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zelda_queenZeldaQueen: Right. You know that thing suethors do, when they have their characters figure out the key points of the plot really early and are forced to come up with weak reasons to waffle and stall action, just to pad out things? ...Guess what happens here?
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Chapter 32: Mauraders And Maps
ZeldaQueen: So, after that crap of a cliffhanger, we find out that classes have been canceled the next day for the teachers to put more defenses on the place. That doesn't make much sense, but whatever. The suethor needs an excuse for everyone to be freed up and be told about how Sirius is innocent.
And that is precisely what Holly does. Oh, by "everyone", I mean "Holly's group of toadies", by the way. What? You thought she'd tell Dumbledore or someone in a position to do something? You deluded fools.
Of course, everyone readily accepts that Sirius is telling the truth and not magically controlling Holly or anything. We get another stupid callback to that time when Millicent checked his privates as she angsts over that. SUETHOR, THAT WAS NOT FUNNY THE FIRST TIME AROUND! LEAVE IT TO DIE! Anyway, Sirius comes in and everyone is all quiet and don't act a thing like the children of Death Eaters who are meeting a dude who allegedly was Voldemort's right-hand man. The suethor beats us over the head with how Sirius is clean and shiny and not deranged-looking and, for further emphasis, has Luna mentally going on about how hot he looks. Oh, as if! Anyway, see for yourself.
"Sirius was dressed in a simple pair of pants and shirt, his hair brushed and falling softly over his shoulders. He had filled out and was healthy looking, finally up to a decent weight from all the food they were filching for him. The man was even smiling pleasantly at them, seemingly very pleased to finally meet them in human form. All told, he was rather ordinary looking, no insane expression or crazy eyes. Certainly, her godfather was quite attractive, something that Luna was fond of thinking rather loudly, but he looked like a normal person. Nothing at all like a man on the run from the Ministry should"
ZeldaQueen: This is just more canon bashing, I just know it.
So everyone starts licking his boots, metaphorically speaking, and Millicent and Pansy just won't shut up about that cat incident before! Oh, and everyone refers to him as "Lord Black", which is extremely annoying and just brings back unpleasant memories of Time to Fix the Mistakes, specifically how everyone in the wizarding world is apparently aristocracy, complete with manors. And really, if someone referred to canon Sirius as "lord", he'd laugh in their face.
Suffice to say this entire thing is painful to read and really Mary Sue. Millicent does call Holly out on "this habit of keeping everything to yourself", but it's clearly done it a cutesy way and it's very obvious that no one is bothered that she's a secretive bitch. Gavin is the only one with half a brain and is the first to ask how Sirius escaped and how he knew that Scabbers was Pettigrew. Luna delivers a cliff notes version of the canon explanation, which is very stupid because first of all, we were never told that the Weasleys won the Galleon drawing and had their picture taken in Egypt, thus it's turned from a Chekov's gun into an asspull and second of all, could you please let Sirius tell his story? I know it's hard, since you want to make Luna allMary Sue wise beyond her years, but it doesn't work.
Sirius tells her she got it right, and adds on about his being an Animagus and slipping through the bars in one sentence. One sentence, completely drained of all emotion. The determination he felt to save his goddaughter? The subtext that he was only able to escape because he was so starved? The fact that being an Animagus and knowing he was innocent was the only reason he wasn't stark raving nuts like everyone else? Nope, not there are all. Sorry. Instead, we get Theo going on about how clever Holly was about her reaction to the black dog image in her teacup, and how it was a "[j]olly good joke on that crackpot though". Because we are British by God, may He save the Queen! Oh, and there's some non sequitor about how Holly thinks Theo has a nice smile. That's disgusting, suethor. You can't explore the love and devotion and despair Sirius went through in Azkaban, but you can throw in a clumsy hint that your Sue has a thing for one of her friends? LORD!
Everyone suddenly remembers that the real mass murderer is in the castle and start planning to get him. And this is where my head starts to hurt, mainly from whacking it against the wall.
Alrighty, ladies and gents, you all remember The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner, how she pretty much knew the plot in the first quarter and couldn't grasp what was going on? Or Rose Potter, how she knew the plot by the first damned chapter but found excuses to not get Scabbers? Well, that's what we're going to get here. The suethor has handed the characters every little detail they'd need to stop the plot, but as smart and strong as they're supposed to be, it's going to be a boatload of chapters before they can steal one fucking rat. So, to make this easier to get through, let's take a leaf from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
white_wolf03 and have a drinking game! For every plot hole, contrivance, and general moments of stupidity generated by the suethor trying to pad the plot, take a shot! When this story arc is over, drain the bottle you're on and break it over your head. With any luck, it'll cause you to lose all memories of this terrible fic. Alrighty, hardhats on and drinks in hand! You ready?
Okay. So. Millicent comes to the logical conclusion that they all need to go after Peter to turn him in. Sirius tells them no, that he and Holly (of course) are the only ones who can go after the rat, because if too many people are in on it, it will raise suspicions. Even though having multiple people helping out would probably make things go faster. \~/
Theo asks how they'll be getting Pettigrew. Hmm, they have a ton of magical options at their disposal. Will they be Summoning him? Using the invisibility cloak to sneak it? Magically turn Sirius into a kitten so he can sneak in? Use Polyjuice Potion?
