My Inner Life: Prologue

[zelda_queen]

ZeldaQueen: Sorry folks, bit more of a wait before we can eviscorate with a spork meet the Sue for this evening. Not too much longer though. Hang tight!

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1... 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Prologue

Dreams come in many forms. Some good, some bad, some very realistic, even ones that feels very real.

ZeldaQueen: You said that already.

A dream may come to us from happy events, or even stem from bad events in our lives. Some come to us as a pleasure dream and some come as nightmares. Some become vague memories after time, while some stay very rich in our minds.

ZeldaQueen: With these second-grade sentences, this is reading like a Dr. Seus book.

This is a story about a dream that I had. A dream that became more dreams. A dream that would end one night then resumes the next. It became like a second life.

ZeldaQueen: You told us this already in your insane Author’s Notes!

Ever since I became a Zelda fan, I grew an interest in Link.

ZeldaQueen: Oh ho, I’ve read ahead, I know what sort of an “interest” you took. You dirty, dirty, girl.

I thought of him as the perfect man.

ZeldaQueen: Let’s see, he doesn’t talk, doesn’t have much of a personality, and only does what the the player tells him to. Yep, sounds perfect to me.

Wait a second, that sort of sounds like Edward Cullen…

One that you could not find of this world.

ZeldaQueen: That’s because he’s a video game character you moron!

I thought of him as a man that should have been. The more that he attracted my attention the more I became more attracted to him.

ZeldaQueen: Paging the Department of Redundancy Department!

I felt like there was a connection between him and me. Then he became a part of me, and after that I fell deeply in love with him.

ZeldaQueen: You sound like that guy in Artemis’s Lover who spent his Author Notes talking about how he was in love with his own cat.

Love is a very strong emotion, an emotion that should be treasured. Love comes from the heart, but when it takes hold, it’s got you. I quite don't understand it myself, but I do know that when I first laid my eyes upon Link I fell in love with him.

ZeldaQueen: Yes, love shouldn’t be taken lightly. How could you fall in love with Link at first sight though? You never spoke to him! You never shared any experiences with him! He’s a video game character!

My heart just told me it was right. Told me he was the one, the one I had been searching for.

ZeldaQueen: How old was this girl when she wrote this?

Ever since then I have felt that it was destiny that has brought me to him.

ZeldaQueen: If by “destiny” you mean “renting from Blockbusters”

Even in my mind it feels the same. I don't consider myself any different from anyone else.

ZeldaQueen: Ohhhhh, I beg to differ

Though I have love for someone that is not really there, he will always remain very real to me inside my heart and in my mind.

ZeldaQueen: Don’t you have Malon and Ruto in your stupid fanon decide that their love for Link “is not really there”? Hmm?

And he’s a video game character!

Even to this day I still love him. He has kept me very happy. He has made me happy when I was sad.

ZeldaQueen: You said that already!

He has made me feel stronger about myself. He has even taken care of me in ways that no one else can.

ZeldaQueen: How nice that you feel that a video game character has cared for you more than your parents or friends. Please seek therapy.

And I’ve seen how you and Link are together. Or rather, that neurotic person that you put in the place of Link. Trust me dear, there are plenty of men who are able to do everything you have your smooch-pie do.

Even though I have feelings for him, I'm not any different from the rest of you.

ZeldaQueen: All viewers who fell in love at first sight with a video game character and believe you are married to them in another plane of existence, raise your hand. *crickets* Thought so.

I will always hold him close to me in my heart. He is still on my mind and I still have dreams. The connection stills remains strong, and the dreams very real.

ZeldaQueen: You’ve said this already! This is starting to play like the audience participation in Rocky Horror Picture Show

I lived an entire life with Link in Hyrule. All stemming from a series of dreams. Dreams that I want to have. Dreams that I make happen. From the first day I met him, to the birth of our first child, to even the days when Link and I prepared our family in the event that Gannon should return.

 ZeldaQueen: Lady, you just got GANNON BANNED! Seriously, that’s like one of the cardinal rules of the Legend of Zelda, only one “n” after the “a” in Ganon. For someone who claims to be in love with Link, you know surprisingly little about his games. Or do you only love him because he’s hot?

Bella Swan knew virtually nothing about Edward Cullen besides the fact that he was hot. Uh oh…

This book is based on my inner life. A second life lived in a far away land in another time line in another dimension. A tale of love, passion, despair and hope.

 ZeldaQueen: Will you get on with it?

I enjoyed my inner life. I looked forward to going to sleep to it every night. And I look forward to ones that will come, because LOVE WILL NEVER DIE.

ZeldaQueen: So we’re reading the musings of a crazy person, if it wasn’t apparent already. Sorry folks, looks like it’s next chapter that we get Jenna.

And Suethor, this wasn’t a prologue. This was a second Author’s Notes.

Stephenie Meyer didn’t know what a prologue was either. I’m starting to get rather disturbed… 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ZeldaQueen: Next chapter, we meet our Sue. Hooray!

Onward to: Chapter 1: The Beginning (Part 1)

Back to: Author's Notes

Return to: Table of Contents

Comments

[kawaiicow.livejournal.com]

I enjoyed my inner life. I looked forward to going to sleep to it every night. And I look forward to ones that will come, because LOVE WILL NEVER DIE.
Was this written with her tehrapist's blood hundreds of times on the walls of her padded cell?

