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zelda_queenZeldaQueen: And now it's time for the juicy stuff!
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
Introduction
ZeldaQueen: Well, we start off right away being told about how the country of Aura was once at war. Of course, Stouffer can't be bothered to actually tell us anything about Aura, other than that it's "at the far side of the earth", so I really can't say whether this is supposed to be twenty minutes in the future or an alternate dimension or what. But who needs decent plot set-up when you can make thinly-veiled take thats to modern-day political issues? We're told that the land of Aura had been perfectly happy and all bunnies and kitties until the evil group of government representatives known as C.O.U.P (Congress of United People) got all greedy and going after power and control. Because that's what every kid's book needs - a shoehorned railing against the United Nations.
Because there was no real organized government, private citizens took up arms and formed militia groups to "reclaim democracy and preserve the legacy their forefathers had given to make their lives possible". It seems that most of Aura's citizens were taken by surprise by C.O.U.P's unrest, but we're told that it took years of corruption to tear apart the "Constitutional Charter". This charter was apparently "masterfully written" and was what gave the citizens their democracy and inalienable rights, as well as allowing the people to control the government and not vice versa. But nations slowly became corrupt, to the point at which nations which were supposed respect the rights of all citizens turned into nations "defined by class distinction", specifically the "haves" and "have-nots". All in all, this lead to the Great Thirty-Year War, remembered as "the most vicious and evil" in the history of mankind. Also, C.O.U.P ignored how their arms treaties called for the elimination of nuclear weapons and starts nuking the place. And this all came out in the early eighties? You don't say...
Well, this is where we start to say "bye-bye" to any semblance of scientific accuracy, as Stouffer writes that the nuclear weapon usage left the sky covered with "dark poisonous clouds of radiation", which caused a "radiated eclipse" that covered the sun. Um...okay...
Meanwhile, the citizens of Aura decided to get the heck out of dodge and ran for it, however the have-nots (remember them?) were apparently left imprisoned. We're not told why or how, but they were. These have-nots include "the injured, the disabled, the ethnically impure, the elderly, and other less fortunate human beings". Brushing over the implications of the whole "ethnically impure" thing (which I think speaks quite well for itself), I'm fairly certain that this is Ms Stouffer's take that against the Cold War and Communism. Unfortunately, it sort of fails because she doesn't seem to quite grasp the concept of the "have-not", which is the group of people in society who have not got materials or wealth. And while my knowledge on Marxism is rather rusty (so correct me if this is horribly inaccurate), I do believe that Marx wrote that it would be the have-nots who take over, not the haves. I'm also kind of getting the feeling here that Ms Stouffer is trying to outrage people against the whole Communism and UN thing by saying "they'll make the world so that we'll be killing off the less fortunate", much like how Jack Chick tried to argue that evolution is the same as white supremacy and thus infants and ethnic people would be killed off in a holocaust because of it.
Anyway, Stouffer continues on by talking about how the children weren't even spared, though they cried out as they tried to free themselves. Note for those interested - for the original introduction she wrote (available on her, realmuggles.com), this section actually includes the sentence "their cries for help went unrecognized as they rang out with piercing screams for help". Really.
But of course the haves are cruel and ignore the have-nots and leave them to die with no pity, all while Stouffer gives an extremely anvilicious lecture on how they (the haves) see no reason to save the have-nots if they themselves will die. Gee, what a great thing to tell kids! "Hey, people will screw you over if you get a chance, so every man for themselves!" The haves board their cruise ships - no really, that's what they are - and we get an extensive description of how they're all greedy and horrible and trample each other like cattle to escape. You know, in case we didn't already know how big of jerks they all are already.
Stouffer then jumps us to the present day in the book, which is five hundred years later. We find out what happened to the have-nots - they somehow evolved into the Muggles. Really. In five hundred years. And it's not even like it's a small change. This is what Muggles look like.
"Muggles look much like human babies, but none of them have hair. Their shoulders are narrow and delicate. They have round, plump bellies, which make their legs and arms look very thin.
Muggles have smooth, soft skin. At one time their skin was cold and blue from the lack of sunlight and oxygen, but now they have creamy white, beige, or brown complexions, and little pink cheeks. Even when full-grown, they look like children"
ZeldaQueen: I repeat, that all in five hundred years. Oh, and they never saw sunlight before, on account of the "purple haze" covering the sky after the nuclear holocaust. Somehow, the moonlight gets through though. No explanation for that, of course. Also, the Muggles can speak many languages and understand all of them, including animals, and are three and a half feet tall.
