Breaking Dawn: Chapter 24 - Surprise

[zelda_queen]

Projection Room Voices: Right, "Chapter Twenty-four, in which Bella and Edward see their new...erm living quarters and...celebrate Bella's birthday..."

ZeldaQueen: I'm going in!

---

Chapter 24: Surprise

ZeldaQueen: All I can think of is a certain line from Star Trek: The Next Fornification... *has a dirty mind*

Well, what do you know? We start off the action right away with Bella whining. What a surprise! She's fussing because she insists that she was turned into a vampire before her birthday and thus she is eighteen forever. Well of all of the idiotic and vain - Bella, weren't you just saying on your honeymoon that you didn't care if you aged a year or two so long as you looked close in age to Edward? What changed? Oh wait, you learned that you and he can still have fantastic sex so now you're back on your stupid age kick. Nevermind. Alice tells Bella to suck it up and accept the present anyway and normally I'd think Alice was being irritating, but I'm kind of siding with her on this since Bella's being such a brat.

Edward also has a key in his pocket no, he's just happy to see you with a "less gaudy blue bow" and Bella knows that it's for her after-transformation car. She wonders if she ought to feel excited, since she still has no interest in cars after being a vampire. *holds head* Bella, did you think that turning into a vampire would automatically mold you to like exactly the same things as your in-laws? Can't you just like what you want to like and tell the others to go screw themselves? No, of course not, that would require a backbone. Alice and Edward begin to bicker over who shows Bella which gift first and Alice ends up winning by suggesting Rock, Paper, Scissors and foreseeing that she will win. Erm...wouldn't that only work if Edward had already decided what he'd pick? Whatever! They decide to let Alice have her way (as per usual), and Bella picks up on several dropped hints that this gift will somehow tie in to her clothing. She wonders if Alice got her a trunkful of clothes or something. Edward also comments that it'd probably be best if they wait to see the car until Jacob was awake, so that there's someone who "is able to express the right level of enthusiasm" for it. Jerk. If you know Bella doesn't want it, why are you giving it to her? It's not like a vampire needs a car to get someplace.

Bella gives Renesmee to Rosalie and we find out that the baby is always held by someone when she sleeps. Alice comments that "She has never been set down in her entire life. She's going to be the most spoiled half-vampire in existence" to which Rosalie responds that because Renesmee is just so unique and one-of-a-kind, she's also the most unspoiled half-vampire in existence. She's going to be a bratty leech, that's for certain. Seriously Meyer, have you ever watched Nanny 911? You know that when kids get dependent on having someone sit in the room with them or sleep in bed with them at night, they can't be by themselves at night later? At the rate Renesmee's growing, she's going to be physically in her teens and insisting on Bella and Jacob and Rosalie holding her when she sleeps.

Oh, and it seems that Rosalie is of course still BFF with Bella since "I'd finally made the same choice she would have if she'd been in my shoes. That seemed to have washed away her resentment for all my other choices". Jesus these people are horrid! So what Bella, they won't like you unless you do what they would have done? You're not them! What if you had decided to give up the baby instead of having it and risking death? I just...AUGH! Why would you even want to be friends with someone like that?

Alice drags Bella and Edward off and Bella reflects on how pleased she is that she still has her human qualities of hating being given presents. *rubs head* So...she's pleased that she's still an ungrateful - no, no, I won't say it. They set off through the woods and Alice makes sure that Bella's eyes are covered. Along the way, Bella smells honeysuckle, smoke, roses, sawdust, and dug-up earth. Hmm, I wonder what this big surprise could be? Alice finally uncovers Bella's eyes and we find out that the present is...a little stone cottage. Huh.

