The Huntress - Part 2
Feb. 25th, 2010 11:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zelda_queenZeldaQueen: Let's get started! I can do this...I think. Stan Lee, give me strength!
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Melanie awoke blearily to the sound of birds chirping and in the distance a cockerel announced the rising of the sun.
"Somebody shoot that bloody chicken," she muttered under her breath.
ZeldaQueen: Now she’s British?
She tried to in vain to fall asleep again, once she was awake, she was awake and no amount of trying would cause her to nod off again. She threw off the covers over herself and headed over to the wardrobe. She had the door opened halfway when she realized that she didn't have to wear clothes anymore for Klaus's sake and closed the wardrobe and walked out of the room towards the bathroom.
ZeldaQueen: Yep, she’s naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaked!
A quick shower took care of her hair which was standing in all directions and a brushing of the teeth removed the icky taste in her mouth.
Staring out the windows, as she walked down the hallway, showed her the rapidly lighting landscape and she decided to treat her Uncle and Klaus to a nice breakfast of French toast, bacon, and freshly squeezed orange juice. It took about half an hour to prepare everything, knowing the quantities of food that Klaus and her Uncle consumed. She ate her share and headed outside, grabbing a towel on the way.
ZeldaQueen: What do flies wear on their feet?
Shoos.
Standing on the verandah she stretched luxuriantly and breathed in the fresh mountain air and headed off towards the centre of the compound. Here was a large rounded pool about fifteen meters in length. Around which were sloped, wooden, adjustable pool chairs. The sun was about fifteen degrees above the horizon and already the area was already coated in a nice warmth.
ZeldaQueen: What do outlaws eat with their milk?
Crookies.
Melanie spread her towel over a pool chair, and adjusted it so that it resembled a flat bed and lay face down upon it, allowing the sun to bathe her body. A quarter of an hour passed when…
"Excuse me," came a voice from her right. Melanie perched herself up on her arms and looked in the direction of the voice. A young man stood there, he was a shade over five foot seven, with pale skin, he had brown eyes set in a pointed face with soft black hair which was slightly long and parted to the right.
ZeldaQueen: He gets a highly detailed and flattering physical description. I’m betting he’ll be her Stu love interest.
He had towel slung across his right shoulder and like her, was wearing nothing else. He had a well toned torso and wiry strong muscle in his arms with broadish shoulders…he was no muscle man, but it was clear he worked out. "May I take this seat?" he gestured to the pool chair two seats away from her.
ZeldaQueen: He’s naked. Of course he is. What were you expecting?
"Sure," she said nonchalantly, "that what's it's there for." She tried to guess his age and judging from the hair on his chest, maybe twenty four…five.
"Thanks," he said as he draped his towel on the chair. "My name is Steven."
"Melanie," I said in reply.
ZeldaQueen: What?
"Nice to meet you," he said in a dignified tone as he lay on his back allowing the sun to tan his front. I noticed he had a slight lilt in his English which I could not identify.
ZeldaQueen: - The bloody…how the freak did he manage that? He switched tenses in the middle of the frigging fan fiction! And it’s not even like he was copying and pasting stuff like with Rose Potter!
"So what do you do?" asked Melanie, something triggered her curiosity of this stranger.
ZeldaQueen: Ugh, “Something triggered” should be the start of a new sentence!
He opened his eyes and stared at her for a moment, seemingly thinking things through in formulating an answer.
"I am a teacher," he said eventually.
"Of what?"
"I can teach most High School subjects, though my interest lays in Natural Sciences," he replied.
ZeldaQueen: *tiredly* Of course he can. He’s a Stu.
"You don't say," said Melanie wryly, "well, here's me hoping for an 'A' next year."
"You're in Grade Eleven, I take it?" She nodded. "Horrible year," he visibly shuddered in remembrance.
ZeldaQueen: Speak for yourself, bozo. I had a great time my junior year.
"Tell me about it," she said rhetorically and then frowned in thought. "Which country do you come from?"
