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Chapter 29: Dancing With Wolves
ZeldaQueen: We start off the chapter with whining, as per usual. Pansy Parkinson is screaming about how Ron isn't being expelled for his behavior, and I agree. You can't hold the poor guy accountable for forced acts of out-of-character-itis. Malfoy gives some bull explanation about how Hagrid didn't see the provocation and thus Ron can't be expelled, and it's mentioned that Hagrid wouldn't believe Malfoy's testimony. Good for him, since Malfoy's nothing but a dick. We're then told that Hagrid might have believed Holly - why? She's not his friend - but that McGonagall kicked her out of the Hospital Wing with the threat of detention for being out past curfew. There's the implication that McGonagall was deliberately ignoring Holly's testimony because she just didn't like the Slytherins. Bull, I say. I would like to remind our dear suethor of the time in Half-Blood Prince in which Katie was cursed by the necklace. McGonagall refused to hear Harry insist that it was Malfoy, because she didn't believe that there was enough evidence. McGonagall is not biased against Slytherins!!!!
Oh, and there's some mention of how Malfoy didn't have to respond, so if Ron was punished for the incident, Malfoy would be as well. Good for him, it's time someone brought him down a few notches. Oh wait, we're supposed to think that's a bad thing. Millicent goes on an anti-Ron rant, using the fact that Hermione was against Ron's actions like it's some milestone of his villainy. Um, suethor? What version of Harry Potter did you read? Because you're acting like it's so weird for Hermione to be criticizing Ron, while she yelled at him quite frequently in canon. Oh, and even though Hermione clearly was against Ron's actions and thus was defending Malfoy, Millicent still sniffs "disdainfully" at the very thought of Hermione.
And then we get - OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!
""Er… Draco, if you don't mind me asking, why is your arm still in a sling?"
The blond shrugged as best he could, wincing at the motion. "Hippogriffs have some kind of substance on their talons that makes wounds resistant to magical healing. Spells still work somewhat, but they aren't nearly as effective." He exhaled softly. "Or at least that's what Pomfrey told me. She could have been lying for all I know. She didn't exactly seem happy to see me."
Holly nodded. "I think that she's still mad you didn't immediately take me to her when I sprained my ankle last year," she commented, remembering how she had twisted her foot in the Chamber of Secrets and the fact that Dumbledore had inadvertently delayed her treatment for several hours"
ZeldaQueen: First of all, NO SUETHOR, HIPPOGRIFF INJURIES DON'T WORK LIKE THAT! You can't just lie and say "well you don't know it doesn't!" either. Because canon states quite clearly what sort of injuries are impervious to magical healing - DARK FUCKING MAGIC!!! Werewolf bites! Sectumsempra! Those sorts of things! Hippogriffs aren't Dark creatures, THUS THEIR CUTS CAN BE HEALED BY MAGIC!
Second of all, equally idiotic is the implication that Madame Pomfrey deliberately lied to avoid healing Malfoy out of annoyance. Why would she be angry about Malfoy in regards to Holly's ankle? Sprained ankles are nothing in the wizarding world. And why would she be angry that Malfoy didn't bring her right away? It was Dumbledore who apparently caused the delay. That's just a weak-ass excuse. Also, Madame Pomfrey took the health and safety of the students very seriously! In the fifth book, the only reason she didn't quit in protest of Umbridge was because she was worried about the health of everyone without her! There is no way she would deny treatment to anyone, annoyed or not. Heck, she was annoyed with Ron and Hermione for not bringing Harry directly to her in the second book, but she still healed them of their various next injuries! And if she is so concerned about a student's health as to hold such a grudge, why would she then turn around and allow a different student to remain injured?
Third of all, if Madame Pomfrey was farting around and deliberately not healing Malfoy, his daddy dearest would have her butt fired before she could blink. Look at how he went after Buckbeak, a fact which I suspect you'll be ignoring because it makes Lucius look bad.
Suethor, just 'fess up. You want to milk the angst and sympathy from Malfoy being injured, but you know you just can't keep it with canon - that he was a fucker who was playing up a healed injury for laughs.