Riddle says that they need to get Ron's confidence first. \~/ When Holly suggests that they wait until he's got Scabbers on him so they can Summon and stun the rat, Riddle says that there are "obvious flaws". Malfoy elaborates that it means that they'll have to spend time befriending Ron (something which Malfoy treats like HORRIBLE torture) wait for God-knows-how-long until Ron has Pettigrew with him, and need someone to be a distraction so Ron won't try to get his pet back. Instead of, you know, convincing Ron that his pet is a murderer in disguise, wrestling the thing away for a few minutes, and magically showing him the truth, like in canon. \~/ \~/
Holly says that she'll be the one to befriend Ron, and keeps whining and moaning about it. Just shut up, you stupid bitch! Daphne asks why one of them just doesn't sneak into Gryffindor Tower. Riddle sniffs and turns up his nose (yes, really) and says that there's probably extra security, plus it didn't work when Sirius tried it before. So clearly, no variation of that plan could possibly work, even if you substitute the well-recognized murderer sneaking in with a teenager who's clearly a student there. \~/ And also, keep in mind that they make no effort to see if there is indeed extra security measure placed on the entrance to the Gryffindor Tower. \~/ The section ends with Luna putting it as "you'll have to put up with them. Make nice with them for at least a little while" and Holly scowls and swears. That's right, the idea of being nice to three people for a few weeks is that repulsive for her. Take a drink, just to numb the pain. \~/
Holly's usual bitchy behavior is full force in the next section, with her going on about how it's impossible to get into Gryffindor Tower since Sir Cadogan is now guarding it. Um, suethor? It was because Sir Cadogan was guarding the place that Sirius got in to begin with. All you'd have to do is get a hold of the password and he'd let you in, no matter how suspicious you look...oh fuck it. \~/ In another wallbanger, Holly complains because "Hermione's monster of a cat" keeps going after Pettigrew and thus the rat won't leave the Common Room. Why is that a wallbanger? BECAUSE THE REASON CROOKSHANKS ACTIVELY WENT AFTER THE RAT IN CANON WAS BECAUSE SIRIUS TOLD HIM TO!!!!! THEY WERE IN CAHOOTS! HE WOULD BRING PETTIGREW STRAIGHT TO SIRIUS! EITHER WAY, HOLLY WOULD WIN! WHY IS SHE BITCHING? GOD!!! \~/ \~/
Holly thus has to try a tactic she is "loath to use" - being nice to the Gryffindors. Yes, I know Holly. It must be so difficult to you to be nice to someone for any amount of time in your pathetic life. And you know, it really does make it hard for me to sympathize with you when you say things like this.
"They, of course, made even this small task exceedingly difficult. Ron and Hermione insisted on being their insufferable selves. The former had finally ended his detentions with Professor Snape, now sulking around the castle like a kicked dog, too wary of more punishment to do anything else. The latter, in turn, insisted that they use the Time Turners together, something that Holly avoided whenever possible"
ZeldaQueen: Yes Holly, how dare Ron be "insufferable" to you! You and your little friends only did your damnedest to sabotage his work and completely humiliate him, leading to him being a laughingstock and getting severely punished. It's just his own fault he doesn't like you after that! After all, you've been the paragon of friendliness and kindness towards him after all of this time!
And how dare Hermione want to use the Time Turners with you! The evil girl! After all, it's not like you just took five minutes to tell her you weren't interested instead of skulking around, resenting her for wanting to do something nice with you! That's right up there with kicking puppies, requests like that.
Bitch.
Anyway, Holly decides that since Neville kissed her butt and does what she wants, he remains "the only remotely reasonable one". That, coupled with the fact that she thinks he's the most likely one she can use makes her decide to be nice to him mostly. Again, bitch.
Oh, and we get the motherload of contrivances.
"Of course, Fred and George could have simply brought her Pettigrew if they really felt like it, but Sirius especially had warned them away from that plan. The Slytherins would have to tell the Weasley twins the truth about what was going on, especially since they would be putting their lives in danger. After all, Pettigrew was still very much a Death Eater, and he could easily kill them if he felt threatened enough"
ZeldaQueen: Yes, because it's not like Fred and George in this warped canon wouldn't just steal Ron's rat for the hell of it if Holly asked them to. It's not like she probably couldn't bat her eyes at them and say "Hey, let's be mean to Ron and steal his pet!" and they'd go "Sure!". And Pettigrew could kill them? Erm, no. Pettigrew was a coward who ran and hid. He blew up the street to create a diversion. He killed Cedric on Voldemort's orders. It's hardly like he killed Ron in canon when it looked like he was going to be caught by Sirius. For this idiocy, dear viewers, I say take three drinks. \~/\~/\~/
We're then told in summarized form about the students speculating on how Sirius got into the castle and the suethor puts a very condescending slant on the narration by stealing Hermione's thunder and saying that the people who suspected Apparation never read Hogwarts: A History and were pretty much dumbasses. The teachers, meanwhile, assume that Sirius was going after Holly and figured she was in Gryffindor. Because it's not like he'd have spied or looked in records or something. Gah.
