Marked: Chapter 14

[zelda_queen]

ZeldaQueen: In which there are more pointless classes and Erik Night is drooled over. Warning, a lot of quotes are used

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter 14

ZeldaQueen: So we're now at Zoey's fencing class. Yes, it's been three chapters and we're still on her first day of school. Zoey seems surprised that fencing is cool. Yes, being allowed to swordfight just sounds like the epitome of boring-ness. What planet are you from, crazy lady?

We get a pointless description of the room (I say pointless because this is the only fencing class we ever hear about, so it hardly matters), and jump over to describing the teacher. I do believe I got whiplash from that. We're told "Everyone called Professor Lankford Dragon Lankford, or just Dragon". Now see if you can say that sentence ten times, fast. And the reason he's nicknamed "the Dragon" is because *drumroll please* he has tattoos that resemble two dragons. How clever.

Zoey is all amazed because this is "the first male adult vampyre [she'd] seen up close". What, does she think male vampires are a different species or something? She expects him to be "tall, dangerous, handsome. You know, like Vin Diesel". Instead, he's got long, blonde hair in a ponytail and a "cute face with a warm smile".

We speed through the warm-ups, and get virtually no input from Zoey on 'em. Seriously, it's like Holly Potter just started to narrate. When warm-ups are over, everyone is paired up and Zoey is pleased that Damien is her partner. And thus we get the only characterization that Damien gets beyond being gay - he's a very good fencer. Don't get too excited though. This is the only time in this book that it is mentioned. I don't know if it comes to anything in the sequels, but here it's pretty much forgotten.

The Dragon starts telling Zoey about fencing and it just feels like the Casts are showing off their Google-fu research skillz. I mean, it's nice that they actually took the time to get information, but we just get it in cumbersome infodumps, without the benefit of any payoff later. *shakes head* The Dragon asks Zoey "Did you know that fencing is one of the very few sports where women and men can compete on entirely equal terms?" Zoey immediately squees over this, because "How cool would it be to kick a guy's butt at a sport?!"

You know, when I was in high school, I played against boys (and the only other girl in the class for that matter) in dodgeball, baseball, lacrosse, running, and basketball. I find the implication that you have to take fencing before you have a chance to defeat a guy at sports to be insulting.

And God dammit, what did I say about Zoey's "boys are icky!" routine?

So yeah, the Dragon keeps going on about how damned equal fencing is

"This is because the intelligent and focused fencer can successfully compensate for any perceived deficiencies he or she may have, and may even be able to turn those deficiencies—such as strength or reach—into assets. In other words, you may not be as strong or as fast as your opponent, but you could be smarter or able to remain focused better, which will tip the scales in your favor"

ZeldaQueen: You know, I've taken very little fencing in my life and I'm hardly the most sporty person out there, but isn't that focusing thing true for any sport? Hell, isn't it true for anything?

Ms and Ms Cast, you might want to stop trying to be deep. You really suck at it.

We're told how focused Damien is, which is why he's the best fencer there, and Damien tells Zoey that they'll be doing the same exercises over and over and over to train, so she shouldn't be bothered by it. Again. Same for every sport, or am I crazy? Zoey responds to this with "So what you're really saying is that you're going to be annoying, but there's a purpose behind it?" and then we get a summarized account of her doing unnamed exercises for twenty minutes, which she mentions will leave her ass feeling sore the next morning. To all those wondering, no I do not believe this is ever brought up again. We never get any mention of Zoey being sore or tired or getting more muscular or anything from all of this fencing training.

They all shower at the end of class, and for some reason Zoey considers it so luxurious that the stalls have their own curtains. Is...that really that rare? Anyway, she runs off to lunch and gets a bunch of food and sits down with her friends. Stevie Rae immediately asks her what was up with Erik Night and everyone immediately shuts up and stares at her because OH-EM-GEE, A HOT BOY TALKED TO ZOEY, THIS IS SO AMAZING AND INTERESTING!!!

I'm not happy, in case it's hard to tell.

Zoey decides that she doesn't want to talk about the blowjob scene because she's not comfortable with it (what about the fact that Erik might not want it known, hmm?) and instead tells them that he spent all of Drama class staring at her. She then specifies that he stared at her once during the Othello monologue, during the talk about love, and then when he was leaving the class. Clearly, they are meant to be.

Zoey immediately starts to beat the "it must be in my mind" drum with a dead herring, while Erin and Shaunee start going on about how Erik is the hottest guy in the entire school, nay on the planet (really) and Stevie Rae says that she thinks that Kenny Chesney is still hotter. Because she's from Oklahoma.

Erin and Shaunee immediately tell Zoey not to let this opportunity pass her by, and I'm scratching my head wondering what opportunity? She just said he looked at her twice, and she's only seen him once, neither of them having had any sort of conversation at all! They're basically telling her to shack up with him without regard as to whether Zoey or Erik want to, just because he's hot.