Edward explains that Esme, being the Beloved Smother that she is, couldn't stand the thought of Bella and he living too far away but figured that they wanted a place of their own, so she fixed this place up. Uh huh. So there's just been this little stone cottage sitting out here in the woods for so long, without mention at all before now? How convenient. Alice mentions that Emmett was up for adding an extra story and a tower to it - go Emmett! - but Bella insists that she loves it the way it is. Alice leaves and Bella worries that there's some sort of pressure from her reputation of hating gifts. Edward insists that she's fine (no she's not, she's an ungrateful idiot!) and that their second gift was some alone-time. In their cottage. Hoooo boy, I wonder where this will be going. Edward carries her over the threshold, and you all already know how I feel about him carrying her everywhere, so I won't repeat myself. He asks what she's thinking and she replies "everything" and "how many superlatives [she] has in [her] head". Well, it's high time someone pointed it out. Well done, Bella.

And then we get to hear what the cottage looked like. Sweet Jesus, to we get to hear about it.

"The cottage room was something from a fairy tale. The floor was a crazy quilt of smooth, flat stones. The low ceiling had long exposed beams that someone as tall as Jacob would surely knock his head on. The walls were warm wood in some places, stone mosaics in others. The beehive fireplace in the corner held the remains of a slow flickering fire. It was driftwood burning there–the low flames were blue and green from the salt.

It was furnished in eclectic pieces, not one of them matching another, but harmonious just the same. One chair seemed vaguely medieval, while a low ottoman by the fire was more contemporary and the stocked bookshelf against the far window reminded me of movies set in Italy. Somehow each piece fit together with the others like a big three-dimensional puzzle. There were a few paintings on the walls that I recognized–some of my very favorites from the big house. Priceless originals, no doubt, but they seemed to belong here, too, like all the rest.

It was a place where anyone could believe magic existed. A place where you just expected Snow White to walk right in with her apple in hand, or a unicorn to stop and nibble at the rosebushes.

Edward had always thought that he belonged to the world of horror stories. Of course, I'd known he was dead wrong. It was obvious that he belonged here. In a fairy tale.

And now I was in the story with him."

ZeldaQueen: First, I would like to take this opportunity to rip out my hair at the hideous prose we just witnessed. Second of all Edward belonged in a fairy tale. A freaking fairy tale. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Bella, perhaps I might remind you that Edward has openly admitted to killing and eating people! And stalking you, don't forget that! And seemed more than willing to kill the dudes who were going to rape you! And ripped up James and Victoria! And was going to force you to have an abortion, promising Jacob sex with you if he went along with it! Yes, that is fairy tale-worthy if you're thinking of the Grimm Brothers with people being killed and hideously transformed and cannibalism and other horrific stuff, but you my dear are obviously thinking of Walt Disney fairy tales, with pretty flowers and singing princesses and bright colors. Yes, Edward is pretty. THAT DOES NOT MAKE HIM WORTHY OF BEING IN A HAPPY, PRETTY FAIRY TALE!!!!!! HE IS A DAMNED VAMPIRE, HE DRINKS BLOOD, HE WAS TWO BREATHS SHY OF KILLING AND EATING YOU - AND HE TOLD YOU AS MUCH - AND MIDNIGHT SUN PROVES THAT HE'S A FREAKING SOCIOPATH!!!!!!!!! STOP THINKING THAT JUST BECAUSE HE SPEAKS IN YE OLDE ENGLISH AND IS PRETTY MEANS THAT HE'S A GOOD PERSON. HE'S NOT!!!!!!

On a lighter note, I find it highly ironic that you talk about Snow White bringing her apple into the cottage, when you consider what happens when she actually eats said apple in the fairy tale. Epic fail Meyer, don't you even know that children's tale? And don't even bother trying to pretend you were thinking of the Disney version either, because it was freaking scary in that version as well.

Second of all, that description of the house up there? Classic Mary Sue house description. If you can stick with me for a bit here..

