Child Of Grace: Chapter 37 - Cave Canem
Oct. 18th, 2010 08:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zelda_queenProjection Room Voices: Less talk, more sporking
ZeldaQueen: So start running the thing
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter 37: Cave Canem
ZeldaQueen: Alright then. When we last left off, everyone just discovered the Pettigrew had come back to the Hogwarts grounds for no reason at all, and is currently in Hagrid's hut. And, like with the Chamber of Secrets climax, this is all going to be absolutely infuriating. Strap in. Oh, and we're going to start up the drinking game again. This time, along with taking a shot for every contrivance to keep in canon boundaries, take a shot every time a canon character is bashed for acting in a totally understandable manner, just because they aren't agreeing with the Sue.
So we start off with Malfoy asking what the plan is, and he's apparently so worried that he forgets to use a question mark in that sentence. Sirius immediately tells them that he's going alone and Holly replies "You and what wand?" while smirking, because of course she doesn't care that her godfather is trying to look out for her safety. Oh, and I find it odd that she's all gung-ho to go after Pettigrew now and doesn't seem the least bit concerned, but thought that he'd kill anyone who tried to catch him before. \~/ Anyway, Sirius looks down at his wand holster...wait, he has a wand holster as well? *violent eye twitch* Point is, his wand isn't there and I believe that it's supposed to be that Holly stole it. Somehow. Hard to say, because the suethor can't just state a point, but whatever. Instead of wrestling his wand back and telling her to do what he damned well says, Sirius just caves and says that alright, he and Holly will be going alone after Pettigrew. Malfoy and Blaise continue to snigger and smirk and finger their wands and imply that they will attack Sirius if he doesn't agree to take them along. I'd like to remind the suethor about how Sirius looked about ready to deck Fred and George in book five, when they argued with his order to stay in his house. Instead, we get this
"'Er… all of us will be going, and I best not argue,' Sirius corrected dejectedly."
ZeldaQueen: Take a shot, folks. Sirius has a fine reason to keep the students away from Pettigrew, especially since we were supposed to believe earlier that he'd kill them and it's dangerous to go near him. They're cowing him into getting their way. \~/ Luna and Tom Riddle both show up at this point and are updated on what's going on. Sirius finally puts his foot down and says that they're not coming, but his reasoning is that they won't all fit under the Invisibility Cloak. Yes, because three thirteen-year-olds and a full-grown man will fit just fine. Luna agrees with this verdict and says that she and Riddle will wait for an hour and then get Lupin for help. Riddle asks if they should get someone in addition to Lupin for backup and Sirius gives a song-and-dance about how Snape hates him and thus will never help him. I personally think Sirius would rather gnaw his fingers off than admit that he'd need Snape's help, but that's just me. They also somehow tie it into the Ministry smearing both of their names. Oh, and Dumbledore's immediately out, because he'd be a "hard sell". Dumbledore. I'd like to remind you all that Lupin has yet to be told that Sirius is innocent, they have the map to prove to anyone that Pettigrew's around, and Dumbledore is the one who can read memories. Yet they don't think they could convince him to help. \~/\~/
So they start setting up an elaborate plan, which begins with them just going down to Hagrid's hut, summoning the rat, and running off with it. Riddle asks how they'll justify such a sudden visit, and I think we all know where this is going
"'Buckbeak,' Holly put in suddenly, green eyes gleaming. 'His execution is today. It's perfect.'
'What? No! Dammit.' Draco made a face. 'He's not exactly going to want to see me then. I suppose, I'll just stay underneath the cloak, while the others go in.'"
ZeldaQueen: It's perfect. It's perfect that a creature is going to be brutally slaughtered. It's perfect that Hagrid will be an emotional trainwreck and they will essentially be tricking him into thinking they care about his pain. Because it fits with their plan. They are exploiting this for their own benefit. And no one points out what bad taste this is. No one is even uncomfortable. Oh, well Malfoy is. Because it means that Hagrid won't be nice to him.
SON OF A BITCH, SUETHOR, HOW THE HELL CAN YOU THINK THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE???
*sighs* So they set out and Luna and Riddle promptly decide that they will end up having to bail them out of trouble. They also decide that Lupin is a useless bastard and that they'll let Snape in on it too. And normally I'd be annoyed that they're being so rude towards Lupin's abilities, but I'm too busy being appalled. Because Riddle says that the reason Lupin will be useless to help is that it's a full moon. So if the transformation still takes them all by surprise and any of them get hurt or nearly killed it's their fucking fault for not saying anything!
