Table of Contents link kept getting crammed over the post. -_- I swear to the good lord, I have no idea what was wrong with it. And yeah, there were problems with the paragraph breaks. I'm sorry for any confusion, I think everything's all fixed up now.

[carmyn]

Awww! I really wanted to read the 'World Building' section! Stupid Livejournal.

Ah, well, it's okay, I like your final thoughts, I think you hit the nail on the head. I personally believe this book suffers from 'attempting to capitalize on a trend instead of writing a book' problem.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

I might put it up later in a different post. Or I might save it for a later final assessment. ^^; Remember, there's going to be eleven other books of fail to deal with.

Thank you very much! ^_^ I agree, that was one of the problems. It wasn't even their own idea, it was their publicist who told them to write a vampire boarding school series to follow up on Twilight.

[yemi-hikari.livejournal.com]

I personally suggest and recomend the cartoon, Horseland? A lot of what the Cast writers do wrong, the series does right. It has its cliches, but I like certain asspects in the story. The girls do at times talk about how guys are cute and 'hawt', but they also treat said males with respect. There are a set of twins who are supposed to be the counter mean girl and it is pulled off well. The characters each have their depth to them to, or at least what I have been able to see. I wish we had more stuff like this to give young ladies, honestly.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

I'll have to check that out.

[witty-screename.livejournal.com]

Congrats on finishing! :D

I think you pretty much covered everything in a nice, succinct fashion. The character analysis was spot-on. If only there were some way to force Suethors to sit down and read actual criticism of their work :/

"Still, PC Cast is a professional writer. "Teen"-sounding or not, she should know how to keep the narrator's voice consistent."

Not to mention, did she not think to read the story over after Kristin got through adjusting it? Or was she so confident in her daughter's ability that she did't want to change anything Kristin added? It just baffles me because I cannot see how someone can read a narrative that uses terms like "poopie" and "boobies" even though it's marketed in the YA genre and the narrator is seventeen and then give it a pass. I know she's your daughter, but even my mother tells me up front when something I wrote in a paper doesn't make sense or sounds funky. And that's just term papers I get her proofread; this is a professional work going out to the general public! That is not the time to be softening blows!

Ah, anyway, congrats again and great job on the final thoughts! :D

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! ^_^ And yes, I wish there was some way.

It's really weird, the two go on about how PC is treating her daughter like an equal, and Kristen keeps going on about how much she loves it when she writes something and the editor likes her work better than her mom's. It's really...it feels like they're one of those "we're so cool!" parent/child teams. :/

[angel-renoir.livejournal.com]

*sigh* Yes. Zoey is a bitch, so much so that slugging through the first 50-or-so pages just killed me. I can't stand her voice AT ALL. The only thing that stopped me from doing anything to the book was because it was a library book. I thought the book had an interesting concept, like the Cherokee thing and the Wiccan-inspired Elemental ritual or whatever, but the Casts didn't fuse the myth inspiration right and made everything seem out of place.

Ugh, I hope I don't make the same mistakes in my story... Myth-fusing IS hard...

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Zoey's an idiot and just horrible.

I have no idea how the freak the mythology works in this. The vampires worship an ancient Greek goddess, but they use Wiccan rituals, but later it turns out that a fallen angel tried to seduce said ancient Greek goddess so she used ancient Cherokee magic to seal him underground. Also, said fallen angel's half-human descendents are also Cherokee evil spirits called Raven Mockers. No one seems to notice how awkwardly this goes together. Um... O_o

[angel-renoir.livejournal.com]

I know! It's just undescribable... What kind of myth are we trying to have here? It's one thing if there is "one true religion" and all these various myths are just various interpretations of this one religions, correct or otherwise, but it's another to moosh together bits and pieces of various religons and beliefs and expect us to think they go together.

Like Greek myth-wise, angels don't really exist (I think). There's gods and titans and demigods and nymphs and spirits and sprites. I'm not well-versed in Cherokee stuff, but so far I know, they don't have angels too. Do they ever establish how exactly this "religion" works? So far I see they're just cribbing names and terms from various others. I mean, okay, they may say that this Ultimate Goddess they worship is called Nyx by the Greeks. Okay. But is her real name Nyx to the vampyres? How did the Greeks interpret her as so and so? Etc etc etc... I mean, Nyx DID claim she was the inspiration for various goddesses and holy figures in various beliefs...

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

From what I gathered, Nyx is known in pretty much every polytheistic religion, where she stands in as the mother/creator goddess. This includes Cherokee mythology (also, for some reason, she's known as both Nyx and Gaea, even though BOTH WHERE GREEK GODDESSES! >_<). The vampires know her as Nyx, because their ancestors (who apparently were all from Greece because yeah, vampires certainly weren't from anywhere else in the ancient world I'm sure) looked to the Goddess of Night as their patron goddess and protector. From then on, all vampires worship Nyx. I have no idea if they know that she is present under other names in other religions because as far as I can tell, Zoey Redbird is the only character to meet Nyx face-to-face thus far.