We also learn that Percy and the Slytherin prefects are following around Holly to make sure she's safe and she responds by - how else - being a condescending bitch about it. Basically it's a rehash of the previous year, when she threw fits because how dare the teachers take necessary measures for her safety and wellbeing? Don't they know that she knows best?
There's a pointless paragraph about Holly practicing controlling her telekinesis, which is also infuriating since she casually reminds us of how it was used when she attacked Lockhart before.
Remember that class in which Snape taught and was a bastard and gave the essay on full moons? Well, Holly figures out right away that it's because Snape is trying to trick everyone into discovering Lupin's nature and that he thinks that Lupin is helping Sirius enter the castle. She shows no anger or hurt that her beloved Head of House is trying to destroy the reputation of Lupin.
Speaking of Lupin, Sirius refuses to let his old friend in on the Pettigrew secret for...some reason or another. No idea why, especially since, as a teacher, Lupin could supply them with the Gryffindor password. Or order Ron to hand over the rat. Or tell Dumbledore the truth so he could get a hold of the rat. Holly and her friends agree that Lupin needs to be in the fold, so they'll eventually tell him...in a few months. \~/\~/
On to Quiddich updates, and yes Holly is a bitch about that as well. Are you surprised, even? She complains about Madame Hooch watching the games (beware Holly, she might bite off your nipple!), she complains about Titania trying to spend time with her after practices, and she complains because Flint is pressuring her to get a new broom. In canon, Harry didn't want to get a new broom because his old one was like a friend and he couldn't think of any way to replace it. In this, Holly doesn't buy one because Blaise and Malfoy hint to her that it'd be better if she waits. Because heaven forbid people aren't going out every minute to get the Sue something nice.
We're now at December, and yes this is going fast, but I don't care since it means we're going to end sooner. Apparently Holly is starting to be friends with Neville, but this is slowed by Neville feeling "exceptionally guilty" *slaps the suethor for piddling on Neville's character* Lupin also has promised Holly (offstage) to help her learn to repel Dementors, which loses its importance because we were never told about the shame and humiliation she feels by being affected by them. Instead, she just sounds irritated.
Holly is also given the map and...I am amazed at how successfully the suethor ruins that scene. Here. This is seriously all that we get on her being given it.
"Her situation further began to improve shortly before winter break when the Weasley twins took her aside one morning. In their usual stilted, double speaking fashion, the pair tried to cheer her up, actually succeeding when they handed her an odd piece of parchment. And a whirlwind of a conversation later, Holly had in her personal possession the infamous Marauder's Map, the very same creation that Sirius had told her about weeks ago. It was only through some bizarre miracle that the Weasley twins hadn't spotted Snuffles on there, but then, Slytherin's secret corridors weren't featured. The only time they could have possibly noticed was during the Welcoming Feast or Halloween. Sirius himself was amazed when she showed it to him, saying that it had been lost to Filch in his final month of school and he had thought the map long destroyed by now"
ZeldaQueen: I don't think I can properly sum up the idiocy and blandness of that. I'll let you guys handle it. All I'll say is why is this what the chapter is named after if you just fly by it?
So Holly doesn't immediately use the map to sneak to Hogsmeade because she'sbetter than Harry busy having fun using it to spy on people. Yes, really. And she is an ungrateful brat and uses it to avoid the folks who are trying to protect her. How sweet.
So it's now holiday break and Holly has decided to stay at the school, for a variety of reasons which are supposed to be heartwarming (being with Lupin, keeping Sirius company, etc), but are just bland because it's all summarized. Apparently there's a plague of Black Death going around or something, because besides Holly, Theo, and Luna, the only other students there are two first years and Hermione.
*receives a note from Research Folks*
Eh, that low student body thing is canon. Never mind. Anyway, the suethor quickly uses the opportunity to dump on Hermione, going on about how she's all tired and strained from going through time so much. Not Holly! She's justa Sue that awesome! We're also told that Hermione is clearly having a breakdown of some sort, but "Holly didn't feel the least bit sorry for her, mostly because she had brought it on herself".
MY GOD YOU'RE A HORRIBLE BITCH!!!!!
Seriously folks, if that was her, she'd want twenty million people holding her hand and tending to her needs and wants and keeping her comfortable! She can't spare a bit of pity because Hermione was overly ambitious? At least she took the classes because she wanted to learn! Holly only took them to get the Time Turner!
Anyway, Holly is off to visit Lupin and barges right into the room while he's in his office. Dumbledore is also in the office and she overhears their conversation like the good little eavesdropper she is. Apparently Lupin is angsting, presumably over telling her that he's a werewolf, and there's a lot of praising of how she's clever, looks like her parents, and so on. Holly, determined not to get caught, backs out of the office as Dumbledore leaves and goes to visit Lupin. And she also decides that she won't tell him she's a Mind Mage like she was planning, because it just might be too much for his delicate nerves.