One scene change later, Holly, Sirius in cat form, Malfoy, and Blaise are heading out for Hagrid's place. Incidentally, am I the only one who suspects that Sirius is constantly transfigured into a cat so the suethor can try to replace Crookshanks? Anyway, they see that Ron, Neville, and Hermione are already there for their canon visit, and I feel no sympathy for them panicking over how to get Pettigrew. Bash away, Holly. The Gryffindors were actually there because they felt sorry for Hagrid.
So they come up with a new plan - Blaise and Holly will go in and grab Pettigrew when the three Gryffindors leave. Malfoy offers to provide a distraction while under the cloak. Wanna know what it is? Sure you do!
"Draco made a face. 'I could set the bloody hippogriff loose. That'll definitely distract them.'
Holly snorted. 'Just loosen the knot a bit; I'll do the rest.' She absentmindedly scratched behind Snuffles' ears. 'That way he'll still be here when Fudge and his minions arrive. And my, won't they be surprised when Buckbeak gets away?'"
ZeldaQueen: Harry and Hermione partly saved Buckbeak to help in their plan, but they also genuinely felt sorry for him and didn't want him to die. They just see the hippogriff as a convenient distraction and a way to fuck with the Ministry. Way to ruin the cleverness of the time travel scene, by the way.
And where the hell does Holly get off, saying that Fudge has minions? She's one to talk!
So they all go into the cabin and Hagrid is once more portrayed as a sobbing idiot and described in the most unflattering terms possible. We get a sped-through summary of their visit, thus draining it of all emotion and tension, before Hagrid boots them all out. When they're outside, Ron trips and drops Pettigrew, which makes me very annoyed. In canon, Pettigrew bit Ron, thus causing him to let go by accident. What, couldn't go for two sentences without piddling on Ron's character, suethor? *is very annoyed*
Sirius immediately gives chase, along with Ron, Hermione, and Neville. Holly, Blaise, and Malfoy, meanwhile, fart around with the Mauraders' Map and see that they're headed for Hogsmeade. Holly conveniently knows about the passage below the Whomping Willow, because Sirius told her about it. Of course. They all go running down that way, because the Gryffindors are so weak-willed that the sight of Pettigrew and Sirius will probably be too much for them. That, and Sirius Black, a man with a lifetime of learning about magic, clearly will need the help of three thirteen-year-olds against Pettigrew. Yes, they really implied those two points.
They prod the knot on the tree with a stick and again, I'm more impressed with the fact that the Gryffindors managed to hit it first. They weren't cheating by going off of what someone else told them, doubly so since Crookshanks apparently isn't in cahoots with Sirius, and thus wouldn't know to tell them. The journey to the master bedroom in the Shrieking Shack is summarized and very boring and has none of the tension or mystery of canon. They go to the bedroom and find Ron, leg broken, a very disheveled Hermione, and Neville.
... Okay, quick question - why is Ron's leg broken? In canon, it was broken while Sirius was dragging him off and he tried to grab hold of something to escape. Here, Sirius is a fucking kitten. He can't drag Ron off!
Neville and Hermione call out to Holly, Blaise, and Malfoy that it's a trap, which is considerably more than Holly's done for them. Oh, and we're told that Hermione "tearfully" tells them this. Okay, just shut up. Hermione is not a weeping baby! She panics and freaks out, yes, but she still fights as hard as she can when she has to. In fact, why the Hell are they all just standing here? In canon, Ron couldn't fight back because his leg was broken! Here, Hermione and Neville are in fine shape and are apparently just fine with standing around, letting a madman potentially kill them. And if the suethor says it's because they didn't have wands, bull, I say! Hermione kicked Sirius in the book. She and Neville would still try something.
And then, things start to get very disgusting. Sorry for the large block of text, but you have to see it
"The three Slytherins whirled around. The door slowly swung shut, a man standing where it had just been. He was handsome, black hair hanging past his shoulders. His blue-grey eyes gleamed in the dim light, alive and flashing. And he had a wand in each hand, undoubtedly with two others in the pocket of his robe.
Holly studied him for a heartbeat. 'Hello, Sirius.' She lowered her own wand, her friends following suit.
The Gryffindors gaped, Ron's mouth dropping open.
Sirius beamed. 'Holly, Blaise, Draco, how kind of you to drop in. We were just getting to the good part.'
'But... you know him?' Hermione asked weakly.
Holly glanced at her. 'We've met. And I believe he has something very interesting to show us.'
'Don't listen to him,' the redhead bit out painfully. 'He's completely round the twist. Scabbers isn't human.' He clutched his pet closer to his chest as Sirius moved to look at him.
