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zelda_queenZeldaQueen: Hello, hello, hello, ladies and gents! I'm here to finish Heart of the Sea, because...erm, Mervin's head kind of exploded. Also, because I'm clinically insane. Actually, after Child of Grace, this is something of a relief. I think I have to rethink my life or something
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter 5 - James Norrington
The familiar cocktail of idiocy, drunken brawls, and the ever-present street girls that was Tortuga was not easy to forget.
ZeldaQueen: Eh, I'm sure that with enough of said drunken brawls, you could easily forget your own name. Clearly, you haven't been trying hard enough
It had been nearly ten years since I had last visited the port with Jack, and it had not changed one bit.
ZeldaQueen: That's because the suethor is a hack writer who, as we saw in her Victoria Todd series, can't even be bothered to write a change in weather
As I stepped off of the ship and onto the dock, I felt someone place their hand on my shoulder.
ZeldaQueen: The M.A.R.Y.S.U.E. assassin who had stowed away finally caught up to her. Without a word, they decapitated the Sue and there was much rejoicing
Turning, I saw that Jack had come to stand behind me, his eyes set in a narrow glower.
ZeldaQueen: Narrow? Glower? What? I...I don't understand that, even though I'm sure that it's in English. Is that like how a sky glowers?
“Be careful around the men here,” he warned. “Keep a sharp eye and your pistol ready.”
ZeldaQueen: Y'know, I got the feeling that in canon, Jack would figure that if the Sue was so stupid as to not know to be careful in a place like this, she deserved to be attacked or raped
I glared at him. “The only man I have to be careful around is you.”
ZeldaQueen: (Sue) "You nearly slipped free of my control once already. I must focus, lest you make your escape"
As I made to turn and walk away, he grabbed my wrist. I whipped my head around,
ZeldaQueen: It fell off of her shoulders and rolled across the ground, where a drunken man took a piss on it
and struggled to jerk my hand away.
“Let go of me!” I hissed.
ZeldaQueen: Oh, aren't you so independent? *is bored*
“You think that you’re tough, Kate, but you’ll be at the mercy of any man foolish enough to try you,” he hissed in return. “You’re no match against a drunken brute.”
ZeldaQueen: So wait, she'd be at the mercy of a guy trying to rape her, yet it would be "foolish" of a guy to try to get her? Doesn't the latter imply that she'd be able to handle herself? What?
Although, I get the feeling that Jack is still fighting the Mary Sue mind control. "Listen bitch, I know what you're going to try to pull here. Don't go and pull that 'I'm a liberated woman and can do as I please' routine and get yourself landed in trouble. I'm not going to save your scrawny ass again".
“How dare you insinuate that I’m weak!”
ZeldaQueen: Yes, how dare he? It's not like you've had nothing but preferential treatment since the first page of this fic. It's not like you first showed up in your underwear, with nary a weapon. Gee, what is he thinking?
“I’m insinuating nothing. I’m giving you a warning for your own protection.”
ZeldaQueen: Don't waste your breath, Jack. We all know that the instant you stop paying attention, she'll get in over your head so that you can "valiantly" rescue her
“My protection? Since when does that matter? It didn’t matter last time, Sparrow, and it won’t matter now!”
ZeldaQueen: Y'know, the suethor really has no right to bitch about Meyer's right. That right there is almost a perfect copy of Bella stamping her feet and telling Edward "If you don't love me, why didn't you just let me get run over by a van?"
He still didn’t release me, but his grip had grown tighter. He pulled me against his chest and slammed his lips to mine, leaving me nearly breathless with the sudden contact and ferocity of the kiss. I knew that my lips would bruise.
ZeldaQueen: The fuck? Was he trying to headbutt her or something? How does one kiss so hard that one's lips bruise?
The fridge logic there has me so befuddled that I'm unable to think of a good Kiss Me, Kate joke
When at last he pulled away, his eyes pierced mine.
ZeldaQueen: And lo, the Sue was blinded!
“Be careful, Kate.”
ZeldaQueen: (Kate) "I'll do whatever I want, you bastard"
Jack never failed to confuse me. He was unpredictable, that much was for certain. He had hurt me, yet he still seemed to care for me.
ZeldaQueen: Because if a guy slips up and cheats on you, he clearly also won't care if you get raped or kidnapped or hurt or killed.
STEPHENIE MEYER!