One scene jump later, and Holly, Luna, and Theo decide to visit Hagrid, mainly because they're bored. They certainly haven't been seeing him any other times. This is, of course, the point where Hagrid has found out that Buckbeak is to be put on trial and Holly is very condescending about his grief. Surprisingly, we still get the note that Lucius has signed the letter. For some reason, Neville's grandmother's signature is there as well, even though she wasn't on the board of governors. I don't approve. Augusta Longbottom was an awesome woman who wore a stuffed vulture hat and fought Death Eaters. Leave her alone!
The first thing Holly thinks about is how Buckbeak technically did attack Malfoy, but decides that he doesn't deserve death for that. Theo, meanwhile, milks attention by sitting as far from Buckbeak as possible. We're also told that Buckbeak is eying Hagrid with disdain, which is stupid. Buckbeak freaking loved Hagrid.
Hagrid rightly brings up that it was Lucius who brought on this thing and Holly sets about trying to defend Lucius and the suethor writes Hagrid's dialogue like he's a five-year-old. Hagrid jumps to the conclusion that Holly and her friends will help out with proving Buckbeak is innocent. Oh buddy, are you mixed up! Because of course, her reaction is "why things like this always seemed to happen to her". I really do hate her.
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AN: Great Maker,
ZeldaQueen: STOP WITH THAT PHRASE!
Seriously, I hate suethors who talk like they're in their own fanfictions. It's annoying enough in there
an update less than a month after the last one! Surely, the apocalypse is upon us!
ZeldaQueen: Hmm, War, Pestilence, Disease, Famine, and Child of Grace. Yep, that sounds about right
Actually, this is a little later than I intended, but I was on vacation and wasn't really in a writing mood for Harry Potter. Bleach, on the other hand, is an entirely different matter.
ZeldaQueen: I'm thanking my lucky stars I'm not in the Bleach fandom, or else I might be tempted to go after that as well
Onward to: Chapter 33: Wolf In The Fold
Back to: Chapter 31: Grim Mistakes
Return to: Table of Contents
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Chapter 32: Mauraders And Maps
ZeldaQueen: So, after that crap of a cliffhanger, we find out that classes have been canceled the next day for the teachers to put more defenses on the place. That doesn't make much sense, but whatever. The suethor needs an excuse for everyone to be freed up and be told about how Sirius is innocent.
And that is precisely what Holly does. Oh, by "everyone", I mean "Holly's group of toadies", by the way. What? You thought she'd tell Dumbledore or someone in a position to do something? You deluded fools.
Of course, everyone readily accepts that Sirius is telling the truth and not magically controlling Holly or anything. We get another stupid callback to that time when Millicent checked his privates as she angsts over that. SUETHOR, THAT WAS NOT FUNNY THE FIRST TIME AROUND! LEAVE IT TO DIE! Anyway, Sirius comes in and everyone is all quiet and don't act a thing like the children of Death Eaters who are meeting a dude who allegedly was Voldemort's right-hand man. The suethor beats us over the head with how Sirius is clean and shiny and not deranged-looking and, for further emphasis, has Luna mentally going on about how hot he looks. Oh, as if! Anyway, see for yourself.
"Sirius was dressed in a simple pair of pants and shirt, his hair brushed and falling softly over his shoulders. He had filled out and was healthy looking, finally up to a decent weight from all the food they were filching for him. The man was even smiling pleasantly at them, seemingly very pleased to finally meet them in human form. All told, he was rather ordinary looking, no insane expression or crazy eyes. Certainly, her godfather was quite attractive, something that Luna was fond of thinking rather loudly, but he looked like a normal person. Nothing at all like a man on the run from the Ministry should"
ZeldaQueen: This is just more canon bashing, I just know it.
So everyone starts licking his boots, metaphorically speaking, and Millicent and Pansy just won't shut up about that cat incident before! Oh, and everyone refers to him as "Lord Black", which is extremely annoying and just brings back unpleasant memories of Time to Fix the Mistakes, specifically how everyone in the wizarding world is apparently aristocracy, complete with manors. And really, if someone referred to canon Sirius as "lord", he'd laugh in their face.
Suffice to say this entire thing is painful to read and really Mary Sue. Millicent does call Holly out on "this habit of keeping everything to yourself", but it's clearly done it a cutesy way and it's very obvious that no one is bothered that she's a secretive bitch. Gavin is the only one with half a brain and is the first to ask how Sirius escaped and how he knew that Scabbers was Pettigrew. Luna delivers a cliff notes version of the canon explanation, which is very stupid because first of all, we were never told that the Weasleys won the Galleon drawing and had their picture taken in Egypt, thus it's turned from a Chekov's gun into an asspull and second of all, could you please let Sirius tell his story? I know it's hard, since you want to make Luna all
Sirius tells her she got it right, and adds on about his being an Animagus and slipping through the bars in one sentence. One sentence, completely drained of all emotion. The determination he felt to save his goddaughter? The subtext that he was only able to escape because he was so starved? The fact that being an Animagus and knowing he was innocent was the only reason he wasn't stark raving nuts like everyone else? Nope, not there are all. Sorry. Instead, we get Theo going on about how clever Holly was about her reaction to the black dog image in her teacup, and how it was a "[j]olly good joke on that crackpot though". Because we are British by God, may He save the Queen! Oh, and there's some non sequitor about how Holly thinks Theo has a nice smile. That's disgusting, suethor. You can't explore the love and devotion and despair Sirius went through in Azkaban, but you can throw in a clumsy hint that your Sue has a thing for one of her friends? LORD!
