My Inner Life: Author's Notes

[zelda_queen]

Projection Room Voices: So you've taken on My Inner Life then, have you? Brave woman. Well, ready to get started?

ZeldaQueen: Sure. *to viewers* All right everyone, strap in for a wild ride! This is My Inner Life, otherwise known as the My Immortal of the Legend of Zelda fandom. It's got it all - blatant Sue favorism, character derailment, the works! And to cap it all off this might be the worst Suethor in existence. Why? Well, while Gethsemane Butler, Stephenie Meyer, and Keiran Halcyon all wish that their fanfictions really happened, our Suethor - Link's Queen (very subtle) - actually does believe it. She honestly believes that the events of this fanfiction have happened to her. But hey, don't take my word for it. Let's hear from the nut herself!

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Author's Notes

Hello. Thanks for choosing to read my story. As you might know I have become a major Zelda fan in the last year. Ever since I played OoT I have grown a fond interest in Link.

ZeldaQueen: "A fond interest"? Is that what they're calling it now?

I started to notice that after I got really into it, I found that I have a strange gift. A gift to Lucid Dream.

ZeldaQueen: You know, lucid dreams aren't that rare. They sort of are, but you're certainly not the only person to have them. Wikipedia even gives tips on how to have them. Jesus, just started the author's notes and she's trying to Sue herself.

I started having dreams about Hyrule, and about Link.

ZeldaQueen: Given what happens in some of these dreams, I seriously have to wonder how old you are. Are you at the age when you get those dreams?

In a Lucid Dream you can control your dreams. The dreams became very real, kinda like a second life, and almost every night I would have another. Starting from where the last left off.

ZeldaQueen: Your sentences are really choppy, by the way. Did you really need to make "starting from where the last left off" it's own sentence?

Even to this day I still have them.

ZeldaQueen: Which has been how long? If you've been having perfectly continuous dreams for so long, you ought to seek therapy or something.

I find that they help me get through life. I know this may sound queer,

ZeldaQueen: *giggle snort*

but for me the dreams sure help me out.

ZeldaQueen: Um, you just said that. And how wonderful, the only thing that keeps you going through life is some wet dreams over a video game character. Sounds like you really do need therapy.

I have shared this story with many other people and so far all has liked it.

ZeldaQueen: No offense, but I'm pretty sure your goldfish don't have that broad of a criteria for judging fanfiction.

Now as you read this it is told from my perspective or first person view.

ZeldaQueen: So she's right here and now admitting straight out that her character's a self insert. Well, at least she's honest.

You will find that it is very detailed since I remember it all very clearly to this day.

ZeldaQueen: After the millionth description of your wardrobe, I can believe it. I still can't believe this is healthy.

The story takes place after OoT. Nothing after that ever happens. No Majora's Mask. No LttP, or even Oracle of Ages and Seasons. And there is no love relation between Link and Zelda, Link and Ruto, Link and Malon or Link and Saria.

ZeldaQueen: Because all of those games deal with Link going to other places, which would mean that he couldn't hang around and have hot tiger sex with your Mary Sue insert. Same with those poor girls. Yes, I'm angry about that. I know full well what you did to them all.

Because of my feelings about Link, the person that he gets involved with in this story is myself or actually is my persona.

ZeldaQueen: Gah, she's fully admitting that he's only with her because she wants it!

A persona is for those of you who need to know, a representation of ones personality, or in dictionary terms is, (Persona) n. In biology, same as person. So for all you future readers, this story is based on Jenna, a char that is a representation of my personality.

ZeldaQueen: Actually according to Jung, one's persona was their public facade, not who they really were inside. Phail.

But if you think this might be too queer then you shouldn't read this. THIS IS NOT THE TYPE OF STORY FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT DISLIKE, OR CANNOT HANDLE SUCH MATERAL AS THE CONTEXT OF THIS STORY.

ZeldaQueen: Caplocks ahoy! And stop using the word "queer". It's creepy.

But if you seriously believe you can handle the content of this story, then read on. If your squeamish about sex, then you should not read this, since this story is a REAL LEMON and there is a lot of that, heavily detailed.

ZeldaQueen: My dear, have you ever heard of Hogwarts Exposed? Or The Girl Who Lived? Now that was an awful sex-bonding. I personally think your fic is a lemon in that it leaves a sour taste in my mouth and occasionally causes burning pains.

And again, I find it rather disgusting and disturbing that you are able to recall, in such vivid detail, having sex with a video game character.

(Between Link and I that is)

ZeldaQueen: Because you are the only two that matter.

Especially during the bonding ceremony. There is also some blood content and strong adult language. So if that’s too much then you should turn back now.

ZeldaQueen: Please. This is the internet. You just ensured that every smart aleck for miles will be reading and flaming.

Now I have not finished it as of yet.

ZeldaQueen: Thank God.

I have to catch up, since the last dream I had was just after Link and I had the blessing ceremony for our twins.(Our 3rd and 4th kids) Right now there is about 100-150 pgs worth. I'm expecting it to reach at least 300-350 probably even more. I will try to up date as often as possible.

ZeldaQueen: Good God, four kids? And you're how old when you dreamed this? 

I hope that some of you like this.

ZeldaQueen: I don't.

I do not mind sharing it.

ZeldaQueen: Given what you're about to say, I find that laughable.

