Crescendo: Chapter 9
Nov. 5th, 2012 09:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zelda_queenZeldaQueen: Hello, ladies and gentlemen! For this year's Halloween sporking (yes, yes, it's very late, please don't kill me!), I shall be offering up our next sporking of Crescendo. Plenty scary enough, I'd say. It's up to you to decide if it's a trick or treat.
Also, as a warning, several NSFW pictures will be shown in this sporking, mainly to demonstrate that Fitzpatrick has no idea how underpants work.
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
Chapter 9
ZeldaQueen: Well, when we last left off, Nora and Vee saw the...erm, damning sight of Marcie climbing into Patch's car for a ride somewhere, which is a definite indicator that the two are an item. Because nowhere in the history of the world has a girl asked a guy to give her a lift just because, y'know, she needed a ride.
So now, Nora is staring after the car in horror. Or rather, staring in whore-or. You see, this serves nicely for Fitzpatrick to move on to her favorite hobby in this series - bashing Marcie for being an alleged promiscuous slut. *sighs and fires up the counter*
Nora is literally stunned speechless by the sight of Marcie riding off somewhere with Patch. Why this is such a shock to her, I don't know. She has done absolutely nothing but obsess over how certain she is that Marcie is moving in on Patch, and she just broke up with Patch (and do remember that detail, because no one else seems to). And while I might buy this reaction just as a sign of how much of a sucker punch to the gut the sight is, it doesn't work. Nora has been nothing but a co-dependent bint for this entire book! Her lip literally was quivering when Patch didn't text her right away! So yeah, this is just one more instance of her being a moron with the spine of a jellyfish, even though Fitzpatrick wants us to believe that she's just so empowered and She Will Survive.
While Nora is gasping like a fish out of water, Vee asks "Was it just me [...] or could you see her red thong peeking out from under her dress?"
YOU FUCKING WHORE: 31
Gave it two counts because not only is it slut-shaming, but it's stupid slut-shaming. That's not how thongs work, Fitzpatrick. See, this is a woman wearing a thong.
ZeldaQueen: Take notice, please, as to how tightly the thong is hugging her nether regions. That's the entire purpose of a thong. There's very little material, and thus it doesn't show or leave lines.
Now, it is possible to see a thong sticking out from under someone's clothes. You don't see it peeking out from under though. It would look like this.
ZeldaQueen: That's obviously not possible for the case of Marcie here, because she's not wearing pants. She's wearing a dress. For a thong to stick out the way Fitzpatrick is describing it, Marcie's dress would have to be so short that her ass is literally hanging out. And while Fitzpatrick has been having a grand time hammering in how much of a slut Marcie is, I somehow think that's a bit more than what she had in mind.
Right. Enough with the thongs. Back to the story!
Nora takes time out of her blue screen of death-ing to say that Marcie's outfit couldn't be described as a dress.
YOU FUCKING WHORE: 32
Vee replies that yes, to call it a dress is "optimistic" and that the dress was actually "a tube top stretched down around her bony booty. The only thing keeping it from springing up around her waist is gravity"
YOU FUCKING WHORE: 34
*irritably* Are you quite finished?
Nora actually has to sit down and take deep breaths at this point, because the thought of precious Patch dating Marcie is just simply too awful. Vee tries to cheer Nora up by telling her...um...this.
"'Marcie puts out,' said Vee. 'That’s the only reason. She’s a pig. A rat'"
ZeldaQueen: Time out. Time the fuck out!
We're supposed to take this as consolation from Vee. Vee, who freaked out in the last book when Nora teased her for being a virgin. Vee, who was all a-drool at the idea of having Sex Ed and insisted that there was nothing it could teach her that she didn't already know. Vee, who latched on to Jules and slavered over him being hot and rich, failing to notice he was trouble until he nearly killed her. Vee, who responded to the question of "Do you believe in angels" with saying that she finds her pastor hot.
We're supposed to listen to THIS CHARACTER step down from on high and tell us that Marcie is evil for having sex with her boyfriend.
Oh, and we're also supposed to be nodding our heads and agreeing with this, after the first however many chapters of the book were devoted to Nora's desire to bone Patch. Really! How is that any different than what they think Marcie's doing with him? And no, moral dissonance is not a valid excuse. Saying "Marcie's bad because Nora and Patch are the One True Pairing" doesn't work.
YOU FUCKING WHORE: 39
That seriously got me pissed.
Oh, and did Fitzpatrick and the readers forget that Nora broke up with Patch because it was impossible for them to have a physical relationship? Apparently so, because Nora clearly has forgotten about it as well! She never thinks of this! She apparently thinks that Patch can't feel her, but can feel Marcie just fine. Or something, because this contradiction is never brought up! Instead, her only rebuttal is that Patch swore they weren't in a relationship. Ah yes, because he's just the paragon of honesty, right? Vee, amazingly, agrees with this and says that "Patch is a lot of things, but honest isn’t one of them".
Vee then says that "This is not [Nora's] fault" and "He’s the jerk who took advantage of [her]". Now, I would normally not disagree with that statement. His horrific, manipulative behavior in the first book made it clear that yes, he was taking advantage of her and didn't care what anyone thought of it. But we're not supposed to think of that as abuse. When Vee says this, we're supposed to think of him being with Marcie.
As I said, how are we supposed to see that as so vile? Are we supposed to think that Patch is cheating on Nora? They aren't dating. Nora broke up with him. She told him to take a hike, and is now pissed that he had the audacity to date another girl. And no, I'm not buying "It's hurtful because Marcie is a mean bitch towards Nora", because I already ranted that this rivalry just sprang out of nowhere. So all we're left with is the fact that Nora broke up with Patch and got pissed because he committed the grave sin of apparently getting over a teenage fling, which Nora herself seems completely incapable of doing!
Right. *shakes head* Onward!
So who should show up at this moment, but Detective Basso? Remember him? He was a completely useless character in Hush, Hush, and you can bet he's just as useless here! Right now, he goes striding on into the Devil's Handbag. So as the situation is right now, not only are Nora and Vee illegally going into a bar with fake IDs, they're going in knowing that there's a police officer who already doesn't like Nora.
If there was any justice in this universe, they'd find themselves behind bars by midnight.
Vee goes all slack-jawed at the sight of Detective Basso, because apparently in her world, police officers are mystical things, like pixies, or romance without dub con. Nora confirms that it is the elusive being known as a copper, and cuts Vee off with "he’s too old, so don’t even think about it". Well now, that's not nice! Vee shows interest in a few guys, and Nora's acting like she'll drool over anyone of the male persuasion? What kind of a friend -
Oh no, wait. Vee is drooling over Detective Basso. Silly me, I forgot that Vee's one note was being boy-crazy.
ZeldaQueen: Nora starts asking for Vee to take her home right then and there. Um, did you just forget that Scott was there with you? Yes, he's a dick, but he's also the guy that invited you to this thing. Seems to me that just running away without even bothering to wait and tell him "Sorry, I changed my mind/am not in the mood/forgot I had homework, I need to go home. Thanks for the invite!" is pretty douchy.
Vee, meanwhile, pays no attention to her friend's distress, in favor of lusting after a police officer much older than herself.
"'He doesn’t look much over thirty. Since when is thirty too old?'
'His name is Detective Basso. He questioned me after the incident with Jules at school.' I loved how I kept referring to it as the incident, instead of what it really was. Attempted murder.
'Basso. I like that. Short and sexy, just like my name. Did he frisk you?'
I gave her a sideways look, but she was still gazing at the door he’d gone through. 'No. He questioned me.'
'I wouldn’t mind being handcuffed by him. Just don’t tell Rixon.'"
ZeldaQueen: Jesus Christ.
