![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zelda_queenZeldaQueen: This is just...this next part? I do believe it has one of the worst cases of Did Not Do The Research that I have ever seen in my entire life. Seriously, Stephenie Meyer and her libishomen have nothing on this. Nothing.
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter Eleven: The Big Plan
Well, Zyn finally grows half a brain and figures out a way to escape the radioactive tree. It seems that there's an island off the coast of Aura, which no one but Yur knows anything about. And no, we're never told why Yur knows anything about this island, he just does. Savvy? Anyway, Zyn figures that this is the best place to start up his own country and that everything he and the Nevils need is there.
Zyn tells the Nevils of this plan, all while being as Rude and Evil as possible to remind audiences that we're not supposed to like him. Apparently it takes Zyn until morning to figure out a plan to get there. When dawn comes, his idea is... (drum roll please) to build a boat. Really. And the following bit of conversation uses the word "boat" enough times to make anyone want to scream. I'm not sure if Stouffer thought that it was clever or not. And sorry for this huge block 'o text, but this is too beautiful to hog.
"'We're gonna build a boat, a sailboat,' Zyn informed the scruffy gang.
'A boat - you say we're gonna build a boat?' Boggs questioned him.
Yeah, that's what I said - a B - O - A - T, boat, sailboat,' Zyn said angrily.
'How are we gonna build a B - O - A - T, boat, sailboat, Zyn?' Stubby asked.
'Wait one minute - whoa - whoa - wait just one minute, here - just what are we gonna do with this B - O - A - T, boat, sailboat?' Chops yelled, as he strutted forward, blowing a huge bubble with his gun and popping it with his finger, waving his hands in front of him."
ZeldaQueen: See what I mean about the dialogue?
Zyn is Nasty and Horrid again, just because, and finally explains that they're building the boat to get to - le gasp - the island. Yes folks, apparently the Nevils are so dumb that they can't figure out why they'd build a boat if they need to get to an island. I have no sympathy.
We're told how the Nevils set about building the boat, all while being stereotypically "bad boy"-like, and with horrible writing. Oh, and to drive home how terrible they all are, Stouffer tells us that they took twine from Pluck the Muggle by force! The horror!
Oh, and Stouffer takes care to remind us how Terrible Zyn is by having him just sit against a rock and watch as the Nevils build the boat themselves. When Chops asks for help, Zyn knocks the kid onto the ground and kicks sand in his face. Look, Stouffer, even if this character derailment were believable, it'd still be incredibly dumb, if only because it's just repetitive and cliche!
And - oh dear lord, it's that part. Dear viewers, we've arrived at a rather infamous part of the book. A part which fails biology so badly that it's really impossible to hand wave or overlook it. The Nevils have just finished the boat and are filling the interior and exterior with black tar. And then, we get this.
"By the time the Nevils were finished, their tiny hands were blistered and burned. Their bodies were singed black from the heat of the rubbery tar. When nightfall arrived, their skin felt as though it was on fire - they leapt into the ocean waves, where the soothing salt water cooled the heat of their second - and third degree burns..."
ZeldaQueen: Sorry? Excuse me? Salt water soothing second and third-degree burns? That'd be hilarious if it didn't paint such a horrible image! And the heck of it is, there are no consequences for this! Nope, no infections or horrible pain. The worst the Nevils get are "big black scabs" which are pretty much the hardened tar, which the Nevils must pick off. What the heck? WHAT THE FREAKING HECK??? Stouffer can figure out that there's health issues attached to radioactivity but not putting salt in burn wounds? I... I need to lie down.
Zyn continues to be a jerk and yells at the Nevils, insulting the quality of their boat. I'd personally be going on about the salt-water-in-the-burns thing and how stupid someone would be to do that, but that's just me.
The next day, they all set off to move to the island and the Muggles are all greatly saddened by this. Um, why? All we've been told is how terrible this bunch has been and clearly the Muggles didn't care enough to actually try to reform them or anything.
Rah, meanwhile, begs Zyn not to go and Zyn basically tells him to bugger off. As he and the Nevils sail away, Rah begins to cry and raises the ocean. No, really. He cries enough to cause a tidal wave as tall as a mountaintop, which capsizes the boat that his brother and the Nevils are in.
And the heck of it is, we all know this is only going to get sillier.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Onward to: Chapter Twelve: The Shadow Monsters
Back to: Chapter Ten: The Manchineet Tree
Back to: Table of Contents
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter Eleven: The Big Plan
Well, Zyn finally grows half a brain and figures out a way to escape the radioactive tree. It seems that there's an island off the coast of Aura, which no one but Yur knows anything about. And no, we're never told why Yur knows anything about this island, he just does. Savvy? Anyway, Zyn figures that this is the best place to start up his own country and that everything he and the Nevils need is there.
