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zelda_queenZeldaQueen: This is it folks! The home stretch! Let's do this!
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter Thirteen: Feast Or Famine
ZeldaQueen: Well, life's been sucking for Zyn, who is now described as being "frail" with skin that's "milky gray" and "diseased". Apparently he and the Nevils have been on the island for seven years.
*stares*
Seven years?
Okay, dear viewers, remember what I told you to keep in mind before, how there was pretty much seaweed and grass to eat, which gave them all horrible indigestion? And how there's no other vegetation and no mention of drinkable water?
*COUGH*
And Stouffer expects us to believe that they all survived for seven years like that. Bull, I say. I'm starting to wonder if Ms Stouffer is secretly an alien and thus has no idea how human biology works. As for Rah, well again I ask why I'm supposed to like him. Clearly he hasn't been bothered to look after his dear brother for the past seven years, or if he has, he hasn't been bothered to provide any sort of help. Blah.
Anyway, Zyn randomly puts his hand in his pocket and finds the Worry Stone. Yes, that. Remember it? Not quite sure why Zyn hasn't put his hands in his pockets for seven or so years, but there you have it. Anyway, Zyn is temporarily happy at the sight of the Stone, but quickly becomes jealous of Rah for having everything. And while I'm sure we're supposed to think that Zyn is being irrational here, I certainly don't. Because all we've ever been shown is that Rah has had everything. All Stouffer's beat into our heads is that Rah can do no wrong and is always being praised, while Zyn is either ignored or scolded. And while it is Zyn's fault he's stuck on the island, one still has to wonder why Rah didn't make more of an effort to try to help his brother out to prevent that from happening.
So still, fail.
Teeter comes to the mouth of the cave and we're told that the Nevils have undergone physical transformations to both cope with their new environment and to show how evil they are. No, I'm not making this up.
"Teeter's eyes were glossy and catlike, making it easier for him to see in the dark. Wild hair covered his arms and legs. His fingernails were long, resembling tiger claws protruding from the tips of his tiny hands and webbed feet
Teeter was not the only Nevil who looked like this. All of the Nevils had undergone changes in their physical appearance. Their bodies had adapted to the dark and rocky world in which they lived. They wore the evil that filled their hearts proudly upon their flesh"
ZeldaQueen: THEY. HAVE. BEEN. THERE. FOR. SEVEN. YEARS! SEVEN FREAKING YEARS! PERMENANT PHYSICAL CHANGES DON'T WORK THAT FAST!!!
I mean, I can understand the extra hair or long nails, since none of them have any means to shave or trim them. But webbed feet? Catlike eyes? What? And again, more of the physical changes to match personality thing, which is just cliched and stupid. To cap it all off, these morons ought to be dead, given how little food they have, adaptations be darned!
Well anyway, Teeter is there on behalf of the other Nevils and demands that they go somewhere else, preferably someplace that actually has food. Zyn is, of course, a grouchy bastard and proceeds to laugh exactly like a comic book villain (do you really think I'm exaggerating, at this point?) while mocking Teeter. He points out that their boat was smashed up in Rah's extremely narmish sobbing fit and that there's no way to leave the island otherwise. And while Stouffer is trying her hardest to make him unlikable, it's kind of ruined in that Zyn really has a valid point there.
Teeter shoots back that Zyn's supposed to be the boss and thus needs to find a way to get them off of the island. Again, a valid point, considering they have no freaking food or water! Zyn points out that there's nothing but rocks and thus no way to make a boat, and if the Nevils have any ideas, he's only too glad to listen. Jesus, ignoring the stereotypical gangstah talk and nastiness, this is the most sensible conversation in this book! I'm completely convinced that Stouffer has stooped to taking the Jack Chick approach to things. For those of you who don't know, the Jack Chick approach is when one is forced to make their designated villains so exaggeratedly ugly and/or nasty to get readers to dislike them, because otherwise said villains are actually the most logical or sensible ones in the work.