"My eyes were transfixed on the house as I dismounted. I ran up to the front of the house and looked it over. There was a white gate in the front with a fence that ran all the way around the house. A stable for horses was on the right side, a pen for sheep and pigs just off to the side near the front. There was a pasture behind the house to graze cows and horses in. And off to the left of the house was the well. The house itself was like a summer home. It was a light tan house with a white roof. The windows were Monastery style. And the front door was brown with the carving of the Triforce symbol just bellow the greeting hole. And when I then went inside I was nearly blown away.

The entire house was furnished. The living quarters had a wooden couch with cushions. A reading chair sat beside a fireplace. There was a book table beside the couch with an oil lamp on it. Candles in stands stood all around the room while oil lamps hung from the walls. In the dining quarters stood a huge wooden table with six chairs around it. A small vase of flowers sat in the middle. The kitchen had all of the cooking supplies we would ever need. There was even a spice rack on the wall. A small icebox was in the corner and another small fireplace was in the back for cooking. There was a spiral staircase that went up to the sleeping quarters. I walked up the staircase and went to see the sleeping quarters. When I reached the top I noticed there were 5 doors. Four were empty and one furnished. The one that was furnished was our Bed Chamber. There was an Edwardian bed(3) with beautiful white silk sheets and pillows. A wooden chair sat off to the right and a small table with an oil lamp sat to the left of the chair. Silk curtains lined the window. And award robe closet stood in the left side of the room."
~ My Inner Life, Back in Hyrule

"Ariana had never seen such a large house. It reminded her of a castle out of a fairy tale. Like the kind Sleeping Beauty would have lived in. The room she was led to had beautiful lavender walls, with a four posted bed gilded in gold, with a lavender bed spread. All the furniture was plated in gold, making Ariana feel even more like a princess"
~ Ariana's Hidden Power, Off to Visit Friends

"A bookcase dominated one side of the wall that held all my old Hogwarts textbooks and other assorted books I had bought over the past four years and a small study desk was next to it with a comfortable chair.

The room had the warm feel of a cosy lounge and the walls were covered in a Gryffindor red and gold and were illuminated by lamps similar to the way the Gryffindor Common room was lit. Two armchairs sat in front of a small fireplace. The floors were covered with a fine red and black Persian carpet. On a neat perch near the fireplace sat Hedwig, contentedly munching on a dead rat."
~ Rose Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Advanced Guard

ZeldaQueen: I'm just saying...

So yeah, Edward continues to carry Bella through the house (still creepy, by the way) and takes her to where their bedroom is. Oh lordy... It turns out that Alice has provided them with a fully-stocked wardrobe which is apparently twice the size of the room. I wonder if it's larger on the inside than it is on the outside, ala the TARDIS? Being held in Edward's arms flips on Bella's hormones though, and she tells Edward that they'll be lying to Alice and telling her that she (Bella) ran straight to the wardrobe and tried on all the clothes at once. And yes, I don't like Bella's constant lying, but she's actually getting some good sexual foreplay in there which is kind of refreshing after her pitiful attempts at seduction before this. Good for her.

*blinks* Wait hold on a - they...they just went down on the floor. Literally. The instant Bella makes it apparent that she's horny, Edward pulls her face to his and they actually rip each other's clothes off and can't be bothered to make it to the bed. I...I just... *runs hand through hair* And of course she goes off, full purple prose, about how much better this is than her honeymoon sex. Because everything about vampire life is soooooo much better. She also realizes that she and Edward literally don't need to breath or sleep or eat or go to the bathroom and she can't see herself wanting to stop, so she wonders at what point they'll finish with the sexing.

... and Edward had the gall to say that Bella was run by her hormones when she was human? Condescending piece of -

They finally stop come morning and Bella asks if he misses her warmth, her soft skin, or her bacony smell, none of which she misses of course. He assures her that he still thinks she's soft and warm and that he doesn't miss her tasty smell at all, since it would bee too distracting during their love-making. Erm Meyer? Wasn't that tasty smell supposed to be the reason he fell in love with her in the first place?