ZeldaQueen: Except it's like some bizarre trophy-boyfriend-by-proxy, since they're the ones who think he's hot and are forcing Zoey to date him.

Zoey points out none of the above points, and instead says that he didn't even say anything to her, so she has no idea how to not let it pass her by. Suggesting that she's ignoring her previous statements about how he probably doesn't really love her and has made up her mind she's going to make him her's anyway.

Damien cuts in at this point and asks if Zoey smiled at him. Apparently she did not, so he reminds her to smile the next time Erik's around. Shaunee, for no reason at all, mentions "I thought Erik was a just pretty face" to which Erin adds "And body". Wow, and I'm supposed to think Aphrodite is shallow? Apparently the only thing that caused them to amend that idea was the fact that he dumped Aphrodite. And thus we get the reason behind this stupid shift in conversation - so one or both of the Suethors can wank over Erik leaving the Scary Sue and moving to Zoey. Probably Kristen. Zoey's her self insert.

Things get even more disturbing, as Erin says "We can already tell [Erik] has it going on downstairs" and Shaunee starts licking her lips like she's "contemplating eating a big piece of chocolate". Damien tells them off, but not because they're horrifically objectifying poor Erik, oh no. It's because he thinks they're getting gross. Shaunee says that they're only talking about Erik's butt, which is "the cutest butt in town". Oh, well that makes it all better! Erin adds "As if you haven't noticed".

I HATE THOSE TWO!!! WHY ARE WE SUPPOSED TO LIKE THEM? GODDAMN!

I'm sorry.

Stevie Rae chimes in at this point, and says that Aphrodite will get angry with them if they talk about Erik. What, does she have tiny microphones hidden around the dining hall? Actually, given the ridiculous levels of Scary Suedom she's forced to later, that wouldn't surprise me. Everyone is amazed at this revelation, amazed I tell you, and I honestly have no idea why. From what I gather, Aphrodite is supposed to hold all of these kids in holy terror, but if she's so scary, why wouldn't they remember this from the beginning? Is the idea that Erik likes Zoey just that tempting of gossip?

It probably is. I hate this book.

Shaunee latches on to the breakup again, and starts cackling over how delicious it is that Erik now has a thing for Zoey. Again, I really don't like her. There's cheering on your friend when said friend has a potential boyfriend, and then there's pushing your friend to date a guy because you like it. Hint to Ms and Ms Cast - the latter reason is not good and never turns out well. You use chick flicks for research, haven't you ever seen Mean Girls?

Zoey continues to insist that it must be that he is fascinated by her filled-in Mark and Stevie Rae and Damien go on about how cute Zoey is, of course Erik must like her. Oy. Stevie Rae gives what is possibly the most sensible advice yet, and tells Zoey that if Erik smiles at her, to just say "hi".

And just like that, lunch is over and Zoey is at Spanish class. This is taught by "Profesora Garmy" who is like "a little Hispanic whirlwind" and teaches the entire class in Spanish and...

Six sentences later, Zoey is in Intro to Equestrian Studies. I see the Cast ladies have taken lessons from Meyer on time jumps. *glares*

The class is held in a place called the Field House, which is a brick building attached to an indoor racing arena. Zoey goes on about how the places smells like "horse poopie", and I am totally lost because this is her internal monologue and she has already used the word "crap" while narrating! What, did the Cast ladies decide that she needed a cutesy faux-flaw so they made her curse like a five-year-old?

*sigh* So class starts, and Zoey looks around and wouldn't you know it, there's that Elliot kid, leaning against the wall and having nothing better to do than kick up sawdust and make people sneeze! I think the Suethors forgot a dimension there. Oh, and Zoey charmingly wonders, regarding his appearance, "And why couldn't he use some product (or perhaps a comb) on that nappy hair?"

I...really don't think "nappy" is the best word choice, Suethors. Especially since I'm pretty sure that, yet again, you were going for "teen slang".

At this point the teacher shows up, on a beautiful, black horse. She - the teacher - has white-blond hair, gray eyes, and "Her body was tiny, and the way she stood reminded me of those girls who obsessively take dance classes so that even when they're not in ballet they stand like they have something stuck way up their butts". I do love how sweet and non-judgmental Our Heroine is. She's just so much better than that Aphrodite bitch!

The teacher - Lenoba is her name - starts the lesson and, if this was a Harry Potter fanfic, I would accuse her of being a rip-off of Professor Grubby-Plank. She immediately starts going on about how horses are powerful, majestic creatures and not big dogs and how they all were chosen because they have an aptitude for riding, but less than half will last the semester and less than half of those remaining will be good equestrians. What? Also, why is she talking like it's the first day of class? Are these all new students who've just joined the school? And does that mean that Elliot is also a new student? Because the Lit teacher acted like he'd been there for a while and...I don't even know why I care. I really don't. Let's move on.