Anyway, Zyn is walking along the coast several days later, listening to the Nevils bicker over who gets the seaweed for the day. It's of course nighttime, because they're all still idiots over the "Shadow Monsters", and he trips over something at the water's edge. He gropes around and pulls out... a giant clam shell. Really. How utterly, utterly convenient. Zyn somehow figures that if there's one giant clam shell, there must be more (look I don't know, just go with it) and he calls out and brings the Nevils running. Zyn tells them to pull the rest of the clam shells out before they (the shells) get washed back to sea. They manage to get six giant shells altogether before dawn comes and they run to hide in the cave from the "Shadow Monsters". Okay, this is just getting ridiculous. Yes, even more so than it was before.
And what do you know? Six giant shells! I wonder where this is going? Yes, Zyn decides that they shall use these shells as boats to sail back to Aura that very night. Must be some freaking huge clam shells, to carry a twenty or so year old man like that. Anywho, Zyn promises the Nevils that they can steal all of the food they can carry and adds that he can get "what [he] want[s]". He then pulls some Bordonian Moss off of the cave wall. Remember that stuff? Well, in case you don't, Stouffer holds our hand in a way that would make Stephenie Meyer cringe and has Zyn recount the treasure hunting incident to the Nevils. She makes sure we know he's evil, by having him say that he was a "fool" to have saved Rah. Jesus H. Christ, all he needs is a heavy, indistinct European accent. Patch, meanwhile, asks what would happen if they themselves are knocked out by the moss and Zyn points out that they've been sleeping in a cave full of the stuff for seven years without anything bad happening to them. See what I mean about Zyn being the only logical person there?
Anyway, Zyn's plan, after stealing a bunch of food, is to use the moss to knock out Rah, sail him back to the island, and make him sleep "forever". Okay...so they're carrying two twenty-some year old men in a clam shell? Sure, whatever.
Oh, and Zyn also adds that the Muggles are too afraid of them without Rah around, so they can all return to Aura and take over. Personally I have no idea why Rah's presence would make the Muggles feel safe anyway, since he's done nothing to protect them, but meh. We're three chapters from the end and I don't care.
Our group ofalleged miscreants set sail and reach Aura, where there is much rejoicing. Zyn instructs several of them to steal the food while he and Fraidy go off to kidnap Rah. Of course we're told that Zyn feels "no remorse" as he shoves the moss against Rah's face and effortlessly knocks him out. No struggle, no fighting back, nothing. Our Hero, ladies and gentlemen.
We're given excessive detail about how beat up Rah is as he's essentially rolled down towards the beach, and I honestly don't care. After how moronic and useless he's been, I don't much mind seeing the nitwit get knocked around. Zyn says "Voila, as Chef Franc would say" and I'm wondering how on earth French is still around or how anyone remembers who Chef Franc is, but whatever! They load up the food and Rah, get back to the island, and promptly gorge themselves. Not sure how they're able to eat so much without getting sick after spending years starving, but whatever! We're nearly to the end!
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Onward to: Chapter Fourteen: A Winged Investigation
Back to: Chapter Twelve: The Shadow Monsters
Back to: Table of Contents
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter Thirteen: Feast Or Famine
ZeldaQueen: Well, life's been sucking for Zyn, who is now described as being "frail" with skin that's "milky gray" and "diseased". Apparently he and the Nevils have been on the island for seven years.
*stares*
Seven years?
Okay, dear viewers, remember what I told you to keep in mind before, how there was pretty much seaweed and grass to eat, which gave them all horrible indigestion? And how there's no other vegetation and no mention of drinkable water?
*COUGH*
And Stouffer expects us to believe that they all survived for seven years like that. Bull, I say. I'm starting to wonder if Ms Stouffer is secretly an alien and thus has no idea how human biology works. As for Rah, well again I ask why I'm supposed to like him. Clearly he hasn't been bothered to look after his dear brother for the past seven years, or if he has, he hasn't been bothered to provide any sort of help. Blah.