"What makes you think I'm a foreigner?" he asked a little abashed.
"Your skin is a little too pale for you to come from this country, and your accent, while good, is slightly off," she smirked, "and black hair is rare among the fair skinned folk of this unique country."
ZeldaQueen: Didn’t she say that her uncle had dark hair? And again, where is this taking place? If the people in the country are “fair skinned”, then how is he “too pale”?
"Oh dear I seem to have been caught out," said Steven sarcastically with a merry laugh, his accent now sounded like an American one, Boston, if she had to guess. "Really should have put more effort into it."
"Why try to disguise your accent?" I asked with a frown.
"I suppose I wanted a level of discreetness as I traveled your marvelous country," he said with a lopsided grin.
ZeldaQueen: I’m really starting to think that Halcyon has America issues.
"I'm guessing if I ask you why you want to be discreet, you'll answer me in some evasive manner then," she stated with a smirk.
"You guess correctly, young lady," he said nodding. "But I was telling the truth about my occupation."
"And what brings you to this hunting farm?" asked Melanie curiously, as she turned over to lie on her back, allowing for an even tan.
ZeldaQueen: O_O Do. Not. Want!
Projection Room Voices: We’ll just forget about that one.
"The same thing that brings everybody else, I wanted a holiday in a natural environment, and seeing as I was in the country already…" he shrugged with a grin, "oh, I don't think I'll hunt anything, but I will take on one of the game drives."
"And naturism?"
"Oh, yes, I suppose I am a naturist, getting harder and harder in the 'States to practice it, fucking conservatives," he cussed with distaste.
ZeldaQueen: Yes, those stupid conservatives, keeping people from running around naked. Not like you can’t be naked in your own homes or rent places for nudist parties.
Cry me a freaking river. When Congress tries to push a bill telling people when and where they can remove their clothes, I’ll feel sympathy for you. Not everyone wants to see you running around in your birthday suits!
"Yeah, is it just me, or has America been…I dunno…going down the tubes lately, politically speaking?…if you don't mind me saying so," said Melanie with a wry grin.
ZeldaQueen: Politically! Yes! Seriously, my new theory is that Halcyon is a nudist in real life and is angry because he was arrested for public indecency at some point. That would explain his nudist characters and hatred for the government.
"It's because of all this hysteria going on about the 'mutant issue,'" said Steven with a grimace, "add to that the World Trade Centre terrorism disaster and you've got the excuse the conservatives have been looking for to clamp down. The founding fathers are probably turning in their graves."
ZeldaQueen: The World Trade Center disaster. Nice of you to talk about it so casually. You do realize that Marvel released a comic that had, on the cover, implications that even Doctor Doom and Magneto were disgusted by the attack, don’t you? Have you read a Marvel comic in your life?
And yes Halcyon, the evil conservatives are just using the mutant hysteria and a devastating loss of many innocent lives to force people to wear clothes.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW IDIOTICALLY INSENSITIVE YOU SOUND?
"I read once for a report I had to do in school," said Melanie closing her eyes, trying to remember from last years history class, "that Benjamin Franklin said 'Any society that gives up a little liberty for a little security, will gain neither, and in the long run, lose both.'"
ZeldaQueen: Stop acting like wearing clothes is such a terrible loss of freedom. And yes, I know full well that’s what you’re talking about. The X-men haven’t come into play at all here. I think you’re just using the fandom as an excuse to equate forced clothes wearing to mutant imprisonment.
The following day, Klaus had another attempt to bag his elusive Roland Warding antelope trophy. Once again, he and Melanie were out on horses, in the Roland Warding section of the farm. The only difference of course being that this time, Melanie did not wear a stitch of clothing from the start.
ZeldaQueen: Do we really need all of this?
Klaus himself had been tempted to give it a try, but the instant he even considered the thought of walking out of his room unclothed he got major nerves that shuddered across his body. So he did not join his sister in walking about in the nude, but instead focused on getting his hunting trophy.