Everyone suddenly remembers that the real mass murderer is in the castle and start planning to get him. And this is where my head starts to hurt, mainly from whacking it against the wall.
Alrighty, ladies and gents, you all remember The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner, how she pretty much knew the plot in the first quarter and couldn't grasp what was going on? Or Rose Potter, how she knew the plot by the first damned chapter but found excuses to not get Scabbers? Well, that's what we're going to get here. The suethor has handed the characters every little detail they'd need to stop the plot, but as smart and strong as they're supposed to be, it's going to be a boatload of chapters before they can steal one fucking rat. So, to make this easier to get through, let's take a leaf from
white_wolf03 and have a drinking game! For every plot hole, contrivance, and general moments of stupidity generated by the suethor trying to pad the plot, take a shot! When this story arc is over, drain the bottle you're on and break it over your head. With any luck, it'll cause you to lose all memories of this terrible fic. Alrighty, hardhats on and drinks in hand! You ready?Okay. So. Millicent comes to the logical conclusion that they all need to go after Peter to turn him in. Sirius tells them no, that he and Holly (of course) are the only ones who can go after the rat, because if too many people are in on it, it will raise suspicions. Even though having multiple people helping out would probably make things go faster. \~/
Theo asks how they'll be getting Pettigrew. Hmm, they have a ton of magical options at their disposal. Will they be Summoning him? Using the invisibility cloak to sneak it? Magically turn Sirius into a kitten so he can sneak in? Use Polyjuice Potion?
Riddle says that they need to get Ron's confidence first. \~/ When Holly suggests that they wait until he's got Scabbers on him so they can Summon and stun the rat, Riddle says that there are "obvious flaws". Malfoy elaborates that it means that they'll have to spend time befriending Ron (something which Malfoy treats like HORRIBLE torture) wait for God-knows-how-long until Ron has Pettigrew with him, and need someone to be a distraction so Ron won't try to get his pet back. Instead of, you know, convincing Ron that his pet is a murderer in disguise, wrestling the thing away for a few minutes, and magically showing him the truth, like in canon. \~/ \~/
Holly says that she'll be the one to befriend Ron, and keeps whining and moaning about it. Just shut up, you stupid bitch! Daphne asks why one of them just doesn't sneak into Gryffindor Tower. Riddle sniffs and turns up his nose (yes, really) and says that there's probably extra security, plus it didn't work when Sirius tried it before. So clearly, no variation of that plan could possibly work, even if you substitute the well-recognized murderer sneaking in with a teenager who's clearly a student there. \~/ And also, keep in mind that they make no effort to see if there is indeed extra security measure placed on the entrance to the Gryffindor Tower. \~/ The section ends with Luna putting it as "you'll have to put up with them. Make nice with them for at least a little while" and Holly scowls and swears. That's right, the idea of being nice to three people for a few weeks is that repulsive for her. Take a drink, just to numb the pain. \~/
Holly's usual bitchy behavior is full force in the next section, with her going on about how it's impossible to get into Gryffindor Tower since Sir Cadogan is now guarding it. Um, suethor? It was because Sir Cadogan was guarding the place that Sirius got in to begin with. All you'd have to do is get a hold of the password and he'd let you in, no matter how suspicious you look...oh fuck it. \~/ In another wallbanger, Holly complains because "Hermione's monster of a cat" keeps going after Pettigrew and thus the rat won't leave the Common Room. Why is that a wallbanger? BECAUSE THE REASON CROOKSHANKS ACTIVELY WENT AFTER THE RAT IN CANON WAS BECAUSE SIRIUS TOLD HIM TO!!!!! THEY WERE IN CAHOOTS! HE WOULD BRING PETTIGREW STRAIGHT TO SIRIUS! EITHER WAY, HOLLY WOULD WIN! WHY IS SHE BITCHING? GOD!!! \~/ \~/
Holly thus has to try a tactic she is "loath to use" - being nice to the Gryffindors. Yes, I know Holly. It must be so difficult to you to be nice to someone for any amount of time in your pathetic life. And you know, it really does make it hard for me to sympathize with you when you say things like this.
"They, of course, made even this small task exceedingly difficult. Ron and Hermione insisted on being their insufferable selves. The former had finally ended his detentions with Professor Snape, now sulking around the castle like a kicked dog, too wary of more punishment to do anything else. The latter, in turn, insisted that they use the Time Turners together, something that Holly avoided whenever possible"
ZeldaQueen: Yes Holly, how dare Ron be "insufferable" to you! You and your little friends only did your damnedest to sabotage his work and completely humiliate him, leading to him being a laughingstock and getting severely punished. It's just his own fault he doesn't like you after that! After all, you've been the paragon of friendliness and kindness towards him after all of this time!
And how dare Hermione want to use the Time Turners with you! The evil girl! After all, it's not like you just took five minutes to tell her you weren't interested instead of skulking around, resenting her for wanting to do something nice with you! That's right up there with kicking puppies, requests like that.
