Breaking Dawn: Chapter 36 - Bloodlust
Mar. 28th, 2010 05:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zelda_queenProjection Room Voices: "Chapter thirty-six, in which the Volturi show up and everyone talks"
ZeldaQueen: *cracks knuckles*
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
Chapter 36: Bloodlust
ZeldaQueen: Might this mean that there will be a little fighting? Please?
Well this is not a good sign - right off the bat we start off with Bella raging endless prose about how beautiful the Volturi are and how they're moving in perfect formation. She doesn't specify, but I imagine that they also have a great trumpet section in their marching band and can form themselves so that they sell "Volturi Rule!" to people in airplanes. And in case you're wondering, this goes on for five paragraphs. I'll just let you imagine how it goes, since I'm kind enough to not make you read it.
So there are apparently thirty-two Volturi and Bella goes off again on how they're all going to die because they're outnumbered, even if they don't count the "drifting, waifish black-cloaked figures in the very back" who are apparently supposed to be the wives. Because of course wives just stand there and don't fight at all.
Wait, so only two members of the Volturi are married? Well then no wonder they're so evil, they haven't got their One True Loves! Just help them find their soul mates and all will be well!
I'm not happy, in case it's hard to tell.
If we count up, apparently there are nineteen vampires who are willing to fight, seven who will just watch, and ten werewolves. So total, there are twenty-nine who will fight to save Renesmee, against thirty Volturi vampires. Huh? How are those such terrible odds? I mean, yes they technically are outnumbered (assuming that none of the vampires on the fence decide to join in at the last minute), but they're one short. And it's been established that the vampires on the "good" side have better powers than the Volturi. I thought Bella was supposed to be well-educated. Doesn't she know that the colonists were well outgunned by the British during the American Revolution? Didn't she ever read The Lord of the Rings, you know "three hundred against ten thousand!"? Those are odds to be upset about. Twenty-nine against thirty? Eh, not so much.
Garrett mutters about the redcoats coming and sidles up next to Kate while the Romanians are all amazed that so many Volturi showed up after all and mentioned that it was just as well they never tried to take Volterra. I can only assume they meant "invade it while the Volturi were still there", because I mentioned before that the city is empty and there's no reason why the Romanians couldn't just sneak in then and take hold of it.
And then we get even more vampires coming in behind the Volturi. Bella describes these ones as being "motley" and "disorganized" and figures out that they're the Volturi witnesses, whipped into a frenzy to see the "Immortal Child" get killed. Apparently Aro's plan is for them to verify that the Volturi were indeed in the right, should a fight break out. Because the Catholic Vampires are evil. This new development means that there are now more than forty vampires and GOD DAMN YOU BELLA, WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT HOW HOPELESS THIS IS??? Seriously, she starts in on how they'll all be killed even if they get rid of the Volturi's advantages and how even if they kill Dimitri, Jacob will still be caught. Bella, if you kill Aro's most valuable players and you yourself are allied with even more powerful vampires, that ought to leave you even! You have no idea how well-trained these witness vampires are! Stop despairing, it's boring and you look even more spineless if that is possible!!! Look at Harry Potter! Did he keep going on about how his allies were all going to die without a chance against the Death Eaters? NO! He makes one mention of how they probably will have casualties and everyone else is like "Yeah whatever, we owe Voldemort one and we won't abandon you" and he goes and does useful stuff so his friends won't die! GOD!!!
Oh, and Irina is also there. And she clearly looks horrified and not sure of which side to be with.
Edward mentions that Alistar was right - that the Volturi are determined to have a fight no matter what and if Renesmee isn't a way to get one, they'll make up another reason.
Bella notes that there are now sixteen wolves instead of ten and that more teenagers have fursploded as a result of so many vampires in the area. She goes on some more about how even more people will be dying and then gets angry.