The lesson officially starts, as Lenoba has them all get mucking boots and clean up the stables. Of course everyone starts whining except for Zoey who, as it turns out, just lurves horses because her grandmother used to own one and Zoey just had the bestest time cleaning and caring for it. Of course. We get various comments from Zoey as she works, first about how ugly the mucking boots are, and then about how happy she is about loudspeakers that play Enya. There's a completely unnecessary and random aside, where we find out that Zoey's mom used to like Enya's music, but then John Heifer decided that it was "witch music" and made her stop. *rubs temples* I'm still waiting for Zoey to drop how her stepfather burned a heathen at the stake for floating in a pond. That's really all that's needed for the cliches to be complete.

There's a time jump of about forty-five minutes which is handwaved by Zoey not paying attention, and Lenobia shows up and is, of course, impressed by how well the mucking is going. Zoey launches into a story about her old horse and how she and her grandmother took care of it and Lenobia is clearly moved and brings in a horse named Persephone, which she says Zoey can brush. I feel I ought to mention that upon seeing Persephone, the first thing Zoey does is giggle and kiss her nose, which I personally would think violates the "horses are not girly toys" talk that they were all given at the start of class.

As Zoey brushes, she hears Lenobia yelling at someone and what do you know, it's Elliot, just slouched against the wall and doing nothing. Zoey immediately starts taking the higher ground, and starts to tell Persephone her "Don't Procreate with Losers speech". I do wonder how many times she's launched that one.

Some unspecified amount of time later, Stevie Rae shows up to get Zoey for the Full Moon Ritual that the school will be holding. Zoey flips out because she forgot about it and the Dark Daughter's Ritual, and on that lame note, the chapter ends

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Onward to: Chapter 15

Back to: Chapter 13

Back to: Table of Contents

Comments

[carmyn]

Uh...see when I was younger, I took lessons on how to ride horses (and I did for a few years) and I don't remember EVER mucking out the stalls, and I went to three different stables. Your first day, you learn how to brush the horse and put on the tack (saddle and bridle) and actually *gasp* ride. (I was about nine when I started, FYI) So, I am quite confused on why they would spend forty five minutes mucking the stalls. The Casts do realize they spent just about half of their lesson learning nothing. Horse-back riding is not one of those things where you need uber-discipline; you need strength, balance and skill...which you learn by RIDING THE HORSE. It's quite obvious neither of these two took riding lessons.

*flatly* Oh, what a concept. A language teacher speaking nearly entirely in the new language for class. Geez, it's not like my college-level Spanish teacher doesn't do that! That's not how you learn a language or anything!

...This is honestly in teen paranormal romance? All of the very sexualized conversations? Yeah, I think I'm good, my book just has lots of blood and gore :D.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

I suspect that the Casts used Intro to Equestrian Studies or whatever it is like the vampire equivalent to Driver's Ed - that actually riding a horse is a privilege, so they don't want to let every bunghole have access to one. You're probably right though, they just have no idea what they're talking about. Oh, and we never see any of the students riding a horse before the book's over.

"...This is honestly in teen paranormal romance? All of the very sexualized conversations? Yeah, I think I'm good, my book just has lots of blood and gore :D."

Yes. I think this is what the Casts think high school girls (and gay guys) talk like. They are idiots.

[yemi-hikari.livejournal.com]

Except the reason that students learn to muck out the stalls isn't because riding a horse is a privlege, it is a responsibility. Reminds me that I need to go and check out the Horseland fanfics and critique any new ones.

[yemi-hikari.livejournal.com]

My instructor had me muck out stalls once or twice. It was about teaching me about taking care of a horse and all that went into it. It is in truth hard. But it was far from the first thing we learned. Usually when the schools have horse stalls, the students will rotate as if it is a chore or they go and have the clubs involved with horses take care of it.

[carmyn]

Maybe I'm a spesul snowflake? XD.

I didn't muck out stalls (not that I was against it or whined about it, like how it's assumed in this piece of crap) but I was really young (I rode horses from 8 or 9 until 13) and I was, and still am, rather small. I had a hard time getting the saddle, which weighted as much as I did, on an animal that was a foot taller than I was (no ponies for me, I rode full on horses) and I did it by myself, so I presume my instructor didn't want to torment me further. *shrugs* Might be a personal preference type of thing.

But it's true though, unless this was a club or something (but that would be *le shock* CHARACTERIZATION!!!) I highly doubt the students would be mucking out the stalls on their very first day. I would thing the instructor would be more concerned with the students knowing how to put the tack on properly, because if you are unable to do that you sure as hell aren't riding a horse and risking hurting it. So, even if all the other students are on muck day, *Zoey* should be learning how to put the tack on Sparkle McSpecial horse.

[yemi-hikari.livejournal.com]

Which is likely why you never had too. It's the older students that tend to do it, or the kids who own their own horses. The first step is getting to not fear the horse or be intimidated by them, learning how to properly use the gear and safety issues... oh, and how to properly groom them after wards. I can back it up with all of the horse based books I've read where authors HAVE done their research too, to numerous to list.