'You shouldn't move your leg so much,' the man stated, eyeing the large gash. 'You'll only make it bleed worse. I can heal it for you though.' He stepped closer.
The boy scooted back on his elbows. 'Stay away from me. And Scabbers. He's just a rat.'
'But that isn't a rat, Ron,' Holly informed him, tone even but firm. 'That's Peter Pettigrew.'
'Impossible. Ridiculous,' Hermione interrupted. 'Black must have gotten to you.'
Ron was all too quick to agree. 'You've gone mad. The lot of you. Black's gone and Confounded you. He's working for You-Know-Who. He'll kill us all if we trust him.'
'I don't think they've been spelled,' Neville broke in calmly, the sole voice of reason. His Housemates stared at him, but he merely shrugged. 'Look at them. Do they seem Confounded? Or crazy?' His gaze flickered from one Slytherin to the next. 'I think that we should hear them out.' He gave his friends a fierce look before nodding at the Slytherins. 'Go on, Holly.'"
ZeldaQueen: *tiredly* Another list!
First of all, don't you just love how smug Holly is here? "Well of course we know that Sirius is innocent! We're the smart ones! Hermione and Ron are just a couple of suspicious idiots, why don't they believe me immediately? After all, it's not like the suethor read ahead!"
Which leads to point number two, see what I mean about ridiculing them for not knowing something and thus coming to the most logical conclusion? So far as the Gryffindors know, Sirius Black has shown up, kidnapped Ron, broken his leg, and starting making insane claims that a rat is a dead person. I think anyone would come to the conclusion that Black is round the twist instead of believing him. But nope. Take two shots, one for Ron and one for Hermione. \~/
Which leads us to the third point, STOP PUTTING WORDS IN NEVILLE'S MOUTH, YOU IDIOT! I honestly have no idea why the suethor is so devoted to "redeeming" Neville, but it gives us bull like this. Neville's the "sole voice of reason" for listening to Holly and her friends for no real reason. Hell, Neville has even less reason! He hates Death Eaters! His parents were tortured to insanity by them! And now he's got three people who haven't been particularly nice to him or his friends and he listens to them? And insults the people who actually are nice to him? The FUCK? Take a drink. \~/
And the fourth point, oh wonderful changes to canon thar! Just had to remind us that Sirius is all sane and clean and handsome now, thanks to the Sue, huh? And the changes to the line about Ron's leg were bull, because in canon, Ron was standing up and ready to fight Sirius, to protect his best friend.
Holly then proceeds to steal Lupin's thunder by telling the story about how he's a werewolf and Pettigrew and Sirius are Animagi. Yes, really. Yes, it's disgusting. And no, she doesn't actually say that Lupin's the werewolf, but she still acts high and mighty and sniffs when Hermione narrows her eyes at her. \~/ Ron and Hermione continue to ask for proof that this is all true, which is pretty reasonable since none has been offered thus far. Instead of seizing the opportunity to just turn Pettigrew back into a human like in canon, they fart around and use a spell that's supposed to give off a red mist in the presence of humans.
At this point, Snape shows up. He is rather pissed with the lot of them, which I don't blame him for, and treats Sirius like a criminal. Which makes sense because, you know, as far as Snape knows, he is one! Holly tries to give doe eyes to get Snape to back down and Snape, understandably, tells her that she's an idiot. I'd applaud Snape here, except that we still get the implication that he's the one that's unreasonable. \~/ He finally tosses Holly aside, and there was much rejoicing. Snape gives his canon "Give me a reason and I swear I will" line, but then makes it all about the Sue by adding that Sirius won't touch Holly again. Hoooo boy, unfortunate implications!
Snape demands that they all go back to the castle, and the Suethor conveniently leaves out the part where Snape says that he'll have the Dementors Kiss Sirius as soon as they're out of the Shack. Given that, it seems that Snape is just going to take Sirius to the castle for arrest, which he actually asked for in canon, since it would give him a chance to prove his innocence. Holly reacts to this by Stunning Snape. Yes, she actually attacks him instead of a disarming spell going to strong. And then she says she had to do it. Blaise actually jokes that Snape might blame the Gryffindors for Stunning him, which is damned stupid and Lupin shows up at this point and actually happily agrees with Blaise. I HATE THIS FIC AND THESE FUCKING DOPPLEGANGERS!