But please understand that this is very PRECIOUS to me, as well as Link.

ZeldaQueen: Precious to Link? HE'S NOT REAL! He won't know you even wrote this thing! Your dream Link isn't real either!

So like I said, if the content of this story sounds, too queer to you, TURN BACK NOW! But to all who wish to continue, happy reading. Thanks,

ZeldaQueen: You're not welcome

~*~ Link’s Queen ~*~

ZeldaQueen: Is a whore


Rated R for strong adult language, sex, violence and blood content.

ZeldaQueen: I should hope so.

And strap in. Caplocks rage, full throttle.

AGAIN AS A FINAL WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS HEAVY SEX, ABULT LANGUAGE AND TALKS ABOUT MY PERSONAL ENCOUNTER WITH LINK. THIS STORY IS BASED ON DREAMS, DREAMS ABOUT MY LIFE WITH HIM. IF YOU FIND THE CONTENT OF THIS STORY TO BE OFFENSEVE, QUEER, OR PLAIN OUT OFF THE WALL, THEN DO NOT READ ON!!!!!!!

ZeldaQueen: Woah there, did your Prozac just wear off? And you already told us this stuff! If people didn't listen to it before, then repeating it in caplocks won't help!

I HAVE GOTTEN WAY TO MANY FLAMES ABOUT THE CONTENT OF THIS STORY WHEN I HAVE PLACED SEVERAL WARNINGS!!!!

ZeldaQueen: Flames are never good, but my dear, few if any fans appreciate canon rape, especially to your degree.

I WILL NOT ACCECPT ANY MORE FLAMES, RAMBLINGS, CUSSING OR EXCESSIVE LASHING OUT ABOUT THE CHAR JENNA, OR REVIEWS ABOUT THE CONTENT OF THIS STORY, EXCESSIVE LASHING OUT, VICIOUS ATTACKS AGAINST MY PERSONALITY, OR NON-MATURE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISIM!!!

ZeldaQueen: (Author) "In other words, only praise! Heap it on, get to it!"

ANY REVIEWS SUBMITTED THAT DO NOT FOLLOW THE ABOUVE GUIDLINES, WILL BE DELETED IMMEDIATELY!

ZeldaQueen: That rarely goes well. And "abouve"? Is that the phonetic Canadian version of "above"?

THESE WARNINGS ARE NOT THERE TO LOOK PRETTY,

ZeldaQueen: Good. They don't.

THE AUTHORS PLACE WARNINGS FOR A REASON!!!

ZeldaQueen: Yeah, and insane Suethors put capslocks warnings to look like twats.

IT IS TO TELL YOU WHAT THE CONTENT OF THE STORY IS SO THAT IF THE READER FINDS THE CONTENT OF THE STORY OFFENSIVE, THEY WILL NOT READ ON!!! MANY AUTHORS HAVE BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT UNWANTED, EXCESSIVE, VIOLENT AND JUST PLAIN NASTY REVIEWS THAT HAVE BEEN SUBMITTED BY READERS ABOUT THEIR STORIES, CAUSING FANFICTION TO GRANT AUTHORS THE ABILITY TO DELETE UNWANTED REVIEWS AND BLOCK CERTAIN READERS!! I WILL SAY THIS FOR MYSELF AND FOR ALL AUTHORS ON FANFICTION. NO AUTHOR TWISTS YOUR ARM OR HOLDS YOU AT GUN POINT OR FORCES YOU IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM TO READ THEIR STORIES!! ALL READERS HAVE THE RIGHT NOT TO READ A CERTAIN STORY!!! IT IS YOUR RESOPONSIBILITY TO READ THE WARNINGS AND DECIDE FOR YOUSELF IF THE CONTENT OF THE STORY IS OFFENSIVE TO YOU, AND TO MAKE THE CHOICE TO READ ON OR NOT!!!

ZeldaQueen: Yadda, yadda, yadda, will you get on with it?

AND IT ALSO IS THE READERS RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY ON HOW THEY HANDLE THENSELVES WHEN LEAVING A REVIEW FOR AN AUTHOR!!

ZeldaQueen: "Responsibility to take responsibility"? Now that's just stupid.

LEAVING A REVIEW THAT IS VIOLENT IN NATURE ONLY MAKES YOU THE READER LOOK BAD, AND IS VERY IMMATURE.

ZeldaQueen: Says the lady giving the CAPSLOCKS OF RAGE

IF  ALL US HERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ADULTS, WELL THEN, LETS CONDUCTIVE OURSELVES LIKE ADULTS AND NOT LIKE LITTLE KIDS!

ZeldaQueen: So can I safely assume that you're a little kid then?

I ONLY EXPECT THE VIOLENT LASHING OUT AND VICIOUS ATTACKS TO COME FROM TEENANGERS, NOT ADULTS!

ZeldaQueen: Because it's only teenagers who are violent. No adults who act in inappropriate ways.

IF YOU PEOPLE REALLY ARE ADULTS THAT ARE CONDUCTING YOURSELVES IN THE MANORS I DECRIBED ABOVE, YOU PEOPLE REALLY ARE SCARING ME!

ZeldaQueen: And your spelling is starting to scare me. But don't worry, I'll conduct myself in the manor you decribed. Now where are my serfs and the baby's bed I must take apart?