Vee my dear, thirty is considered "too old" when the person in question is roughly sixteen or seventeen, which is (A) underage and thus putting the thirty-year-old at risk for being arrested for statutory rape (which would fly well when said thirty-year-old is also a police officer) and (B) only slightly more than half his age. What the unholy fuck? Do you secretly have a Daddy kink or something?
Since when is the name "Vee" considered "short and sexy"? What high schooler would even say that their name is "short and sexy"? WHO THE BLOODY HELL TALKS LIKE THAT???
How lovely that right after comforting Nora through the horrendous heartbreak of seeing Marcie and Patch going off together, Vee wants to know if Nora was groped by a police officer roughly twice her age (an action which, I might add, could easily be called in as him molesting a minor and thus, at the very least, get him fired).
And why in the ever-loving Dickens are we supposed to hate Marcie for having several consensual relationships, one boyfriend at a time, but Vee expressing a desire to have a relationship with an adult police officer, while still dating another guy, goes completely without comment? What, is it only worthy of tittering and condemning if the guy and girl are actually porking? And yes, I know the whole "men and women both look" fact. Given how Vee acts like she seriously wants to go beyond just looking, as well as how this book has used up all charity I might feel towards it, I'm still pissed.
YOU FUCKING WHORE: 41
Because it's apparently only bad when Marcie does that sort of thing.
*shakes head* Right. Onward.
Nora gets a bad feeling and wants to go home. Vee, like every other character in this series, ignores her discomfort and begins dragging her into the nightclub. She insists to Nora that there are many people inside, Basso probably doesn't even remember Nora (yes, I'm sure he totally has forgotten meeting with her over three major incidents, only two months ago), and they aren't doing anything illegal, "aside from the whole fake ID business, but everybody does that". Except for the people who come and are of age. Can we just say that Vee is obviously brain damaged and be done with it?
And of course, Nora doesn't protest this, or point out how every other time Vee dragged her into bad situations and assured her they'd be fine ended in tears. No, that would require the brain capacity to remember what happened several months back (Elliot and his camping trip? Hide-and-seek in the high school? Hello?) as well as for Nora to contribute to the plot. Instead, Nora is all stunned that Vee knows she's using a fake ID. Maybe because Vee is supposed to have been your best friend for years, and thus will be well aware that you are trying to go into a place for adults only, while you are under the age of eighteen.
Oh, and Vee has a fake ID of her own. Rixon supplied her with it. Ah yes, a boyfriend who provides you with a way to break the law and potentially get arrested and ruin your life over something stupid! Truly, he is the boy scout and Good Man that Vee has been proclaiming him to be!
Vee then goes on to guilt-trip Nora into going into the place.
"Come on, let’s go. Being the good friend you are, you wouldn’t even think about asking me to break out of my house and violate the terms of my grounding for nothing. Especially since I already called Rixon, and he’s on his way"
ZeldaQueen: Oh, you devious, under-handed - GAH! How can anyone expect me to buy that Vee's a good friend? She's playing the role of the perfect manipulative Mean Girl, forcing her weaker-willed "friend" to do what she wants! Mary, Joseph, and Jesus, I'm starting to think that every relationship Nora's in involves abuse and manipulate to some degree!
And topping this all off? Nora agrees with this. YES. She completely buys Vee's massive pile of bullhonkey, and tells us that it's her fault, because she invited Vee at the last minute. Never mind that Vee is (allegedly) a person capable of rational thinking, who can make her own decisions! Nora, you only gave the invitation! It was Vee who chose to come along, even though she knew she was breaking her parents' rules and would get in trouble for it! It was Vee who chose to call her boyfriend over! AND RIGHT NOW, IT IS VEE WHO IS CHOOSING TO BE A MORON AND GO INTO THIS FUCKING NIGHTCLUB, SO IT'S HER GODDAMMED FAULT IF SHE GETS ARRESTED, AND NOT YOURS! DO THE SMART THING FOR ONCE AND WALK AWAY!
FUCK!
*closes eyes and counts to ten, until breathing evens out*
Dear Lord, preserve my blood pressure!
And no, of course Nora doesn't actually do the smart thing and walk away. She's too much of a weak-willed idiot for that. Instead, she says that they'll just go in for five minutes. *laughs* Oh yes, because the terms and limits you've set have worked so well in the past, haven't they?
Also, where the fuck is Scott? Did he just get bored with the story and wander into a different book? Spoilers - he's not going to show up for the rest of the chapter. Neither is Rixon. I get the feeling that Fitzpatrick can't keep track of the few characters she's juggling.
So Nora and Vee pay at the door, and there's no mention of anyone actually checking their IDs. Now, I've never been to any nightclubs or places that check for IDs, so please help me out here, folks. Aren't places that have age restrictions supposed to check people's IDs as they come in, to prevent this very thing from happening?
Oh, whatever. Fitzpatrick has no idea how the world works, and silly things like rules just get in the way of her characters having fun.
The twoidiots girls make their to the bar. The bartender asks for their IDs. They order Cokes, which... apparently is sufficient grounds to not have their IDs checked. Again, does it seriously work like that? I find that difficult to believe, especially seeing as there's a police officer on the prowl.
Also, Vee somehow comes to the conclusion that the bartender asking for their IDs proves that he wants to ask for their names, but is too shy. And here I thought it was because he wanted to make sure they were of the legal drinking age before he served them alcohol, so he wouldn't get arrested for providing liquor to a minor. Silly me.
Vee continues to flirt with the bartender (which, again, goes without comment from Nora the Judgemental), and the bartender quickly becomes my favorite character in the book when he flips her off. Nora finally fires up her brain long enough to realize that Scott's still missing, but that's promptly forgotten because OH LOOK, MARCIE HAD JUST COME IN THE DOOR.
ZeldaQueen: Oh, and she's wearing Patch's hat. Nora gets angry over this, because "If that wasn’t evidence they were together, I didn’t know what was". Oh, I don't know. Patch actually confirming it, maybe? I don't know. I'm bored out of my mind, personally.
Fitzpatrick proceeds to pelt us with dead herrings as Nora insists that Marcie certainly won't notice them, definitely won't come over to them, and totally, never ever, under no circumstances, will try to talk to them. Sure enough, several sentences later, Marcie is shoving someone off of their bar stool and leaning over to strike up a conversation with Nora.
Said conversation involves Marcie huffing the fuck out of Patch's hat, before going on endlessly about how awesome the thing smells. This pisses off Nora, because creepily obsessing over every detail about Patch is her job, dammit!
YOU FUCKING WHORE: 43
Vee makes a stupid joke about Marcie recycling Nora's old trash, and while I'm not complaining about calling Patch "trash" (I'd say that's an appropriate description), it's obvious that these people still have nary a clue as to how to launch a halfway decent insult. This becomes evident when Marcie counters with "Hot trash is better than fat trash" and Vee shoots back with the epic "Fat this". I'm sorry, I really can't think of anything to say to make this all less stupid.
Anywho, Vee accompanies her...um, witty comback with splashing her drink on Marcie. Apparently Fitzpatrick has seen one too many chickflicks. Someone conveniently bumps Vee at this moment, so Vee, Nora, and Marcie all get splashed.
...How does that work? Near as I can tell, the three girls are lined up, side-by--side, with Nora in the middle. If Vee splashed her drink directly in front of her, she would have hit Nora with most of it. Even if she leaned around Nora, she probably wouldn't have gotten a clear shot at Marcie. And okay, she was also bumped. In that case, how did she get all three of them soaked? She was throwing the drink away from herself! And if, by some miracle, she'd be bumped in such a way that she herself was splashed, how would that hit Nora and Marcie, who are in the opposite direction the drink would have been going in? How is this situation remotely possible? Did Vee's cup somehow turn into a fucking gieser? No, I know! The bartender, in a valiant attempt to rid the world of Vee, put a small bomb in her drink. It only detonated just now, but unfortunately failed to kill anyone.