ZeldaQueen: Did I call that or what? If Halcyon ever gets around to his next chapter, I can almost guarantee that Klaus will take up naturism himself. It’s like Jack Chick conversions, only with nudists.
Melanie was in turn focused on getting her brother into a position to get his trophy.
ZeldaQueen: GOD! DON’T SAY THAT!
And it was not easy. The winds did not favor the pair of teenage hunters at all. So she decided to turn their route into the wind, hoping that a suitable antelope would be upwind from them.
ZeldaQueen: Considering that she’s naked, this is so wrong!
She was leading her brother on a pass, the mountain rose steeply to their right, its view near totally obscured by a very low cloud that she could reach up and whip her hand through, to their left the earth was more even in its descent, making for a down angle of twenty degrees.
ZeldaQueen: What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
"Sis, how are we going to see the antelope with this cloud obscuring almost half our sight?" he asked. Melanie sighed…shaking her head.
ZeldaQueen: THOSE ELLIPSES ARE NOT NEEDED!
"If I told once, I told you a thousand times, if you want to hunt you must keep quiet," she whispered intently.
ZeldaQueen: (Melanie-Sue) “Do as I say, or I’ll chain you in the dungeons and use my whip on you!”
It was just as her hearing returned after speaking that she heard a rapid noise, a noise of the earth being disturbed by a running, heavy quadroped, which sent red alarm bells tingling in her mind.
ZeldaQueen: (Melanie-Sue) “My Sue sense is tingling! There is more canon I must violate!”
And before she could even think of shouting a warning to Klaus, her horse had reared on its hind legs and was whinnying like mad at whatever it had perceived that she had not.
Melanie had tried to hold on, but it happened too suddenly.
ZeldaQueen: The horse sensed the evil creature riding on its back and threw the Sue to the ground before trampling it to death. What a clever animal.
There was no time to tighten her feet in the stirrups, no time to get a better grip on the reigns…she fell backwards…the world felt surreal all of a sudden…strangely enough, she felt no pain as her body hit gravel path hard…her head bounced back up off a jagged rock that fate seen fit to put there…she heard a screaming…then the loud reports of three rifle shots one after the other…blam, click, click, blam, click, click, blam…and then she knew no more…
ZeldaQueen: And then…we suddenly…end…the chapter…
And…that’s it. Really. No mutants. No X-men. No undercover programs trying to kidnap mutants. Not even the Sue figuring out her powers. We get the news report, and that’s it. Oh, and we get the crazy Sue who rides horses and runs around naked. Can’t leave her out, can we? Oh, wait a second... *digs around* here we have a note from the author about the series:
Hi there guys,
Here is Chapter 3 of HBP. Hope you enjoy.
I've begun an experimental new story I would like constructive feedback
on. Watching XMen3 spawned this story idea of 'The Huntress'...10
points if you can guess in which country it is set in(for the moment
anyway). I would appreciate if you guys could give me some ideas for
what mutation (ie. power) the main female lead protagonist will
have...I have an idea already in my head...but would like your input.
This first chapter establishes the universe (its the base of the
pyramid) as such it may be a little dry reading initially; I tried to
make up for it with the nice cliffy at the end.
Cya round,
Keiran Halcyon.
ZeldaQueen: Ignoring the fact that this fic is treating the mutant issue like it's new (akin to the reactions in the first two movies), did you all see that? He wrote this without knowing what mutant power Melanie would have! And so this takes place at the "base of the pyramid"? So this is in Africa? Are there antelope in Africa? And the cliffhanger sucked. Seriously, I understand the need to use the first few chapters to establish what's going on, especially with an original character. You dedicated about 70% of the chapter to lectures on how terrible western governments are and the glory of nudism, 25% to pointless filler stuff, and 5% to actually introducing the characters and the situation that they're in.
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ZeldaQueen: Well, that's that and we're done!
Projection Room Voices: Good job. Take a break and then get back to Breaking Dawn.