[carmyn]

Yeah, I think between the two of us, we can both say that the Casts are morons and know nothing of horse-back riding or how it's actually taught.

Which raises the question: Why the hell is it included?! How would learning to ride a horse be helpful to transforming into a vampire or help them learn how to deal with their new lifestyle once they change? This all sounds like someone's ideal on how a haughty super private school would work. *cough*KristenCast*cough*

[yemi-hikari.livejournal.com]

Wish fulfillment majorly...

[(Anonymous)]

which she mentions will leave her ass feeling sore the next morning.

I had to take a break for a while because this just killed me. Exactly what manner of 'exercises' were they doing...?



I have to ask, how do these classes work, anyway? If people are being vamped at irregular intervals, how do they have 'years' of school? My college was a constant, rolling admissions program, with a new class coming in every month, but by my assessment this is just divided into high school years (hence the different shirts and symbols, yes?) so... what? What if you come it at the end of the term? What if you turn into a vampire during an extended vacation, do you just die?

I must understand the logistics...

(Actually I don't need to understand a damn thing but I'd like it to make sense. Is that so much to ask?)

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

I know that fencing has certain warm-ups, because my brother used to be in the fencing club and talked about them. For the love of literature though, I can't remember any of them and I'm sure the Casts just don't know them at all.

I'm honestly not sure how the classes work. We only see a couple of days of classes before the book ends, so it's hard to say. Maybe a student graduates after they complete a certain amount of work after being turned? ^^;; Would it be too much to hope that later books explain it, I wonder?

"(Actually I don't need to understand a damn thing but I'd like it to make sense. Is that so much to ask?)"

No, it is not. The Casts think it is, though.

[airey-kun.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure that push-ups are not fencing warm-ups because the part of your body that needs to be strongest would be legs, specifically your thighs, for all the thrusting. I'm pretty sure that push-ups would not help with dexterity or accuracy or anything else that would be important for arms, but then again I was only on the fencing team for a few meets before my parents decided that they couldn't afford it.

[yemi-hikari.livejournal.com]

I don't think it is that you misunderstand the logistics, I think it is because there are none...

[emmram.livejournal.com]

Things get even more disturbing, as Erin says "We can already tell [Erik] has it going on downstairs" and Shaunee starts licking her lips like she's "contemplating eating a big piece of chocolate". Damien tells them off, but not because they're horrifically objectifying poor Erik, oh no. It's because he thinks they're getting gross. Shaunee says that they're only talking about Erik's butt, which is "the cutest butt in town". Oh, well that makes it all better! Erin adds "As if you haven't noticed".



... O.o

THIS is a YA book? Really?

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Hand to God. >_

[winki-pop.livejournal.com]

Okay, nothing is still happening in this goddamn book. Good to know :D

Also: I don't care if a girl or a bunch of friends in life or in fiction talk about how cute a guy is or joke around about it, most girls do that anyway and it's a bit of harmless fun. But when it's as incessant as it is in this shit-for-brains story and make it the only endearing feature Erik Night has (Erik Night? Seriously? Why don't you just go the whole Gary Stu and make his name something magical and 'hawt' like Prince Dashing McSilverknight or something :P), it gets annoying after a while. C'mon, not all girls are that bad!

'We get various comments from Zoey as she works, first about how ugly the mucking boots are, and then about how happy she is about loudspeakers that play Enya. There's a completely unnecessary and random aside, where we find out that Zoey's mom used to like Enya's music, but then John Heifer decided that it was "witch music" and made her stop. *rubs temples* I'm still waiting for Zoey to drop how her stepfather burned a heathen at the stake for floating in a pond. That's really all that's needed for the cliches to be complete.'

OMG, Enya, totes evul! XD Are you fucking serious, Heifer? Just when I think you can't get any more ridiculous… If he thinks Enya is evil, just wait till he hears Cannibal Corpse :D You know, her music is supposed to be derived from folk and Celtic music, right, hence why she's from IRELAND! :D

Why do more and more women have to be subservient in fiction? Heifer tells Zoey's mum 'that's it, no more Enya for you!' and she immediately complies? Sick. By that logic, Heifer would also have to start dressing Zoey's older slutty sister like an Amish woman and burn all of her little brother's video games in a massive holy bonfire!

I think this is one of my favourite moments in this non-story so far: Enya the Antichrist! XD She makes even Marilyn Manson look like Justin Bieber!

I know I can't get past this, but now I have a sudden urge to play 'Orinoco Flow' backwards to see if I can hear the Devil talk to me… :D

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

"Also: I don't care if a girl or a bunch of friends in life or in fiction talk about how cute a guy is or joke around about it, most girls do that anyway and it's a bit of harmless fun. But when it's as incessant as it is in this shit-for-brains story and make it the only endearing feature Erik Night has (Erik Night? Seriously? Why don't you just go the whole Gary Stu and make his name something magical and 'hawt' like Prince Dashing McSilverknight or something :P), it gets annoying after a while. C'mon, not all girls are that bad! "

It's just how God damned FAR they take it. I mean, okay, I can understand going "Mmm, he's a dreamboat", but that much?!? And that's ALL they talk about! They never talk about his personality, his smarts, anything! It's actually pretty depressing, because he's not that bad of a guy. I feel sorry for the poor man!