Well, after that physically-impossible stunt, Marcie throws a fit. Har har, she's a materialistic, vain bitch and all. Not like Vee and her constant efforts to dress and look in ways that will best net her A Man, or Nora dressing how Patch likes. Anywho, Marcie starts bitching because "This dress is Bebe! Do you know how much it cost? Two hundred dollars".
That certainly adds an interesting spin to this. The dress is Bebe (or try "bebe", Fitzpatrick. The name is officially uncapitalized), is it? Well, I'm hardly a fashionita myself, but let's see what our friend Wikipedia says on the brand, shall we?
"Manny Mashouf, who emigrated from Iran to the United States in the early 1970s, opened the first bebe store in San Francisco during a time when three categories dominated the women's wear market: junior, bridge and misses. Having discovered a demographic that was neither junior nor bridge, Manny aimed to break the mold by offering this under-represented population of stylish women distinctive and inspirational fashion bearing an unmistakable hint of sensuality"
ZeldaQueen: That's the dress that Marcie's wearing, which is supposed to be extremely trashy. It's from a clothing line which was specifically designed to emphasize sensuality and style, created by by a woman, for an untapped and under-represented market of women. Yeah, it doesn't sound to me like Marcie is shopping at Hookers R Us. It sounds like she enjoys purchasing tasteful clothing that flatters her.
Incidentally, the bebe website allows you to brows their merchandise by color and price, among other variables. Marcie says that the dress cost her two hundred dollars, and we know it's black. Given the tube top comment, we can also assume it's strapless. Alright, let's see what we get!
By my count, there are four bebe dresses that fit that description (and yes, the red dress does come in black, so we'll count it): the Isis Sequin Feather dress, the Sweetheart Peplum dress, the Pleated Strapless Layer Skirt dress, and the Cascading Ruffle Satin Pencil dress. Now, one can argue that those dresses are all a bit much for a wild and crazy nightclub (they are, respectively, a cocktail dress, an evening gown, and bridgemaids dresses), but that's Marcie's business. She apparently has no fashion sense, seeing as those don't look like something you could wear with a garter belt, thigh-high stockings, over-the-knee boots, and a fedora, but let's just chalk that up to the Suethor. The point is, I would hardly call those dresses trashy or tasteless. In fact, the Peplum dress comes past the ankles. Even the Isis Sequin Feather dress, which is the shortest of the bunch, is nowhere near short enough to let someone see a thong. And I have no idea how anyone could consider those dresses long shirts that are only just covering her ass. Add in the fact that most of her legs seem to be covered by the stockings (which, given the garter belt, will not slide down) and the boots, and it seems likely that Nora is wearing a shorter skirt.
*rubs forehead* I don't know why I bother. Fitzpatrick clearly doesn't.
Back to the story. Vee accuses Marcie of shoplifting the dress to begin with. Um, is this a thing, shoplifting dresses? It seems difficult to sneak out, especially if it's as expensive as we're led to believe. And Marcie apparently has plenty of money. Marcie basically says "Yeah, and your point is?" in response to that accusation, to which Vee replies "Nothing says cheap like shoplifting".
I would like to throw out that it was just in the last book that Vee tried to scam a lingerie store into giving her quality bras at clearance price. What does that say about Vee, I wonder?
*sigh* Marcie calls Vee fat, Vee gets pissed, same verse, same as the first. Marcie is pointlessly bitchy at Nora, for no reason I can see (Nora has given all the input of a tree stump throughout this conversation), and tells her "Patch told me he broke up with you because you weren’t enough of a slut". Erm, where did that come from? Yes, I know the idea is that Marcie is supposed to be an evil bitch kicking Nora where it hurts, but she doesn't know about the no-touching issues between the two! It also is hard to take the insult seriously, because Nora doesn't react to it at all. I'm dead serious. Marcie pokes at what's supposed to be a major berserk button, and Nora doesn't do anything. She doesn't scream, she doesn't cry, she doesn't do her usual "collapse into a puddle of jelly" routine, she doesn't think that Marcie's a lying bitch, she doesn't get angry, she doesn't get upset, she doesn't show annoyance that Vee spilled a drink all over her, she doesn't think anything! In fact, if Marcie had directed the comment towards Vee, Nora might as well not be in this conversation at all! She has given such little input, it's like this bit is being told from third person limited, instead of first person.
Vee actually does something. Specifically, she actually starts beating Marcie over the head with her handbag.
*tries to keep a straight face*
Pffffft! *burst out laughing at the image*
ZeldaQueen: Man, one of few times when Vee actually does something, and it makes me think we stumbled into a Marx Brothers movie. Way to ruin the mood.
And no, folks, don't get your hopes up that Vee did something decent for a change. She didn't smack Marcie around for something silly, like defending her friend's honor, oh no! She's beating the shit out of her because "She called me fat. She deserves to die. You said so yourself". Yeah, nothing about her best friend being kicked where it hurts, nope. Vee's just concerned about herself. Selfish moron. Why are we supposed to think she's a good friend?
Nora finally fires up her brain and tries to get Vee to leave before Detective Basso notices their commotion. Vee tries to throw another drink at Marcie, Marcie trips over her bar stool, and somehow Marcie uses a ninja-like move to knock Nora to the ground and straddle her.
I...really am surprised that Nora/Marcie isn't more popular amongst the fanfiction community.
Anyway, this next bit...I have no clue. It's stupid, it's nonsensical, and - well, just see for yourselves.
"'This is for stealing Tod Bérot from me in fifth grade,' she said, punching me in the eye.
I yowled and grabbed my eye. 'Tod Bérot?' I shouted. 'What are you talking about? That was the fifth grade!'
'And this is for sticking that picture of me with a giant zit on my chin on the front page of the eZine last year!'
'That wasn’t me!'
Okay, maybe I’d had a little say in the photo selection, but it wasn’t like I was the only one. And anyway, Marcie was holding that over my head? Wasn’t a year a little long to be clinging to a grudge?
Marcie shouted, 'And this is for your whore of a—'"
ZeldaQueen: Just... what? This is as bad as Meyer randomly springing names on us and expecting us to recognize them! A guy named Tod Berot exists? Really? For all we've been told about Nora's school, she and Marcie might as well be the only ones there! And were we to take that Nora was popular in fifth grade, while we've only been told that she's been awkward and friendless? That Marcie wasn't the mantrap she is now?
As for the second accuation, so apparently Nora is just as willing to try to publicly humiliate Marcie as Marcie is to her? First time we've heard any of this! All we've seen thus far is Nora whining and wibbling about Marcie's bullying. Not to mention that it's yet another double standard, with all the protagonists bashing Marcie for everything she does to Nora, yet we don't hear a word when Nora has apparently been doing plenty of things to Marcie. I'm not saying that it justifies bullying, but it also borks the idea that Nora's completely blameless. Add in the insane things she's been doing and will do, and it just comes across as more justifying her own despicable behavior.
Finally, we're supposed to think badly of Marcie for being so petty, right? That's the moral being spouted by the Mary Sue protagonist who looks uncannily like Fitzpatrick, is dating a guy who Fitzpatrick considers her Dream Man, and will continuously triumph over the Scary Sue who suspiciously seems to be a stand-in for the mean girls who picked on Fitzpatrick in kindergarten. I got that right? It's bad to be petty and hold grudges over things that happened a really long time ago, and continue to use peopleor possibly characters as a punching bag over it? Okay, good to know!
Nora finally has had enough, and punches Marcie in the face. Wow, she did something besides whine and whimper. I'm in shock! What's going to happen next? Will Nora screw up her courage and give an honest-to-God well-thought-out Reason You Suck speech to Marcie? Will she walk away with her head held high? Will she do something to convince us that she is a strong heroine?