ZeldaQueen: *groans*
Return to the Sporking Chamber
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Melanie awoke blearily to the sound of birds chirping and in the distance a cockerel announced the rising of the sun.
"Somebody shoot that bloody chicken," she muttered under her breath.
ZeldaQueen: Now she’s British?
She tried to in vain to fall asleep again, once she was awake, she was awake and no amount of trying would cause her to nod off again. She threw off the covers over herself and headed over to the wardrobe. She had the door opened halfway when she realized that she didn't have to wear clothes anymore for Klaus's sake and closed the wardrobe and walked out of the room towards the bathroom.
ZeldaQueen: Yep, she’s naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaked!
A quick shower took care of her hair which was standing in all directions and a brushing of the teeth removed the icky taste in her mouth.
Staring out the windows, as she walked down the hallway, showed her the rapidly lighting landscape and she decided to treat her Uncle and Klaus to a nice breakfast of French toast, bacon, and freshly squeezed orange juice. It took about half an hour to prepare everything, knowing the quantities of food that Klaus and her Uncle consumed. She ate her share and headed outside, grabbing a towel on the way.
ZeldaQueen: What do flies wear on their feet?
Shoos.
Standing on the verandah she stretched luxuriantly and breathed in the fresh mountain air and headed off towards the centre of the compound. Here was a large rounded pool about fifteen meters in length. Around which were sloped, wooden, adjustable pool chairs. The sun was about fifteen degrees above the horizon and already the area was already coated in a nice warmth.
ZeldaQueen: What do outlaws eat with their milk?
Crookies.
Melanie spread her towel over a pool chair, and adjusted it so that it resembled a flat bed and lay face down upon it, allowing the sun to bathe her body. A quarter of an hour passed when…
"Excuse me," came a voice from her right. Melanie perched herself up on her arms and looked in the direction of the voice. A young man stood there, he was a shade over five foot seven, with pale skin, he had brown eyes set in a pointed face with soft black hair which was slightly long and parted to the right.
ZeldaQueen: He gets a highly detailed and flattering physical description. I’m betting he’ll be her Stu love interest.
He had towel slung across his right shoulder and like her, was wearing nothing else. He had a well toned torso and wiry strong muscle in his arms with broadish shoulders…he was no muscle man, but it was clear he worked out. "May I take this seat?" he gestured to the pool chair two seats away from her.
ZeldaQueen: He’s naked. Of course he is. What were you expecting?
"Sure," she said nonchalantly, "that what's it's there for." She tried to guess his age and judging from the hair on his chest, maybe twenty four…five.
"Thanks," he said as he draped his towel on the chair. "My name is Steven."
"Melanie," I said in reply.
ZeldaQueen: What?
"Nice to meet you," he said in a dignified tone as he lay on his back allowing the sun to tan his front. I noticed he had a slight lilt in his English which I could not identify.
ZeldaQueen: - The bloody…how the freak did he manage that? He switched tenses in the middle of the frigging fan fiction! And it’s not even like he was copying and pasting stuff like with Rose Potter!
"So what do you do?" asked Melanie, something triggered her curiosity of this stranger.
ZeldaQueen: Ugh, “Something triggered” should be the start of a new sentence!
He opened his eyes and stared at her for a moment, seemingly thinking things through in formulating an answer.
"I am a teacher," he said eventually.
"Of what?"
"I can teach most High School subjects, though my interest lays in Natural Sciences," he replied.
ZeldaQueen: *tiredly* Of course he can. He’s a Stu.
"You don't say," said Melanie wryly, "well, here's me hoping for an 'A' next year."
"You're in Grade Eleven, I take it?" She nodded. "Horrible year," he visibly shuddered in remembrance.
ZeldaQueen: Speak for yourself, bozo. I had a great time my junior year.
"Tell me about it," she said rhetorically and then frowned in thought. "Which country do you come from?"
"What makes you think I'm a foreigner?" he asked a little abashed.