IT’S A DAMN SHAME TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE ADULTS OUT THERE WHO CANNOT CONDUCTIVE THEMSELVES IN THE SIMPLEST MANORS THEIR PARENTS HAVE TAUGHT THEM!

ZeldaQueen: There you go again! It's not the Feudal Era dear, we don't really use manors anymore. And did it ever occur to you that reviewers act like teenagers (as you put it) because they are teenagers? Not everyone on FF.net is an adult you know.

ALSO LEAVING MALICIOUS REVIEWS IS ALSO A SIGN OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM. IF ALL YOU PEOPLE KNOW HOW DO IS ATTACK SOMEONE VICIOUSLY, IT’S A SIGN OF SELFISHNESS AND NO RESPECT FOR ONES-SELF!

ZeldaQueen: Now this is just sounding like a lame attempt to fight back. "Yeah, you don't have any friends because you're just a mean old bully! Nyah!"

I SUGGEST TO ALL READERS WHO ARE THINKING ABOUT LEAVING A MALICIOUS REVIEW FOR ME, PLEASE GET A HOBBY AND LEARN TO CONTROL YOUR ANGER, BECAUSE YOUR ONLY HURTING YOURSELF, NOT ME! ALSO LEAVING A NASTY REVIEW ONLY MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID, NOT ME!

ZeldaQueen: LQ, please stop going on about people looking stupid and controlling anger. The irony is eating me alive. I might also add that you are the one writing a story out of your life-saving wet dreams, so you're hardly one to give advice on hobbies.

I FIND IT VERY RIDICULOUS THAT I HAD TO LEAVE A WARNING THIS LONG, BUT IT IS BECAUSE OF THE VERY IMMATURE READERS THAT HAVE SUBMITTED NASTY CHILDISH REVIEWS!

ZeldaQueen: I agree, that was ridiculous.

AGAIN, PLEASE READ THE ABOVE CONTEXT BEFORE READING ON!!!!

ZeldaQueen: No, once is enough for me.

Furthermore, I have realized that this story needs some heavy grammar corrections, and that the plot needs some work.

ZeldaQueen: Oh God, does it! The plot needs "some work" like a 9/11 conspiracy theorist needs "some brains"

Also under the advisement of my friend who had just recently completed two literature classes, has stated the reasons why people had classified Jenna as a “Mary Sue” char and labeled her as “flat”.

ZeldaQueen: I don't think you need two literature classes to figure that out, darling.

She has come to the conclusion that most people do not know or understand Jenna’s history, so she has advised me to create an origin story to explain about her history before she met Link. That way she will become more rounded and give people a reason to care about her.

ZeldaQueen: At the risk of spoiling things for the viewers, we never really get a backstory anyway. So nice of Link's Queen to take constructive criticism into account.

It was never in my intentions to create Jenna as a “Mary Sue” char or to make her conceited, because I’m not really like that.

ZeldaQueen: "Not really like that"? Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! Right, and Keiran Halcyon never meant to make Rose Potter a Mary Sue because she's so much better than Harry!

Jenna is a persona char, one that resembles my personality while this story is being told from her perspective.

ZeldaQueen: If she represents you and she's conceited, then that kind of implies that you are conceited also. Or a really bad writer.

Good gravy, I'm getting Twilight flashbacks here!

This story is not something that I pulled out of my head like my drawings, it came from my dreams.

ZeldaQueen: As you've told us five billion times by now.

So I understand that revising this story is going to be hard work and will take time.

ZeldaQueen: Why didn't you make these revisions before posting this fanfiction online? You could have spared us this rant.

Since this story is being told in the exact, or close to exact order it happened in the dreams, changing how fast Link and Jenna marry isn’t going to be easy. Even changing how fast they have sex and revising the Lemon parts also won’t be so easy to do.

ZeldaQueen: Huh, looks like the Suethor's found the ultimate excuse for her bad writing. "It's not my fault it all happened unrealistically! That's how it happened in the dream! I was just writing how it happened!"

Wait a second, Stephenie Meyer wrote Twilight as per her own dream dictated...

I just went cold.

But I’m currently in the process of revising this story, also I have received a college grammar book from my friend and I will be investing in a Beta-Reader.

ZeldaQueen: How about Microsoft Word's spell check and grammar check features? And beta-readers are usually free, aren't they?

I’m also considering taking to literature classes at JC to help boost my writing skills. But now I say this, if you people, the reviewers really have the intentions to help me, them please do it positively and like a mature adult. I’m telling you that it is a proven fact that negative motivation NEVER motivates someone to change. It never has and it never will. I’m pretty sure your parents have taught you that people only respond to positive motivation and not negative.

ZeldaQueen: I applaud her for her apparent willingness to accept constructive criticism, but the sheer fail of this fic makes me dock her any earned points.

I’m not close-minded, I NEVER have been.

ZeldaQueen: Pfftt!!!