"Abruptly, I was furious. Beyond furious, I was murderously enraged. My hopeless despair vanished entirely. A faint reddish glow highlighted the dark figures in front of me, and all I wanted in that moment was the chance to sink my teeth into them, to rip their limbs from their bodies and pile them for burning. I was so maddened I could have danced around the pyre where they roasted alive; I would have laughed while their ashes smoldered. My lips curved back automatically, and a low, fierce snarl tore up my throat from the pit of my stomach. I realized the corners of my mouth were turned up in a smile"
ZeldaQueen: Erm...I guess "murderous rage" is better than "idiotic despair"... At least it looks like we'll be getting some action from Bella (besides the kind when she and Edward are alone). I mean, there is going to be a fight, ISN'T THERE???
The Volturi are still getting settled and Aro seems disappointed that Alice is not there. "Chagrin tightened his lips". Chagrin sighting, take a shot! Edward explains that the Volturi are trying to figure out how to go about with this. Marcus is reading their relationships - I guess they had to give the poor guy something to do to feel useful - and choosing key targets (Bella, Edward, Eleazar, and Tanya). Apparently they're annoyed by the presence of the Romanians and confused by the Amazons and wolves (who they are unfamiliar with). Oh, and Edward has one final comment.
"'They've never been outnumbered before. That's what stopped them.”
'Outnumbered?' Tanya whispered incredulously.
'They don't count their witnesses,' Edward breathed. 'They are nonentities, meaningless to the guard. Aro just enjoys an audience'".
ZeldaQueen: I swear to whatever entity is in the sky, if Bella continues to go on about how doomed they are after this, I'm feeding her to Professor Farnsworth's carnivorous ant-eaters.
And is it just me, or does that description of how the Volturi view their witnesses sound weirdly similar to how Bella treated her human friends? She doesn't count them for anything, they are nonentities, meaningless to her. She just enjoys an audience.
HA!
And yes, thank you God, Carlisle FINALLY gets around to talking to them. Yes folks, every bit of this chapter thus far has just been describing who is standing where and how things are being set up. YES, it is as boring to read as it sounds.
Well Aro and Carlisle start talking and Aro is all regretful and refers to Carlisle like an old friend. Carlisle insists that no one broke the law and that he's willing to poke Aro's hand to let him know the truth. Caius takes this opportunity to show off how EVIL he is by jumping forward and snarling about how it's plain that Renesmee's an Immortal Child, so they ought to just kill her and go home. He insists that she must be Immortal, otherwise why would so many vampires and wolves gather to protect her? Carlisle says that they're just witnesses, like who the Volturi brought.
Caius gets all grumpy and orders Irina to be brought forward. The poor woman is all stunned and doesn't seem to know what to say and I kind of feel sorry for her (although I still think she should have spoken to Carlisle before this all happened!). Irina is all but shoved to the front of the group and Caius walks over and slaps her across the face. Bella mentions "It couldn't have hurt, but there was something terribly degrading about the action. It was like watching someone kick a dog".
...So Meyer's finally admitting that actions like that are degrading? But doesn't admit that it's degrading and humiliating when Edward yanked Bella across the parking lot and forced her into his car? Or when Alice virtually kidnapped her? Or when he forced her to have dinner with him in the restaurant?
And Bella? How nice of you to acknowledge that there is "something" degrading ABOUT A WOMAN BEING SLAPPED ACROSS THE FACE FOR NO GOOD REASON!!! WE'RE NOT EVEN TOLD THAT BELLA REACTS AT ALL!!! WE'RE TOLD THAT JACOB GROWLS AND TANYA AND KATE HISSES BUT BELLA DOESN'T EVEN WINCE! BECAUSE IRINA IS A NASTY TRAITOR AND DESPITE THE FACT THAT SHE WAS OBVIOUSLY CONFUSED AND CONFLICTED OVER THE ENTIRE THING AND CLEARLY REPENTANT OVER HER ACTIONS, EVERYONE SEEMS FINE TO JUST STAND THERE AND NOT DEFEND HER AND JUST LET CAIUS SMACK HER AROUND BECAUSE HEY, SHE TRIED TO TURN IN DEATH BABY DEVIL SPAWN AND THAT AUTOMATICALLY MAKES HER PURE EVIL AND UNWORTHY OF CULLEN PROTECTION!!!