Bitch.
Anyway, Holly decides that since Neville kissed her butt and does what she wants, he remains "the only remotely reasonable one". That, coupled with the fact that she thinks he's the most likely one she can use makes her decide to be nice to him mostly. Again, bitch.
Oh, and we get the motherload of contrivances.
"Of course, Fred and George could have simply brought her Pettigrew if they really felt like it, but Sirius especially had warned them away from that plan. The Slytherins would have to tell the Weasley twins the truth about what was going on, especially since they would be putting their lives in danger. After all, Pettigrew was still very much a Death Eater, and he could easily kill them if he felt threatened enough"
ZeldaQueen: Yes, because it's not like Fred and George in this warped canon wouldn't just steal Ron's rat for the hell of it if Holly asked them to. It's not like she probably couldn't bat her eyes at them and say "Hey, let's be mean to Ron and steal his pet!" and they'd go "Sure!". And Pettigrew could kill them? Erm, no. Pettigrew was a coward who ran and hid. He blew up the street to create a diversion. He killed Cedric on Voldemort's orders. It's hardly like he killed Ron in canon when it looked like he was going to be caught by Sirius. For this idiocy, dear viewers, I say take three drinks. \~/\~/\~/
We're then told in summarized form about the students speculating on how Sirius got into the castle and the suethor puts a very condescending slant on the narration by stealing Hermione's thunder and saying that the people who suspected Apparation never read Hogwarts: A History and were pretty much dumbasses. The teachers, meanwhile, assume that Sirius was going after Holly and figured she was in Gryffindor. Because it's not like he'd have spied or looked in records or something. Gah.
We also learn that Percy and the Slytherin prefects are following around Holly to make sure she's safe and she responds by - how else - being a condescending bitch about it. Basically it's a rehash of the previous year, when she threw fits because how dare the teachers take necessary measures for her safety and wellbeing? Don't they know that she knows best?
There's a pointless paragraph about Holly practicing controlling her telekinesis, which is also infuriating since she casually reminds us of how it was used when she attacked Lockhart before.
Remember that class in which Snape taught and was a bastard and gave the essay on full moons? Well, Holly figures out right away that it's because Snape is trying to trick everyone into discovering Lupin's nature and that he thinks that Lupin is helping Sirius enter the castle. She shows no anger or hurt that her beloved Head of House is trying to destroy the reputation of Lupin.
Speaking of Lupin, Sirius refuses to let his old friend in on the Pettigrew secret for...some reason or another. No idea why, especially since, as a teacher, Lupin could supply them with the Gryffindor password. Or order Ron to hand over the rat. Or tell Dumbledore the truth so he could get a hold of the rat. Holly and her friends agree that Lupin needs to be in the fold, so they'll eventually tell him...in a few months. \~/\~/
On to Quiddich updates, and yes Holly is a bitch about that as well. Are you surprised, even? She complains about Madame Hooch watching the games (beware Holly, she might bite off your nipple!), she complains about Titania trying to spend time with her after practices, and she complains because Flint is pressuring her to get a new broom. In canon, Harry didn't want to get a new broom because his old one was like a friend and he couldn't think of any way to replace it. In this, Holly doesn't buy one because Blaise and Malfoy hint to her that it'd be better if she waits. Because heaven forbid people aren't going out every minute to get the Sue something nice.
We're now at December, and yes this is going fast, but I don't care since it means we're going to end sooner. Apparently Holly is starting to be friends with Neville, but this is slowed by Neville feeling "exceptionally guilty" *slaps the suethor for piddling on Neville's character* Lupin also has promised Holly (offstage) to help her learn to repel Dementors, which loses its importance because we were never told about the shame and humiliation she feels by being affected by them. Instead, she just sounds irritated.
Holly is also given the map and...I am amazed at how successfully the suethor ruins that scene. Here. This is seriously all that we get on her being given it.
"Her situation further began to improve shortly before winter break when the Weasley twins took her aside one morning. In their usual stilted, double speaking fashion, the pair tried to cheer her up, actually succeeding when they handed her an odd piece of parchment. And a whirlwind of a conversation later, Holly had in her personal possession the infamous Marauder's Map, the very same creation that Sirius had told her about weeks ago. It was only through some bizarre miracle that the Weasley twins hadn't spotted Snuffles on there, but then, Slytherin's secret corridors weren't featured. The only time they could have possibly noticed was during the Welcoming Feast or Halloween. Sirius himself was amazed when she showed it to him, saying that it had been lost to Filch in his final month of school and he had thought the map long destroyed by now"
ZeldaQueen: I don't think I can properly sum up the idiocy and blandness of that. I'll let you guys handle it. All I'll say is why is this what the chapter is named after if you just fly by it?
So Holly doesn't immediately use the map to sneak to Hogsmeade because she's
So it's now holiday break and Holly has decided to stay at the school, for a variety of reasons which are supposed to be heartwarming (being with Lupin, keeping Sirius company, etc), but are just bland because it's all summarized. Apparently there's a plague of Black Death going around or something, because besides Holly, Theo, and Luna, the only other students there are two first years and Hermione.
