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zelda_queenZeldaQueen: Okay folks, I'm going to try to chug through the rest of this abomination as quickly as I can. It's just dry, dull, and fucking boring.
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Part 12
ZeldaQueen: As ya'll might remember, after some vague and stupid training, Bree and the other newborns were led to munch on a ferry full of people, which was both appalling and failing forever in logic. They then huff Bella's shirt and are told that if they find her, they get her yummy, yummy blood.
In an effort to make Bree appear smart, Meyer has her go off on another of those weird logic chains, about how the incentive of "find Bella to eat Bella" makes little sense if the Cullens are their targets. Again, I'm not impressed. Why? Bree here all but has the answer right under her nose. And she still doesn't get it! And yes, I know she has figured out to run away by now, but it still has not entered her head that this is all a set-up! In fact, I don't think she's come to any conclusions thus far! Meyer just plops her down and has her run through the clues like it's an Encyclopedia Brown mystery and expects us to think she's clever for it! Well she isn't, and I won't. And incidentally, one of Bree's thoughts is that they should focus on the danger, which is "definitely not the human". Because, after all, humans suck and pose no danger at all.
Of course, all of the other newborns are completely retarded and buy this, except for Fred (who is still awesome).
And then, Meyer proceeds to pull what is, perhaps, the dumbest and most blatant lie out of her anus. Riley starts going on about how he has one more bit of information for them which will be difficult to accept, but he'll prove it to them. And then, we get this load of bull.
"'There are so many things you have yet to learn about being a vampire,' Riley said. 'Some of them make more sense than others. This is one of those things that won’t sound right at first, but I’ve experienced it myself, and I’ll show you.' He deliberated for a long second. 'Four times a year, the sun shines at a certain indirect angle. During that one day, four times a year, it is safe… for us to be outside in the daylight.'"
ZeldaQueen: And they buy that. They fucking BUY it!!! Not a single one of them - besides Bree, and I'll get to her in a second - seems to question this at all. Are they all bone-stupid? Hello? And also, are they all so pathetic that not a one of them is curious or indignant as to why Riley waited until then to tell them this? After all, Victoria said that there were some newborns who were almost a full year old. Wouldn't one of them ask why it never came up before then? Why he hadn't warned them about something which clearly was pertaining to their health and safety, when he claimed before that he looked out for them?
And Bree, meanwhile, continues to be the biggest idiot I have ever read, except perhaps for Bella and Edward. Because she continues to think that Riley just might be right!!! First she wonders if he's a lying liar that lies. Then she wonders if he's been tricked by Victoria as well. Then she wonders if he's right and she and Diego just got lucky before. And then she figures, no it's definitely a lie. Then, and only then, does it enter her thick skull that the whole "burn in the sunlight" bit was a ruse to keep them all under control. And she promptly wonders why now, of all times, Riley would release a limited version of the truth.
ZeldaQueen: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? YOU WERE SPYING ON VICTORIA AND RILEY, YOU DUMBASS! YOU SAW HER BEING TOLD THAT SHE HAD TO FIGHT THE CULLENS!
Finally, Bree manages to piece together that Victoria has no guarantee that the Volturi won't kill her anyway and that she's launching the attack early to escape. She also figures out that Victoria is probably going to leave the newborns behind to take the fall, so she had best grab Diego and get the fuck outta there. Very good! WHY DID YOU ONLY PUT THIS ALL TOGETHER NOW???
And good luck on finding Diego, my dear. You'll need it.
Incidentally, she also mentions tipping off Fred so he can escape too. No mention of warning the other newborns of what she knows, so they could, I don't know, revolt or escape together or what have you. I guess she figures that out of twenty or so people, only the two guys with the implied hots for her are worth rescuing. How nice.
But all of this revelation is just too much for Bree, and she wishes Diego was there to help her out. Because she's so dumb, she needs a man there to help her make sense of it all. Bah.