"Your skin is a little too pale for you to come from this country, and your accent, while good, is slightly off," she smirked, "and black hair is rare among the fair skinned folk of this unique country."
ZeldaQueen: Didn’t she say that her uncle had dark hair? And again, where is this taking place? If the people in the country are “fair skinned”, then how is he “too pale”?
"Oh dear I seem to have been caught out," said Steven sarcastically with a merry laugh, his accent now sounded like an American one, Boston, if she had to guess. "Really should have put more effort into it."
"Why try to disguise your accent?" I asked with a frown.
"I suppose I wanted a level of discreetness as I traveled your marvelous country," he said with a lopsided grin.
ZeldaQueen: I’m really starting to think that Halcyon has America issues.
"I'm guessing if I ask you why you want to be discreet, you'll answer me in some evasive manner then," she stated with a smirk.
"You guess correctly, young lady," he said nodding. "But I was telling the truth about my occupation."
"And what brings you to this hunting farm?" asked Melanie curiously, as she turned over to lie on her back, allowing for an even tan.
ZeldaQueen: O_O Do. Not. Want!
Projection Room Voices: We’ll just forget about that one.
"The same thing that brings everybody else, I wanted a holiday in a natural environment, and seeing as I was in the country already…" he shrugged with a grin, "oh, I don't think I'll hunt anything, but I will take on one of the game drives."
"And naturism?"
"Oh, yes, I suppose I am a naturist, getting harder and harder in the 'States to practice it, fucking conservatives," he cussed with distaste.
ZeldaQueen: Yes, those stupid conservatives, keeping people from running around naked. Not like you can’t be naked in your own homes or rent places for nudist parties.
Cry me a freaking river. When Congress tries to push a bill telling people when and where they can remove their clothes, I’ll feel sympathy for you. Not everyone wants to see you running around in your birthday suits!
"Yeah, is it just me, or has America been…I dunno…going down the tubes lately, politically speaking?…if you don't mind me saying so," said Melanie with a wry grin.
ZeldaQueen: Politically! Yes! Seriously, my new theory is that Halcyon is a nudist in real life and is angry because he was arrested for public indecency at some point. That would explain his nudist characters and hatred for the government.
"It's because of all this hysteria going on about the 'mutant issue,'" said Steven with a grimace, "add to that the World Trade Centre terrorism disaster and you've got the excuse the conservatives have been looking for to clamp down. The founding fathers are probably turning in their graves."
ZeldaQueen: The World Trade Center disaster. Nice of you to talk about it so casually. You do realize that Marvel released a comic that had, on the cover, implications that even Doctor Doom and Magneto were disgusted by the attack, don’t you? Have you read a Marvel comic in your life?
And yes Halcyon, the evil conservatives are just using the mutant hysteria and a devastating loss of many innocent lives to force people to wear clothes.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW IDIOTICALLY INSENSITIVE YOU SOUND?
"I read once for a report I had to do in school," said Melanie closing her eyes, trying to remember from last years history class, "that Benjamin Franklin said 'Any society that gives up a little liberty for a little security, will gain neither, and in the long run, lose both.'"
ZeldaQueen: Stop acting like wearing clothes is such a terrible loss of freedom. And yes, I know full well that’s what you’re talking about. The X-men haven’t come into play at all here. I think you’re just using the fandom as an excuse to equate forced clothes wearing to mutant imprisonment.
The following day, Klaus had another attempt to bag his elusive Roland Warding antelope trophy. Once again, he and Melanie were out on horses, in the Roland Warding section of the farm. The only difference of course being that this time, Melanie did not wear a stitch of clothing from the start.
ZeldaQueen: Do we really need all of this?
Klaus himself had been tempted to give it a try, but the instant he even considered the thought of walking out of his room unclothed he got major nerves that shuddered across his body. So he did not join his sister in walking about in the nude, but instead focused on getting his hunting trophy.