*receives a note from Research Folks*
Eh, that low student body thing is canon. Never mind. Anyway, the suethor quickly uses the opportunity to dump on Hermione, going on about how she's all tired and strained from going through time so much. Not Holly! She's just
MY GOD YOU'RE A HORRIBLE BITCH!!!!!
Seriously folks, if that was her, she'd want twenty million people holding her hand and tending to her needs and wants and keeping her comfortable! She can't spare a bit of pity because Hermione was overly ambitious? At least she took the classes because she wanted to learn! Holly only took them to get the Time Turner!
Anyway, Holly is off to visit Lupin and barges right into the room while he's in his office. Dumbledore is also in the office and she overhears their conversation like the good little eavesdropper she is. Apparently Lupin is angsting, presumably over telling her that he's a werewolf, and there's a lot of praising of how she's clever, looks like her parents, and so on. Holly, determined not to get caught, backs out of the office as Dumbledore leaves and goes to visit Lupin. And she also decides that she won't tell him she's a Mind Mage like she was planning, because it just might be too much for his delicate nerves.
One scene jump later, and Holly, Luna, and Theo decide to visit Hagrid, mainly because they're bored. They certainly haven't been seeing him any other times. This is, of course, the point where Hagrid has found out that Buckbeak is to be put on trial and Holly is very condescending about his grief. Surprisingly, we still get the note that Lucius has signed the letter. For some reason, Neville's grandmother's signature is there as well, even though she wasn't on the board of governors. I don't approve. Augusta Longbottom was an awesome woman who wore a stuffed vulture hat and fought Death Eaters. Leave her alone!
The first thing Holly thinks about is how Buckbeak technically did attack Malfoy, but decides that he doesn't deserve death for that. Theo, meanwhile, milks attention by sitting as far from Buckbeak as possible. We're also told that Buckbeak is eying Hagrid with disdain, which is stupid. Buckbeak freaking loved Hagrid.
Hagrid rightly brings up that it was Lucius who brought on this thing and Holly sets about trying to defend Lucius and the suethor writes Hagrid's dialogue like he's a five-year-old. Hagrid jumps to the conclusion that Holly and her friends will help out with proving Buckbeak is innocent. Oh buddy, are you mixed up! Because of course, her reaction is "why things like this always seemed to happen to her". I really do hate her.
-------------------------------------------------
AN: Great Maker,
ZeldaQueen: STOP WITH THAT PHRASE!
Seriously, I hate suethors who talk like they're in their own fanfictions. It's annoying enough in there
an update less than a month after the last one! Surely, the apocalypse is upon us!
ZeldaQueen: Hmm, War, Pestilence, Disease, Famine, and Child of Grace. Yep, that sounds about right
Actually, this is a little later than I intended, but I was on vacation and wasn't really in a writing mood for Harry Potter. Bleach, on the other hand, is an entirely different matter.
ZeldaQueen: I'm thanking my lucky stars I'm not in the Bleach fandom, or else I might be tempted to go after that as well
Also, I'm not entirely happy with the way this turned out, so I might rework it some in the future. The basics will stay the same, however.
ZeldaQueen: If you're not happy with it then don't publish it! I'm sure your readership would be fine with a longer wait for better quality! Shigeru Miyamoto said "A bad game that gets delayed is eventually good. But a bad game that isn't is bad forever". He gave that excuse for why Ocarina of Time took so long in coming. Given the final product, I recommend taking a leaf from his book.
Onward to: Chapter 33: Wolf In The Fold
Back to: Chapter 31: Grim Mistakes
Return to: Table of Contents
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-15 01:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-15 01:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-15 02:01 am (UTC)Well, I could ALMOST excuse Holly, because she's a spineless little bint who can't do anything for herself. Rose Potter pissed me off because she tried to pull some independence and 'I'm sooo better than you' and ninja crap, but she WALKED INTO A VERY OBVIOUS TRAP SHE WAS AWARE OF. I hate Sues.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-15 09:40 pm (UTC)And yet, people still accuse Harry of being the "Ultimate Sue".
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-16 02:33 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-17 10:29 pm (UTC)It's mighty... interesting to hear what they have to say about my favourite author.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-18 12:18 am (UTC)Although, I guess it's the internet. ^^; All kinds of folk.
good job on sporking
Date: 2010-09-15 02:10 am (UTC)Re: good job on sporking
Date: 2010-09-15 02:28 am (UTC)I've never actually read her Bleach fics and I'm not involved in the fandom, so I really can't comment on them. I've seen a few of her things recommend on TV Tropes, so maybe they're of better quality.
Anyway, thank you for reading! Glad you enjoy them. :)
Re: good job on sporking
Date: 2010-09-15 02:32 am (UTC)Re: good job on sporking
Date: 2010-09-15 02:43 am (UTC)And there's no official lines for what is "right" or "wrong" about liking fanfic. I know I rant a lot about stuff like that, but in all seriousness, like what you like. I love plenty of movies and books that people hate. XD
Re: good job on sporking
Date: 2010-09-15 02:47 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-15 07:56 pm (UTC)Dear author;
I understand that your intention was likely to bring a more sympathetic light to the Slytherin house by having a proxy for Harry Potter attend there, so we can see what their reactions to the happenings of the books were. With this, I have little issue. In fact, I applaud you for being so in-character with the group in regards to many of their relationships with the other houses (the exception, unfortunately, being Ravenclaw, as you seem to be under this strange impression that the two got along when, in fact, the books clearly depicted them as disliking Slytherin just as much as Hufflepuff did, and clearly depicted Slytherin jeers toward one Luna Lovegood, who is woefully out of character by comparison).