The two start making out again - son of a - and Bella asks how the other Cullens manage to resist the urge to screw each other 24/7. Well Bella, not everyone is a sex-starved bag of hormones. Apparently Rosalie and Emmett were the worst and they went for an entire decade before cooling off. Bella of course thinks that she can outlast that, since her love for Edward is Just That Much Better.

Edward reminds Bella that she'll have a lot more free time, now that she doesn't need to sleep anymore, and explains that this is why he's apparently so much smarter than the other Cullens. "There's a tremendous amount of time left over when you don't have to sleep. It makes balancing your… interests quite easy. There's a reason why I'm the best musician in the family, why–besides Carlisle–I've read the most books, studied the most sciences, become fluent in the most languages.… Emmett would have you believe that I'm such a know-it-all because of the mind reading, but the truth is that I've just had a lot of free time". Wow Edward, way to be modest there. Don't any of the other Cullens read or study or take up hobbies to pass their nights? Or do they spend the entire time screwing? And I agree with Emmett, Edward is a know-it-all who mindrapes people to find stuff out. Just look at Midnight Sun. Oh, and given how you two were just acting guys, I find it highly unlikely that either of you will be spending your nights reading or learning how to play the piano.

And just to prove me right, somehow the act of laughing (what about that sentence was so funny anyway?) sets off the Hormone Alarm again and they both leap at each other and that is where the chapter ends.

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ZeldaQueen: Man, when on Earth is something actually going to happen? Besides endless sex, I mean!

Projection Room Voices: This is Breaking Dawn.

ZeldaQueen: Don't remind me!

Onward to: Chapter 25: Favor

Back to: Chapter 23: Memories

Return to: Table of Contents

Comments

[shaolina.livejournal.com]

I still don't get the logic behind Emmet/Rosalie sex decade. Rose is a rape victim with no teraphy apparently living in a body she hates and was moved by Emmet because she reminded him of a baby. None of this screams sexy time at me.

"Yes, that is fairy tale-worthy if you're thinking of the Grimm Brothers with people being killed and hideously transformed and cannibalism and other horrific stuff, but you my dear are obviously thinking of Walt Disney fairy tales, with pretty flowers and singing princesses and bright colors. "

Nah, I give that to pre-Perrault fairy tales. Now that is gruesome. Sleeping beauty from either the Grimms nor Perrault (much less him) can compare to Sun, Moon and Talia. Nor can red riding hood and some of the beast-grooms tales I've read among many other. What creepy things people made up when they were bored...

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

I think Meyer meant for Rosalie and Emmett to be her "sexy" characters, like how Alice was the chirpy cheerful one, Jasper was the pained, reserved one, and Carlisle and Esme were the parental, experienced pair. But you're right, Rosalie was raped and screwed over so much, that really ought to affect her sex life. The only thing I can think of is if a couple of decades is enough to get over it. As for Emmett reminding her of a baby, well that's standard fare for Twilight couples -_-

"Nah, I give that to pre-Perrault fairy tales. Now that is gruesome. Sleeping beauty from either the Grimms nor Perrault (much less him) can compare to Sun, Moon and Talia. Nor can red riding hood and some of the beast-grooms tales I've read among many other. What creepy things people made up when they were bored..."

Heck, what creepy things people come up with to keep kids from misbehaving! Still Grimm had some nasty ones (like "The Juniper Tree"). In any case, all of those are far closer to Edward than the watered-down vision Bella seems to have.

[southerngaelic.livejournal.com]

Yeargh.....

But hey! With them too busy fucking each other's brains out, I can stab them mid-coitus! :D

[shaolina.livejournal.com]

Even so, I don't get the feeling these characters got over anything. Then again Meyer shows what's convenient for her.

And I hated the sex scene because it sounds more like they were beating each other up more than anything. It wasn't romantic at all... no sex in this story is.



Heck, what creepy things people come up with to keep kids from misbehaving! Still Grimm had some nasty ones (like "The Juniper Tree"). In any case, all of those are far closer to Edward than the watered-down vision Bella seems to have."