HATEDEATHDESTRUCTIONMAYHEMDISE
VIOLENCEFILTHGAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*pants* Sorry folks. Caius gets all "bad cop" on Irina and demands to know if it's the same baby she reported. Irina confesses that Renesmee has indeed changed and Aro steps in so that Caius doesn't smack her around anymore. He offers Irina his hand and gets her memories of the younger Renesmee. From there, Aro proclaims that the puzzlement is that Renesmee clearly was remembered as an Immortal Child but has now grown. Erm, how is that a puzzlement? If she grew up, then she's clearly not an Immortal Child. Simple as that. But no, we need more padding so Edward is now called out to give Aro his memories. Bella freaks out at the thought of her Beloved leaving her in any capacity but can't follow him because she doesn't want to take Renesmee any closer. So she puts her mind-shield around everyone. That's right, she shields all forty-two or so allies. With absolutely no strain or issue. SUE!!!!!! But then she has to temporarily unshield Edward because she real "with some chagrin" that Aro must be able to read his memories.
Edward is arrogant during the exchange (yes, that word is used) and acts "as if he were conferring a great honor". Yes Edward, be rude to the people who you know are looking for any excuse to murder your daughter and family and take you and your wife prisoner. That's smart. Bella flips out over the thought that Aro is getting all of Edward's thoughts and memories, which include Alice's visions and every time he and Bella held each other and kissed. Now I'm wondering if Aro ever gets bored and uses his power for some sort of illegal porn viewing. Hmm...
Well, Aro finally understands about who Renesmee is and goes on about how this is something entirely new and unheard of, yadda - Mary Sue - yadda. He now asks to see Renesmee and I'm about ready to tear my hair out, this is so boring. Felix and Dimitri join Aro as a guard while Bella brings the kid and gets Emmett and Jacob to act as guards also - Emmett because he's dying for a fight and Jacob because he's so dependent on the little spawn that he can't let her go ten paces away from him. Bella and Felix have some casual banter with the vampire equivalent of "Hey, how're you doing?" which is kind of funny for the situation.
Oh, and it seems that Jane notices Bella's necklace and is jealous that Aro gave Bella a gift. Nice.
Well Renesmee communicates mentally with Aro and he is all happy and Dumbledore-ish and goes on about how there's so much to learn from her and how he doesn't want to hurt her family and friends and then Maggie hisses at the lie and WILL SOMETHING HAPPEN ALREADY???
Oh for the love of - and more talking! Aro takes a fancy to the wolves and Edward mentally cuts him off. It seems that Aro was starting to consider taking the wolves to use as guard dogs. Jacob and his pack mates are understandably angry with this and start snarling.
Aro is all amused at this and says that there's "So much to decide. If you and your furry protector will excuse me, my dear Cullens, I must confer with my brothers".
This is...AUGH!!! THIS IS BORING, THAT'S WHAT THIS IS! THIS IS EVEN MORE BORING THAN KEIRAN HALCYON'S THE HUNTRESS AND THAT IS SAYING QUITE A LOT! MEYER, YOU ARE OFFICIALLY MORE BORING THAN THE FANFICTION WRITER WHO DEDICATED MORE THAN SEVENTY-PERCENT OF THE FIRST CHAPTER OF HIS STORY TO NUDISM, POLITICIAN BASHING, AND POINTLESS DESCRIPTIONS OF HOW TO CLEAN A GUN!
I mean what is this? This was all exposition! Everyone just STOOD AROUND AND TALKED! What does the chapter title even have to do with this? That Bella briefly feels the need to tear the Volturi apart? But nothing comes of it! This is all worse than watching grass grow and I am glad the chapter is over, I'm order a pizza GOOD DAY!