"Why do more and more women have to be subservient in fiction? Heifer tells Zoey's mum 'that's it, no more Enya for you!' and she immediately complies? Sick. By that logic, Heifer would also have to start dressing Zoey's older slutty sister like an Amish woman and burn all of her little brother's video games in a massive holy bonfire!"

Begone with this thing you call "logic"! >:( XD

"I know I can't get past this, but now I have a sudden urge to play 'Orinoco Flow' backwards to see if I can hear the Devil talk to me… :D"

Do they say "Yes we can"/ "Hail Satan" at any points? :P

[winki-pop.livejournal.com]

'It's just how God damned FAR they take it. I mean, okay, I can understand going "Mmm, he's a dreamboat", but that much?!? And that's ALL they talk about! They never talk about his personality, his smarts, anything! It's actually pretty depressing, because he's not that bad of a guy. I feel sorry for the poor man!'

I don't know much about Erik yet this far in the story, but it's getting real ridiculous now how much everyone goes on about how hot he is. Firstly, EVERY girl thinks he's hot? C'mon, beauty is subjective from person to person, and secondly, why is it such a big deal to just go up and talk to him, he's not some huge-arse celebrity! But, of course, no one can have a normal relationship with a guy in teen lit and actually just talk and do stuff together. Okay, so it's normal to be nervous about approaching a guy and apprehensive because we're not all that forward, but is it really so hard?!

'Do they say "Yes we can"/ "Hail Satan" at any points?' :P

Maybe they do in 'Orinoco Flow (The John Heifer 'Get Behind Me Satan!' Remix) :D You know, someone might want to tell Heifer there's a White Stripes album called 'Get Behind Me Satan.'

[yemi-hikari.livejournal.com]

I knew a twelve year old who could tell me she thought the guy who played Jacob Black from Twilight was hawt but could also tell me that wasn't the only thing she looked for in a guy. Actually, I know plenty of young ladies who could say the same thing.

[winki-pop.livejournal.com]

At least there's still hope for young girls yet :D Trust me, looks won't count for much if the guy acts like a total douche. Watch how quickly how 'hawt' he is evaporates (Oh my God, that word again, HAWT! :O)

[yemi-hikari.livejournal.com]

I am going to say, the cast chicks are worse writers then Meyer and I didn't even think that possible with published authors. I feel like nothing, absolutly nothing has happened... and this has like twenty chapters roughly? Not much happened in Twilight, but you actually felt the passage of time and... it didn't read like those bad high school AU's you read.

[carmyn]

There are 29 chapters in this book. The next chapter will officially be half way. And from what I can gather, not even a WEEK has past. Meyer may be Rushie Rusherton, but I think a snail can go faster than the pace of this book. Plus, absolutely nothing has happened...not even a hint.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

The book has twenty-nine chapters, actually, but yes your point still stands.

At least Twilight had the excuse that Meyer never wrote anything before. PC Cast is a professional writer, for heavens sake!

[witty-screename.livejournal.com]

I thought "Erik" was spelled a little different because the Suethors were going for that "speshul snowflake/make all the names yooneek" thing, but now I see why:

Erik Night

Oh ho ho, I c whut u did thar.

He's going to be a knight in shining armor to come and rescue Zoey from her boring, mundane life, isn't he? And he'll get no characterization beyond that of course!

And am I the only one who can't tell Zoey's friends apart anymore? They have literally all devolved into Sue Groupies, with the same personalities, making the same comments, and have nothing better to do than obsess over the Sue.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

"He's going to be a knight in shining armor to come and rescue Zoey from her boring, mundane life, isn't he? And he'll get no characterization beyond that of course!"

O_O Oh wow, I missed that! Nice.

Her friends were never separate beings to begin with. They were always just a clump of fecal matter and sewage that cheered her on.

[witty-screename.livejournal.com]

"O_O Oh wow, I missed that! Nice."

It only just hit me later, after I read your sporking. In any case, I really hope he doesn't turn out to be another Edward :C I'd take flat, lifeless love interest over stalking abuser any day myself.

"Her friends were never separate beings to begin with. They were always just a clump of fecal matter and sewage that cheered her on."

Yes, but fecal matter parading under their own stereotype banners. XD Now I can't even remember which one was supposed to be which stereotype. Dammit Casts, if your going to go the stereotype route, at least keep them straight!

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

"In any case, I really hope he doesn't turn out to be another Edward :C I'd take flat, lifeless love interest over stalking abuser any day myself."

Mercifully, Erik actually is a nicer guy than Edward. Yes, I know that's not saying much, but it actually makes Shaunee and Erin's objectifying of him even sicker.