I have always been open to other people’s thoughts and opinions, its when its done in an inappropriate manner that I turn my nose at it and look away. People have to understand that when you’re an adult, you need to conduct yourself like one and learn how to address other people like one. You cannot just act childish when you come across something that you DO NOT approve of, you’re only making yourself look bad and that can affect you later on in life. Acting childish and ranting and raving is something I’d expect a little kid would do when he doesn’t get his way. When an adult acts childish over stupid things, that’s looked down upon, and considered to be unhealthy. I have seen far too many reviews left for me where the reviewers are just ranting and raving like little kids over this story because they do not like it. It is only making them look stupid and is very unhealthy. I fear that these people have some serious emotional problems if they get that upset over a story. People in control of their emotions and have also obtained some sort of common sense, NEVER let little things get them all riled up. It is very sad when one that is supposed to be an adult, cannot handle them like one. I was NEVER angry with the reviewers not liking the story, it’s how they handled themselves when leaving me the reviews. Getting riled up, ranting and raving, screaming and spitting nails over this story is what has caused me to get upset, not the fact that they didn’t like it.

ZeldaQueen: Glad to hear all of that. Now are we actually going to get this story now?

Also as a side note, I NEVER physically hurt ANYONE with this story.

ZeldaQueen: Apparently not.

I got one reviewer that said. “Oh God please stop writing, your hurting everyone.” Now I want to know where I physically touched that person. I want to know how I’m twisting anyone’s arms to read this. I have never done anything of the sort in any way, shape or form and I DO NOT appreciate being accused of that!

ZeldaQueen: This chick has no sense of irony or metaphors. Interesting.

If you’re emotionally hurt over this, its your fault not mine. I’m sorry if it did, but I have placed several warnings describing the content of this story and if you know what it contains and you do not like this type of material, then why are you reading it?

ZeldaQueen: My dear, the emotional hurt isn't coming from the sex and blood (although that certainly doesn't help), it's coming from how you've mangled a beloved fandom and it's characters almost fully beyond recognition!!!

I do not appreciate getting accused for other people’s actions. It is your choice as the reader to read the content of this story and it is not my fault if it upsets you when you knew from the gecko what it contained.

ZeldaQueen: "Gecko"?!?!? Okay, we haven't even started the story and this is getting ridiculous. Honestly, how do you mistake "gecko" with "get-go"?

So please DO NOT flame me about it.
I also feel like a schoolteacher teaching a bunch of little kids. And I find that this really wasn’t necessary and shouldn’t have had to come to this, but it is very hard when your reviewers have forgotten how to conduct themselves like adults.

ZeldaQueen: Again, why do you assume that none of these flamers are kids?

If you honestly think that being malicious is a good thing and that you’re not wrong in doing so, well then your blinded by your own selfish pride. People with common sense learn how to take responsibility for themselves and are able to admit when their wrong. I have found that many of the reviewers that have left me malicious reviews honestly believe that its appropriate behavior for an adult. When it really is that they are too self-absorbed in themselves to admit their wrong. Again that results from selfish pride. One to scared to admit in front of others that they just might be wrong. Also, how can any of you hold any right to call Jenna conceited when in reality, your contradicting yourself by being conceited as well? Being conceited is again selfish pride and being self-absorbed. And yes, it is and always will be a fact that most of the reviewers have been conceited and very contradictive. Please DO NOT leave me a review that only contradicts what you are trying to preach. You should in reality, take your own advice.

ZeldaQueen: *pulls at hair* Start the fic already!

And I can see how a flame review is rude or nasty, but how is it "conceited"? Especially when it points out your shortcomings?

Again I find it very ridiculous that this had to be as long as it is,

ZeldaQueen: So do I.

but it is due to the fact that people not conducting themselves appropriately. Also if I do receive any more malicious reviews, with screaming, spitting nails or ranting and raving over this story because you do not like it then are to self-absorbed to admit that acting like that is wrong, well then you have proven my point! All of this is very self-explanatory!

ZeldaQueen: Now I'm getting shades of Allecto, "If you insult me, you're only insulting yourself!"
 
Now PLEASE DO NOT READ ON if you DO NOT plan on leaving me a review appropriately!

ZeldaQueen: You've said that a zillion times before, and if people were going to leave they'd have left by now!
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ZeldaQueen: And that, gentle viewers, was just the author's notes. Next update, we shall get the actual content. Please bring pillows so you don't hurt yourself when headdesking.

Onward to: Prologue

Back to: Table of Contents

Comments

[madamchaos.livejournal.com]

Wow. And I thought I could drive a herd of teal deer as author notes. God damn, I feel restrained now. Thanks, Link's Queen, for making me feel about my inability to shut up!

Strength be unto you, brave soul.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Tell me about it. Apparently the Suethor doesn't know that after a certain point, readers will just register the notes as "Blah, blah, blah" and skip them.

Thanks! Onward and outward! :D

[shaolina.livejournal.com]

1. Oh, my lord! Those are the notes that never end. XD It just went on and on and on. Aren't notes supposed to be short? Is this a weird american thing?

2. "A persona is for those of you who need to know, a representation of ones personality, or in dictionary terms is, (Persona) n. In biology, same as person. So for all you future readers, this story is based on Jenna, a char that is a representation of my personality.

ZeldaQueen: Actually according to Jung, one's persona was their public facade, not who they really were inside. Phail."

Should I bring an evoker to the fanfic? I could use a shot to the head.

3. Lucid dreams are rare? Really? I'm honestly surprised because I have them all the time. Whenever I'm in my dream I do all sort of weird things, most of the time it involves cartoon physics. I think watching too many WB cartoons (Animaniacs being my all time favorite) and Tom & Jerry made me this way. Only time my dream is not Lucid is when I dream of other stories, then it becomes my own tv station. Weird thing is, last week I dreamed in French with English subtitles.