Erm...none of the above. Instead, Patch makes an unwelcome appearance to grab her under the armpits, drag her out of the nightclub, and tell her to skedaddle. That's very lovely. The moment Nora does something remotely resembling standing up for herself, her dick of a boyfriend swoops in to cut her off, because He Knows Best. Lovely.
Patch passes Nora off to Vee, like the baggage she is. He then drags Marcie off. Notice how he's treating all the women, including the one he obstensibly is in love with and the one we're to believe he's dating, like so much luggage?
Thankfully, Patch's reappearance is brief. I guess Fitzpatrick just wanted to remind us that yes, he is around to give us indigestion. He and Marcie head off, and Vee carts Nora to the car. Nora is all pissed about how much she hates Marcie, blah, blah, blah, it's told in an incredibly bland and boring way and I don't care. Vee actually makes a sensible point, le shock, reminding Nora that they had to get out of there before Detective Basso caught them. She then expresses the hope that Marcie and Patch got arrested. Well, I certainly wouldn't mind Patch being put behind bars. In fact, given his rapist and abusive behavior, I'd spring for him never leaving prison again.
Oh, and we get this bit of random weirdness.
"Vee licked my arm. 'You taste pretty good. You’re making me thirsty, smelling like cherry Coke and all.'
'This is all your fault!' I said. 'You’re the one who threw my Coke at Marcie! If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have gotten in a
fight.'"
ZeldaQueen: ... Between this and the unresolved sexual tension with Marcie, Fitzpatrick seems to be giving Meyer a run for the money on unintentional les yay.
We then get a disgusting bit of victim-blaming, as Vee says that Nora "laid there and took it" when Marcie was whaling on her, and that she "should have had Patch teach you some moves before you broke up with him". Yes, how dare Nora have a difficult time fighting back when she's pinned to the floor and being beaten? Here's an idea, you useless lump! Why didn't you do something to help your best friend? You could have just grabbed Marcie and pulled her away! But no, you just sat there while Nora was being punched. And you have the audacity to say it's her fault? Fuck you!
*sigh* In any case, this is interrupted by Nora getting a text message. After some komedy in which Nora answers the phone before realizing it's a text, she sees that the message is "STAY HOME TONIGHT". And if you think there's any actual emotion or attention paid to this very suspicious occurrence, what book have you been reading the sporkings of? Seriously, her reaction is pretty much "Joy, one more stressful thing after everything else. What else could go wrong?" And this was after seeing her dad and hallucinating! (Yeah, remember that actually happening?) Dear lord, this moron's brain is a sieve!
We end the chapter with Vee telling Nora that she needs a new boyfriend, because "You need a good old-fashioned make-out session to mellow you out". High schoolers don't say "good old-fashioned make-out session", Fitzpatrick. They'd just come right out and say "You need to get laid". But of course Vee wouldn't say that, because even though she's hornier than a goat convention, she wouldn't dream of suggesting that Nora partake in such filthy things as sex! Oh my, no!
And this is Nora's response
"Why did everyone think I needed a new boyfriend? I didn’t need a new boyfriend. I’d had enough of boyfriends to last a lifetime. The only thing a boyfriend was good for was a shattered heart"
ZeldaQueen: Oh, go listen to My Chemical Romance. You'll live.
And while yes, I'd be applauding her for hitting upon the novel idea that girls don't have to be joined to A Man to be happy, we all know that this is just a dead herring that Nora TOTALLY IS OVER PATCH and TOTALLY WON'T BE GETTING BACK WITH HIM and the fans should just start crying that no, Nora, don't give up! Patch will surely come back!
And with that, we end the chapter. Good - Jimminy - Christmas!
YOU FUCKING WHORE: 43
Onward to: Chapter 10
Return to: Chapter 8
Back to Table of Contents
Also, as a warning, several NSFW pictures will be shown in this sporking, mainly to demonstrate that Fitzpatrick has no idea how underpants work.
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
Chapter 9
ZeldaQueen: Well, when we last left off, Nora and Vee saw the...erm, damning sight of Marcie climbing into Patch's car for a ride somewhere, which is a definite indicator that the two are an item. Because nowhere in the history of the world has a girl asked a guy to give her a lift just because, y'know, she needed a ride.
So now, Nora is staring after the car in horror. Or rather, staring in whore-or. You see, this serves nicely for Fitzpatrick to move on to her favorite hobby in this series - bashing Marcie for being an alleged promiscuous slut. *sighs and fires up the counter*
Nora is literally stunned speechless by the sight of Marcie riding off somewhere with Patch. Why this is such a shock to her, I don't know. She has done absolutely nothing but obsess over how certain she is that Marcie is moving in on Patch, and she just broke up with Patch (and do remember that detail, because no one else seems to). And while I might buy this reaction just as a sign of how much of a sucker punch to the gut the sight is, it doesn't work. Nora has been nothing but a co-dependent bint for this entire book! Her lip literally was quivering when Patch didn't text her right away! So yeah, this is just one more instance of her being a moron with the spine of a jellyfish, even though Fitzpatrick wants us to believe that she's just so empowered and She Will Survive.
While Nora is gasping like a fish out of water, Vee asks "Was it just me [...] or could you see her red thong peeking out from under her dress?"
YOU FUCKING WHORE: 31
Gave it two counts because not only is it slut-shaming, but it's stupid slut-shaming. That's not how thongs work, Fitzpatrick. See, this is a woman wearing a thong.
ZeldaQueen: Take notice, please, as to how tightly the thong is hugging her nether regions. That's the entire purpose of a thong. There's very little material, and thus it doesn't show or leave lines.
Now, it is possible to see a thong sticking out from under someone's clothes. You don't see it peeking out from under though. It would look like this.
ZeldaQueen: That's obviously not possible for the case of Marcie here, because she's not wearing pants. She's wearing a dress. For a thong to stick out the way Fitzpatrick is describing it, Marcie's dress would have to be so short that her ass is literally hanging out. And while Fitzpatrick has been having a grand time hammering in how much of a slut Marcie is, I somehow think that's a bit more than what she had in mind.
Right. Enough with the thongs. Back to the story!
Nora takes time out of her blue screen of death-ing to say that Marcie's outfit couldn't be described as a dress.
YOU FUCKING WHORE: 32
Vee replies that yes, to call it a dress is "optimistic" and that the dress was actually "a tube top stretched down around her bony booty. The only thing keeping it from springing up around her waist is gravity"
YOU FUCKING WHORE: 34
*irritably* Are you quite finished?
Nora actually has to sit down and take deep breaths at this point, because the thought of precious Patch dating Marcie is just simply too awful. Vee tries to cheer Nora up by telling her...um...this.
"'Marcie puts out,' said Vee. 'That’s the only reason. She’s a pig. A rat'"
ZeldaQueen: Time out. Time the fuck out!
We're supposed to take this as consolation from Vee. Vee, who freaked out in the last book when Nora teased her for being a virgin. Vee, who was all a-drool at the idea of having Sex Ed and insisted that there was nothing it could teach her that she didn't already know. Vee, who latched on to Jules and slavered over him being hot and rich, failing to notice he was trouble until he nearly killed her. Vee, who responded to the question of "Do you believe in angels" with saying that she finds her pastor hot.
We're supposed to listen to THIS CHARACTER step down from on high and tell us that Marcie is evil for having sex with her boyfriend.
Oh, and we're also supposed to be nodding our heads and agreeing with this, after the first however many chapters of the book were devoted to Nora's desire to bone Patch. Really! How is that any different than what they think Marcie's doing with him? And no, moral dissonance is not a valid excuse. Saying "Marcie's bad because Nora and Patch are the One True Pairing" doesn't work.