Anyway, Lupin isn't the least bit concerned or alarmed, which makes no sense at all since he's only going off of Luna's word, and Ron asks why the fuck Lupin believes all of this shit. Malfoy sniffs (seriously, do these people have sinus infections?) and says that of course they can't all be magically confused to believe Sirius. Erm, I beg to differ. Ron is perfectly justified in being incredulous. \~/ For some reason, Lupin starts staring at Sirius, until he's prompted to ask the canon line about where Pettigrew is. This, of course, is devoid of all mystery, since we already know what he's talking about.
And then Luna shows up. Dear mother of God, will something significant happen? I can not believe that they require this many people to take on Pettigrew! Okay. Finally, they turn Pettigrew human, the description of which lasts for two sentences. Oh, and he's described as "A short and balding and altogether unpleasant looking man". You know suethor, when you put it so bluntly, it sounds pretty rude.
Upon seeing Pettigrew, Lupin suddenly gets all shocked and begins blathering on about how Luna's story was right after all, like he didn't believe it before then. If that's the case, WHY THE FUCK WAS HE SO CALM BEFORE NOW?
Sirius and Lupin starts to confront Pettigrew and this seriously is rushed and boring. Also, Malfoy and Blaise are acting like sharks advancing on dinner, which is just sickening. It's all dry and I don't care. There's no emotion! Everyone is going "you're guilty as sin" to Pettigrew, but it is just meaningless! Doubly so because the suethor skips the bits where Pettigrew appeals to everyone for help and then tries to make excuses for letting Lily and James die. Instead, he just sort of stands there, whimpering. Oh, and we get this
"Pettigrew screeched in terror. He was on the verge of wetting himself as the tip of Sirius' wand flared.
"Goodbye, Peter," Draco put in cheerfully, giving a jaunty wave.
The others just watched in a sick sort of fascination as Sirius gave a dead little smile.
The rat dove for Remus, grovelling on his knees. But the werewolf kicked him away. Pettigrew then moved to Neville, only to jerk back as the boy lifted his own wand. One by one, the traitor beseeched each of them. Until finally, he went to Holly. She stared at him for a moment before calling off her godfather"
ZeldaQueen: Okay, I sort of lied. He does appeal for help. I don't think it counts though, because it's still totally empty and meaningless. Just like his appealing to Holly. We don't see him stooping to say how she looks like her parents, we don't hear about her disgust.
And I love how Malfoy, who's supposed to be so misunderstood and sweet, is clearly happy to taunt a sobbing man who's going to be killed. Also, why would Neville go about threatening to attack someone? He didn't become totally badass until the fifth book.
God, almost done here. So, Holly calls off Sirius and tells him to spare Pettigrew. In canon, it was because Harry didn't want Sirius and Lupin to be murderers, which ultimately tied in to the theme of the value of life and how Harry didn't condone or attempt murder. The reason Holly does so?
"'Don't get any ideas, rat. I am not saving you,' Holly replied to Pettigrew's squeak of gratitude, eyes glowing the colour of the Killing curse. 'It's just that your dead body won't be proof enough for Fudge.' Her gaze flickered to Sirius, and she gave a forceful nod. 'We'll take him to the headmaster. He'll know what to do.'"
ZeldaQueen: She only is keeping him alive because it is convenient to her. If he was just as good dead as alive, she'd let Sirius fire away. That makes me so angry, I'm ignoring the Mary Sue glowing eyes, which I'm fairly certain she has no reason for.
At this point, Hermione asks Sirius how he figured out which rat Pettigrew was, out of all the rats in the world, as well as how he escaped Azkaban. He tells her "That is a very long story. I'll be sure to tell it to you one day", essentially telling someone who was dragged into the mess "fuck you". Sirius then goes to examine Ron's leg and says that it was broken when it was hit by the Whomping Willow on the way in. How does that make sense? There's the implication that Ron was an unreasonable ass to not let Sirius heal his leg earlier. \~/ They get situated in exactly three sentences and Lupin and Sirius exchange some painful dialogue at the door. I'm starting to wonder if the suethor ships the two.
They head out and Sirius and Holly have no dialogue about her coming to live with him, which annoys me, as it was a nice bit of bonding between the two in canon. Lupin turns into a wolf and Malfoy states the obvious, about how Snape apparently was too busy to give him the potion. Okay, why the fuck didn't Luna find out about this? Can't she read minds and whatnot? You'd think she'd be mindful about the guy she was sending to help was werewolfing out that night.