(Point 4 will be in a separate post because it's a very long rant.)

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Oh I can assure you, long author's notes are *not* an American thing. It's a bratty author who can't follow her own advice thing.

I don't think I've ever had any lucid dreams before, but I know what you mean about dreams like tv stations. Most of the time, my dreams are like books I'm re-reading but also participating him (I already know what will happen). Like one of my dreams had me as a member of the Fellowship of the Ring and they all thought they just had to drop the Ring into any old fire. Just as they started a campfire and pitched it in, I remembered that the LOTR was a three-part series and we were only in part one, which meant that we had to fill up the two other books with *something*. That was when they figured out their mistake and decided to set off for Mordor.

[katistrophe.livejournal.com]

The dream thing happens to me too. I usually dream that I'm a character from whatever I watched or read... sometimes in pretty weird situations. Like one time, I was Ian Malcolm, and I had to watch over a bunch of kids on a class trip. In Germany. (I live in Germany, so yeah...). And when I was a kid, I used to read Mickey Mouse comics, and once or twice I dreamed of reading them (really weird ones, though - one contained a room full of sentient orange juice), with a "to be continued" in the corner just before I woke up.

[uniswift87.livejournal.com]

My dreams are usually very weird, but I'm pretty sure I've never had one involving sentient orange juice.

But there was that one dream about a Cactuar mariachi band...

[(Anonymous)]

Cactuar mariachi band? so I;m not the only one.

[yemi-hikari.livejournal.com]

1.) My longest author's note was no where near this long, and it was long because it was a joint fanfic between a friend of mine on Fanfiction.net and they kept refering it to just my story, which bummed him out. I left shorter notes, but finally... a long note was needed. And then, people said they were sorry and either refer to none of us or both of us in their reviews.

2.) I have to wonder where she got that defintion from because I just looked it up and... well... not one of these has that definition. http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&rlz=1T4GGLL_enUS386US387&defl=en&q=define:persona&sa=X&ei=KDXrTN-jB436swO8oLSBDw&ved=0CBYQkAE .

3.) I have them all the time too. A few times, I've gotten good writing material from it, but I've also needed to change it up.

[shaolina.livejournal.com]

4. (Super long rant ahead) What happened to self inserts? Really? I remember there was a time people would do self inserts for comedy and be actually good. Some of them doing MSTs or writing long series that were a pleasure to read because they were so darn funny (The fanboys comes to mind). Sure, there were also people who did it for self gratification, but it wasn't the whole community. Lots of self inserts were growing up Cullen level of awesomeness!

You know how they did it? By being goofy (and bringing pain to their SIs). Let's face it, nobody sensible likes reading the author's "love me, adore me, worship me" crap. It gets old fast and not everyone wants to hear about Sesshoumaru suddenly falling in love with you and realizing what a prick he is.

Newsflash! Chances are the character you are cannon raping won't like you and his many fangirls will like you even less. And I'm pretty sure he won't stop on his tracks and spout epic poems about your awesome blue hair and your misunderstood soul, clear analogy of your parents not letting you get that nose piercing. Oh, how my soul bleeds for you.

I'll admit I did self insert fics back then (Inuyasha ones).I had forgotten about it until recently when I found the stories in my old computer. The difference? I did them for comedy. Nobody was in love with my avatar, and nobody really liked her in a "BFF now and ever!" way. Inuyasha certainly didn't like her. Why? Because she could be an annoying bitch at times and Inuyasha recognized that. In turn she could never like him that way because he can be an angsty bastard with a bad sense of humor and she realized that.

They were both snarky at each other and fun to write. I focused more on the earlier episodes Inuyasha, when he had a shorter fuse, and he was the straight man of the situation. For my self insert I pretty much listed everything bad about me and made it more hyper and annoying but in an Animaniacs sort of way.

I honestly don't get why so many self insert writers want to write a character with perfect body, perfect voice and perfect powers when writing about a flat chested girl with an annoying voice and goofy powers is much more fun. It boggles my mind because I can't see what's so much fun about that. I'd rather be writing about Inuyasha and my SI escaping Clamp's wonderland.

Looking back on it, 10 years later, there's LOTS of things I would fix, if I decided to make this old fic into a real story, but it had lots of cute moments. When Inuyasha comes up to her room and they have a conversation about their predicament it was funny to me how I played it out with her taking advantage of Inuyasha's dog nature for her own amusement. Another time she was commenting about sword = penis issues with Inuyasha and he tripped her into a dark hole (Which she deserved, she was indeed being annoying and he did warn her to stop).

I don't write self inserts anymore (nor fanfics). I only did those as a kid because I was bored, but when I see this I really don't get it. Where's the fun? Where's the author dropping a Godzilla on the avatar? Where's the canon characters kicking your butt? Where's the snark? Where's the main girl getting a whip and the main guy getting a ride from a skateboarding playboy bunny? Aahh! So boring.

Again, she complaints about nobody liking your story, but who likes to read pages upon pages of the author's wank?! My lord, 13 year old me had more sense than this!

(Not to say that I was perfect. Lord knows I sucked in my own special way, but at least mine were trying to be funny and I actually succeed in some level. I made 3 friends that I still go to the movies with to this day thanks to those crazy fics)

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Well as for why people make SIs perfect - it's a bit understandable really. If you're writing a story in which you are a participant, there's obviously a ton of temptation to give in and make your insert really good looking and powerful without realizing it. Of course, the problem is that a lot of people who do this just don't realize how bad of a character they've written and thus decide to publish it.