Anyway, Zyn randomly puts his hand in his pocket and finds the Worry Stone. Yes, that. Remember it? Not quite sure why Zyn hasn't put his hands in his pockets for seven or so years, but there you have it. Anyway, Zyn is temporarily happy at the sight of the Stone, but quickly becomes jealous of Rah for having everything. And while I'm sure we're supposed to think that Zyn is being irrational here, I certainly don't. Because all we've ever been shown is that Rah has had everything. All Stouffer's beat into our heads is that Rah can do no wrong and is always being praised, while Zyn is either ignored or scolded. And while it is Zyn's fault he's stuck on the island, one still has to wonder why Rah didn't make more of an effort to try to help his brother out to prevent that from happening.
So still, fail.
Teeter comes to the mouth of the cave and we're told that the Nevils have undergone physical transformations to both cope with their new environment and to show how evil they are. No, I'm not making this up.
"Teeter's eyes were glossy and catlike, making it easier for him to see in the dark. Wild hair covered his arms and legs. His fingernails were long, resembling tiger claws protruding from the tips of his tiny hands and webbed feet
Teeter was not the only Nevil who looked like this. All of the Nevils had undergone changes in their physical appearance. Their bodies had adapted to the dark and rocky world in which they lived. They wore the evil that filled their hearts proudly upon their flesh"
ZeldaQueen: THEY. HAVE. BEEN. THERE. FOR. SEVEN. YEARS! SEVEN FREAKING YEARS! PERMENANT PHYSICAL CHANGES DON'T WORK THAT FAST!!!
I mean, I can understand the extra hair or long nails, since none of them have any means to shave or trim them. But webbed feet? Catlike eyes? What? And again, more of the physical changes to match personality thing, which is just cliched and stupid. To cap it all off, these morons ought to be dead, given how little food they have, adaptations be darned!
Well anyway, Teeter is there on behalf of the other Nevils and demands that they go somewhere else, preferably someplace that actually has food. Zyn is, of course, a grouchy bastard and proceeds to laugh exactly like a comic book villain (do you really think I'm exaggerating, at this point?) while mocking Teeter. He points out that their boat was smashed up in Rah's extremely narmish sobbing fit and that there's no way to leave the island otherwise. And while Stouffer is trying her hardest to make him unlikable, it's kind of ruined in that Zyn really has a valid point there.
Teeter shoots back that Zyn's supposed to be the boss and thus needs to find a way to get them off of the island. Again, a valid point, considering they have no freaking food or water! Zyn points out that there's nothing but rocks and thus no way to make a boat, and if the Nevils have any ideas, he's only too glad to listen. Jesus, ignoring the stereotypical gangstah talk and nastiness, this is the most sensible conversation in this book! I'm completely convinced that Stouffer has stooped to taking the Jack Chick approach to things. For those of you who don't know, the Jack Chick approach is when one is forced to make their designated villains so exaggeratedly ugly and/or nasty to get readers to dislike them, because otherwise said villains are actually the most logical or sensible ones in the work.
Anyway, Zyn is walking along the coast several days later, listening to the Nevils bicker over who gets the seaweed for the day. It's of course nighttime, because they're all still idiots over the "Shadow Monsters", and he trips over something at the water's edge. He gropes around and pulls out... a giant clam shell. Really. How utterly, utterly convenient. Zyn somehow figures that if there's one giant clam shell, there must be more (look I don't know, just go with it) and he calls out and brings the Nevils running. Zyn tells them to pull the rest of the clam shells out before they (the shells) get washed back to sea. They manage to get six giant shells altogether before dawn comes and they run to hide in the cave from the "Shadow Monsters". Okay, this is just getting ridiculous. Yes, even more so than it was before.
And what do you know? Six giant shells! I wonder where this is going? Yes, Zyn decides that they shall use these shells as boats to sail back to Aura that very night. Must be some freaking huge clam shells, to carry a twenty or so year old man like that. Anywho, Zyn promises the Nevils that they can steal all of the food they can carry and adds that he can get "what [he] want[s]". He then pulls some Bordonian Moss off of the cave wall. Remember that stuff? Well, in case you don't, Stouffer holds our hand in a way that would make Stephenie Meyer cringe and has Zyn recount the treasure hunting incident to the Nevils. She makes sure we know he's evil, by having him say that he was a "fool" to have saved Rah. Jesus H. Christ, all he needs is a heavy, indistinct European accent. Patch, meanwhile, asks what would happen if they themselves are knocked out by the moss and Zyn points out that they've been sleeping in a cave full of the stuff for seven years without anything bad happening to them. See what I mean about Zyn being the only logical person there?