Five hundred years, folks.
Anyway, the Muggles have apparently lost all of their country's history, besides stories that are passed down through the generations and written in a book titled, appropriately enough, The Ancient Book of Tales.
We then jump from the Muggles to a new war in a new nation. No mention of the name of this nation or where it is on the map, probably because Ms Stouffer can't be bothered. Instead, we are told that this war will somehow drastically affect the lives of the Muggles forever. We are then informed that, according to The Ancient Book of Tales, "In the Year of the Purple Haze, people have forgotten the power of love and sought power in the place of love".
...Do I really need to point out how stupid this all is?
Oh, and as I mentioned before, Stouffer posted the original Introduction on her website (linked above). It's a lot longer and has some other anvilicious stuff mentioned.
It's explained that C.O.U.P was established after the "Great Island Wars", in an effort to prevent nations and colonies from attacking one another. This was agreed to via the Constitutional Peace Charter, which was signed in blood by all of the nations' leaders and I'm sure has absolutely nothing to do with the Atlantic Charter. Anyway, we get a ton of gushing about how great the Peace Charter is and how it's simple enough for everyone to agree to it and how it leaves everyone with medical help and food and peace and whatnot, but how its power diminished as the "privileged youth" began taking positions of power.
We're told about how the government has been abusing the power of eminent domain laws to take land from private citizens and how they then had the land given to construction companies who, instead of building schools and the like on it, built mansions which were sold for a lot of money. Apparently no one told Ms Stouffer that eminent domain requires due compensation for land that is seized. Thus, the abovementioned militia of citizens (named here as the "Army of the People") formed to get back their property.
We get a lot of bashing of C.O.U.P and how most citizens thought it was ineffectual to represent them, and how the families of the Army of the People were banished and shunned because C.O.U.P is So Danged Evil. And...that's about all that's worth mentioning.
Onward to: Chapter One: The House Of Sheridan
Back to: Starting Information
Back to: Table of Contents
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
Introduction
ZeldaQueen: Well, we start off right away being told about how the country of Aura was once at war. Of course, Stouffer can't be bothered to actually tell us anything about Aura, other than that it's "at the far side of the earth", so I really can't say whether this is supposed to be twenty minutes in the future or an alternate dimension or what. But who needs decent plot set-up when you can make thinly-veiled take thats to modern-day political issues? We're told that the land of Aura had been perfectly happy and all bunnies and kitties until the evil group of government representatives known as C.O.U.P (Congress of United People) got all greedy and going after power and control. Because that's what every kid's book needs - a shoehorned railing against the United Nations.
Because there was no real organized government, private citizens took up arms and formed militia groups to "reclaim democracy and preserve the legacy their forefathers had given to make their lives possible". It seems that most of Aura's citizens were taken by surprise by C.O.U.P's unrest, but we're told that it took years of corruption to tear apart the "Constitutional Charter". This charter was apparently "masterfully written" and was what gave the citizens their democracy and inalienable rights, as well as allowing the people to control the government and not vice versa. But nations slowly became corrupt, to the point at which nations which were supposed respect the rights of all citizens turned into nations "defined by class distinction", specifically the "haves" and "have-nots". All in all, this lead to the Great Thirty-Year War, remembered as "the most vicious and evil" in the history of mankind. Also, C.O.U.P ignored how their arms treaties called for the elimination of nuclear weapons and starts nuking the place. And this all came out in the early eighties? You don't say...
Well, this is where we start to say "bye-bye" to any semblance of scientific accuracy, as Stouffer writes that the nuclear weapon usage left the sky covered with "dark poisonous clouds of radiation", which caused a "radiated eclipse" that covered the sun. Um...okay...
Meanwhile, the citizens of Aura decided to get the heck out of dodge and ran for it, however the have-nots (remember them?) were apparently left imprisoned. We're not told why or how, but they were. These have-nots include "the injured, the disabled, the ethnically impure, the elderly, and other less fortunate human beings". Brushing over the implications of the whole "ethnically impure" thing (which I think speaks quite well for itself), I'm fairly certain that this is Ms Stouffer's take that against the Cold War and Communism. Unfortunately, it sort of fails because she doesn't seem to quite grasp the concept of the "have-not", which is the group of people in society who have not got materials or wealth. And while my knowledge on Marxism is rather rusty (so correct me if this is horribly inaccurate), I do believe that Marx wrote that it would be the have-nots who take over, not the haves. I'm also kind of getting the feeling here that Ms Stouffer is trying to outrage people against the whole Communism and UN thing by saying "they'll make the world so that we'll be killing off the less fortunate", much like how Jack Chick tried to argue that evolution is the same as white supremacy and thus infants and ethnic people would be killed off in a holocaust because of it.