Riley, meanwhile, continues to go on, and on, and on, and on, and on about this four days thing and how newborns take awhile to get used to it, and FUCKING-A MEYER, WE KNOW HE'S LYING! GET ON WITH IT! Sorry. He leads everyone upstairs and everyone fritters and panics, except for Bree and Fred. Fred is mentioned as looking "as if he wanted to take off but had nowhere to go". He mouths to Bree, asking if she trusts Riley and she mouths back that she doesn't. *clings to Fred* Quickly! Escape this vile story before you too are lobotomized! And take me with you! Please!
Long story short, Riley goes into the sun and he starts sparkling, and Meyer being Meyer, this takes five million words to get through. Everyone panics and crouches against the wall. Riley calls out that he's clearly alright and asks who will be the bravest to step out first. He adds that he has a good idea of who it'll be, but he's been proven wrong before. Bree rolls her eyes and thinks "Subtle, Riley". Not a one of these guys has any right to comment on subtlety. NONE of them.
Raoul and Kevin start to move forward, but they chicken out also. Riley eventually grabs Kevin and drags him into the sunlight. Kevin proceeds to laugh and go on about how he's all "shiny" and acts like he's high. The truth about vampires in sunlight - it's like if they drop acid. Raoul goes up as well and very gradually, more newborns follow. Fred mouths to Bree, asking her if she knew about this. She tells him she did and the two go together to join the group. Bree goes on about how brave Fred is to just go into the sunlight and then bashes Kristie for being too scared to follow. In a bizarrely meta sentence, we're told "She clung to what she knew regardless of the evidence in front of her".
ZeldaQueen: Meanwhile, Bree notices that Fred seems to have been quietly studying an analyzing Riley's words and has figured a lot out. Maybe because he actually has two brain cells to rub together.
Riley rounds everyone up for one last practice session and we're told how most everyone is hyped at the thought of being encouraged to kill and burn, and how "[i]t appealed to people like Raoul and Jen and Sara". Not Bree, nope! She's Good because she does her killings discretely and in the dark!
Incidentally, this is apparently their only fighting strategy against the Cullens.
"once we’d pinpointed the yelloweyes’ scent, we were going to divide in two and flank them. Raoul would charge them head-on while Kristie attacked from the side. The plan suited both their styles, though I wasn’t sure if they were going to be able to follow this strategy in the heat of the hunt"
ZeldaQueen: Regular Sun Tzus, these folks.
Riley finally gathers them all and tells them that this is it, they're setting off for battle! He drops a gratuitous mention of Diego and a Significant Glance towards Bree, only to notice she isn't where she was. You see, as soon as the fighting practice wrapped up, Fred led Bree about a hundred yards to the north, away from the newborn army. Hmm, I think I see where this is going, even if Bree doesn't. Fred, congratulations. You have a higher IQ than all of these folks put together.
As everyone sets off, Fred and Bree stay behind. Bree is bothered by this, since she wants to sneak to the front of the group so she can find Diego and run away. I guess going off on her own, without a Man isn't an option? Fred takes this opportunity to speak up and tells Bree that for the next twenty minutes or so, Riley will be unable to think of him without getting incredibly sick. Um, what? How does...fuck it, I don't care. He tells Bree that he wanted to talk to her and this is the first chance they've got. And in three short sentences, Fred shows far more common sense than the characters who are supposed to be intelligent.
"Fred shook his head. 'Of course not. It’s obvious we’re not being told what we need to know. I’m not going to be Riley’s pawn.'
So Fred had figured it out on his own."
ZeldaQueen: YES! THANK YOU! COMMON SENSE! IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!!!
And Bree, don't act surprised. I think an oyster could figure out what's going on by now.
Bree tells Fred about how thecake four days thing is a lie and how there's some sort of political motivations behind the fight. Fred replies that he is not surprised, and for the first time, I feel the urge to kiss a fictional character. He tells Bree that he's getting the hell out of Dodge and asks if she wants to come along. He assures her that she'll be safe, with his fart powers and all. But Bree explains that she still has to rescue Diego.