However, I think you missed the target, because when I say that they are being 'in-character... in regards to their relationships with the other houses', I mean you represent as stuck-up jackasses. This is true to canon, but I have this curious feeling that this was not your actual intention, unless you wished to present an interesting and ironic parody of the Draco in Leather Pants trope, in which case... well, you've certainly had me fooled about the seriousness of your endeavor.
Otherwise, you might want to make them remotely sympathetic. The people I am reading about are quite possibly some of the nastiest, most vile protagonists I have ever had the displeasure of following, and your attempts to mark them as superior have only come across as making them seem rude, wretched, and horrible.
Regards,
Chaos
PS: Please let Fred and George go back to being Fred and George. They disliked Slytherins immensely, and I doubt highly that they would give Holly their beloved map rather than handing it to their little brother. In fact, in this strange alternate universe you've constructed, I highly doubt that they would have handed the map to anybody as this juncture, least of all a pompous bitch of a Slytherin who clearly looks down on their Housemates and family.
PPS: Ditto Sirius, actually.
PPPS: Ditto Crookshanks, actually. You're being highly unfair to a fluffy, loveable cat.
PPPS: To hell with it, just don't write anybody from this fandom. Clearly, you don't get the idea of changing one quirk (Harry is a Girl) and insist on re-writing the universe. I'm fine with that. But at least ADVERTISE IT AS SUCH, don't pretend you are completely manipulating the backstory just so your favorite characters look better.
PPPPS: I'm still really angry about how Colin Creevey was treated in the last arc. Just saying.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-16 02:36 am (UTC)What's even worse isn't just that she tries to sympathize the Slytherins, she forces the others to be out of character to JUSTIFY the hatred against them. Seriously, Ron in canon didn't like Malfoy, but he didn't go throwing rocks at him for no reason!
And I'm praying that the suethor just forgets about Crookshanks and Colin in the later parts of the fic, so we're spared being forced to watch them being tortured. -_-
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-15 09:45 pm (UTC)And I'd like to credit Kippur for that.
But seriously, doesn't Holly have an invisibilty cloak? Or polyjuice potion? Slythrien has the same safeguards that Griffindor has, and Harry snuck into the former. Holly is supposed to be better than Harry.
On a different note, I got an odd comment on the rape!(But not really) scene in the Conch Bearer Sporking. It was something about Severus Snape not being real. Which is odd since I've never mentioned anything about him. Perhaps it was meant to go on this journal instead?
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-16 02:32 am (UTC)Yes, she has all of those things. No, she doesn't even *attempt* them. Harry and Co at least tried those things, when they were breaking into Voldemort's most secret places even!
Hmm, I see. I don't remember ever saying that Snape isn't real, so I'm not sure why it'd be for this. Maybe it's just a nutty person? O_o
(no subject)
Date: 2010-10-12 01:59 am (UTC)"Why aren't we just asking the twins?"
"Beause that's what they'd be expecting us to do!"
What's depressing is that is a better reason than the given one.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-10-12 02:23 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-10-12 02:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-10-12 02:33 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-10-12 02:36 am (UTC)Wow
Date: 2011-12-16 05:39 am (UTC)What really angers me about her story is the way she treats the other characters, and tries to excuse certain characters when they've done horrible things. I mean she frickin' sue-d Lord Voldemort! An' I am seriously appalled by how she treats Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville, and Luna! All my favorite characters too. ;-;
"She can't spare a bit of pity because Hermione was overly ambitious? At least she took the classes because she wanted to learn! Holly only took them to get the Time Turner!"
I completely agree with you there. Even Rose Potter is guilty of abusin' her Time Turner, but they never get called out on it!
Sorry if this seems like I'm rambling. XD; I'm in a bit of a hurry but I just wanted to say thanks for takin' on this story!
(no subject)
Date: 2012-06-01 10:39 pm (UTC)1) Didn't we have Hermione and Ron fawning over Holly just a few chapters ago? They send her gifts and everything, no matter how much she avoids them. She could just ask Ron to see Scabbers and make up some BS excuse. Ron's an idiot in this fic, so he'd buy just about anything.
2) Can't she just mind-rape the password out of their heads?
3) Peter does not have a wand. He has to steal one first before he'd be any major threat to anyone.
Also, as a twin, I am required to voice my disgust at this line:
In their usual stilted, double speaking fashion
The twins don't "usually" do this. They do it once or twice in the entire series of books, and maybe a little more often in the movies. In the movie, they do finish each other's sentences when delivering the map to Harry, but the Phelps brothers do a good job of conveying that this bit of speech was rehearsed. Rowling deliberately set out to make sure Fred and George weren't just one character in two bodies.