Zyn tells the Nevils of this plan, all while being as Rude and Evil as possible to remind audiences that we're not supposed to like him. Apparently it takes Zyn until morning to figure out a plan to get there. When dawn comes, his idea is... (drum roll please) to build a boat. Really. And the following bit of conversation uses the word "boat" enough times to make anyone want to scream. I'm not sure if Stouffer thought that it was clever or not. And sorry for this huge block 'o text, but this is too beautiful to hog.
"'We're gonna build a boat, a sailboat,' Zyn informed the scruffy gang.
'A boat - you say we're gonna build a boat?' Boggs questioned him.
Yeah, that's what I said - a B - O - A - T, boat, sailboat,' Zyn said angrily.
'How are we gonna build a B - O - A - T, boat, sailboat, Zyn?' Stubby asked.
'Wait one minute - whoa - whoa - wait just one minute, here - just what are we gonna do with this B - O - A - T, boat, sailboat?' Chops yelled, as he strutted forward, blowing a huge bubble with his gun and popping it with his finger, waving his hands in front of him."
ZeldaQueen: See what I mean about the dialogue?
Zyn is Nasty and Horrid again, just because, and finally explains that they're building the boat to get to - le gasp - the island. Yes folks, apparently the Nevils are so dumb that they can't figure out why they'd build a boat if they need to get to an island. I have no sympathy.
We're told how the Nevils set about building the boat, all while being stereotypically "bad boy"-like, and with horrible writing. Oh, and to drive home how terrible they all are, Stouffer tells us that they took twine from Pluck the Muggle by force! The horror!
Oh, and Stouffer takes care to remind us how Terrible Zyn is by having him just sit against a rock and watch as the Nevils build the boat themselves. When Chops asks for help, Zyn knocks the kid onto the ground and kicks sand in his face. Look, Stouffer, even if this character derailment were believable, it'd still be incredibly dumb, if only because it's just repetitive and cliche!
And - oh dear lord, it's that part. Dear viewers, we've arrived at a rather infamous part of the book. A part which fails biology so badly that it's really impossible to hand wave or overlook it. The Nevils have just finished the boat and are filling the interior and exterior with black tar. And then, we get this.
"By the time the Nevils were finished, their tiny hands were blistered and burned. Their bodies were singed black from the heat of the rubbery tar. When nightfall arrived, their skin felt as though it was on fire - they leapt into the ocean waves, where the soothing salt water cooled the heat of their second - and third degree burns..."
ZeldaQueen: Sorry? Excuse me? Salt water soothing second and third-degree burns? That'd be hilarious if it didn't paint such a horrible image! And the heck of it is, there are no consequences for this! Nope, no infections or horrible pain. The worst the Nevils get are "big black scabs" which are pretty much the hardened tar, which the Nevils must pick off. What the heck? WHAT THE FREAKING HECK??? Stouffer can figure out that there's health issues attached to radioactivity but not putting salt in burn wounds? I... I need to lie down.
Zyn continues to be a jerk and yells at the Nevils, insulting the quality of their boat. I'd personally be going on about the salt-water-in-the-burns thing and how stupid someone would be to do that, but that's just me.
The next day, they all set off to move to the island and the Muggles are all greatly saddened by this. Um, why? All we've been told is how terrible this bunch has been and clearly the Muggles didn't care enough to actually try to reform them or anything.
Rah, meanwhile, begs Zyn not to go and Zyn basically tells him to bugger off. As he and the Nevils sail away, Rah begins to cry and raises the ocean. No, really. He cries enough to cause a tidal wave as tall as a mountaintop, which capsizes the boat that his brother and the Nevils are in.
And the heck of it is, we all know this is only going to get sillier.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Onward to: Chapter Twelve: The Shadow Monsters
Back to: Chapter Ten: The Manchineet Tree
Back to: Table of Contents
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-01 02:19 am (UTC)How are you managing to keep going through this? This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my life. I don't think I would've gotten past the first chapter before declaring it The Legend of Blah and the Muggles and thrown it away in disgust.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-01 03:49 am (UTC)I *would* throw it away, except that I don't own the copy I'm using and my brother was the one who borrowed it. So if anything happens to it, we both get in trouble. ^^;
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-01 07:11 am (UTC)I....I think I need a cup of tea. X-x
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-01 02:10 pm (UTC)*offers some*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-01 10:23 am (UTC)That's a crap moral, Stouffer, but I suppose the Muggles will say that its good metaphor for why you should keep an eye on cakes in the oven or something.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-01 02:09 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-01 10:40 am (UTC)And, you know, Rah didn't cry when Zyn became depressed. He didn't cry when Zyn spent all his time hiding in a radioactive tree. It's only when Zyn has the nerve to try to leave his godly presence that he does something.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-06-01 04:15 pm (UTC)