YOU FUCKING WHORE: 39
That seriously got me pissed.
Oh, and did Fitzpatrick and the readers forget that Nora broke up with Patch because it was impossible for them to have a physical relationship? Apparently so, because Nora clearly has forgotten about it as well! She never thinks of this! She apparently thinks that Patch can't feel her, but can feel Marcie just fine. Or something, because this contradiction is never brought up! Instead, her only rebuttal is that Patch swore they weren't in a relationship. Ah yes, because he's just the paragon of honesty, right? Vee, amazingly, agrees with this and says that "Patch is a lot of things, but honest isn’t one of them".
Vee then says that "This is not [Nora's] fault" and "He’s the jerk who took advantage of [her]". Now, I would normally not disagree with that statement. His horrific, manipulative behavior in the first book made it clear that yes, he was taking advantage of her and didn't care what anyone thought of it. But we're not supposed to think of that as abuse. When Vee says this, we're supposed to think of him being with Marcie.
As I said, how are we supposed to see that as so vile? Are we supposed to think that Patch is cheating on Nora? They aren't dating. Nora broke up with him. She told him to take a hike, and is now pissed that he had the audacity to date another girl. And no, I'm not buying "It's hurtful because Marcie is a mean bitch towards Nora", because I already ranted that this rivalry just sprang out of nowhere. So all we're left with is the fact that Nora broke up with Patch and got pissed because he committed the grave sin of apparently getting over a teenage fling, which Nora herself seems completely incapable of doing!
Right. *shakes head* Onward!
So who should show up at this moment, but Detective Basso? Remember him? He was a completely useless character in Hush, Hush, and you can bet he's just as useless here! Right now, he goes striding on into the Devil's Handbag. So as the situation is right now, not only are Nora and Vee illegally going into a bar with fake IDs, they're going in knowing that there's a police officer who already doesn't like Nora.
If there was any justice in this universe, they'd find themselves behind bars by midnight.
Vee goes all slack-jawed at the sight of Detective Basso, because apparently in her world, police officers are mystical things, like pixies, or romance without dub con. Nora confirms that it is the elusive being known as a copper, and cuts Vee off with "he’s too old, so don’t even think about it". Well now, that's not nice! Vee shows interest in a few guys, and Nora's acting like she'll drool over anyone of the male persuasion? What kind of a friend -
Oh no, wait. Vee is drooling over Detective Basso. Silly me, I forgot that Vee's one note was being boy-crazy.
ZeldaQueen: Nora starts asking for Vee to take her home right then and there. Um, did you just forget that Scott was there with you? Yes, he's a dick, but he's also the guy that invited you to this thing. Seems to me that just running away without even bothering to wait and tell him "Sorry, I changed my mind/am not in the mood/forgot I had homework, I need to go home. Thanks for the invite!" is pretty douchy.
Vee, meanwhile, pays no attention to her friend's distress, in favor of lusting after a police officer much older than herself.
"'He doesn’t look much over thirty. Since when is thirty too old?'
'His name is Detective Basso. He questioned me after the incident with Jules at school.' I loved how I kept referring to it as the incident, instead of what it really was. Attempted murder.
'Basso. I like that. Short and sexy, just like my name. Did he frisk you?'
I gave her a sideways look, but she was still gazing at the door he’d gone through. 'No. He questioned me.'
'I wouldn’t mind being handcuffed by him. Just don’t tell Rixon.'"
ZeldaQueen: Jesus Christ.
Vee my dear, thirty is considered "too old" when the person in question is roughly sixteen or seventeen, which is (A) underage and thus putting the thirty-year-old at risk for being arrested for statutory rape (which would fly well when said thirty-year-old is also a police officer) and (B) only slightly more than half his age. What the unholy fuck? Do you secretly have a Daddy kink or something?
Since when is the name "Vee" considered "short and sexy"? What high schooler would even say that their name is "short and sexy"? WHO THE BLOODY HELL TALKS LIKE THAT???
How lovely that right after comforting Nora through the horrendous heartbreak of seeing Marcie and Patch going off together, Vee wants to know if Nora was groped by a police officer roughly twice her age (an action which, I might add, could easily be called in as him molesting a minor and thus, at the very least, get him fired).
And why in the ever-loving Dickens are we supposed to hate Marcie for having several consensual relationships, one boyfriend at a time, but Vee expressing a desire to have a relationship with an adult police officer, while still dating another guy, goes completely without comment? What, is it only worthy of tittering and condemning if the guy and girl are actually porking? And yes, I know the whole "men and women both look" fact. Given how Vee acts like she seriously wants to go beyond just looking, as well as how this book has used up all charity I might feel towards it, I'm still pissed.
YOU FUCKING WHORE: 41
Because it's apparently only bad when Marcie does that sort of thing.
*shakes head* Right. Onward.
Nora gets a bad feeling and wants to go home. Vee, like every other character in this series, ignores her discomfort and begins dragging her into the nightclub. She insists to Nora that there are many people inside, Basso probably doesn't even remember Nora (yes, I'm sure he totally has forgotten meeting with her over three major incidents, only two months ago), and they aren't doing anything illegal, "aside from the whole fake ID business, but everybody does that". Except for the people who come and are of age. Can we just say that Vee is obviously brain damaged and be done with it?
And of course, Nora doesn't protest this, or point out how every other time Vee dragged her into bad situations and assured her they'd be fine ended in tears. No, that would require the brain capacity to remember what happened several months back (Elliot and his camping trip? Hide-and-seek in the high school? Hello?) as well as for Nora to contribute to the plot. Instead, Nora is all stunned that Vee knows she's using a fake ID. Maybe because Vee is supposed to have been your best friend for years, and thus will be well aware that you are trying to go into a place for adults only, while you are under the age of eighteen.
Oh, and Vee has a fake ID of her own. Rixon supplied her with it. Ah yes, a boyfriend who provides you with a way to break the law and potentially get arrested and ruin your life over something stupid! Truly, he is the boy scout and Good Man that Vee has been proclaiming him to be!
Vee then goes on to guilt-trip Nora into going into the place.
"Come on, let’s go. Being the good friend you are, you wouldn’t even think about asking me to break out of my house and violate the terms of my grounding for nothing. Especially since I already called Rixon, and he’s on his way"
ZeldaQueen: Oh, you devious, under-handed - GAH! How can anyone expect me to buy that Vee's a good friend? She's playing the role of the perfect manipulative Mean Girl, forcing her weaker-willed "friend" to do what she wants! Mary, Joseph, and Jesus, I'm starting to think that every relationship Nora's in involves abuse and manipulate to some degree!
And topping this all off? Nora agrees with this. YES. She completely buys Vee's massive pile of bullhonkey, and tells us that it's her fault, because she invited Vee at the last minute. Never mind that Vee is (allegedly) a person capable of rational thinking, who can make her own decisions! Nora, you only gave the invitation! It was Vee who chose to come along, even though she knew she was breaking her parents' rules and would get in trouble for it! It was Vee who chose to call her boyfriend over! AND RIGHT NOW, IT IS VEE WHO IS CHOOSING TO BE A MORON AND GO INTO THIS FUCKING NIGHTCLUB, SO IT'S HER GODDAMMED FAULT IF SHE GETS ARRESTED, AND NOT YOURS! DO THE SMART THING FOR ONCE AND WALK AWAY!
FUCK!
*closes eyes and counts to ten, until breathing evens out*
Dear Lord, preserve my blood pressure!
And no, of course Nora doesn't actually do the smart thing and walk away. She's too much of a weak-willed idiot for that. Instead, she says that they'll just go in for five minutes. *laughs* Oh yes, because the terms and limits you've set have worked so well in the past, haven't they?