God, that infuriated me. Where was I? Oh yeah, Autumn asks about Malfoy's plans for Quiddich try-outs and you all remember that question Mervin had, about how the suethor was going to keep Holly as Seeker when Malfoy had the place in canon? Well, problem solved - in this, he's going for Chaser, not Seeker! Which makes no sense. In canon, he only went for Quiddich because he was jealous that Harry made the Gryffindor team and was popular for it. That's not even touching on the fact that Malfoy only made the team because his daddy donated the Nimbus 2001s, a fact which - of course - the suethor is ignoring. Nepotism is still there though, since Malfoy explains that the Slytherin team captain has apparently been grooming him for the position for a year and thus will allow him to try out against whoever is picked, after he's healed. Hooray! Are we supposed to like that? Because I don't. I think it's a nasty kick in the nuts to whatever poor doofus tries really hard and thinks he made the team.
We get some gooey dialogue where Millicent is all maternal to Malfoy and we get another smirk from her. I really don't think the suethor knows how annoying that is. Holly, of course, is thinking about herself and we get a pointless comment on the oh-so-cool dragonhide boots that Malfoy got her. We find out that she's angsting about Sirius, who is being hidden in those stupid secret passages that were brought up in her second year and became a total dead end. She's also angsting because she HORROR OF HORRORS finally told Sirius what House she was in.
We get a badly-marked flashback. Seriously, the suethor actually has a paragraph break and then gives us the word "Flashback", centered and in parenthesis. That's about on par with Arianna making "clever" comments in her fanfiction without even labeling author's notes. Anyway, we get "treated" to the conversation and it's very banal and stupid and involves Holly asking if Sirius is mad and him waffling on about how he ought to have known because Holly was all cunning (NO SHE WASN'T!!!), and how he thought she'd be Ravenclaw, and Lily was almost Ravenclaw, and how he was almost Slytherin but didn't want to because his family all was and he hated them (THANK GOD, CANON!), and how if she's happy, he's happy, it's all so sappy, yadda, yadda, yadda, shoot me now. And that's it. The real thing is stretched out way too long and I'm sparing you all a lot of headache. You'll thank me some day.
We get an end to the flashback, which is also stupidly labeled, and Holly pulls her head out of her ass to find that her friends are bitching about having Potions and Care of Magical Creatures with the Gryffindors and "have to put up with the Hufflepuffs". *glares* Moving on, they go to Defense Against the Dark Arts class and Blaise takes one look at Lupin before going all Dramatic Prairie Dog. *rubs head* Who wants to guess where this is going?
We get more merging of book and movie canon, as Lupin is fiddling with a phonograph. And then it doesn't work...so he just gives up on it. Alright then, what was the point of bringing it up? There's some heavy-handed conversation about Blaise's behavior, along with foreshadowing to rival Stephenie Meyer and a lecture from Theo over kids being taught bad values, which is fucking rich coming from him, when you remember canon. At about this time, Lupin starts up the lesson and the suethor decides to milk Malfoy's injury by reminding us that his wand hand is in a sling, and thus he's given permission to sit this one out. Our attention is directed back to the wardrobe and Holly of course realizes that Something Bad is in there, because the suethor read ahead she's just that good. Lupin introduces the concept of the boggart and we get more ridiculous summarizing.
"Professor Lupin just smiled, closing it with a flick of his wand. His grin widened as he proceeded to tell them about boggarts, mentioning that they were shape-shifters that took the form of whatever most frightened their intended target. He continued his lecture, awarding Holly five points when she correctly answered a question and Draco five more for another and showing them the spell they needed to defeat the creature"
ZeldaQueen: Don't you just love the suethor's attention to detail?
Moving on, Lupin tells them about the Riddikulus spell and there's mild Hufflepuff bashing as he stops to correct Hannah's pronunciation. There's some bizarre bit where he glances at Holly and somehow, she jumps to the conclusion that he won't let her fight the boggart. Of course, she instantly knows that it's because he's afraid of a Boggart-Voldemort and there is no more reflection than that. *headdesk* Suethor? You do realize that the point of this all in canon was for us to see that Harry feared being forced to relive his most terrifying memories more than a genocidal maniac, right? Along with the fact that the initial mystery of why he wasn't allowed to face the boggart added to his wondering about whether or not Dementors proved he was weak? Of course though, there mustn't be any questions about whether or not little Holly is weak. GOD!