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Originally? Hard to say. I certainly don't think a person of her derangement should have access to a keyboard though.

[sylvacoer.livejournal.com]

With these second-grade sentences, this is reading like a Dr. Seus book.

Heeeeey, Dr. Seuss was kick-ass - don't relate him to this twa- I mean, twit! 3: *gave "Green Eggs and Ham" in Church Latin to her godson for a Christmas prezzie*

PLEASE, DEAR MUSE OF SANITY, TELL ME THIS GIRL IS A TROLL. A VERY, VERY, VERY DEDICATED TROLL, WHO - *ahem!* who induces CAPSLOCK. Seriously, I spat Guinness when I read how she "loves" a video game characters! *mops up Guiness as a single, shining tear rolls down her cheek* OH GOD, WHYYYYY~, WHY THE GUINNESS?!

ALSO, WHY ARE THERE PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY ARE IN LOVE WITH VIDEO GAME CHARACTERS?!?

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Terribly sorry, it pained me to use wonderful books for comparison. :(

So far as we all know, she was dead serious. I'm not sure where she is now. She's got some info on Encyclopedia Dramatica, but I'm not sure how accurate it all is.

Insanity? I can't rightly say...

[carmyn]

O.O Wtf is this shit? This isn't a prologue. WHY DOES NO ONE KNOW WHAT A PROLOGUE IS ANYMORE?!?!

Ahem, anyways. Question from the A/N sporking: What the hell is up with refering to her character as 'char' or 'char Jenna'? ...Did I miss the memo where the word 'character' was deemed taboo? Is she too lazy to type out 'character'?! It just reminded me of charmander from Pokemon

...'CHAR!! CHAR CHAR CCCCHHHHAAAARRRR' :D.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

To answer both of your questions, the suethor's grasp of basic English is...questionable. You'll see, later in the sporking. She also seems rather mentally unstable, although given that she seems to think she is living with Link in another dimension, that kind of is apparent.

Believe it or not, this came before Meyer's prologue fail. If memory serves, My Inner Life was uploaded to ff.net in 2001, and Twilight was published in 2005.

[yemi-hikari.livejournal.com]

It would be scary if they are one in the same, but I just don't see Meyer sitting down and playing the Legend of Zelda games. But then again, she was so sheltered, this may very well have happened.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

I doubt it. Meyer's prose is terrible, but at least she can tell the difference between "through" and "threw".

Also, she at least has the sense to *pretend* the self insert Sue isn't herself. She pretends badly, but she tries.

[yemi-hikari.livejournal.com]

There is also a major age difference. I think like six to seven years.

[slozar.livejournal.com]

Aren't crappy fanfics weak to fire? If so, I got Charmander, Blaziken, Typhlosion, and Magmar all ready to go.

[hamsterzerg.livejournal.com]

I keep picturing the planet Char from StarCraft.

[yemi-hikari.livejournal.com]

This prolog... which, it didn't seem to be, went no where. I mean, I've seen somewhat simular stuff with The Dark Elf Trilogy, but he gave a ton of background information...

[slozar.livejournal.com]

Quick question about her love: Isn't Link essentially like Red from Pokemon? IE, a silent avatar meant to represent your actions rather than him having his own character? So isn't that like saying she's in love with herself?

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Given how she talks about how pretty he is, I think a blow-up doll would be a better analogy. x(

[slozar.livejournal.com]

What disturs me more is they probably make some that look like him.

[raxistaicho.livejournal.com]

My god, she's insane @.@

[bluesunnyday.livejournal.com]

Well, I DID end up getting a crush on Mona from WarioWare when I was little... But not to the extent of this suethor! I mean, JaYEEzus!

[uniswift87.livejournal.com]

All viewers who fell in love at first sight with a video game character and believe you are married to them in another plane of existence, raise your hand.

You mean I'm not really married to Zelos Wilder? (Hey, at least he actually talks...)

because LOVE WILL NEVER DIE.

For some reason I have Love is a Song stuck in my head now. Thank you, Bambi!

[(Anonymous)]

The canon-discontinuity is just... wow. Particularly with Link's love interests. Regardless of whether there's romance between them and Link, the suethor should at least try to make her sue seem worthy of his affections. But nope, why develop characters and relationships, when there's hot smut to write!

Her other fanfics add insult to injury as most have each of Link's love interest mope about not getting with Link and how he'd be better off with the sue. Zelda and Ruto get it the worst, as you have pointed out throughout this (rather lovely) sporking, but Malon has had it pretty bad as it has established in her bs canon that she and Link have not only dated, but she had been showering him with affection while Link just leaves her. And all these angsting of these characters are worst when she clearly decided that there's no romance between Link and any of them.

[earthphantomts (from livejournal.com)]

"ZeldaQueen: All viewers who fell in love at first sight with a video game character and believe you are married to them in another plane of existence, raise your hand. *crickets* Thought so."

...

...

...*sheepishly raises her hand*

Though, in my defense, I'm not the one who writes page after page of my fangirl fantasies. Also, I'm aware of the insanity of it, and have restricted it to "joking around with close friends".

In short, it's just a "waifu" thing, not a delusion.