ZeldaQueen: Did I call that or what? If Halcyon ever gets around to his next chapter, I can almost guarantee that Klaus will take up naturism himself. It’s like Jack Chick conversions, only with nudists.
Melanie was in turn focused on getting her brother into a position to get his trophy.
ZeldaQueen: GOD! DON’T SAY THAT!
And it was not easy. The winds did not favor the pair of teenage hunters at all. So she decided to turn their route into the wind, hoping that a suitable antelope would be upwind from them.
ZeldaQueen: Considering that she’s naked, this is so wrong!
She was leading her brother on a pass, the mountain rose steeply to their right, its view near totally obscured by a very low cloud that she could reach up and whip her hand through, to their left the earth was more even in its descent, making for a down angle of twenty degrees.
ZeldaQueen: What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
"Sis, how are we going to see the antelope with this cloud obscuring almost half our sight?" he asked. Melanie sighed…shaking her head.
ZeldaQueen: THOSE ELLIPSES ARE NOT NEEDED!
"If I told once, I told you a thousand times, if you want to hunt you must keep quiet," she whispered intently.
ZeldaQueen: (Melanie-Sue) “Do as I say, or I’ll chain you in the dungeons and use my whip on you!”
It was just as her hearing returned after speaking that she heard a rapid noise, a noise of the earth being disturbed by a running, heavy quadroped, which sent red alarm bells tingling in her mind.
ZeldaQueen: (Melanie-Sue) “My Sue sense is tingling! There is more canon I must violate!”
And before she could even think of shouting a warning to Klaus, her horse had reared on its hind legs and was whinnying like mad at whatever it had perceived that she had not.
Melanie had tried to hold on, but it happened too suddenly.
ZeldaQueen: The horse sensed the evil creature riding on its back and threw the Sue to the ground before trampling it to death. What a clever animal.
There was no time to tighten her feet in the stirrups, no time to get a better grip on the reigns…she fell backwards…the world felt surreal all of a sudden…strangely enough, she felt no pain as her body hit gravel path hard…her head bounced back up off a jagged rock that fate seen fit to put there…she heard a screaming…then the loud reports of three rifle shots one after the other…blam, click, click, blam, click, click, blam…and then she knew no more…
ZeldaQueen: And then…we suddenly…end…the chapter…
And…that’s it. Really. No mutants. No X-men. No undercover programs trying to kidnap mutants. Not even the Sue figuring out her powers. We get the news report, and that’s it. Oh, and we get the crazy Sue who rides horses and runs around naked. Can’t leave her out, can we? Oh, wait a second... *digs around* here we have a note from the author about the series:
Hi there guys,
Here is Chapter 3 of HBP. Hope you enjoy.
I've begun an experimental new story I would like constructive feedback
on. Watching XMen3 spawned this story idea of 'The Huntress'...10
points if you can guess in which country it is set in(for the moment
anyway). I would appreciate if you guys could give me some ideas for
what mutation (ie. power) the main female lead protagonist will
have...I have an idea already in my head...but would like your input.
This first chapter establishes the universe (its the base of the
pyramid) as such it may be a little dry reading initially; I tried to
make up for it with the nice cliffy at the end.
Cya round,
Keiran Halcyon.
ZeldaQueen: Ignoring the fact that this fic is treating the mutant issue like it's new (akin to the reactions in the first two movies), did you all see that? He wrote this without knowing what mutant power Melanie would have! And so this takes place at the "base of the pyramid"? So this is in Africa? Are there antelope in Africa? And the cliffhanger sucked. Seriously, I understand the need to use the first few chapters to establish what's going on, especially with an original character. You dedicated about 70% of the chapter to lectures on how terrible western governments are and the glory of nudism, 25% to pointless filler stuff, and 5% to actually introducing the characters and the situation that they're in.
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ZeldaQueen: Well, that's that and we're done!
Projection Room Voices: Good job. Take a break and then get back to Breaking Dawn.
ZeldaQueen: *groans*
Return to the Sporking Chamber