ZeldaQueen: DAMN IT ALL YOU IDIOT, HE'S DEAD!!! Fred, unfortunately, isn't quite awesome enough to realize this, but he does tell Bree that she can bring Diego along if she wants. Bree warns Fred about the Volturi and how they kill vampires who get too obvious, so he needs to stay secret if he goes out into the world. He tells her that he'll wait for her in Vancouver for one day, specifically in a place called Riley Park. Oh I see what you did thar! Bree cheerfully sets off to find Diego, calling back about how she'll see Fred in a second. Oh, the irony...
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ZeldaQueen: And we're almost to the end folks! A little more! Dear God, shoot me!
Onward to: Part 13
Back To: Part 11
Back to: Table of Contents
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 12
ZeldaQueen: As ya'll might remember, after some vague and stupid training, Bree and the other newborns were led to munch on a ferry full of people, which was both appalling and failing forever in logic. They then huff Bella's shirt and are told that if they find her, they get her yummy, yummy blood.
In an effort to make Bree appear smart, Meyer has her go off on another of those weird logic chains, about how the incentive of "find Bella to eat Bella" makes little sense if the Cullens are their targets. Again, I'm not impressed. Why? Bree here all but has the answer right under her nose. And she still doesn't get it! And yes, I know she has figured out to run away by now, but it still has not entered her head that this is all a set-up! In fact, I don't think she's come to any conclusions thus far! Meyer just plops her down and has her run through the clues like it's an Encyclopedia Brown mystery and expects us to think she's clever for it! Well she isn't, and I won't. And incidentally, one of Bree's thoughts is that they should focus on the danger, which is "definitely not the human". Because, after all, humans suck and pose no danger at all.
Of course, all of the other newborns are completely retarded and buy this, except for Fred (who is still awesome).
And then, Meyer proceeds to pull what is, perhaps, the dumbest and most blatant lie out of her anus. Riley starts going on about how he has one more bit of information for them which will be difficult to accept, but he'll prove it to them. And then, we get this load of bull.
"'There are so many things you have yet to learn about being a vampire,' Riley said. 'Some of them make more sense than others. This is one of those things that won’t sound right at first, but I’ve experienced it myself, and I’ll show you.' He deliberated for a long second. 'Four times a year, the sun shines at a certain indirect angle. During that one day, four times a year, it is safe… for us to be outside in the daylight.'"
ZeldaQueen: And they buy that. They fucking BUY it!!! Not a single one of them - besides Bree, and I'll get to her in a second - seems to question this at all. Are they all bone-stupid? Hello? And also, are they all so pathetic that not a one of them is curious or indignant as to why Riley waited until then to tell them this? After all, Victoria said that there were some newborns who were almost a full year old. Wouldn't one of them ask why it never came up before then? Why he hadn't warned them about something which clearly was pertaining to their health and safety, when he claimed before that he looked out for them?
And Bree, meanwhile, continues to be the biggest idiot I have ever read, except perhaps for Bella and Edward. Because she continues to think that Riley just might be right!!! First she wonders if he's a lying liar that lies. Then she wonders if he's been tricked by Victoria as well. Then she wonders if he's right and she and Diego just got lucky before. And then she figures, no it's definitely a lie. Then, and only then, does it enter her thick skull that the whole "burn in the sunlight" bit was a ruse to keep them all under control. And she promptly wonders why now, of all times, Riley would release a limited version of the truth.
ZeldaQueen: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? YOU WERE SPYING ON VICTORIA AND RILEY, YOU DUMBASS! YOU SAW HER BEING TOLD THAT SHE HAD TO FIGHT THE CULLENS!
Finally, Bree manages to piece together that Victoria has no guarantee that the Volturi won't kill her anyway and that she's launching the attack early to escape. She also figures out that Victoria is probably going to leave the newborns behind to take the fall, so she had best grab Diego and get the fuck outta there. Very good! WHY DID YOU ONLY PUT THIS ALL TOGETHER NOW???