And this is all only because Jack is warped out of character. If this were canon, he'd be perfectly happy to let the Sue wander off
As I entered a nearby tavern on a street corner, my eyes came to rest on a man sitting in the far corner. His dark hair fell about his shoulders, and he looked unkempt. Upon looking closer, however, I recognized him immediately: James Norrington.
ZeldaQueen: Well, that's a pretty way of saying that he was absolutely filthy, drunk as a lord, and sleeping with the pigs.
And please tell me that there's a reason that the Sue can recognize Norrington by sight when Mr. Gibbs, who sailed under him, couldn't. And why the Sue stumbled across him in the first two seconds of her arrival
“James?”
ZeldaQueen: Now I'll admit my knowledge of etiquette for the time period isn't the best, but isn't that a bit forward? Shouldn't she call him "Mr. Norrington"? Elizabeth clearly knew him for some time in the first movie, and she called him that
He looked up at me, but didn’t smile.
ZeldaQueen: (Norrington) "Great, another Mary Sue. Like things weren't bad enough already"
“Miss Kate Morgan,” he said as he motioned to a seat next to him. “It’s been ten years, hasn’t it?”
ZeldaQueen: She knew him ten years ago, and he's being so polite while he's slobbering drunk and disgraced. I'd imagine that he'd be more likely to not recognize her, or tell her to piss off
“What are you doing in Tortuga? I thought you were with the Royal Navy.”
He scoffed. “Why bother? I made the mistake of letting Captain Sparrow get a head start – never caught up with that bloody Pearl.”
ZeldaQueen: I love how she's just speeding through everything. There's a bit more to it than that, Gethesemane, dear. Norrington tried to chase Sparrow through a freaking hurricane. He even says "I chased a man across the Seven Seas. The pursuit cost me my crew, my commission, and my life". He lead people to their deaths. His ship was destroyed. He lost his commission and was left in total disgrace.
And here, he's like "Meh, the dude got away. FML"
“He’s here now.”
His eyebrow quirked, and his interest was peaked. “Of course, it doesn’t surprise me.”
ZeldaQueen: Um, he tried to kill Sparrow in the movie. Why would he be so nonchalant
I shrugged as I downed a pint of rum.
ZeldaQueen: Where did that come from?
“What happened between you and Sparrow? Tales were circulating throughout the Caribbean that the captain had finally found a woman.”
ZeldaQueen: WHY DOES HE CARE?
Seriously, Suethor, there's a lot of more important things going on here than Jack Sparrow's latest squeeze. Seriously, this is reminding me of My Inner Life, and how every single person felt the need to comment on how wonderful and beautiful Link's wife was
“He…he hurt me, James. On the eve of our wedding, we came to port here. Jack got drunk and cheated with Scarlet. I left him that night. I haven’t seen him up until now. Last I heard, he finally defeated Barbossa at Isla de Muerta.”
ZeldaQueen: (Norrington) "And are you seriously trying to suggest that you - who was left at the alter and cheated on - have it worse than I do?"
“I was there,” he answered. “I can’t say that I can’t give him credit for what he did.”
ZeldaQueen: What did that sentence mean?
“I can’t give him anything,” I muttered. “Not after he plunged a dagger into my heart and twisted it.”
ZeldaQueen: How many times are you going to use that stupid metaphor?
“Where have you been the last ten years?” he asked me.
ZeldaQueen: (Norrington) "And why couldn't you have stayed there?"
“I returned to Kingston Town shortly after leaving Jack,” I answered. “Kingston Town isn’t that far away from Port Royal, come to think of it.”
ZeldaQueen: (Kate) "Not sure why I pointed that out. I just need to bring up Port Royal somehow"
“Pity you didn’t return to Port Royal,” James sighed.
I looked at him, and giggled. “Good Lord, you’re still intent on arresting me?”
ZeldaQueen: Yes, it's so silly of a British officer to want to arrest a pirate.
The only reason he put up with piracy by way of Will and Jack was because they rescued Elizabeth. Even then, he still wanted to hang Jack. And I also get the feeling that Gethesemane has no idea what pirates in real life actually did. Here's a hint - they didn't look hot and make snarky comments twenty four-seven. They cut fingers off of people who couldn't remove rings fast enough. They killed innocent people. They raped people. There was good reason for Norrington to declare that he wanted all of them dead
“You’re still a pirate aren’t you?”