Anyway, Stouffer continues on by talking about how the children weren't even spared, though they cried out as they tried to free themselves. Note for those interested - for the original introduction she wrote (available on her, realmuggles.com), this section actually includes the sentence "their cries for help went unrecognized as they rang out with piercing screams for help". Really.
But of course the haves are cruel and ignore the have-nots and leave them to die with no pity, all while Stouffer gives an extremely anvilicious lecture on how they (the haves) see no reason to save the have-nots if they themselves will die. Gee, what a great thing to tell kids! "Hey, people will screw you over if you get a chance, so every man for themselves!" The haves board their cruise ships - no really, that's what they are - and we get an extensive description of how they're all greedy and horrible and trample each other like cattle to escape. You know, in case we didn't already know how big of jerks they all are already.
Stouffer then jumps us to the present day in the book, which is five hundred years later. We find out what happened to the have-nots - they somehow evolved into the Muggles. Really. In five hundred years. And it's not even like it's a small change. This is what Muggles look like.
"Muggles look much like human babies, but none of them have hair. Their shoulders are narrow and delicate. They have round, plump bellies, which make their legs and arms look very thin.
Muggles have smooth, soft skin. At one time their skin was cold and blue from the lack of sunlight and oxygen, but now they have creamy white, beige, or brown complexions, and little pink cheeks. Even when full-grown, they look like children"
ZeldaQueen: I repeat, that all in five hundred years. Oh, and they never saw sunlight before, on account of the "purple haze" covering the sky after the nuclear holocaust. Somehow, the moonlight gets through though. No explanation for that, of course. Also, the Muggles can speak many languages and understand all of them, including animals, and are three and a half feet tall.
Five hundred years, folks.
Anyway, the Muggles have apparently lost all of their country's history, besides stories that are passed down through the generations and written in a book titled, appropriately enough, The Ancient Book of Tales.
We then jump from the Muggles to a new war in a new nation. No mention of the name of this nation or where it is on the map, probably because Ms Stouffer can't be bothered. Instead, we are told that this war will somehow drastically affect the lives of the Muggles forever. We are then informed that, according to The Ancient Book of Tales, "In the Year of the Purple Haze, people have forgotten the power of love and sought power in the place of love".
...Do I really need to point out how stupid this all is?
Oh, and as I mentioned before, Stouffer posted the original Introduction on her website (linked above). It's a lot longer and has some other anvilicious stuff mentioned.
It's explained that C.O.U.P was established after the "Great Island Wars", in an effort to prevent nations and colonies from attacking one another. This was agreed to via the Constitutional Peace Charter, which was signed in blood by all of the nations' leaders and I'm sure has absolutely nothing to do with the Atlantic Charter. Anyway, we get a ton of gushing about how great the Peace Charter is and how it's simple enough for everyone to agree to it and how it leaves everyone with medical help and food and peace and whatnot, but how its power diminished as the "privileged youth" began taking positions of power.
We're told about how the government has been abusing the power of eminent domain laws to take land from private citizens and how they then had the land given to construction companies who, instead of building schools and the like on it, built mansions which were sold for a lot of money. Apparently no one told Ms Stouffer that eminent domain requires due compensation for land that is seized. Thus, the abovementioned militia of citizens (named here as the "Army of the People") formed to get back their property.
We get a lot of bashing of C.O.U.P and how most citizens thought it was ineffectual to represent them, and how the families of the Army of the People were banished and shunned because C.O.U.P is So Danged Evil. And...that's about all that's worth mentioning.
Onward to: Chapter One: The House Of Sheridan
Back to: Starting Information
Back to: Table of Contents
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-20 02:48 am (UTC)This is, quite possibly, one of the best sentences ever written in original fiction, and might have taken top slot were it not for the existence of the Eye of Argon and the fact that about half of that masterwork already has the top slot securely in place.
Looking forward to this. I've heard... certain things about this book, so this should be fun. In a manner of speaking.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-20 02:50 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-20 07:12 am (UTC)Get them away...