So Sirius goes off to fight Lupin and Blaise, who is the one here magically supporting Snape, loses his nerve or something, I don't know. Point is, he drops his wand and Holly is so busy making sure that Snape doesn't get hurt hitting the ground that Pettigrew is able to escape. Nice going, diphead. Pettigrew knocks Ron over, stealing his wand, and proceeds to blast Neville and Ron ass over tin cups. Apparently Hermione can't be bothered to react to this, beyond pulling Ron back up. Seriously, Hermione wouldn't even bother trying to subdue the guy who just attacked her friends? And she says "Oh, Merlin", which shows that the suethor apparently missed why Ron was so amused at her usage of it in the last book.
Hermione, Ron, and Neville run off (I think, kind of hard to tell) and Pettigrew turns into a rat and makes his escape. Holly, Blaise, and Malfoy just stand there like complete dumbasses, making no effort to catch him or fight back against Lupin, even though Holly has her Mind Magic and whatnot. We're reminded of Blaises's stupid werewolf-phobia and how the sight of a werewolf is just so much that he stands there like a moron. Malfoy is so exasperated that he uses the Summoning spell to get Blaise to move.
... Malfoy already knows the Summoning spell? And he isn't using it to catch Pettigrew, after we keep getting reminded how dangerous the guy is?
YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!!
Hang in there girl, we're almost done. Lupin breaks away from Sirius and goes to kill Blaise, who STILL won't move. At that moment, the suethor copies movie canon and has Buckbeak swoop in to save the day. After how little thought they gave to him before, that's just mean, suethor! And for some reason, Buckbeak takes a liking to Malfoy, despite the fact that he's been nothing but a bastard towards the poor thing. Sirius turns human and is bleeding and tired. Snape comes over and pulls out a vial, which he offers to Sirius. We then get this
"'Drink this.' Snape practically shoved the bottle in Sirius' face, and at his mutinous expression, the professor growled. 'Maker, Black! I'm not going to poison you after you saved us from a bloody werewolf. And I highly doubt that I'd survive both a four-way duel and a vengeful hippogriff if I dare try anything.'"
ZeldaQueen: List!
First of all, Snape is not Wiccan or whatever weird pagan religion that's been slipped in here. DON'T HAVE HIM SAY MAKER!
Second of all, like Hell would Snape actually feel cowed by four of his students and a hippogriff. In canon, he had Lupin, Harry, Ron, and Hermione all trying to stop him from hurting Sirius and he basically said "piss off you little bastards, you're in enough trouble as it is".
Third of all, EXCUSE ME SUETHOR, BUT THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL THAT SNAPE WOULD SET ASIDE HIS GRUDGE WITH SIRIUS LIKE THAT! SNAPE, WHO WAS GOING TO GET SIRUS'S SOUL SUCKED OUT IN CANON! SNAPE, WHO WAS NEARLY KILLED BY A WEREWOLF BECAUSE OF SIRIUS! AND DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU PUT THAT IN THERE! YOU CAN'T STAND THE THOUGHT THAT YOUR LITTLE CUDDLY SNAPEKINS ISN'T PERFECTLY SWEET AND SAPPY! WELL, TOUGH LUCK! HE ISN'T! DEAL WITH IT!!!!
*blinks*
Dear lord, I think I need a rest.
Actually, the Gryffindors are still here. No idea why they haven't done anything to help, though. Holly wonders how Buckbeak got over there, since they didn't fully untie the knot. Speculation is canceled as the Dementors show up. Hooo boy, not looking forward to this.
For some reason, Neville has no idea what the oncoming coldness and mist means, even though he already suffered a Dementor attack. They all start running for the entrance to Hogwarts and then to Hogsmeade, only to be surrounded by Dementors. There's some bull about how not even Holly's Mind Shields can protect her. Ohes teh noes! Snape performs Expecto Patronum, but Holly is conveniently too distracted to notice what animal it is. *headdesk* We get the canon surprise Patronus, and given that it's described as having "snapped and snarled" when it drove the Dementors off, I don't think it's a stag. Everyone's all tired and Holly promptly passes out. What a wuss.
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Cave Canem: Beware of Dog.
ZeldaQueen: What's the point of that chapter? They already know that Sirius isn't dangerous! Is it in regards to the Gryffindors? Because if so, they were hardly in this fucking thing!
AN: I couldn't quite finish before our cruise, and I didn't have my laptop with me.
ZeldaQueen: I tossed it overboard
Anyway, this section of the story is in its final few chapters, so enjoy it while you can. I plan to take a little break in between years.
ZeldaQueen: Praise the lord!
Also, I'm doing a re-edit of my other big series, and I think that I may start writing on it again.
ZeldaQueen: Great. Leave Harry Potter alone!
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