"Dammit Casts, if your going to go the stereotype route, at least keep them straight!"

XD They can't even keep Neferet's hair color straight. They certainly won't bother with their stereotypes.

[aikaterini.livejournal.com]

/Zoey seems surprised that fencing is cool. Yes, being allowed to swordfight just sounds like the epitome of boring-ness./

Unless she thought that fencing was too "posh" to be cool or something like that. Zoey, my brother fences, as do a lot of other kids in his program. Yes, it's actually cool.

And I don't care if your fencing instructor is nicknamed "Dragon." My brother's teachers are both Russian, his first teacher being female and his current teacher being male. Both of them are undeniably cool, with thick Russian accents to boot. So, put a sock in it.

/She expects him to be "tall, dangerous, handsome. You know, like Vin Diesel"./

*raises hand* I may get flack for this, but I actually don't find Vin Diesel attractive. He's just not my type.

/I find the implication that you have to take fencing before you have a chance to defeat a guy at sports to be insulting./

It is true that boys and girls can compete against each other in fencing. I remember watching a match between my brother and this particular girl whom my dad warned me was "very good." The girl proved him right when she promptly kicked my brother's rear in their match. So, yes, the Casts are right about that, but...to imply that fencing is the *only* sport where girls and boys can compete against each other is insulting and wrong.

/then we get a summarized account of her doing unnamed exercises for twenty minutes, which she mentions will leave her ass feeling sore the next morning./

*nods* I remember my brother coming home all tired and worn-out because of all the running around, jumping jacks, and other exercises that he and the other kids had to do to warm up for fencing.

/Stevie Rae immediately asks her what was up with Erik Night and everyone immediately shuts up and stares at her because OH-EM-GEE, A HOT BOY TALKED TO ZOEY, THIS IS SO AMAZING AND INTERESTING!/

*head-desk* Please, please don't give me any more flashbacks of "Twilight."

/Erin and Shaunee immediately tell Zoey not to let this opportunity pass her by, and I'm scratching my head wondering what opportunity? She just said he looked at her twice, and she's only seen him once, neither of them having had any sort of conversation at all! They're basically telling her to shack up with him without regard as to whether Zoey or Erik want to, just because he's hot./

Oh, dear Lord, now we're revisiting "Evermore." Make it stop!

/I HATE THOSE TWO!!! WHY ARE WE SUPPOSED TO LIKE THEM? GODDAMN!/

If the genders were flipped and this was a pack of boys gleefully outlining a girl's body parts, I think that many people would find it disgusting. This is also disgusting. For shame.

*Imagines another Erik (a much more awesome and interesting Erik) swooping down on the hapless teenagers and quickly strangling them with the Punjab Lasso*

/I...really don't think "nappy" is the best word choice, Suethors./

Neither do I, especially given its racial implications, which is why Don Imus got into so much trouble for using it on air.

/I do love how sweet and non-judgmental Our Heroine is. She's just so much better than that Aphrodite bitch!/

*sighs* Remind me why I'm supposed to be rooting for her again?

/Lenobia is clearly moved and brings in a horse named Persephone, which she says Zoey can brush./

Is it too much to ask that Persephone gallop off with Zoey to the Underworld, like Hades did to her namesake?

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

"*raises hand* I may get flack for this, but I actually don't find Vin Diesel attractive. He's just not my type."

I always feel faintly nauseous about his name, because it sounds like some sort of gasoline and the smell of that always makes me ill. O_o

"*nods* I remember my brother coming home all tired and worn-out because of all the running around, jumping jacks, and other exercises that he and the other kids had to do to warm up for fencing."

I asked my brother, who also took fencing, if there were any exercises that made one's butt sore. He said that it could happen with any conditioning in relation to the quads. He then asked if I was sure Zoey hadn't actually been having anal sex, because that's what it sounded more like. XD

"If the genders were flipped and this was a pack of boys gleefully outlining a girl's body parts, I think that many people would find it disgusting. This is also disgusting. For shame."

You're right, and it really does get disgusting. Possibly the worst part is that Zoey NEVER tells them off for it.

"Is it too much to ask that Persephone gallop off with Zoey to the Underworld, like Hades did to her namesake?"

Oh, that would be so nice! Then we wouldn't have to deal with the stupid, stupid ending. :(

[(Anonymous)]

You know, I'm a girl taking Taekwondo, and I most certainly have sparred against several boys, so no, fencing isn't the only sport you can do that.

Is Taekwondo a class looked into in this book? I know Stevie Rae mentioned it earlier, but if it is, I'm getting a little nervous as to how it would be portrayed in this book.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Tae Kwon Do never shows up in this book. And, like with Damien and fencing, Stevie Rae's training in the class comes to nothing.

[white-wolf03.livejournal.com]

So the martial arts are spared at least.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

For this book. I honestly can't say about later ones.