ZeldaQueen: Well, allegedly. It's not like she's done anything remotely piratey, besides that token resistance with the pistol/sword
“At the moment? I don’t have a choice – Sparrow blackmailed me into joining the crew.”
ZeldaQueen: After you willingly found and followed him onto the ship, don't forget that
“Again – it doesn’t surprise me.”
ZeldaQueen: (Norrington) "That man attracts Sues like bees to honey"
A moment of silence followed. I took a sip of my rum, but stopped upon hearing a faint, hoarse voice whisper my name.
It was crystal clear, as if the voice had been right at my ear, but when I glanced around, no one was there. And the voice didn’t belong to James.
ZeldaQueen: It was canon, cursing your name as it lay in its death throes
“What is it?” he asked.
“Nothing,” I replied, returning to the present. “I just thought I heard someone say my name.”
ZeldaQueen: Say my name, bitch!
And on that awkward note, we end this chapter
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Onward to: Chapter 6: Marked
Back to: Table of Contents
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter 5 - James Norrington
The familiar cocktail of idiocy, drunken brawls, and the ever-present street girls that was Tortuga was not easy to forget.
ZeldaQueen: Eh, I'm sure that with enough of said drunken brawls, you could easily forget your own name. Clearly, you haven't been trying hard enough
It had been nearly ten years since I had last visited the port with Jack, and it had not changed one bit.
ZeldaQueen: That's because the suethor is a hack writer who, as we saw in her Victoria Todd series, can't even be bothered to write a change in weather
As I stepped off of the ship and onto the dock, I felt someone place their hand on my shoulder.
ZeldaQueen: The M.A.R.Y.S.U.E. assassin who had stowed away finally caught up to her. Without a word, they decapitated the Sue and there was much rejoicing
Turning, I saw that Jack had come to stand behind me, his eyes set in a narrow glower.
ZeldaQueen: Narrow? Glower? What? I...I don't understand that, even though I'm sure that it's in English. Is that like how a sky glowers?
“Be careful around the men here,” he warned. “Keep a sharp eye and your pistol ready.”
ZeldaQueen: Y'know, I got the feeling that in canon, Jack would figure that if the Sue was so stupid as to not know to be careful in a place like this, she deserved to be attacked or raped
I glared at him. “The only man I have to be careful around is you.”
ZeldaQueen: (Sue) "You nearly slipped free of my control once already. I must focus, lest you make your escape"
As I made to turn and walk away, he grabbed my wrist. I whipped my head around,
ZeldaQueen: It fell off of her shoulders and rolled across the ground, where a drunken man took a piss on it
and struggled to jerk my hand away.
“Let go of me!” I hissed.
ZeldaQueen: Oh, aren't you so independent? *is bored*
“You think that you’re tough, Kate, but you’ll be at the mercy of any man foolish enough to try you,” he hissed in return. “You’re no match against a drunken brute.”
ZeldaQueen: So wait, she'd be at the mercy of a guy trying to rape her, yet it would be "foolish" of a guy to try to get her? Doesn't the latter imply that she'd be able to handle herself? What?
Although, I get the feeling that Jack is still fighting the Mary Sue mind control. "Listen bitch, I know what you're going to try to pull here. Don't go and pull that 'I'm a liberated woman and can do as I please' routine and get yourself landed in trouble. I'm not going to save your scrawny ass again".
“How dare you insinuate that I’m weak!”
ZeldaQueen: Yes, how dare he? It's not like you've had nothing but preferential treatment since the first page of this fic. It's not like you first showed up in your underwear, with nary a weapon. Gee, what is he thinking?
“I’m insinuating nothing. I’m giving you a warning for your own protection.”
ZeldaQueen: Don't waste your breath, Jack. We all know that the instant you stop paying attention, she'll get in over your head so that you can "valiantly" rescue her
“My protection? Since when does that matter? It didn’t matter last time, Sparrow, and it won’t matter now!”
ZeldaQueen: Y'know, the suethor really has no right to bitch about Meyer's right. That right there is almost a perfect copy of Bella stamping her feet and telling Edward "If you don't love me, why didn't you just let me get run over by a van?"
He still didn’t release me, but his grip had grown tighter. He pulled me against his chest and slammed his lips to mine, leaving me nearly breathless with the sudden contact and ferocity of the kiss. I knew that my lips would bruise.
ZeldaQueen: The fuck? Was he trying to headbutt her or something? How does one kiss so hard that one's lips bruise?