Onward to: Chapter 37: Contrivances
Back to: Chapter 35: Deadline
Return to: Table of Contents
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-28 10:36 pm (UTC)Twilight
1. The Cullens are totally not vampires.
2. It's totally just Billy being superstitious--only one half of the legend is true.
3. James totally has her mom.
4. She's totally going to die by James's hands.
New Moon
1. Edward's totally not leaving.
2. Edward's totally never coming back.
3. Jacob is totally not turning into a werewolf.
4. Laurent totally killed all those giant wolves.
5. Edward totally doesn't love her anymore.
Eclipse
1. It's totally just a single newborn vampire in Seattle.
2. A vampire totally didn't steal Bella's clothes.
3. The vampire who stole her clothes is totally not related to the one in Seattle.
4. The vampire in Seattle making a newborn army is totally not Victoria.
5. It's totally Leah who got torn up and not Jacob.
Breaking Dawn
1. Bella is totally not pregnant.
2. Edward is totally not thinking of killing her baby.
3. The baby is totally going to be a boy.
4. Jacob is totally not going to imprint on the demon fetus.
5. Bella totally doesn't have an extra special power.
6. The Volturi are totally gonna come kill them all and there is no hope.
7. Alice totally bailed because she sensed there was no hope.
8. Alice totally bailed because she knew she'd be able to help in other ways.
9. Alice totally bailed because Jasper was in danger.
10. There is totally going to be an epic battle.
Did I miss any?
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-28 11:02 pm (UTC)Dang though... O_o That's just bad writing there. If those were real dead herrings, I'd like to re-enact Monty Python's fish-slapping dance on Meyer.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-28 11:21 pm (UTC)1. Bella is totally going to become a rampaging, bloodthirsty newborn. (Breaking Dawn)
2. Rosalie is totally not going to be friends with Bella. (Eclipse)
3. Leah is totally not a werewolf. (Eclipse)
4. The Volturi are totally not going to show up later and become important. (New Moon)
5. Edward totally can't read minds. (Twilight)
I'm sure that there are more, but those are all I could think of at the moment, especially since you've already covered so many.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-10-13 08:48 pm (UTC)Huh. Guess that's what happens when you have editors and critique groups that are worth a damn.
Anyways, just giving you props. I'll try to spread it around, and maybe it'll someday make its way into the official literary jargon! :)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-10-13 08:51 pm (UTC)Also, I think you have a perfect name for your new metal-punk band.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 01:05 am (UTC)Heh? Did something happen other than ordering pizza?
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 01:54 am (UTC)But I swerve between Pepperoni and garlic (sans tomato) XD
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 01:43 am (UTC)Gosh. All that build-up. It was like expecting champagne and then getting warm Fanta Zero xP
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 01:57 am (UTC)No, all this build-up is like someone offering to feed you some chocolate and then pulling it away when you open your mouth. V_V
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 02:36 am (UTC)Either way: DICK MOVE, MEYER!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 04:28 am (UTC)It's funny that you should mention that... ;)
http://simplydelightfulx.deviantart.com/art/Naughty-Aro-is-Naughty-SPOILER-95922345
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 04:30 am (UTC)Thank you! That made my evening!!!
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 04:35 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 12:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 07:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 12:47 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 07:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 07:33 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 01:56 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 07:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 06:36 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 07:03 pm (UTC)The artist (who's a Twilight fan, by the way) has other funny Twilight-themed comics in her gallery as well, and get this, Emmett fangirls here - she's also an Emmett fan. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 06:26 am (UTC)I don't know why, but I'm caught between grimacing at the obviously forced old-timey speech and giggling because Aro said 'furry'.
Seriously, the only thing that happened this chapter is that Irina got slapped and Aro now knows everything (and yes, I am still fangirling over Mervin's spitefic because here it is!).