[erikalyndis.livejournal.com]

...which she mentions will leave her ass feeling sore the next morning.

o.O

Now, granted it's been a few years since I fenced, but I don't remember anything like that. Legs? Yup. Arms? Yup. Stomach? Yup. Ass? Ummmm... what the frak were they doing in that class?

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

I asked my brother, who took fencing. He said that it's possible for warm-ups to leave one's butt feeling sore, assuming the exercises focused on the quads (or something like that). That being said, we're never told what said exercises entailed. Actually, given how it's described, my brother thought they were having anal sex.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

You know, when I was in high school, I played against boys (and the only other girl in the class for that matter) in dodgeball, baseball, lacrosse, running, and basketball.

I guess I can see that if you're the only girl in the class. If you're not, though--well, after my archbishop shut down my all-girl's high school because he didn't feel he was getting a big enough cut of the tuition (and yes, he was that spiteful and that greedy), I got transferred to a co-ed high school. And...all the sports were for boys. There were no girls' teams in ANYTHING. If you were a girl, you were expected to sit on the bleachers and cheer or get out on the field and cheer.

This is also the same school whose principal (a nun) told me and a group of other girls that we would never need to take computer classes (an elective reserved for boys), because we were just going to get married, so we would never use computers.

I have a feeling that P.C. Cast may have gone to a similarly unenlightened school.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Ah. My school had some classes that usually were only girls or only boys, but it was just student choice and not mandated. ^^; My dance classes were only made up of girls and I think there was only ever one boy who took it. Meanwhile, just as soon as PE was no longer a required class, one other girl and I were the only ones to take it. It was kind of a relief, really. I hated how the other girls who were forced to take the class would just wander around or pretend they were conveniently on the rag the week we did swimming or just not do anything. After being stuck in class all day, being allowed to run around was a blessed relief to me. O_o

But yeah, I see what you' mean. Even so, given the impression of Zoey thus far, it just seems odd that this is the first sport she's heard of for fighting men on equal grounds. I guess I can see what the Cast ladies were going for, but it honestly just comes across as more of the bizarre gender role messages the books keep giving.

[angel-renoir.livejournal.com]

Excessive name-dropping of gods and goddesses do not amuse me D:< It's annoying because PC Cast and myths put together = bad memories. I remember looking around for novels inspired by Greek myth during my Greek myth kick and discovered PC Cast's series of Greek myth-inspired series in which middle-aged ladies get swept of their feet by hunky gods. Ohai, it's totally not a Mary Sue wank self-insert. I was especially infuriated by the one where this one lady gets to take the place of Persephone during her months in Underworld, but that's just because I an a fangirl for Hades/Persephone romance. I like it anytime someone has enough sense to not demonize Hades. I HATE it when they are bored ladies who make Hades into this brooding Byronic hero. AUGH!!!

And the excessive mention of "Erik is hot" makes me ill. I still think Phantom of the Opera every time I see the name "Erik" - a byproduct of my fangirl days - and this attitude reminds me of the masses of "phangirls" flooding FFN with terrible Suefics *shudder* Um, yeah, sure... @____@

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

"I remember looking around for novels inspired by Greek myth during my Greek myth kick and discovered PC Cast's series of Greek myth-inspired series in which middle-aged ladies get swept of their feet by hunky gods. Ohai, it's totally not a Mary Sue wank self-insert. I was especially infuriated by the one where this one lady gets to take the place of Persephone during her months in Underworld, but that's just because I an a fangirl for Hades/Persephone romance. I like it anytime someone has enough sense to not demonize Hades. I HATE it when they are bored ladies who make Hades into this brooding Byronic hero. AUGH!!!"

O_o Seriously? I was considering looking into her Greek mythology books for future sporking purposes because I heard they were bad. Wow.

And have you ever heard of a book called The Goddess Test? ^_^;;

What made the name "Erik" make me go all bug-eyed was that that's exactly what Gethesemane Butler insists her husband's name is (first she said he was Gerard Butler who she calls Erik, then she ret conned and said that his name is Erik but he just happens to look exactly like Gerard Butler. No, really -_-). And yeah, Phantom of the Opera is one of the gowffic literary works that Ms Butler swoons over and wrote a self insert fic for and so on and so forth. -__-

[angel-renoir.livejournal.com]

Oh, and lets not forget the other myth novels that PC Cast made. I remember one where a lady was sent by the Lady of the Lake to seduce Lancelot so Camelot won't land into deep shit due to Arthur and Lancelot having some kind of bitchfight over Guinevere, but the lady ends up falling in love with Arthur... I don't even WANT to try reading that. The blurb in the back cover is enough to discourage me from reading it.

Goddess Test. Only ever read it in ceilidh's sparkle project blog >.< Sounds kinda stupid to me, why?