And good luck on finding Diego, my dear. You'll need it.
Incidentally, she also mentions tipping off Fred so he can escape too. No mention of warning the other newborns of what she knows, so they could, I don't know, revolt or escape together or what have you. I guess she figures that out of twenty or so people, only the two guys with the implied hots for her are worth rescuing. How nice.
But all of this revelation is just too much for Bree, and she wishes Diego was there to help her out. Because she's so dumb, she needs a man there to help her make sense of it all. Bah.
Riley, meanwhile, continues to go on, and on, and on, and on, and on about this four days thing and how newborns take awhile to get used to it, and FUCKING-A MEYER, WE KNOW HE'S LYING! GET ON WITH IT! Sorry. He leads everyone upstairs and everyone fritters and panics, except for Bree and Fred. Fred is mentioned as looking "as if he wanted to take off but had nowhere to go". He mouths to Bree, asking if she trusts Riley and she mouths back that she doesn't. *clings to Fred* Quickly! Escape this vile story before you too are lobotomized! And take me with you! Please!
Long story short, Riley goes into the sun and he starts sparkling, and Meyer being Meyer, this takes five million words to get through. Everyone panics and crouches against the wall. Riley calls out that he's clearly alright and asks who will be the bravest to step out first. He adds that he has a good idea of who it'll be, but he's been proven wrong before. Bree rolls her eyes and thinks "Subtle, Riley". Not a one of these guys has any right to comment on subtlety. NONE of them.
Raoul and Kevin start to move forward, but they chicken out also. Riley eventually grabs Kevin and drags him into the sunlight. Kevin proceeds to laugh and go on about how he's all "shiny" and acts like he's high. The truth about vampires in sunlight - it's like if they drop acid. Raoul goes up as well and very gradually, more newborns follow. Fred mouths to Bree, asking her if she knew about this. She tells him she did and the two go together to join the group. Bree goes on about how brave Fred is to just go into the sunlight and then bashes Kristie for being too scared to follow. In a bizarrely meta sentence, we're told "She clung to what she knew regardless of the evidence in front of her".
ZeldaQueen: Meanwhile, Bree notices that Fred seems to have been quietly studying an analyzing Riley's words and has figured a lot out. Maybe because he actually has two brain cells to rub together.
Riley rounds everyone up for one last practice session and we're told how most everyone is hyped at the thought of being encouraged to kill and burn, and how "[i]t appealed to people like Raoul and Jen and Sara". Not Bree, nope! She's Good because she does her killings discretely and in the dark!
Incidentally, this is apparently their only fighting strategy against the Cullens.
"once we’d pinpointed the yelloweyes’ scent, we were going to divide in two and flank them. Raoul would charge them head-on while Kristie attacked from the side. The plan suited both their styles, though I wasn’t sure if they were going to be able to follow this strategy in the heat of the hunt"
ZeldaQueen: Regular Sun Tzus, these folks.
Riley finally gathers them all and tells them that this is it, they're setting off for battle! He drops a gratuitous mention of Diego and a Significant Glance towards Bree, only to notice she isn't where she was. You see, as soon as the fighting practice wrapped up, Fred led Bree about a hundred yards to the north, away from the newborn army. Hmm, I think I see where this is going, even if Bree doesn't. Fred, congratulations. You have a higher IQ than all of these folks put together.
As everyone sets off, Fred and Bree stay behind. Bree is bothered by this, since she wants to sneak to the front of the group so she can find Diego and run away. I guess going off on her own, without a Man isn't an option? Fred takes this opportunity to speak up and tells Bree that for the next twenty minutes or so, Riley will be unable to think of him without getting incredibly sick. Um, what? How does...fuck it, I don't care. He tells Bree that he wanted to talk to her and this is the first chance they've got. And in three short sentences, Fred shows far more common sense than the characters who are supposed to be intelligent.