While the Grimms stories did had kids in mind, previous story tellers didn't. Fairy tales were told among workers when they were bored with... well work. And Perrault used to tell his to entertain the court in the 16 century (And the french being over sensitive and Politically correct when it came to stories Perrault created some of the "safest" versions known.)

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Right. Look at how well Meyer looked into developing her main couple. >_<

I know, and it's all purple prose-ish. At least it's not like we're hearing about them doing really weird, physically impossible sex though, like in awful fanfiction. I'd honestly rather have bizarre tame stuff than really explicit, nasty stuff. Of course, given the choice I don't really like to read sex scenes at all, so yeah... ^_^;

Really? Huh, learn something new every day! :) I guess values dissonance meant that people weren't so afraid to come up with such creepy stuff for entertainment. Whereas today if you tried to talk about stuff like that, people would either say that you're high or that you need therapy (or both).

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Go for it! Hurry! We've still got time before Bella discovers her Sue-per power!

[shaolina.livejournal.com]

I only enjoy reading sex scenes if they are in MST format. Then I can read without problem... unless it's Chibi-usa's 7 birthday, that one I can't read at all. It just makes me gag since I have low tolerance for kiddy porn, MST or no MST.

I don't find sex scenes unreadable or anything (generally I just take it as part of the story) unless it's badly written, then I just hit myself with the book.

And absolutely! there are people in social studies that explore Fairy tales in the social context and it's interesting to watch the mentallity of bored people at work (You know, most didn't know how to read and there wasn't tv nor the internet. This was as close as watching a movie as they got.)

It's like cartoons. Cartoons were designed with adults in mind (smoking, violence, drinking, whistling at babes, propaganda etc) and look at what it has become. (Which is in part why I love Who framed Roger rabbit, it gives cartoons some of that edge back)Now "Cartoons are for kids" and all of that. It's just how some things evolve.

[shaolina.livejournal.com]

"(You know, most didn't know how to read and there wasn't tv nor the internet. This was as close as watching a movie as they got.)"

Man, I meant that in a joke-tone but when I read that now it sounded, what the word, condescending maybe. I am sorry if it sounds like that. Totally meant it in a "Bored people make up crazy shit." Meyer being the perfect example of that statement. XD

[kawaiicow.livejournal.com]

Why the hell do Bella and Eddyface get the cottage? Aren't Jasper and Alice also living with Papa and Mama Cullen? And the description, oy. "Everything was different, but purfect!" Yeah Bella, most people don't have matching apliances. Whoop-de-fucking-doo for you. And she then tops it by admiring her bookcase for the way it looks, instead of, you know, for the books on it. It's strange she didn't mention the roof, I wonder if it's thach? *nudges petrol tank out of sight*

On another note:
"SUPRISE!" yelled Edward as he boned young Jacob up the ass.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

To be fair, Rosalie and Emmett got a cottage of their own. I guess Alice and Jasper didn't want one?

And honestly the way she described everything in there? Total Mary Sue descriptors. That one excerpt I posted, "My Inner Life", that's a fanfic written by some crazy girl who believed that she had a second life when she dreamed which involved marrying Link from "The Legend of Zelda", totally raping his canon in the process. Not a good comparison there, Meyer.

And XD!

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

That's cool, I understood. ^^ And I completely agree, you don't know what you'll come up with.

Actually, that's how Meyer came up with her idea for "The Host". She was on a car trip and was bored and came up with the idea to amuse herself. And the heck of it is, it's been said that "The Host" is a lot more complex and better-written than "Twilight". Not that this would be difficult.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

"It's like cartoons. Cartoons were designed with adults in mind (smoking, violence, drinking, whistling at babes, propaganda etc) and look at what it has become. (Which is in part why I love Who framed Roger rabbit, it gives cartoons some of that edge back)Now "Cartoons are for kids" and all of that. It's just how some things evolve."