So yeah, Lupin calls up Autumn to demonstrate and the suethor proceeds to suck all humor out of the situation by having her say that she's afraid of enclosed spaces and having her be entombed in a box when the boggart comes out. How does that even work? And then she turns the box into a "flattened piece of wood on the floor, complete with footprints and pink painted flowers". *holds head* You know, not only is this not nearly as funny as Snape in the vulture hat, it also really doesn't have the coolness of Neville's moment. Up until now in canon, Neville had been humiliated and belittled by Snape at every turn. This was the first time he did anything to fight back. Plus, we see his growing confidence, by how he can hardly manage the spell at first, but stops the boggart effortlessly at the end. Grrr...
So we the usual canon rip-off, in which the suethor has a variety of "scary to funny" things happen, and which is just painfully boring. The only mildly amusing thing (which is unintentionally funny) is that one of the "frightening" things is a "blood-coated rabbit with fearsome incisors". Hmm, is the boggart behind the rabbit, I wonder? Unfortunately, we're never told if the students use the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch to stop it. Oh, and there's Slytherin glorifying as Pansy flips her hair and "easily" faces her fear.
And then things go even stupider when Blaise steps up and fic starts cribbing from movie canon. We pretty much follow the scene from the film, where the boggart temporarily transforms into a huge werewolf and Lupin leaps in the way and faces off against the full moon. Except, it doesn't make sense here because, as we established, the only reason Lupin didn't want Harry against the boggart was because he thought it would turn into Voldemort and panic everyone. The rest of the class had been facing terrifying things, so why should he step in for that?
Still, we get slapped around with more heavy-handed foreshadowing, as Autumn stops the boggart for good, Blaise goes all white and panicked, and Lupin sadly shakes his head. Blaise goes running out of the classroom and Holly runs after to see if he's alright. She tries to mind rape him and is extremely shocked, shocked I say, to find that some barrier is blocking her telepathy. So, of course, she starts getting all upset and confused over that. Because how dare something keep her from leaping willy-nilly into the minds of whoever she pleases? Anyway, there's some boring banter in which she begs him to tell her what's up, he goes on about how it's nothing, it's really boring, I'm going to spare you. The long and short of it is that he gets pissed at her for irritating him and yells at her to leave him alone and she is pathetically hurt because he yelled at her, ohes teh noes. He goes all "what have I done?!?" and runs off.
One scene change later and Blaise is still avoiding Holly and she still can't read his mind. It's worth noting that the latter seems to bother her far more than the former. We're also told that Titania and Solaris keeps showing up to check on her and "while she was flattered by the attention, it was really starting to get on her nerves". *mildly* Want to bitch it up any more, Holly?
We're then violently jerked into our first Ancient Ruins class, and if you were betting that this was yet another canon rip-off, well dur. The class isn't as idiotic as Arithmancy - at least they aren't starting out with grade school stuff - and unlike Keiran, this suethor actually knows that Ancient Ruins involves learning new alphabets as opposed to carving ruins into stuff for magic powers. The class is taught by one original character, Professor Rosetta - OH I SEE WHAT YOU DID THAR - and she is described thusly.
"Their teacher herself was a peculiar woman with squared-framed glasses that sat on the end of her nose, and her brown hair was held together in a messy bun by two shortened quills. Like Vector, she was rather young seeming and obviously passionate about her chosen field, but the two women drastically differed from that point on.
Rosetta was adventurous, eager to try something new or different, as indicated by the variety of pictures on her wall that depicted her doing various bizarre activities. However, that trait was offset by her extreme forgetfulness. Truthfully, she fit the mould of the absentminded professor so well that Holly secretly suspected it was actually based on her in the first place, especially after she spent five minutes searching for her glasses before realising that she was already wearing them.