Less importantly, why is there a giant mushroom in the background? Are those two things polishing it? Why is it so big? Are we in Smurfville now?
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-20 02:05 pm (UTC)The mushroom isn't big, the Muggles are supposed to be REALLY tiny. There's a picture on Stouffer's website of them riding around on insects.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-21 06:15 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-21 02:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-20 07:21 am (UTC)Dude. This is just...beautiful. Just beautiful in its wanky, batshit way.
*grabs popcorn and sits, enthralled*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-20 02:03 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-20 03:32 pm (UTC)Actually, the fact that Stouffer's Muggles are omnilingual, even to the point of understanding animals, reminds me of Eoin Colfer's fairies in "Artemis Fowl."
(no subject)
Date: 2010-05-20 03:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-10 12:40 pm (UTC)(sorry if this has been addressed later, too. ><)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-07-10 01:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-21 08:14 am (UTC)Love the write-up... and just from the summary you give her of her introduction, I get the impression that the very basic premise of the book isn't half bad, if only she had actually committed to fantasy and left out the magic nuclear catastrophe in favor of actual magic.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-21 03:14 pm (UTC)And yeah, the premise itself wasn't that bad. The nuclear war and the anvilicious government criticisms are just stupid though, partly because I'm sure no child would understand it and partly because by putting reality in, it makes readers reluctant to accept things later that would work in pure fantasy.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-19 01:39 am (UTC)Anyway, I will note that she turned out to be right about eminent domain laws, in that the Supreme Court ruled that the government -can- turn the land over to private interests (Kelo v. New London). Also, in my experience, "just compensation" is a very flexible term indeed.
Politics aside, this is badly written. Is this supposed to be a children's book? I can't imagine letting a child read this.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-12-19 03:29 am (UTC)Yes, it's supposed to be a children's book. On her website, she says that it's for ages six to twelve. It becomes more apparent with the later chapters, which I'm fairly sure could induce diabetes.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-04 06:37 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-04 02:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-04 05:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-06 12:47 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-01-06 04:32 am (UTC)*stares*
Date: 2011-04-09 08:14 pm (UTC)So. This is supposed to be a children's book, huh? Can't speak for anyone else, but when I was small, this kind of talk would have registered with me as nothing but blank. Boring blank. No wonder Stouffer had to publish this thing herself. No children's publisher in their right mind would have accepted it.
*winces at illustration of Muggles* ...ye gods. Well. Those things? Are not the product of insanely fast evolution. They're the result of massive genetic mutations due to acute radiation poisoning in their ancestors. It's the only possible explanation.
Re: *stares*
Date: 2011-04-10 02:08 am (UTC)"*winces at illustration of Muggles* ...ye gods. Well. Those things? Are not the product of insanely fast evolution. They're the result of massive genetic mutations due to acute radiation poisoning in their ancestors. It's the only possible explanation."
In the parody, "The Legend of Ram and Buggery", that really was the explanation, that it was a mix between the radiation and "probably helped along by a mad genetic engineer who had watched too much Teletubbies" XD
Re: *stares*
Date: 2011-04-11 10:43 am (UTC)How weird that I wasn't the only one who thought of the Teletubbies when seeing those little horrors up there.
Re: *stares*
Date: 2011-04-11 11:39 am (UTC)Enjoy! :D
Re: *stares*
Date: 2011-04-11 02:33 pm (UTC)Thank you!
"Urazole, noticing Ram had disappeared, morphed." I keep picturing the old bugger, pardon, Bugger, turning into a hideous, amorphous blob of semi-organic material. I know that wasn't the point, but, heehee.
(And is it normal that I keep reading the parody's title as "The Legendary Ram-in Buggery"?
...
I ought to be ashamed of myself, but, alas, I am not.)
Re: *stares*
Date: 2011-04-13 11:05 pm (UTC)XD Don't be. I'm pretty sure that's where the author was going with it. XD
(no subject)
Date: 2011-06-10 11:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-06-10 11:56 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-06-10 02:19 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-05-28 07:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-05-28 03:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-11-15 12:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-02-20 01:38 am (UTC)"At one time their skin was cold and blue from the lack of sunlight and oxygen..."
Stouffer, you do know that oxygen is vital for living creatures, right? If there was a lack of it, nothing would live. That's basic biology even kids in elementry school know.
FAIL.