The fridge logic there has me so befuddled that I'm unable to think of a good Kiss Me, Kate joke
When at last he pulled away, his eyes pierced mine.
ZeldaQueen: And lo, the Sue was blinded!
“Be careful, Kate.”
ZeldaQueen: (Kate) "I'll do whatever I want, you bastard"
Jack never failed to confuse me. He was unpredictable, that much was for certain. He had hurt me, yet he still seemed to care for me.
ZeldaQueen: Because if a guy slips up and cheats on you, he clearly also won't care if you get raped or kidnapped or hurt or killed.
STEPHENIE MEYER!
And this is all only because Jack is warped out of character. If this were canon, he'd be perfectly happy to let the Sue wander off
As I entered a nearby tavern on a street corner, my eyes came to rest on a man sitting in the far corner. His dark hair fell about his shoulders, and he looked unkempt. Upon looking closer, however, I recognized him immediately: James Norrington.
ZeldaQueen: Well, that's a pretty way of saying that he was absolutely filthy, drunk as a lord, and sleeping with the pigs.
And please tell me that there's a reason that the Sue can recognize Norrington by sight when Mr. Gibbs, who sailed under him, couldn't. And why the Sue stumbled across him in the first two seconds of her arrival
“James?”
ZeldaQueen: Now I'll admit my knowledge of etiquette for the time period isn't the best, but isn't that a bit forward? Shouldn't she call him "Mr. Norrington"? Elizabeth clearly knew him for some time in the first movie, and she called him that
He looked up at me, but didn’t smile.
ZeldaQueen: (Norrington) "Great, another Mary Sue. Like things weren't bad enough already"
“Miss Kate Morgan,” he said as he motioned to a seat next to him. “It’s been ten years, hasn’t it?”
ZeldaQueen: She knew him ten years ago, and he's being so polite while he's slobbering drunk and disgraced. I'd imagine that he'd be more likely to not recognize her, or tell her to piss off
“What are you doing in Tortuga? I thought you were with the Royal Navy.”
He scoffed. “Why bother? I made the mistake of letting Captain Sparrow get a head start – never caught up with that bloody Pearl.”
ZeldaQueen: I love how she's just speeding through everything. There's a bit more to it than that, Gethesemane, dear. Norrington tried to chase Sparrow through a freaking hurricane. He even says "I chased a man across the Seven Seas. The pursuit cost me my crew, my commission, and my life". He lead people to their deaths. His ship was destroyed. He lost his commission and was left in total disgrace.
And here, he's like "Meh, the dude got away. FML"
“He’s here now.”
His eyebrow quirked, and his interest was peaked. “Of course, it doesn’t surprise me.”
ZeldaQueen: Um, he tried to kill Sparrow in the movie. Why would he be so nonchalant
I shrugged as I downed a pint of rum.
ZeldaQueen: Where did that come from?
“What happened between you and Sparrow? Tales were circulating throughout the Caribbean that the captain had finally found a woman.”
ZeldaQueen: WHY DOES HE CARE?
Seriously, Suethor, there's a lot of more important things going on here than Jack Sparrow's latest squeeze. Seriously, this is reminding me of My Inner Life, and how every single person felt the need to comment on how wonderful and beautiful Link's wife was
“He…he hurt me, James. On the eve of our wedding, we came to port here. Jack got drunk and cheated with Scarlet. I left him that night. I haven’t seen him up until now. Last I heard, he finally defeated Barbossa at Isla de Muerta.”
ZeldaQueen: (Norrington) "And are you seriously trying to suggest that you - who was left at the alter and cheated on - have it worse than I do?"
“I was there,” he answered. “I can’t say that I can’t give him credit for what he did.”
ZeldaQueen: What did that sentence mean?
“I can’t give him anything,” I muttered. “Not after he plunged a dagger into my heart and twisted it.”
ZeldaQueen: How many times are you going to use that stupid metaphor?
“Where have you been the last ten years?” he asked me.
ZeldaQueen: (Norrington) "And why couldn't you have stayed there?"
“I returned to Kingston Town shortly after leaving Jack,” I answered. “Kingston Town isn’t that far away from Port Royal, come to think of it.”
ZeldaQueen: (Kate) "Not sure why I pointed that out. I just need to bring up Port Royal somehow"
“Pity you didn’t return to Port Royal,” James sighed.