All told and in all honesty, she reminded the Slytherin of an odd cross between Dumbledore and Flitwick"
ZeldaQueen: Not as bad as the other additions, but I have to wonder how she got hired if she was that damned absent-minded. And Dumbledore is eccentric, not forgetful. *scowls*
We then jump to the next day, because the suethor couldn't be bothered to write anymore. It seems that Blaise is talking to her again and she can once more read his mind. The thing is, there's some weird cloud-thing in his mind that is moving and blocking "an area of his thoughts that she tended to avoid anyway, a place he had asked her never to venture. She had kept her promise not to, now coming to regret that decision". Because the instant it looks like there's something interesting in someone's mind, she's going to dive right in, no matter if it's stuff that the person doesn't want seen. Holly is also irritated that Blaise won't talk about what's going on, but of course she's a Mary Sue and thus won't just mind her own damned business. All of her other cronies are confused about this, but can't help out because they're plotting revenge on Ron. Dear lord, I feel ill. Run Ron! Hurry! Escape! Flee! IT'S NOT TOO LATE!!!
Okay, head's up folks. This next bit is just horrible and disgusting and even moreso because it's clear the suethor thinks it's charming and funny and justified. It's now Thursday (no idea how that is in relation to before, but whatever) and everyone is putting their plan on revenge against Ron into action. So keep that in mind. This is not them being reasonable and Ron being an out-of-character douche. This is not them acting nasty out of fear, like the suethor passed it off in the first story arc. No, this is them being deliberate pricks and going out of their way to humiliate and ridicule Ron, while at the same time giving the suethor a chance to take their canon behavior and justify it. Ready? No, I'm not either. Let's just begin.
Alright, it's that Potions class. You remember, from the third book? That's the one where Malfoy shows up late, milks his fake injury, gets preferential treatment by forcing Ron to fix his ingredients, and spends the entire time goading Harry into chasing after Black. In other words, Malfoy is an arrogant bastard and Ron is quite justified in being annoyed with him. So, here's what we get in this POS.
Class has started and Malfoy comes staggering in late, "much like the lone survivor of some horrendous battle". Snape does not punish Malfoy for being late, which is perfectly in character in canon. In this, we get some garbage about how it's strange and thus a sign that Snape is in on the plan. This in no way makes Snape sympathetic, because he's a teacher and is not only letting these creeps humiliate their classmate, he's actively encouraging and assisting them. And yes, I know that's exactly how it is in canon, except that the suethor words this like it's an exception. Like he's usually so fair and sees this upcoming venture as perfectly reasonable. In other words, we're supposed to think he's being good for doing this.
Moving on, Malfoy sits with Holly and Blaise, and behind Ron and Parvati, with Hermione and Neville sitting diagonal. I have no idea why Ron is partnered with Parvati, considering that she'd be more likely to pair with Lavender and him with Hermione, but whatever. Holly notices that Malfoy can't prepare his ingredients with his injured arm and turns to help him. Malfoy immediately says "No, Hols, watch this" and then gives a whiny and smug plea to Snape to ask for help, especially since it would just be unfair for poor little Holly to help out. Snape, as in canon, tells Weasley to help out. The suethor pisses on Ron some more by adding that he was just sitting there, having Parvati do all of the work.
Okay, time out and question - was there ever a time when we saw Ron just sit in class and slack off? NO! He did work in class. Just because he slacked off on homework doesn't mean he didn't do ANY WORK AT ALL! GOD!
On a less rant-ish note, why would Snape just let Ron sit there and not do anything? He'd have Ron's ass for lunch if he tried to pull that.
Ron gives his canon hiss about how there's nothing wrong with Malfoy's arm, which is a very good point. Malfoy gives his canon chuckle and I want to strangle him because we're supposed to like this. Ron, as in canon, hacks up the roots into uneven bits and Malfoy, as in canon, appeals to Snape. Snape gives his canon order for Ron to switch his roots with Malfoy and Parvati gets pissed because she just finished carefully cutting their roots into even pieces. Hmm. Suethor? *pulls out copy of third book*
"Snape approached their table, stared down his hooked nose at the roots, then gave Ron an unpleasant smile from beneath his long, greasy black hair.
'Change roots with Malfoy, Weasley.'
'But, sir - !'
Ron had spent the last quarter of an hour carefully shredding his own roots into exactly equal pieces
'Now,' said Snape in his most dangerous voice
Ron shoved his own beautifully cut roots across the table at Malfoy..."
ZeldaQueen: You know, suethor, this just ties back to what I said about blatant favoritism. If you only change a few things in the canon storyline, and those things are only done to make Ron look bad, it's damned obvious you hate him!