Also, where the fuck is Scott? Did he just get bored with the story and wander into a different book? Spoilers - he's not going to show up for the rest of the chapter. Neither is Rixon. I get the feeling that Fitzpatrick can't keep track of the few characters she's juggling.
So Nora and Vee pay at the door, and there's no mention of anyone actually checking their IDs. Now, I've never been to any nightclubs or places that check for IDs, so please help me out here, folks. Aren't places that have age restrictions supposed to check people's IDs as they come in, to prevent this very thing from happening?
Oh, whatever. Fitzpatrick has no idea how the world works, and silly things like rules just get in the way of her characters having fun.
The two
Also, Vee somehow comes to the conclusion that the bartender asking for their IDs proves that he wants to ask for their names, but is too shy. And here I thought it was because he wanted to make sure they were of the legal drinking age before he served them alcohol, so he wouldn't get arrested for providing liquor to a minor. Silly me.
Vee continues to flirt with the bartender (which, again, goes without comment from Nora the Judgemental), and the bartender quickly becomes my favorite character in the book when he flips her off. Nora finally fires up her brain long enough to realize that Scott's still missing, but that's promptly forgotten because OH LOOK, MARCIE HAD JUST COME IN THE DOOR.
ZeldaQueen: Oh, and she's wearing Patch's hat. Nora gets angry over this, because "If that wasn’t evidence they were together, I didn’t know what was". Oh, I don't know. Patch actually confirming it, maybe? I don't know. I'm bored out of my mind, personally.
Fitzpatrick proceeds to pelt us with dead herrings as Nora insists that Marcie certainly won't notice them, definitely won't come over to them, and totally, never ever, under no circumstances, will try to talk to them. Sure enough, several sentences later, Marcie is shoving someone off of their bar stool and leaning over to strike up a conversation with Nora.
Said conversation involves Marcie huffing the fuck out of Patch's hat, before going on endlessly about how awesome the thing smells. This pisses off Nora, because creepily obsessing over every detail about Patch is her job, dammit!
YOU FUCKING WHORE: 43
Vee makes a stupid joke about Marcie recycling Nora's old trash, and while I'm not complaining about calling Patch "trash" (I'd say that's an appropriate description), it's obvious that these people still have nary a clue as to how to launch a halfway decent insult. This becomes evident when Marcie counters with "Hot trash is better than fat trash" and Vee shoots back with the epic "Fat this". I'm sorry, I really can't think of anything to say to make this all less stupid.
Anywho, Vee accompanies her...um, witty comback with splashing her drink on Marcie. Apparently Fitzpatrick has seen one too many chickflicks. Someone conveniently bumps Vee at this moment, so Vee, Nora, and Marcie all get splashed.
...How does that work? Near as I can tell, the three girls are lined up, side-by--side, with Nora in the middle. If Vee splashed her drink directly in front of her, she would have hit Nora with most of it. Even if she leaned around Nora, she probably wouldn't have gotten a clear shot at Marcie. And okay, she was also bumped. In that case, how did she get all three of them soaked? She was throwing the drink away from herself! And if, by some miracle, she'd be bumped in such a way that she herself was splashed, how would that hit Nora and Marcie, who are in the opposite direction the drink would have been going in? How is this situation remotely possible? Did Vee's cup somehow turn into a fucking gieser? No, I know! The bartender, in a valiant attempt to rid the world of Vee, put a small bomb in her drink. It only detonated just now, but unfortunately failed to kill anyone.
Well, after that physically-impossible stunt, Marcie throws a fit. Har har, she's a materialistic, vain bitch and all. Not like Vee and her constant efforts to dress and look in ways that will best net her A Man, or Nora dressing how Patch likes. Anywho, Marcie starts bitching because "This dress is Bebe! Do you know how much it cost? Two hundred dollars".
That certainly adds an interesting spin to this. The dress is Bebe (or try "bebe", Fitzpatrick. The name is officially uncapitalized), is it? Well, I'm hardly a fashionita myself, but let's see what our friend Wikipedia says on the brand, shall we?
"Manny Mashouf, who emigrated from Iran to the United States in the early 1970s, opened the first bebe store in San Francisco during a time when three categories dominated the women's wear market: junior, bridge and misses. Having discovered a demographic that was neither junior nor bridge, Manny aimed to break the mold by offering this under-represented population of stylish women distinctive and inspirational fashion bearing an unmistakable hint of sensuality"
ZeldaQueen: That's the dress that Marcie's wearing, which is supposed to be extremely trashy. It's from a clothing line which was specifically designed to emphasize sensuality and style, created by by a woman, for an untapped and under-represented market of women. Yeah, it doesn't sound to me like Marcie is shopping at Hookers R Us. It sounds like she enjoys purchasing tasteful clothing that flatters her.
Incidentally, the bebe website allows you to brows their merchandise by color and price, among other variables. Marcie says that the dress cost her two hundred dollars, and we know it's black. Given the tube top comment, we can also assume it's strapless. Alright, let's see what we get!
By my count, there are four bebe dresses that fit that description (and yes, the red dress does come in black, so we'll count it): the Isis Sequin Feather dress, the Sweetheart Peplum dress, the Pleated Strapless Layer Skirt dress, and the Cascading Ruffle Satin Pencil dress. Now, one can argue that those dresses are all a bit much for a wild and crazy nightclub (they are, respectively, a cocktail dress, an evening gown, and bridgemaids dresses), but that's Marcie's business. She apparently has no fashion sense, seeing as those don't look like something you could wear with a garter belt, thigh-high stockings, over-the-knee boots, and a fedora, but let's just chalk that up to the Suethor. The point is, I would hardly call those dresses trashy or tasteless. In fact, the Peplum dress comes past the ankles. Even the Isis Sequin Feather dress, which is the shortest of the bunch, is nowhere near short enough to let someone see a thong. And I have no idea how anyone could consider those dresses long shirts that are only just covering her ass. Add in the fact that most of her legs seem to be covered by the stockings (which, given the garter belt, will not slide down) and the boots, and it seems likely that Nora is wearing a shorter skirt.
*rubs forehead* I don't know why I bother. Fitzpatrick clearly doesn't.
Back to the story. Vee accuses Marcie of shoplifting the dress to begin with. Um, is this a thing, shoplifting dresses? It seems difficult to sneak out, especially if it's as expensive as we're led to believe. And Marcie apparently has plenty of money. Marcie basically says "Yeah, and your point is?" in response to that accusation, to which Vee replies "Nothing says cheap like shoplifting".
I would like to throw out that it was just in the last book that Vee tried to scam a lingerie store into giving her quality bras at clearance price. What does that say about Vee, I wonder?
*sigh* Marcie calls Vee fat, Vee gets pissed, same verse, same as the first. Marcie is pointlessly bitchy at Nora, for no reason I can see (Nora has given all the input of a tree stump throughout this conversation), and tells her "Patch told me he broke up with you because you weren’t enough of a slut". Erm, where did that come from? Yes, I know the idea is that Marcie is supposed to be an evil bitch kicking Nora where it hurts, but she doesn't know about the no-touching issues between the two! It also is hard to take the insult seriously, because Nora doesn't react to it at all. I'm dead serious. Marcie pokes at what's supposed to be a major berserk button, and Nora doesn't do anything. She doesn't scream, she doesn't cry, she doesn't do her usual "collapse into a puddle of jelly" routine, she doesn't think that Marcie's a lying bitch, she doesn't get angry, she doesn't get upset, she doesn't show annoyance that Vee spilled a drink all over her, she doesn't think anything! In fact, if Marcie had directed the comment towards Vee, Nora might as well not be in this conversation at all! She has given such little input, it's like this bit is being told from third person limited, instead of first person.