Well, maybe we just have to wait untill the next chapter for some sort of smackdown! One more chapter...
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 11:12 am (UTC)Yep! Surely something will happen! After all, there are only three chapters left! *is desperate*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 11:23 am (UTC)is pretty much a woman anywayawesome) on the Cullens and Bella Swan must brave the sacrifices of her friends and overcome all the obstacles in her way to save her family.And Aro's true love is totes Carlisle so he's not married. This meeting is all about building a Carlisle filled harem. *is shot*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 11:40 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 12:50 pm (UTC)Man, so boring. Well, only 3 chapters to go. Which begs the question: What are you going to do once this is over?
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 05:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 05:52 pm (UTC)I'll wiki that book to be prepared for that review. It sounds familiar somehow, but I can't remember.
And on a more cheerful note, I went to see Alice with a friend yesterday. It was the matinee so the theater was pretty empty. It was lots of fun (although the break dancing was so out of place, even for this movie). Honestly Alice >>>>> Bella, all the way. God, Alice was how I imagine Luna Lovegood to be as an adult.
Still, there was something that freaked me out for a second. I hadn't really looked at the white queen before so when she showed up my brain went haywire for a second and I said "Mermaid!" until I realized that she's the white queen. I never expected to see a look alike in real life, much less one that looked so good (except the lipstick). I mean white hair and paper-white skin doesn't sound that appealing if you ask me. XD
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 07:32 pm (UTC)I doubt I'll be doing "The Legend of Rah and the Muggles" at all very soon. It didn't sell well at all and wasn't in print for very long. It probably sounds familiar because of the lawsuit - a good number of years after the first Harry Potter book was published, the author sued Rowling claiming plagurism. The reason? Well the main one was because both books used the term "Muggles". Except that her muggles were these little baby-like magic-using things. I think she also claimed plagurism because both books involved knocking three times on a wooden door and both books were in the fantasy genre. Long and short of it was that the lawsuit was pretty much tossed out and the author used the publicity to try to see more of "Rah". The book itself is apparently terrible as well as even worse researched than Twilight (among other things, the author describes a cloud of radiation as "purple" and has several Muggle children sooth burns on their hands by pouring OCEAN WATER on the sores!) But yeah, I have to find a copy which might be a little tricky.
Oh, I loved "Alice"! I agree, even when Alice is uncertain and scared, she's got a TON more guts than Bella. Even more because Alice lives in a time when women pretty much *had* to get married and start a family and those were their options. Bella doesn't so there's no reason for her to keep freaking out over not having her boyfriend with her.
Ha, yeah I was like "WTF" with Depp's dance number as well. XD I did like how they mixed his character with "goofy madness" and "dangerous madness". Like he was usually happy and cheerful and ecsentric, but then had periods where he had fits.
Awesome! I remember seeing Anne's character look and thought "wow, that's pretty but in the Uncanny Valley!" Perhaps she can be inspiration? ^_^
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 07:57 pm (UTC)And yeah! I heard about that.
Huh, not much for a plagiarism case if you ask me. I would attribute plagiarism if scenes were the same, for example. Lots of books involve fantasy and the knocking thing sounds like a common superstition. That's like Twilight accusing of plagiarism every book that involves a new girl in a small town getting involved with magical beings, it's just too common. All ideas are pretty much recycled, it's all in the spin you give them.
And if I happen to find a copy of the book, as rare as it sounds, I'll let ya know. Making no promises though. And man, I just remembered I have to e-mail you the Eclipse script!
I loved Alice calmed weirdness. And I adored when she starts mentioning the "6 weird things" as she's fighting the jabberwocky. She was so badass! And then she goes back home and speaks her mind big time.
And I loved the Hatter, sans the dance. It's like you said, there was a varied madness in him that kept him entertaining.