Anyway, in a rather disgusting addition, the suethor has Parvati whack Ron across his hand with their stirring rod, hard enough to leave a mark. Yes, because physically attacking characters is just so amusing at times like these, isn't it? I mean, it's Ron! It's perfectly alright to hit him and beat him up and torment him all you like! I mean, you have the decency to leave him alive, after all!
I hate this Sue, I hate the suethor, I hate this fic, and I wish I could cuddle Ron and tell him I'm sorry about all of this.
Malfoy continues to demand that Ron fix his ingredients like in canon, and we keep getting "hilarious" asides in which Holly and Blaise and Malfoy snigger and laugh and chuckle, Snape threatens Ron, and Parvati continues to glare and snarl at the poor guy. Again I remind you all, we're supposed to think that this is just wonderful and Ron deserves every minute of it. Bite me.
Ron throws the boomslang skin at Malfoy as in canon, and Holly and Blaise glare at him like it's unreasonable for Ron to be angry after all of this. Parvati, meanwhile, is "shaking with unsuppressed fury" because he knocked their diced juniper on the ground. Again, why isn't Hermione working with him? Malfoy forces Ron to slice his caterpillars and we get beat over the head with how furious Ron is. I don't blame him. I'd probably have smacked Malfoy by now. As Ron cuts the caterpillars up, Malfoy leans in and whispers, "casually mentioning the complainants his father had already lodged". Erm, complaints against what? Ron? Buckbeak? I'd go with the latter because it's canon, but wouldn't that make Lucius out to be a big old meanie? In any case, he's clearly baiting Ron. Ron, understandably, is very pissed by now and decapitates one of the caterpillars. The head falls into the daisy roots and apparently Parvati has a really short temper, because we're beat over the head with how angry she is and how she tosses the caterpillar head at Ron's ear. LOOK, WE KNOW YOU HATE RON!!! STOP IT ALREADY!!!
Ron turns to yell at Malfoy, which the suethor words like it's a horrible overreaction, and accidentally knocks over the bottle of carnation essence, splashing the stuff on Parvati and breaking the bottle. Parvati responds by dumping the contents of their cauldron on Ron's head. Apparently Parvati is an idiot in this fic, because we know that they're supposed to turn their potion in at the end of the period and dumping the entire thing will just get them both zeroes. Oh, and the suethor can't resist humiliating Ron some more, because even though the potion apparently was for the Shrinking Solution and had only three ingredients in it, it has turned Ron's skin green.
Snape is understandably furious at this, but only blames Ron for the incident and not, OH SAY PARVATI, WHO OVERTURNED THE DAMNED CAULDRON!!! What the hell?
Thank God, the chapter pretty much ends as the bell rings, and everyone makes a break for it. The suethor still punches Ron's character, telling us how there are a lot of people who wanted to hear Ron get chewed out by Snape and how Ron gives Parvati a nod and she gives him a "Slytherin-esque". Because if someone is Good, they are Slytherin-like.
GOD!!!!!!
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AN: Oh, an important note. The fact that Blaise could block Holly was intentional on my part and will come into play later on. Also, there will be a more in depth discussion of Ancient Runes spaced over the next few chapters. You will actually get to meet Professor Rosetta then.
ZeldaQueen: WHY DO YOU KEEP TELLING US THIS STUFF? DO YOU HAVE SO LITTLE FAITH IN YOUR READERSHIP THAT YOU THINK WE WON'T FIGURE OUT ON OUR OWN OR AT LEAST BE ABLE TO WAIT AND SEE FOR THIS STUFF? GOD, I HATE YOU AND I HATE THE IDIOTS WHO READ THIS THING AND THINK THAT IT'S QUALITY LITERATURE!!!
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ZeldaQueen: And, in a last-ditch effort to save sanity all around, I shall post some fanart of Ron Weasley. Because we can take comfort that there still are people who love the guy.
ZeldaQueen: From Leaky Fan Art, by mudblood428 
ZeldaQueen: From Fanpop, credited to artdungeon.net
ZeldaQueen: Yes, I know that's not fanart. But Ron looks so kickass in his Quiddich gear, let's just enjoy it
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Onward to: Chapter 30: Complicated Confrontations
Back to: Chapter 28: Talons, Tealeaves, And Time Turners
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