Vee actually does something. Specifically, she actually starts beating Marcie over the head with her handbag.
*tries to keep a straight face*
Pffffft! *burst out laughing at the image*
ZeldaQueen: Man, one of few times when Vee actually does something, and it makes me think we stumbled into a Marx Brothers movie. Way to ruin the mood.
And no, folks, don't get your hopes up that Vee did something decent for a change. She didn't smack Marcie around for something silly, like defending her friend's honor, oh no! She's beating the shit out of her because "She called me fat. She deserves to die. You said so yourself". Yeah, nothing about her best friend being kicked where it hurts, nope. Vee's just concerned about herself. Selfish moron. Why are we supposed to think she's a good friend?
Nora finally fires up her brain and tries to get Vee to leave before Detective Basso notices their commotion. Vee tries to throw another drink at Marcie, Marcie trips over her bar stool, and somehow Marcie uses a ninja-like move to knock Nora to the ground and straddle her.
I...really am surprised that Nora/Marcie isn't more popular amongst the fanfiction community.
Anyway, this next bit...I have no clue. It's stupid, it's nonsensical, and - well, just see for yourselves.
"'This is for stealing Tod Bérot from me in fifth grade,' she said, punching me in the eye.
I yowled and grabbed my eye. 'Tod Bérot?' I shouted. 'What are you talking about? That was the fifth grade!'
'And this is for sticking that picture of me with a giant zit on my chin on the front page of the eZine last year!'
'That wasn’t me!'
Okay, maybe I’d had a little say in the photo selection, but it wasn’t like I was the only one. And anyway, Marcie was holding that over my head? Wasn’t a year a little long to be clinging to a grudge?
Marcie shouted, 'And this is for your whore of a—'"
ZeldaQueen: Just... what? This is as bad as Meyer randomly springing names on us and expecting us to recognize them! A guy named Tod Berot exists? Really? For all we've been told about Nora's school, she and Marcie might as well be the only ones there! And were we to take that Nora was popular in fifth grade, while we've only been told that she's been awkward and friendless? That Marcie wasn't the mantrap she is now?
As for the second accuation, so apparently Nora is just as willing to try to publicly humiliate Marcie as Marcie is to her? First time we've heard any of this! All we've seen thus far is Nora whining and wibbling about Marcie's bullying. Not to mention that it's yet another double standard, with all the protagonists bashing Marcie for everything she does to Nora, yet we don't hear a word when Nora has apparently been doing plenty of things to Marcie. I'm not saying that it justifies bullying, but it also borks the idea that Nora's completely blameless. Add in the insane things she's been doing and will do, and it just comes across as more justifying her own despicable behavior.
Finally, we're supposed to think badly of Marcie for being so petty, right? That's the moral being spouted by the Mary Sue protagonist who looks uncannily like Fitzpatrick, is dating a guy who Fitzpatrick considers her Dream Man, and will continuously triumph over the Scary Sue who suspiciously seems to be a stand-in for the mean girls who picked on Fitzpatrick in kindergarten. I got that right? It's bad to be petty and hold grudges over things that happened a really long time ago, and continue to use people
Nora finally has had enough, and punches Marcie in the face. Wow, she did something besides whine and whimper. I'm in shock! What's going to happen next? Will Nora screw up her courage and give an honest-to-God well-thought-out Reason You Suck speech to Marcie? Will she walk away with her head held high? Will she do something to convince us that she is a strong heroine?
Erm...none of the above. Instead, Patch makes an unwelcome appearance to grab her under the armpits, drag her out of the nightclub, and tell her to skedaddle. That's very lovely. The moment Nora does something remotely resembling standing up for herself, her dick of a boyfriend swoops in to cut her off, because He Knows Best. Lovely.
Patch passes Nora off to Vee, like the baggage she is. He then drags Marcie off. Notice how he's treating all the women, including the one he obstensibly is in love with and the one we're to believe he's dating, like so much luggage?
Thankfully, Patch's reappearance is brief. I guess Fitzpatrick just wanted to remind us that yes, he is around to give us indigestion. He and Marcie head off, and Vee carts Nora to the car. Nora is all pissed about how much she hates Marcie, blah, blah, blah, it's told in an incredibly bland and boring way and I don't care. Vee actually makes a sensible point, le shock, reminding Nora that they had to get out of there before Detective Basso caught them. She then expresses the hope that Marcie and Patch got arrested. Well, I certainly wouldn't mind Patch being put behind bars. In fact, given his rapist and abusive behavior, I'd spring for him never leaving prison again.
Oh, and we get this bit of random weirdness.
"Vee licked my arm. 'You taste pretty good. You’re making me thirsty, smelling like cherry Coke and all.'
'This is all your fault!' I said. 'You’re the one who threw my Coke at Marcie! If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have gotten in a
fight.'"
ZeldaQueen: ... Between this and the unresolved sexual tension with Marcie, Fitzpatrick seems to be giving Meyer a run for the money on unintentional les yay.
We then get a disgusting bit of victim-blaming, as Vee says that Nora "laid there and took it" when Marcie was whaling on her, and that she "should have had Patch teach you some moves before you broke up with him". Yes, how dare Nora have a difficult time fighting back when she's pinned to the floor and being beaten? Here's an idea, you useless lump! Why didn't you do something to help your best friend? You could have just grabbed Marcie and pulled her away! But no, you just sat there while Nora was being punched. And you have the audacity to say it's her fault? Fuck you!
*sigh* In any case, this is interrupted by Nora getting a text message. After some komedy in which Nora answers the phone before realizing it's a text, she sees that the message is "STAY HOME TONIGHT". And if you think there's any actual emotion or attention paid to this very suspicious occurrence, what book have you been reading the sporkings of? Seriously, her reaction is pretty much "Joy, one more stressful thing after everything else. What else could go wrong?" And this was after seeing her dad and hallucinating! (Yeah, remember that actually happening?) Dear lord, this moron's brain is a sieve!
We end the chapter with Vee telling Nora that she needs a new boyfriend, because "You need a good old-fashioned make-out session to mellow you out". High schoolers don't say "good old-fashioned make-out session", Fitzpatrick. They'd just come right out and say "You need to get laid". But of course Vee wouldn't say that, because even though she's hornier than a goat convention, she wouldn't dream of suggesting that Nora partake in such filthy things as sex! Oh my, no!
And this is Nora's response
"Why did everyone think I needed a new boyfriend? I didn’t need a new boyfriend. I’d had enough of boyfriends to last a lifetime. The only thing a boyfriend was good for was a shattered heart"
ZeldaQueen: Oh, go listen to My Chemical Romance. You'll live.
And while yes, I'd be applauding her for hitting upon the novel idea that girls don't have to be joined to A Man to be happy, we all know that this is just a dead herring that Nora TOTALLY IS OVER PATCH and TOTALLY WON'T BE GETTING BACK WITH HIM and the fans should just start crying that no, Nora, don't give up! Patch will surely come back!
And with that, we end the chapter. Good - Jimminy - Christmas!
YOU FUCKING WHORE: 43
Onward to: Chapter 10
Return to: Chapter 8
Back to Table of Contents
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2012-11-06 03:36 am (UTC)Also, according to Fitzpatrick, I must be dating my brother, because I let him wear my hat to a Halloween party. Occasionally, he lets me borrow one of his big, cuddly sweatshirts, so that would probably clinch it for her. But seriously, the measures of how you can tell two people are a couple in the chapter are shockingly arbitrary. Wearing someone's hat? Totally together. Licking someone or straddling them? Totally normal, apparently.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-11-06 04:13 am (UTC)I HATE HER. I am so sick of this hypocritical, selfish, stupid, nasty, loudmouthed, shallow, brainless, drooling, sex-obsessed, mindless, backstabbing, cowardly, thoughtless, whining, nymphomaniac abomination of a character and horrible excuse for a friend!