Have you ever seen the movie "Cool World"? It's like "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" on drugs. XD And apparently it also fell prey to the "cartoons are for kids!" thing. I told my dad about that and he said "What about 'Howard the Duck'? That was rated X".

Oh, the same thing happened with "The Road to El Dorado". That movie was made more or less for adults than for kids, but because it followed a Disney-like formula, everyone assumed it was a children's movie and were perplexed by some of the dialogue, like when one of the Spaniard dudes is clearly making out with a native girl ("Oh no! The high priest! What will he say when he sees me in here with you?" "Lucky god?") Weirdly, my brother and I saw that movie in elementary school and thought it was hilarious.

I guess we have Disney to blame for the "kiddy cartoon" concept, but even they got some pretty danged creepy stuff in there.

[shaolina.livejournal.com]

Actually Disney did have cartoons aimed at adults (some which are banned and censored now) with things like propaganda and still has a bit of parent bonus in their movies. The real big time culprit is Saturday morning cartoons. That's what cemented that idea on America's mind. They were cheap to produce so they were made in large quantities although in bad quality a lot of the time. It also appealed to the advertisers who were trying to sell to the little kids and their parents. People came to associate cartoons with kids from pretty much then on even though decades before Betty Boop almost got raped on one of hers (and I'm totally serious.) and poor Red had to deal with sexual harassment as she dances half naked in a night club.

Of course there are those who challenge that idea in a "positive" and "negative" way. Positive would be something like Avatar: the last airbender and Gargoyles that, while cartoons, it appealed to an older crowd with its story and characters or Animaniacs that had a lot of parental bonus. A more "negative" way would be like The world of El Superbeasto or Drawn Together that is obviously for adults because of language and sexual themes. But all and all you sit down to watch, I dunno, Phineas and Ferb when you're 19, 20 or so and it gets comment like "Why are you watching that? You're too old for cartoons."


And I saw Cool World. I didn't hated it, but I didn't like it. I prefer Roger Rabbit all the way (In fact that was my favorite movie growing up. My mother rented it to me so many times she pretty much bought it 3 times. XD) It just suffered from too much ADD and I didn't get the end with the rod of power. It was just too random and the animation was too random and cheap looking at times. And Holly Wood was not charming like Red is nor as attractive/cool as Jessica. She just seemed kinda skanky, not attractive at all.

(And Road to El Dorado was fun! XD I love that one. Chel = awesomeness forever and ever.)

But yeah, it's like the term fairy tales. I say fairy tale and people think happy stories for children.

I own pretty much all fairytale anthologies and stories I've ever heard about (Damn you Villeneuve, yours is impossible to find!) so when there was a blackout at my house years ago I decided to read my Grimm's anthology. My mother sees the word fairy tale and tells me to read one of the stories to the kids. I told her that it was a bad idea, she told me to do it, so I did. My family ended up O_O because I read the Juniper Tree. She never asked me to read a fairy tale to them again. XD

I should have looked for Perrault instead, but then again I would have been mean enough to read Donkeyskin. XD But he's just so P.C because the french court was so P.C. They were so P.C. that they rewrote the greek myths to suit their tastes. Which in turn affected their translations creating las bellas infieles (beautiful unfaithful would be the literal translation) where they just do adaptations and call them translation. They translated poems into prose!

And you can still see some of that tradition in their current translations. See Twilight, for example! The Spanish title is Amanecer (Twiligh in Spanish) while in French it's called Fascination (Fascination) . Why? Because! They opted to change it to feelings instead of suns and moons because they felt it would be cooler. XD Which is why I want to read the French translation of Twilight because in other translations we've studied in class we've seen how they just do whatever the hell they like and Twilight really needs that whereas in English and Spanish translation you can't do that without getting your ass kicked.

[shaolina.livejournal.com]

Sorry. It's just that words can have several meaning and without the person there it can be hard to tell if it's a joke, a comment or an insult and I don't want to come across as a jerk when I'm not.