I looked at him, and giggled. “Good Lord, you’re still intent on arresting me?”
ZeldaQueen: Yes, it's so silly of a British officer to want to arrest a pirate.
The only reason he put up with piracy by way of Will and Jack was because they rescued Elizabeth. Even then, he still wanted to hang Jack. And I also get the feeling that Gethesemane has no idea what pirates in real life actually did. Here's a hint - they didn't look hot and make snarky comments twenty four-seven. They cut fingers off of people who couldn't remove rings fast enough. They killed innocent people. They raped people. There was good reason for Norrington to declare that he wanted all of them dead
“You’re still a pirate aren’t you?”
ZeldaQueen: Well, allegedly. It's not like she's done anything remotely piratey, besides that token resistance with the pistol/sword
“At the moment? I don’t have a choice – Sparrow blackmailed me into joining the crew.”
ZeldaQueen: After you willingly found and followed him onto the ship, don't forget that
“Again – it doesn’t surprise me.”
ZeldaQueen: (Norrington) "That man attracts Sues like bees to honey"
A moment of silence followed. I took a sip of my rum, but stopped upon hearing a faint, hoarse voice whisper my name.
It was crystal clear, as if the voice had been right at my ear, but when I glanced around, no one was there. And the voice didn’t belong to James.
ZeldaQueen: It was canon, cursing your name as it lay in its death throes
“What is it?” he asked.
“Nothing,” I replied, returning to the present. “I just thought I heard someone say my name.”
ZeldaQueen: Say my name, bitch!
And on that awkward note, we end this chapter
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Onward to: Chapter 6: Marked
Back to: Table of Contents
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MOD POST: "Heart of the Sea" Spork has officially been PASSED!
Date: 2010-12-02 07:47 pm (UTC)Re: MOD POST: "Heart of the Sea" Spork has officially been PASSED!
Date: 2010-12-02 07:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-02 08:45 pm (UTC)Also, I'm becoming increasingly convinced that Gethsemene really IS Stephenie Meyer.
It's worth noting that Port Royal no longer exists, having been "destroyed by an earthquake in 1692 and subsequent fires, hurricanes, flooding, epidemics and another earthquake in 1907." (Personally, I think that the Sue Assassins decided that the total annihilation of the port was the only way to save the world from POTC Sues.)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-02 11:57 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-03 12:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-02 11:03 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-03 02:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-03 02:27 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-03 08:01 am (UTC)Sue, people have seen the movies. Even dead people know who the MYSTERIOUS DISEMBODIED VOICE belongs to xP
(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-03 01:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-03 06:02 pm (UTC)A pint. Of RUM.
Head, meet keyboard. Keyboard, this is head. *headkeyboard*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-04 04:37 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-24 06:45 pm (UTC)Even if we leave the alcohol poisoning thing alone for a while, downing a pint of rum in one go would still be physically impossible. I mean, I do love rum, but it's strong stuff and it burns your throat like nobody's business if your drink it undiluted. Even if the 17th-century hedge rum - unlike the Captain Morgan I keep in my cabinet - wasn't exactly 40% proof, the Sue would still choke or puke all over herself before she was halfway through the pint.
You're doing an amazing job, BTW - I wholeheartedly salute you for sporking this pile o'dreck.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-24 08:03 pm (UTC)And thanks again. ^^; It gets mighty repetitive, but I'm trying to keep it funny. Glad you like it.
*dies*
Date: 2013-05-15 07:08 pm (UTC)Also, considering the geographical inaccuracies generated by Meyer and this strikingly similar suethor Gethesemane, I read "Kingston Town" and had to do a double take. *checks google earth* Initially I assumed she meant "Royal Borough of Kingston" in England. *facepalms* Either way, it made me feel unclean, since I grew up in that borough.
Then I did a wikipedia search:
"Kingston was founded in July 1692 as a place for refugees and survivors of the 1692 earthquake that destroyed Port Royal. Before the earthquake, Kingston’s functions were purely agricultural... The town did not begin to grow until after the further destruction of Port Royal by the Nick Catania Pirate Fleet's fire in 1703."
So unless the suethor is suggesting that what's-her-face spent ten years working on a plantation of some kind, I have a feeling there is a minor fail in research. Or more likely, she's just assuming that they're just all pirate towns that look like Tortuga and have all sorts of nasty business going on there for her to angst about. My gut instinct says it's the latter.