Anyway, Zyn's plan, after stealing a bunch of food, is to use the moss to knock out Rah, sail him back to the island, and make him sleep "forever". Okay...so they're carrying two twenty-some year old men in a clam shell? Sure, whatever.
Oh, and Zyn also adds that the Muggles are too afraid of them without Rah around, so they can all return to Aura and take over. Personally I have no idea why Rah's presence would make the Muggles feel safe anyway, since he's done nothing to protect them, but meh. We're three chapters from the end and I don't care.
Our group of
We're given excessive detail about how beat up Rah is as he's essentially rolled down towards the beach, and I honestly don't care. After how moronic and useless he's been, I don't much mind seeing the nitwit get knocked around. Zyn says "Voila, as Chef Franc would say" and I'm wondering how on earth French is still around or how anyone remembers who Chef Franc is, but whatever! They load up the food and Rah, get back to the island, and promptly gorge themselves. Not sure how they're able to eat so much without getting sick after spending years starving, but whatever! We're nearly to the end!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Onward to: Chapter Fourteen: A Winged Investigation
Back to: Chapter Twelve: The Shadow Monsters
Back to: Table of Contents
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-03 03:43 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-03 03:50 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-03 07:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-03 02:12 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-03 09:37 am (UTC)And I still like Zyn more than Rah!
By the way, if you say 'rah' and 'zyn' together very quickly ove and over, 'rah-zyn' turns to 'raisin' in an accent. I wonder if Stouffer was eating a scone when she made up their names.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-03 01:14 pm (UTC)I like Zyn more than Rah, too. Poor Zyn. *hugs him and ignores his stereotypical "gangster" talk*
Actually, Zyn is a real name. There's a store not far from where I live called "Zyn's News and Cigars." I'm not sure if it's short for anything, but it's there.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-03 02:09 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-03 08:28 pm (UTC)I think that Zyn should join S.C.A. - Scorned Characters Anonymous. There, he can meet up with Leah, Mike, Eric, Jessica, and Charlie from "Twilight."
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-03 08:40 pm (UTC)Agreed with that. Ron and Ginny can show up as well, along with little Toby.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-03 09:19 pm (UTC)Leah, Mike, Eric, Jessica, and Charlie: Join the club.
Zyn: My dearly beloved brother leaves me on an island for seven years and does nothing to help me. I'm starving, I'm dehydrated, and I'm sick, and he does nothing.
Leah: My dearly beloved cousin gets her face slashed by my wonderful fiance, who by the way dumps me for no good reason, sees him behind my back, and then marries him. And I'm not allowed to say a peep about that, or the rest of the tribe will jump down my throat. Whine that I "just don't understaaand their love" and that I should just get over it. *scowls*
Zyn: Yeah, I can't say anything bad about Rah either, because the Muggles all fawn over him like he's the Second Coming of Christ.
Ron: Muggles?
Ginny: You have Muggles in your world, too?
Zyn: Yeah, but they're not like yours. They look like little kids. Act like it, too.
Jessica: Well, Bella doesn't look like a baby, but she sure acts like one.
Eric: Yeah, she and our author laughed at me just because I have acne and I play chess! What's up with that?
Mike: At least they didn't call you a dog.
Charlie: And at least they didn't think you were incapable of cooking for yourself and talked about you as if you were an infant. I'm a grown man, for God's sakes! How do they think I've survived all these years?
Zyn: Same way I survived on that island, I guess.
Toby: How *did* you survive on that island?
Zyn: My author doesn't even know, you think I do?
Ron: Maybe it was magic.
Zyn: Maybe. *shrugs*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-04 03:35 pm (UTC)*passes around cookies to all*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-03 02:11 pm (UTC)I still like Zyn better too. Poor guy. *huggles*
Huh, I never noticed that "raisin" thing before. Hard to say, really.