That is what I love about face to face communication. I'm super expressive (I talk a lot with my hands, proxemics, voice and facial expression). I don't hide my feelings well so in text that quality of mine is almost lost just like for everyone else which can lead to miscommunication. I'm a big sweetheart really. XD


And Ive heard that the Host has a more abusive relationship, a more blatant MS, and annoying plot. I have yet to read it so I dunno. XD I read the Twilight series and that is enough!

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

I understand. That's why I use so many smilies when I type, I'm trying to compensate for not being able to show my own physical expressions. XD

I haven't read the Host either, but I also heard about the abusive relationship thing. On the flipside, the main character seems to actual do stuff and there's no huge "humans suck" sentiment, but that's all I know. One of these days, I'll have to actually find out what it's like and see if it's that bad.

One thing I noticed in Meyer's work though, is a trend of having to pair EVERYONE up. Like in this one short story she wrote, which was a supernatural tale about a high school prom. Part of the pairing up made sense, since they were at a prom and had dates already, but then she had two of the *chaperons* pair up. Wah - ?

[shaolina.livejournal.com]

XD God, I hate that. Does everyone in a series need to have a significant other? I understand the need of company, but company can be friends, companions, pets or family. Tere are more than just a simple option but hers is always the same. Some variety won't kill you Meyer!

In her books everyone is in love and that is not true in life. There are plenty of people out there that are not in love, this poster being in that list. I love being single, I can't stand being in a relationship and it bothers me that in her books nobody are good friends. (Maybe Jacob and his buddies, but imprinting killed that so, yeah!"

[aikaterini.livejournal.com]

I'm a little late, but being a fairy-tale fan, this discussion has really got me hooked! XD

Both of you are absolutely right that the original fairy-tales were darker and had more mature themes. Just take "Little Red Riding Hood" for instance. In the Grimms' version, the one that most people are familiar with, the original ending had another wolf go after Red and end up being boiled to death (like the wolf in "The Three Little Pigs") while the first wolf had his stomach ripped open, filled with stones, and then sewn back in.

I actually prefer the oldest, original "Little Red Riding Hood" or rather, "The Grandmother's Tale," as it's sometimes called (even though the grandmother still dies in that version). Despite being older and more gruesome, the female protagonist is actually stronger and smarter than the other Reds. There is no woodsman to save her; she relies upon herself to escape from the wolf and it ends up being the washerwomen who drown him. Whereas Perrault's version (which is my least favorite) ends abruptly and pointlessly - with Little Red Cap being eaten and that's the end of it - and has sexist undertones in it as well: "Little girls, don't flirt and don't wear bright colors like red, lest the wolves of mankind become attracted to you, lure you with sweet words, and eat you!" Or something like that. :P

[aikaterini.livejournal.com]

/It's not like a vampire needs a car to get someplace./

Thank you! That's a question that's always bothered me in the series: why do the Cullens need cars if they're all super-fast and can probably outrun cars? Just in "Twilight" alone, Edward mentions how he took a car with a tank full of gas to travel to Alaska and here I was wondering, "Uh...why? You have super speed. Why do you need a car?"

/Wasn't that tasty smell supposed to be the reason he fell in love with her in the first place?/

Stephenie Meyer: No, it's not! It's because he can't read her mind! And because Bella's a good person! And because she's fine with the fact that he's a vampire and doesn't judge him for it! And... *rambles*

To think that some anti-Twilight fans had predicted that as soon as Bella became a vampire, her warmth and smell would be gone and Edward would have to struggle with the change. So much for some conflict. *sighs*

[shaolina.livejournal.com]

That is totally my favorite Red too. And that story also has a striptease and cannibalism, so horrible. Disney would never be able to do that one. The false grandmother's red is pretty similar too to this version.