I have no idea how Kalona (the fallen angel) fits in. I *think* there's the "all myths are true" thing, where the various religious figures spill over into one big thing, but that still doesn't make sense. If fallen angels are real, doesn't that mean the Judeo/Christian God and Jesus are real? What about non-fallen angels? (Granted I haven't actually reached that part yet so it *could* be explained, but given this book's track record, I doubt it) What about the Cherokee spirits/deities besides the one Nyx represents? What about the other Greek gods and goddesses? We're told that Nyx's son is Eros, who was most definitely immortal. Where did HE go?

I just read this book (and the spork)

[often-partisan.livejournal.com]

"In this case, it's regarding how everyone treats the poor guy. Yeah, that stereotypical description I gave him, how he was hot, involved with the theater, and a geek?"

Stuff like this (the male-female inversion thing with the Dark Daughters being dominant over the Dark Sons) could have made for an interesting inversion from a patriarchal human society, for example if Zoey had been raised to expect to be a housewife and mother as per the ultraconservative People of Faith and having to adjust to different views on the role of men and women, or something like that. Or Erik had been raised to be a dominant male etc. Instead we get nothing.

A rant about Elliott...
Elliott's death irritated the crap out of me. Simply because of their reactions to it. Elliott could have been an interesting character, one who doesn't want to be part of the vampire world and one that knows he's doomed due to his failing grades but doesn't want to die. The characters' reaction to his death is not realistic I mean firstly they would be more freaked out but also, they'd be TERRIFIED it was going to happen to them. I know it's mentioned, but still, it doesn't feel like it is developed as a point at all. Not to mention our heroine should have a bit more compassion for a character who just seems to be hated and abused by everyone especially as she knows what happens to him. I mean other then call Damien a fag (which is unacceptable obviously) what does he actually do that makes him so hated? While I understand why that would make Zoey & co. dislike him why would it make everyone in school (especially as there are homophobes in the school)? I mean he could act like an asshole all the time but we're not really shown it, or he could just be lashing out due to the fact that everyone treats him like shit. And being a bit lazy in class isn't really a reason that schoolkids would hate someone. Oh I know what it is, he's too ginger, obviously. And he isn't OMG HOTT. "He was annoying and unattractive" (Zoey, page 278.) How dare someone be unattractive, that's just not on! I actually ended up feeling sorry for Elliott despite the fag thing. Yes suethors you actually made a homophobic character one of the more sympathetic ones in your story. That says something.

As for Zoey, the constant asides that she uses are really bad and horribly out of place. Just please either put the point in the text or get rid of it entirely. The brackets in this book were evil. The Paris Hilton references etc were pointless. There's not much need to name drop Hilton what's the point?
None of her friends were likeable. The gay guy omg isn't he gay annoyed me and I know what the word sycophant means thank you. Stevie omg isn't she a hick lol?! thet "Twins" just contantly kept making irritating comments. I don't think there's anything wrong with eg a country girl character per se, but there has to be more to the character than just an obsession with cowboy boots and country music.

Re: I just read this book (and the spork)

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

"Stuff like this (the male-female inversion thing with the Dark Daughters being dominant over the Dark Sons) could have made for an interesting inversion from a patriarchal human society, for example if Zoey had been raised to expect to be a housewife and mother as per the ultraconservative People of Faith and having to adjust to different views on the role of men and women, or something like that. Or Erik had been raised to be a dominant male etc. Instead we get nothing."

Word on that. But no, that would be interesting and we must remove interesting things in favor of talking about hot guys.

The thing I hate about the treatment of Elliot is like you said, "fag" comment aside, he was the only one that acted like a high school kid. He fell asleep in class, he didn't believe anything would happen to him, etc. THAT is what I would expect a student to act like if they were uprooted from their own school, turned into a vampire, and plopped down in the House of Night. It would make for some tension, with the teachers trying to mold the students into "proper" vampire behavior. It reminds me of the Fledgling Handbook 101 though, which basically says that once someone turns into a fledgling, they're Better Than Before and of course have higher standards and if said standards aren't met, the fledgling is tossed into the streets to die.

And they just do not stop hating on the poor guy! Zoey finds out he's being bled and what does she think, the next time she sees him? "Ew, he's *coughing*! What kind of a loser does THAT?"

I want to slap Zoey whenever she makes random references like that. >_< It annoys me to no end.

Those friends aren't characters. They're those human-shaped cut-outs you see in movie theater lobbies. :P

[(Anonymous)]

It's a bit funny that somebody called PC writes something so offensive.

The only upside of this book, for me, is that the Jamaican character wasn't as annoying as I thought she'd be.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Would this Jamaican character be the upcoming Kramisha, who according to TV Tropes falls under Soul Sister and Jive Turkey?