Yeah, the whole Erik thing for me was just more of my annoyance at those wannabe phangirls who swoons over Gerik (oh geez). Yeah, try looking at that in real life and say the guy is hot. I'm sure while they might not go "AUGH DEMON!" they'd still think he's gross-looking, hur durrr =______=

I'm using my old anime-style-emo-Erik avatar just for the lulz.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

"I remember one where a lady was sent by the Lady of the Lake to seduce Lancelot so Camelot won't land into deep shit due to Arthur and Lancelot having some kind of bitchfight over Guinevere, but the lady ends up falling in love with Arthur... I don't even WANT to try reading that. The blurb in the back cover is enough to discourage me from reading it."

Bluh what??? I...I don't even! O_o

I love how they said they weren't doing "Freddy Kruger goes to the opera" with that movie. Way to miss the point, guys. -_- Now I personally would not be saying "So hawt!" if an unbalanced guy had kidnapped me and was probably going to ravish me miles underground where no one could hear me scream, buuuuut that's just me.

.... Argh.

[towerstanding.livejournal.com]

So, I actually fence. And if this character actually fenced, her legs would be killing her, not her ass. Fencing leaves you sore and, 9 times out of 10, beaten up cuz hey, swords. Coming at your face, or torso, or whatever your opponent feels like. Especially for newbies, there is a lot of bruising and aching.
Also, they never mention which type of fencing she's doing. There are 3. Personally, I hope she's fencing epee, because that hurts a hell of a lot more than saber or foil. That is probably the most pathetic description of "fencing" I've ever heard of. Why not just hit each other with sticks? I'd hate you less for that.
I just... I just hate seeing my sport treated like that. Not cool, suethor, not cool.

[illyriasacolyte.livejournal.com]

I promised I wouldn't comment on every damn chapter, but these women keep annoying me. This... this is a story in name only. The fact that it basically has no plot or characterization to speak of not withstanding, it's nothing more than a series of rants from the Suethors about moral issues that are clearly important to them, but really aren't big moral issues anymore (I know gay rights and gay marriage are fairly major issues, but the narrative acts like Zoey is so wonderful and tolerant for even being around a gay guy, and that's just dumb; that moral issue is more or less gone), and they're all strung together by... Authorial Fiat? I have no idea. I just get this image in my head of PC and Kristin turning to the camera and saying "Hating on people because they're different is wrong, 'mkay?" every time something like this comes up.

[airey-kun.livejournal.com]

Actually, I'm going to go with the Cast's "Durr hurr fencing is for smarties" spiel. Back when I attempted to join the fencing team at the beginning of the school year, I was warned by several people (including the teacher and every existing member of the team) that it's pretty much chess with swords.

[(Anonymous)]

So are you planning on sporking her Goddess Of Partholon series or is it up for grabs?

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

I hope to eventually spork all of PC Cast's work, yes. It might take some time though, because I want to finish HON first.

[bluekevlar16.livejournal.com]

Isn't the whole thing about boys being better at sports partially true though? Boys usually have greater muscle mass and longer legs and arms. It's different in both of my universes. Normal people and mages/psions (depending on which series it is) can learn Qi powers, which greatly enhances their phsyical capabilities. It evens out the playing field between the sexes, physically speaking. I would think being a vampire would do the same thing.

Am I wrong, or is being gossipy a stereotypical trait for black girls to have? If so it's just one more offensive stereotype to add to the list.

She teaches the entire class in Spanish? How the hell are they supposed to learn anything then? What, is she telepathic?

"I'm still waiting for Zoey to drop how her stepfather burned a heathen at the stake for floating in a pond. That's really all that's needed for the cliches to be complete."

Haha, that would've made me lol if I weren't reading this while my family watches TV.

Oh joy. The first ugly vampire we see is the only loser in the bunch. In addition to all snipes about her father's beer gut, fat church ladies and jealous Faith People, I'm starting to think that ugly=bad is a theme. And that's just what I've seen, not what I've heard from others.

[actonthat.livejournal.com]

I know this is old and such, but I just have to comment on this:

"Did you know that fencing is one of the very few sports where women and men can compete on entirely equal terms?" Zoey immediately squees over this, because "How cool would it be to kick a guy's butt at a sport?!"

Fuck both of these authors. This book is such a misogynistic piece of shit.

[charlie2cute.livejournal.com]

What, does she have tiny microphones hidden around the dining hall?

Oh, god, that made me laugh so hard and I don't even know why. xD

Already sorry for commenting on a possibly-three-year-old post

[(Anonymous)]

Okay, so I know this thing is probably old as s--t by now, but if I remember correctly, last chapter you mentioned that we spent either 3 or 4 motherf--king chapters on this chick's /first day of school./

I… really? And this is just the fourteenth chapter?? Seriously, in most of the books I read, they already set off for adventure, ran into a monster, and someone probably died. And most of the time, all that first day bs would probably be covered in half that amount of time.

Also all the sex heavy talk is making me reeeeeeally uncomfortable. I mean, I hear kids at my school make innuendo and crap, but most of the time they don't know half of the s--t they're talking about. (Then again, I go to a privite school so… yeah.)

Just… I dunno. I felt the need to leave my two cents, I suppose. :