And the thing is the huntsman was a Grimm's invention, their stories were aimed at children versus previous story tellers. As I've said Perrault was the court's story teller and anonymous oral fairy tales were said among the common people when they were bored. I can totally see a couple of drunk men describing red as she took off her clothes. XD

And it is sexist because it was told to the ladies of the court. We can't have the ladies ruining their modesty, can't we?

Eh, Perrault is my least favorite in my collection. I don't think he sucks, it's just that he has to follow the standards of the french court and they are very strict on what's permissible.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

True, I guess it depends on the cartoon. A lot of them - including the nostalgic ones like Ninja Turtles, are easier for older people to admit to liking. ^^

Apparently Cool World was meddled with a whole lot, so it wasn't how it was supposed to be (originally it was a LOT more adult and about a half-cartoon, half-human girl who goes off after her human father for revenge for bringing her into the world). And I agree, Holi is just a skank and a selfish one at that. She is kind of a femme fatale version of Bella actually. XD Jessica was flirty, but she loved her husband and stood by him (Jessica and Roger are among my favorite animated couples :P)

Ha ha, ah yes the Juniper Tree. Just the thing to read in the dar! XD The bird's song always freaked me out, it's like what the ghost of a murder victim would sing before killing their murderer (...which is in fact what it is :D)

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, I know that version of Red. They actually used it in the graphic novel "Fables", although the wolf survives and shows up later (not quite so evil though).

"And it is sexist because it was told to the ladies of the court. We can't have the ladies ruining their modesty, can't we?"

Yeah, different times, different viewpoints unfortunately ^^;

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

"Thank you! That's a question that's always bothered me in the series: why do the Cullens need cars if they're all super-fast and can probably outrun cars? Just in "Twilight" alone, Edward mentions how he took a car with a tank full of gas to travel to Alaska and here I was wondering, "Uh...why? You have super speed. Why do you need a car?"

And as Mervin pointed out, it's not even like they tinker with the cars as a hobby or anything. They just use them to show off. At least Jacob is seem screwing around with the motorcycles and acting somewhat like a person who is a vehicle enthusiast. The Cullens just treat their cars like they're fancy wines and cheeses.

"To think that some anti-Twilight fans had predicted that as soon as Bella became a vampire, her warmth and smell would be gone and Edward would have to struggle with the change. So much for some conflict. *sighs*"

Well, I guess Edward saw fantastic sex as a replacement for her warmth and smell. Perhaps *that's* why he was so violent for the entire series? He just needed some ...release.

"Stephenie Meyer: No, it's not! It's because he can't read her mind! And because Bella's a good person! And because she's fine with the fact that he's a vampire and doesn't judge him for it! And... *rambles*"

That's probably what she'd say, but she shoots herself in the foot even more. Bella gives up another of those oh-so-special qualities of hers by the story's end, she's a vampire herself so there's no need for her to be judgmental, and we all know that Bella's a selfish girl, but Edward apparently is forever blind to it. What a relationship...

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

I know, it really sucks. And it's horribly old-fashioned as well. I'm surprised Meyer didn't have Carlisle hand over two goats and a tablecoth to Charlie at the wedding.

[sylvacoer.livejournal.com]

Sleeping beauty from either the Grimms or Perrault (much less him) can compare to Sun, Moon and Talia

Oh, lordy, YES. DX (but also a bit of XD... ^^;) Although I have to say that the oldest versions of Red Riding Hood (and some post-modern "recaptures") really did the most to freak me the hell out. o-0

[sylvacoer.livejournal.com]

*burying her face in her hands, torn between giggling and sobbing* Whyyyyy~ do my cousins LIKE this series, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY~!??!!

But you have to admit, they really are made for each other - "We have kid, don't we? Who cares, let's see if we can flatten the house with our 'sexy-times'!" and yes those are "air quotes" in that because THAT SCENE IS JUST HORRENDOUS.

*wishes violently that it wasn't Lent so alcohol could make the pain go away* ):