Now Link's Queen can also handwave this with the same excuse I pointed out - according to her, this is all a dream (I kind of find that hard to swallow, but hey - stranger stuff's happened). If she's controlling her world, it sort of makes sense that she'd make her character gorgeous and be Zelda's best friend and have the King give her presents and have Link fall in love with her and have everything turn out perfectly. Again though, the problem is that she decided to put the stupid thing online.

And it's not just the Sue-ishness of Jenna, I'll tell you right now. There are a TON of inaccuracies regarding her usage of the Legend of Zelda cannon, not to mention (like I said), almost every cannon character being derailed to the point of existing only to fawn over the Mary Sue. Again, dream world, I can believe someone using the chance for creating a place that revolves around them. But then she can't understand how people would be bothered by this. I don't know if you're at all familiar with the Legend of Zelda, but if you are then you will be seriously angry with what she does to the characters. Especially the ones who were considered Link's love interests - Saria, Malon, and poor Zelda and Ruto, those two get the worst.

I think you have it with fanfiction though - if a writer can acknowledge that they're kind of sucky but still makes an honest effort, some people might complain but it won't be so bad. Sues like Jenna though have just passed the line long ago. It's like those people who get so fat they can't get out of bed - it's impossible to believe that at some point prior, alarm bells didn't go off and they didn't think "Hmm, I might want to reconsider what's going on here..."

Thanks for reading though! Just wait until we actually meet the Sue... =_=;

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

I'm just surprised that very little weird shit happened in her 'lucid dreams'. Sure, she has an utterly bizarre bonding ceremony, but nothing on the level of talking to a sparkling vampire or being ambushed by your grandmother's zombie. (I had the latter happen to me the one time I attempted to 'lucidly dream'. I've never put much effort into it since.)

*rubs hands together* I just can't wait for you to shred her for the canon-mangling. I can't wait. >D (And my inner Link/Zelda shipper will be glad to see her avenged... damnit, OoT!Zelda had a TON more spine than being a Sue's eternal assistant! GAH!)

Oh, I can't WAIT to meet the Sue. 8D *lifts Master Spork*

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Seriously? O_o I've never lucid dreamed before, but now I really want to. How did you manage it?

Oh ho ho, I totally agree! And to make things worse, Link's Queen has the audacity to imply that Princess Zelda had no idea of what she was doing in the game. The Suethor wrote several mini-fics about Ruto, Malon, and Zelda reflecting on how Link chose the Sue over her. Zelda's is all around how she was hiding and scared. No mention of Sheik or fighting Ganondorf alongside of Link, *nothing*

XD Great! *prepares Light Spork*

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

Well... it's weird. I dreamed I was standing in the driveway of my childhood home, and suddenly I thought "Hey, I don't live here any more, this is a dream! Cool, I realize I'm dreaming! And now I'm going to do whatever I want, because I'm in control! :D" And then I turned around, and my grandmother's zombie was behind me. -_-;; So much for that.

What? *checks fic* AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH. The woman just GLOATS over how he's in love with HER and not any other women, isn't she? D| Bah humbug. ANY of those characters are better than her insipid little Sue.

Right, you fire and I'll stab...

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Aw. :( But I know what you mean. I've had dreams where I think "Wait, this is a dream!", but that revelation tends to come just as they end (like a horrid dream I had not long ago where I was raped - boy was I glad THAT one got figured out)

Oh, it gets better. The Suethor wrote several other mini-fics, set around modern songs, and ALL about how Ruto, Zelda, and Malon have decided to give up on Link so he can be happy with Jenna. *spits* I hate her.

Gotcha! *takes aim*

[shaolina.livejournal.com]

XD I guess part of my problem is that I love humor too much and was a fan in communities where humor was appreciated over perfection. So when I write, even to this day, I don't write about the main character being the most beautiful and perfect woman/male in the world. For starters it's boring and I doubt anyone can relate. Second, it has never been fun for me and I doubt it would be fun for anybody else. And last: it doesn't make sense, people have different tastes.

And I don't care if it's a dream. I dream stories all the time. The one I sent you was a series of dreams I had. But once I wake up I make my own choices in the matter. I think things through and decide if I leave it as is or change it because I think I'm smarter awake than asleep. (Again, I do suck in my own special way, but if I let everything to my subconscious I would suck even more).

For example, Galatea was an adult in my dreams who was kinda there and died at the end of the second part of the book. When I woke up I changed her character to a kid and thus made her into a better character and outlast her adult counterpart. If I had left everything to my dreams Rumiel wouldn't have been there, the back story would have been way shorter, and Baba would have been a random beggar woman instead that shows up two times only. All those things changed when I woke up and thought about it and I feel it improves the story.

As for Zelda game I've only played Twilight princess. I was a playstation kid so nintendo games went over my head until recently. I've wanted to play the other Zelda games, but even now they're 30$ used at Gamestop. I'm hoping for a price drop or for my job to start.

(And just in case, I'm not trying to say everyone should follow my writing ideas per se, I just think a self insert who is there for lulz sake and an author who really tried to write comedy would make a better story. Because self inserts can be great in comedies, I've seen it myself, whereas in romances they twist the very soul of all that they touch... in all of the ones I've read anyway.)