XD And yeah, I guess I could see it as an inspiration if I remove the lipstick and weird mannerisms. Up 'till now I had been thinking about Amalthea (The last unicorn) for the mermaid look. Pretty, but weird.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 08:34 pm (UTC)That's why everyone thinks she's being a brat. Not only that, but on her website she's taken to referring to herself as "N.K. Stouffer" (her name is Nancy Stouffer). And like I said, it's not even like her book is at all well-written so there's no merit to it at all.
That's cool, thanks! There's always the deep blue internet and like I said, I've got a couple of fanfictions lined up anyway.
I personally loved when Alice repeats "I've lost much muchness, have I?" before going in to rescue the Hatter. XD A perfect Wonderland line! And then she was all calm and collected while acting as the Queen's guest. Although I also loved how the Queen was so cordial to the weirdly huge, naked girl that randomly showed up in her garden. XD
Woot! The Last Unicorn! :D And with Mia Farrow's voice, no less. ^^
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 11:34 pm (UTC)And yeah, from what I just read it does sound terrible. The kind of thing I would have MSTed back in the day.
The Queen does like all things large.
Also, the costumes were awesome. I am not the kind to wear dresses but I would have loved any of the outfits Alice had (specially the red one)
Yeah, the last unicorn was the look I was going for, but with the white queen's skin. Although I have to be careful when I write it. I picked it that way because of how they are born and die, not because literally white skin is appealing to me.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-29 11:52 pm (UTC)Oh yeah, say what you want but Burton knows how to build great sets and costumes! XD I loved when the Mad Hatter fixed her up that little dress in just a few seconds!
Ah, I see. Well, if it doesn't appeal to you then you at least won't wax unnecessary poetry about how gorgeous it is. ^^ Just enough.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-30 12:23 am (UTC)That dress was also adorable. Even her armor is both badass and adorable in my opinion. Very stylish. And the world was so pretty. The whole thing made me want to fall down a rabbit hole.
And it was so creepy at times and kids loved it for it. (There were a couple of families in there.) Which shows how sad this book is by comparison. I loved it when Alice fought, she was great!
Lord no. Pasty white with white hair doesn't scream gorgeous in my head. Even more so when most of the word is tanned to black (I modeled people's looks based on my country). They would be considered albinos and we don't crash cars when an albino walks down the street (Not saying albino people are ugly, because they're not, just saying they're not what we consider as a culture the epitome of beauty). Those who can get past the glamor, as you put it, don't see them as gorgeous at all but not ugly either. They just look like people.
Also, Eliza is not generally one to stop and say "What a gorgeous creature!". At most she would say cute, and if she says cute it's usually followed by "clueless, stupid, helpless or naive". She kinda associates cuteness with those traits, which usually bites her in the butt. The only mermaids Eliza considers pretty are her stepmom, sister and "adoptive sister" but those are bonds of love, not based on looks.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-30 12:58 am (UTC)Well then, congratulations you've guaranteed that you are well above Meyer on that score! Which reminds me, I've got to get back to making notes on your thing (I've been a little busy lately between school and an upcoming anime convention ^^;)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-30 01:50 am (UTC)I hope I'm at least better than her. I'll whip myself as punishment if I'm not. XD If I'm worst you gotta tell me, only way I can learn. I've been analyzing the whole thing more deeply searching for all my shortcomings. This is a hurdle I must overcome as a writer and as a linguist (since this is not my native language and all).
And don't worry about it. Everyone has stuff to deal with. I'm searching for some forms to start a new job myself. Plus looking for some of my friends to go bowling this weekend! We all suck at bowling so it's hilarious to watch us play. My best friend is so bad that she gets gutter balls each time with the bumpers on. We all go "WTF?!" because she can't knock a single pin down no matter where she throws it from. XD
Also, I've been actually working on an alternative installment for chapter 3 which extends the thing a couple of chapters. The more I read it the more I felt it rushed and I came up with a compromise, I think. I figured this new storyline:
1) Improves Rumiel/Eliza's relationship. In the original I think they leave in friendly terms too soon, specially with Rumiel's last speech. I felt Eliza didn't earn it. Sure they sit and talk while she cooks, but considering the type of guy that he generally is, is this in character? Plus it gives me a mini adventure, although different from the one I mentioned in the last e-mail. You give me your honest opinion about it when I finish with the first draft. Maybe had it right the first time and I'm over analyzing like I sometimes do.