I want Patch or Nora to murder her horribly and I want them to do it NOW. That is how much I loathe and despise this character. She’s practically Anastasia Steele’s Inner Goddess in physical form. Maybe someone could strap a bomb onto Patch, throw him at Vee, wait a few minutes while she coos in idiotic glee, and then both of them can explode into a million pieces together, killing two birds with one stone.
...Anyway, what other stupidity in this chapter can I comment on? Oh, how about the totally predictable, clichéd, and lame “catfight” between Nora and Marcie? Not only am I groaning and rolling my eyes because I hate when this happens in fiction (and yes, I find it just as exasperating when it’s two guys trying to claw each other’s eyes out over a woman), but because of how demeaning and pathetic the situation makes both Marcie and Nora. Because the guy that you’re fighting over, girls? He’s a worthless, amoral, disgusting, and heartless sex offender who belongs in prison, whether it’s earthly or infernal. Oh, yeah, he’s quite the prize, and is totally worth the two of you hissing at each other like cats. Am I supposed to be rooting for one of you to win? Because I’m really not. I’m just shaking my head at how pathetic Fitzpatrick has made you.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-11-06 05:37 pm (UTC)All of the dresses look completely tasteful. Revealing, yes, and maybe not to my taste, but they still look nice. I don't see why Nora's making such a big fuss when she's probably wearing a more revealing outfit.
Also, I checked just in case there was a top long enough someone could wear it as a dress, and I got nothing. Even if Marcie's lying about the price, nothing there would merit the reaction they have here. Even the shorter dresses look like actual dresses, not a long shirt or anything. I dunno, maybe Marcie is wearing it REALLY badly, but I don't see why they're reacting like this.
As for the actual content?... Well, it's better than Fifty Shades of Grey. I can't think of anything nicer to say.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-11-07 02:19 am (UTC)I think that I've decided to like Marcie. She really doesn't deserve all of this hate that Vee and Nora are dishing out. I can see them maybe having a strong dislike for Marcie, but not BURNING HATE OF ONE THOUSANDS SUNS thing that they seem to be doing.
I don't even want to think about the unrealistic dialogue either.
Vee did something useful? Oh my stars... *fans self overdramatically*
Now I' really tempted to write a spitefic where Nora runs away to Shibuya, Japan after she turns eighteen because she decided to become an exchange student. Patch follows her, of course, and ends up running into a very irate Mr. H, who does not approve of him.
And the Composer too, because the Composer hates corruption and people who cause it. And Patch is almost the definition of that.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-11-08 01:51 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-11-07 06:27 am (UTC)Depends on the place but if it's an out and out club? Normally. If it's more of a bar? Then you only get carded when you ask for drinks. When I went out for my 21st I only got carded twice (mostly 'cause I didn't actually buy drinks) and once was to get into a place but the rest of the time we just hit bars and got carded at the bar.
And most bars need to card you regardless of what you're ordering but that's more common in big states, in a small town-ish area I could believe that a bartender would just say "meh, it's cokes." but not if a cop is around.
I really like the feather dress and the red dress, they're both super hot in my opinion and I think the red one would go great with a fedora (though not the boots and stockings)
I can accept the random name shouting Marcy did because while it came from no where and had no build up I got the idea of who he was from the context. (It doesn't match with character, story or any kind of continuity but as a line by itself, it's fine.)
Also, what? What was that whole thing? Oy. You know I really hate how I am with writing female relationships, despite being a girl raised by her mother and aunt, I SUCK at female relationships in general and friendships in general. I tend to focus on romance when writing my romances (I also tend to have all this plot stuff going on and with muggle best friends they get lost in the way side...bleh.) But hell, I'm doing better than Nora and Vee even with my left to the side, barley characterized friends. It's really sad.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-11-12 05:51 pm (UTC)Also, Fitzpatrick fucking fails fashion forever. That Sweetheart dress is kind of gorgeous. In her defense, I guess, I'm assuming she just made up all the figures and has a very nebulous picture of what the outfit actually looks like. Not that that helps the failing forever thing, as the outfit is still ridiculous, but it's something.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-11-15 11:52 am (UTC)---------------------------------------
I felt it. I felt my whole body shake, I felt like I was burning up from white-hot fury. I felt my nails dig so deep into my hands I almost thought they would start to bleed. I felt like I could and should beat that Marcie so hard it’d leave her as nothing more than a pile of red mush. And that was exactly what I was going to do! I grabbed her and slammed her into the wall, earning a short, high-pitched cry from her and, I figured, the stares of everyone around us. As I prepared my second punch, she turned her head away and small tears started to escape from her eyes. But that didn’t matter! She was going to get the beating of a lifetime!
…
…No. No, I wouldn’t do this. I couldn’t do this. I was better than this; I was sixteen years old, nearly an adult. I was old enough to not answer mere words with punches.
I breathed heavily, trying to expel the wrath with each breath. After what I guessed was around fifteen seconds, it started working and I started to calm down. In the meantime, Marcie slowly opened an eye, obviously wondering what I was waiting for. I took one final breath, closed my eyes and removed the hand I was holding near her throat.
“I’m… sorry,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. The little that was left from my rage cried that I shouldn’t apologize, that she should. The other, more mature part of my mind eventually managed to quiet it down. She had already gotten a handbag in the head, a punch in the face and probably the scare of a decade. That was enough.
“Sorry?” Marcie parroted with a tone that made it seem like I had just told her that a giraffe had eaten my underpants or something equally unbelievable. I could only nod, and then I turned to Vee. She had a look on her face that would feel right at home in a cartoon, jaw hanging open and eyes wide.
“Come on, Vee. We should go somewhere worth our time. I don’t think Rixon’s coming anyway. If he was going to, he’d already be here,” I told her, adding the last sentences as she started to protest. After about a second, she nodded.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’ll let her off the hook. This time,” she said, making the “I’m watching you” gesture to the still stunned Marcie.
“Come on then!” she said with a smile, grabbing my arm. “I got tons of great movies at home we can watch! And I think I still got a bag of chips somewhere!”
I felt her smile spread to my own face.
“That’d be nice.”
(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-09 11:27 pm (UTC)I'm confused because it wasn't mentioned anywhere and she only drank a coke, but...
Vee IS drunk in this chapter, right?
Because... uhm. The Bag-hitting. Her randomly becoming violent. "She called me fat. She needs to die." The drink-throwing. Those "comebacks". The *arm-licking*. ...she IS absolutely plastered, right?
I mean, sure, Vee's dumb as fuck to begin with, but this... No. She probably did this thing were you (as in, my ~16 year old classmates back then, for example) already drink at home so when you then drink while you're out you get drunk faster and therefore have more "fun" or something. Right?
...also, I assume that "the car" in this case means "Vee's car" and she REALLY shouldn't drive in that state.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-09 11:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-10 09:11 am (UTC)But still, before that all her actions were incredibly *stupid*, oblivious and occasionally asshole-y and Nora could have been talking to a wall for all Vee's listened to her, but it didn't seem THIS random, at least in the sporking. (and at least to me)
Maybe she's like the opposite of Sam Vimes from the Discworld, who's without any alcohol more knurd than other people. She's perpetually drunk or something. And her parents are feeding her (klatchian) coffee whenever she leaves the house because otherwise she wouldn't have made it to age 16. (Really. HOW did she do it?) And since she's at house arrest and ALSO 16 and therefore old enough to *technically* keep track of her own coffee-consumption she hasn't had any coffee and therefore we have... this thing we're dealing with right here.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-07-13 02:06 pm (UTC)That would make a lot of sense. I think I'll just go with that theory.