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

There are some self-inserts played for humor, though most of the ones I think of are in webcomics. For example, Frank Cho draws himself as a monkey ("Frank the Trouser Monkey). A hilarious example is the artist of "Sequential Art", who draws himself as a hampster. One of his characters asks him at one point why he chose a hampster. His response: http://www.collectedcurios.com/sequentialart.php?s=194

Of course that's what ought to be done. But this Suethor apparently believes that these dreams *really happened* and thus seems to think that changing them is an insult to her relationship with Link. And that sentence creeped me out.

Now I'm an avid Nintendo fan, and the Legend of Zelda is my favorite. So this crazy lady violating canon really steams my clams. Ocarina of Time was the first game in the series I played, for heaven's sake!

Oh I agree, a self-insert can be done well and comic purposes would probably be at least the safest. Bit of triva, btw, in the book "Alice in Wonderland", the Dodo was Lewis Carroll's own self-insert. This was because of his stutter and his real life name, which led him to introduce himself as "Charles Do-do-dodgeson".

[(Anonymous)]

There's a few more good ones from webcomics.

Dan Shive, of El Goonish Shive, is drawn as a squirrel boy most of the time, comeplete with the comic's random genderbending making him a girl often than not. Sure, he's basically a god being the author and all, but he only misuses power for pranks in non-canon comics.

Or Andrew Hussie, appearing as Andrew Hussie in Homestuck. Usually he's only there to troll fans, provide recaps, or, in a very memorable instant, was actually shot to death in his own comic.
It stuck too-he's still dead in the story.

[yemi-hikari.livejournal.com]

My big self-insert is like that too. Except I also did it because I was rather tiered of the rabid shippers for pour Legolas and this is reflected in this character, her little cousin. She could be better though.

[kawaiicow.livejournal.com]

I love the hypocricy of this girl stressing the difference between 'childish' brhaviour and 'adult' behaviour when she's writing a self-insert fanfiction about a video game character.
Lord, we haven't even started the story and already the author had bored me. I am rather looking forward to more of this mysterious and wise 'Gecko', it it like Keepora Geebora but in gecko form? Maybe it will explain the plot to us later.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Oh but in her case it's wonderful and precious because this is her secret second life with Link. [/sarcasm]

You think there'll be a plot later? You poor dear...

Thanks for reading!

[sylvacoer.livejournal.com]

THE INSTANT I READ CAPSLOCK, I GO INTO CAPSLOCK MODE, WHICH INDUCES ME TO WRITE IN CAPSLOCK AND RESPOND WITH SNARKY, PORNY MACROS. STOP IT. STOP INDUCING MY CAPSLOCK-INVOLUNTARY REFLEX.

*switches of CAPSLOCK - mostLY* aaahhhh. Anywhoodle... "gecko" - that just reintroduced my fear of kamikaze geckos, even though I no longer live in Hawaii. *covers head*

What were we talking about? ?_?

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

The author was going nuts because people didn't take her delusional wet dreams seriously. XD

[yemi-hikari.livejournal.com]

I am having to go back and reread this author note, simply because it is that blasted long. While she had much to say, only to say the same thing over and over again, I have very little in comparision.

I am rather irked that she has the idea that her warnings meant she wouldn't get no negative feedback at all. There is also a correct use of warnings, and an abuse of the warnings. A case of not abusing it is saying something like, this is a slash fanfic, and expecting the slash haters not to read it, but still getting critique from non-fans like myself on the first chapter to help you improve. Her kind of warnings are juvinial, like the authors who think that an OoC warning excuses them making characters OoC. It doesn't. I also slam my head whenever I see the whole idea that anyone saying something negative about a personas fanfic is malicious. It just isn't.

I pity her literature friend. She may have mistook this for original work, without realizing it was fanfiction. If she knew it was fanfiction, she might have said something more then what she did, and that adding a background would help.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

"I pity her literature friend. She may have mistook this for original work, without realizing it was fanfiction. If she knew it was fanfiction, she might have said something more then what she did, and that adding a background would help."

I'd like to think that the friend gave more deep and meaningful advice than "Your character needs more background". I somehow get the feeling that the suethor greatly simplified things, to the point in which she could understand them.

[yemi-hikari.livejournal.com]

Possibly. But I've also had one young Suethor (which isn't the case here) who went and showed one of her fanfics to her teacher. The writing was on level for what it was, but the characters were OoC. I asked her if she told her teacher if it was dirivitive of someone elses work, or did the teacher think it was completly her own. I know that if I wasn't familiar with the fandom, I would have said 'good original work'.

[slozar.livejournal.com]

Huh. This is gonna suck. Well, full steam ahead.

[allatina.livejournal.com]

The other day, my Brother and I found this video on Youtube about the Zelda timeline here, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHCbp5LTgbU and looking back on this fic reminded me; wasn't Majora's Mask the only direct sequel to Ocarina of Time? All the other games' Links are supposed to be descendants or something, so they're all not the same Link she's supposed to marry, so why's she declaring OoT is the only game that happened? She could have just said that Jenna was the one OoT Link married and had those descendants with, it's not like the other games specified who OoT Link married, or if he married at all.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

I believe that when this was written, the series only went as far as Majora's Mask. That's why Twilight Princess and the like aren't brought up. (Incidentally, if Twilight Princess and Spirit Tracks HAD been out at the time, it totally would have borked her claim later that Zelda needed to be wed to rule the kingdom, because both games have a very much unmarried Zelda ruling Hyrule).