2) It brings up Eric a lot sooner and foreshadows Galatea's mess later on at the end of the first part. But it makes me feel worst about it.
3) It deals with some of Eliza's family history, including her mother.
4) There's a moment that I'm just dying to write with Rumiel. It will be enough to tie me over until he shows up again. (Maybe I'm alone but I honestly love that guy. I can't believe he wasn't originally in the story. Now I can't imagine him without kicking Eliza's butt all over the place.)
So I'm thinking of taking chunks of that chapter and adding these new chapters. Still, I fear they slow down the story. Feel free to tell me if they do. Although my biggest concerns are chapter 4 and 8. So yeah, kick my butt whenever you are free to do so. It's not like I have a deadline or anything.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-30 02:00 am (UTC)Don't whip yourself! XD And don't worry, I won't be nice just to be nice. I can be quite wicked if I have to be, criticism-wise >:) Well constructive criticism anyway. XD
I'll have to go through the rest of the story first. ^^; But yeah, I'll certainly let you know about that stuff.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-30 02:22 am (UTC)And I have to whip myself. Can't help it. I've always been my hardest critic, which is why I always bring other people into the mix. Sometimes I can over analyze and dig myself into holes when I didn't need to be, but other times I was right which lessens the blow because I already suspected.
I don't mind harsh as long as it is something I can use. "It sucks" doesn't help me, now "It sucks because of reasons A and B so you should try C and D. Maybe then this will stop being crap." is just fine by me. I'm not like one of my friends-- he can't take comments unless it's about how brilliant he is. If it's not that you just hate his creativity and/or are too stupid to get it.
And yes, I want you to read it as I sent it the third and last time. As is, no more changes because I might be ruining it instead of fixing it. I'm just doing this alternative version in preparation for the beat down. (Hand you my whip just in case).
No hurries though. Life can get pretty busy, I should know. XD
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-30 02:28 am (UTC)Well I know what you mean, I'm sort of the same for my writing. But still, you can always surprise yourself. And at the very least, you're actually writing something which is more than a lot of people can say.
I know, I hate criticism like that! It's just rude and kind of lazy. Like, can't you spare a few more words to explain *why* you think it's so terrible?
Ha ha, okay. Gotcha. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-30 02:40 am (UTC)And if it's a children story you are in luck. As the big sister of 7 I know a thing or two about your target audience, if it is supposed to be a kids story.
I'm sure you'll take my comments better than the last time I critiqued something. A girl asked me to give her my opinion on her fanfic. Lord, that piece of work made me want to MST again. XD It had the biggest Mary Sue I've seen in my life, overuse of adverbs and a bad storyline. It was a self gratification story. Which I don't mind as long as it's done for shits and giggles, but not when it's done seriously.
So I was super nice, but pointed out everything that I found wrong. Lady was not pleased with me. And I was so sweet and took my time when I didn't have to. Oh, well. See, this is why people should always whip themselves a little. It keeps your ego in check.
Hmm, maybe I should MST it now for kicks.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-30 03:21 am (UTC)Oh don't worry, as long as people are nice about it (which I know you are), I'm cool. I hate that though, when people ask for your opinion and then pitch a fit.
Do it! :D What fandom is it for?
(no subject)
Date: 2010-03-30 03:31 am (UTC)I know, right? I was kind and everything.
It's Inuyasha. Man, I'm reliving my youth. I was a 13 year old when I MSTed Inuyasha fanfics. I'm rereading some of them. I was so adorable back then. XD There's some stuff I could used from them. I had forgotten about them.