"Fred shook his head. 'Of course not. It’s obvious we’re not being told what we need to know. I’m not going to be Riley’s pawn.'
So Fred had figured it out on his own."
ZeldaQueen: YES! THANK YOU! COMMON SENSE! IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!!!
And Bree, don't act surprised. I think an oyster could figure out what's going on by now.
Bree tells Fred about how the
ZeldaQueen: DAMN IT ALL YOU IDIOT, HE'S DEAD!!! Fred, unfortunately, isn't quite awesome enough to realize this, but he does tell Bree that she can bring Diego along if she wants. Bree warns Fred about the Volturi and how they kill vampires who get too obvious, so he needs to stay secret if he goes out into the world. He tells her that he'll wait for her in Vancouver for one day, specifically in a place called Riley Park. Oh I see what you did thar! Bree cheerfully sets off to find Diego, calling back about how she'll see Fred in a second. Oh, the irony...
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ZeldaQueen: And we're almost to the end folks! A little more! Dear God, shoot me!
Onward to: Part 13
Back To: Part 11
Back to: Table of Contents
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-28 09:24 am (UTC)Fred! Take me with you!!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-28 03:21 pm (UTC)I know! Fred escape this story! It's not too late! Leah made it out!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-28 03:50 pm (UTC)Speaking of which: *CLIIIINGS!* Run, boy! Run before Meyer turns her eye on ye and makes you into an unlikeable whinebag!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-28 12:35 pm (UTC)Or she's too dumb to figure this out. Your choice.
Fred does indeed rock. I hope he survives.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-28 03:20 pm (UTC)Yep! Go Fred! :D
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-28 01:28 pm (UTC)And Fred is what a villain protagonist should be. He's doing something wrong, but he has redeeming qualities, is smart, and has cool powers (make little sense, but hey).
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-28 03:18 pm (UTC)And yeah, he is. He shows no interest in eating people at all, we're never told about how much he DOES eat people, and certainly never seems interested in sneaking away. Heck, I'd get the feeling that he'd be one to take up snacking on animals. Of course, we're not told much else about him, but it's fun to imagine. ^^
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-28 03:40 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-28 06:42 pm (UTC)Theme of the series, ladies and gentlemen! Woman, without her man, is useless!
Damn, I like Fred. I'm also confused as to how he could possibly do anything evil. I mean... dude's name is Fred. Bree is a weird name, so I can buy her being a vampire pawn; Diego, for some reason, I associate with a dark side (possibly because of Godot/Diego Armando from Phoenix Wright); and Victoria is a pretty old name that resonates with infinite layers of potential.
But Fred? Not even Fredrick, which at least calls to mind royalty or knighthood or something like that, just Fred. I made a character named Fred once; he was a gelatinous alien who wore a sock on one of his stalk eyes. THAT IS THE LEVEL OF EVIL I ASSOCIATE FRED WITH.
So clearly, he's either going to manage to break away from the vampires, never to be heard of again, or get sucked into their pointless war and die a pointless death because Fred is not a unique enough name to warrant him living (or... whatever it is vampires do).
I'll miss you, Fred!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-28 06:57 pm (UTC)And yes, we shall all miss Fred. At least he got out of this horrible story with his dignity intact.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-28 10:13 pm (UTC)Also, why the hell would they meet at Riley Park? Why not Stanley Park? At least Stanley Park is world famous and is actually quite large and easy to hide in. Riley Park isn't even a park and by the loose timeline I'm going by, Riley Park was under construction for building the curling center for the Olympics. It would be a bad place to meet. Plus, VANCOUVER IS SURROUNDED BY FOREST! SURROUNDED! EVERYWHERE! I know this because I LIVE NEAR VANCOUVER. You drive like...30 minutes, and BAM you are in dense forest. No joke. Leave my Vancouver alone, Meyer, go pick on the OTHER Vancouver (WA). We are too cool for you anyways.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-28 10:39 pm (UTC)