I think the reason she specified that the other games didn't happen was to cover her bases. If she weren't so...insistent that this was some alternate reality, she could have said "Ocarina of Time is the only canon I'm using". Really though, I think she only bothered because she couldn't stand the thought that in canon, Link left Hyrule for other adventures instead of sticking around to play house.

Also, considering that she can't seem to tell the difference between "through" and "threw", I suspect that the Legend of Zelda timeline is beyond her knowledge.

[taekarado.livejournal.com]

i love how the suethor apparently wont even accept "REVIEWS ABOUT THE CONTENT OF THIS STORY". i know thats probably not what she meant, but the wording sounds like even a massive heap of praise about the 'mythos' she 'used' in certain chapters would be deleted because it is a "review about the content of the story".

[(Anonymous)]

My thoughts exactly. And "NON-MATURE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISIM!!!" Constructive critisism is GOOD lady. And what you ASKED for! I gotta say, it's hard to top Meyer, but she did it.

[raxistaicho.livejournal.com]

I actually have lucid dreams all the time ;D

Sadly I'm not good enough yet to manipulate them :/ I'm only good enough to realize it and force myself awake.

At least

[(Anonymous)]

At least people acknowledge that thist story is crap and generally agree. I used to hate this story but now I find it sad and entertaining at the same time. I like this sporking and manwithoutabody's dramatic reading of it; it's like an audiobook. At least it got the thrashing it deserved. Twilight still has millions of slobbering fan girls that'll tell you it's the greatest love story of all time. *spits bile*

[uniswift87.livejournal.com]

Rereading this just because it's so darn entertaining. XD

Giving your Mary Sue a backstory does not make her more "well rounded". A flat character is a flat character, regardless of his/her history. In fact, a lot of Mary Sues have really outrageous backstories that make no sense in regards to the canon setting.

Also? I know of one self-insert that was done well. And said self-insert was only based on the author's screen name, not who she was in real life. Plus the character wasn't even the focus of the story, so there ya go. :P (And the story is really awesome, I might add.)

Also-also, I'll admit to having "crushes" on fictional characters...but that's not the same as having wet dreams about them. *shudder*

Oh the delicious irony

[(Anonymous)]

This is a bit preemptive, but Link'sQueen wrote a bunch of putrid side song fics and a two chaptered Sue-tastrophy called "Mother Goddess." I'd love to see Zelda's Queen take those on. The song fics just further crap all over Link's other potential love interests (aka not Jenna) in various forms (Ruto and Malon get the worst), and Mother Goddess creates a sue goddess named Sclyina who apparently created all life, including Hyrule, with a dragon, ice unicorn (yes, really), and "her version of Mew" the Pokemon, which is a blatant theft; the only difference is that this Mew talks. Lots of bullcrap dialogue, nothing much happens, and if something does, it gets the barest explanation or none at all. Check them out if you have a strong stomach, and Zelda's Queen feel free to take a look, if you're still in business over here :)

Re: Oh the delicious irony

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

XD Yeah, I saw all of those. I actually sporked one of them, which should be linked under "Quick Fics". The rest, "Mother Goddess" included, should be sporked when I get a chance. :)

[scribal-goddess.livejournal.com]

*Starts laughing at "Gecko" and only stops when her ribs mutiny.*

Wow. Link's Queen is starting to remind me of someone I had to kick out of a beta-reading circle once, but they only had authors notes that took up half a page and were all excuses as to why their "muse" had abandoned them and what they were doing in real life. This is just a badly spelled rant.

[beacon80.livejournal.com]

All right. I've been meaning to read these sporks for a while.
::reads::
::reads some more::
::still reading::
zzz...
Huh? What? Is it over?
What? It hasn't even begun?
To quote Monty Python...


Seems a bit odd that she can simultaneously insist that this is all real and talk about fixing the plot.

[torako-tiger.livejournal.com]

wow. i.......... wow.
any idea how old this chick is? like, the characters/stories i wrote when i was THIRTEEN didn't warrant this level of warning. although, to be fair, i never let anyone read them. which... is probably a sign of relative maturity, tbh.
i mean, i also don't write anymore, but i don't upload my creative endeavours for anyone besides friends until i'm actually satisfied that i've done a good job and that my work actually deserves praise. and you know what? at that point, usually others agree with me (that it deserves praise) and even if someone DOESN'T think it's good, it's a lot easier to handle because I'M happy with it, so that helps me take a step back and see what can be improved without feeling shitty about it. although by that point my attitude is also "ugh i don't want to look at it anymore *plays video games*" so... it has its pros and cons! ^^;

ok yeah that wasn't particularly relevant, sorry.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

I think it's generally agreed that Link's Queen was somewhere in her early to mid-teens when she wrote this fic (it was up on FF.net in the early 2000s). It's also been speculated that English wasn't her first language, which kinda explains a few of the spelling errors. Not all of them, granted, but still.

Her age would also explain why she sounds MUCH more rational in recent times.

[torako-tiger.livejournal.com]

that'd explain it, although the idea of a young teenager writing about herself giving link a blowjob kinda freaks me out. XD