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Date: 2013-06-29 04:14 pm (UTC)
His bare feet, below neat little ankles,
AUGH! Why does this sound so perverted?! ...Oh. Right. Neil.

He relaxed into the blissful sensuality of it, and felt himself begin to stiffen again.
Blissful. Fucking. Sensuality. He's twelve. He shouldn't sound like a bad romance novel.

It had felt really nice, and his already burgeoning penis leapt and grew suddenly to full size.
That kind of sounds weird. He's got a jumping dick? Can it do tricks or something?

“Paul’s going to give you a secret. We don’t know what it’s going to be, but whatever you do you must not tell us. Alright? Under no circumstances are you to tell us what the secret is. This is the test. We need to be certain that we can trust you with our secrets. Understand?”
This is supposed to be a nice kids' gang. And judging from the nature of the test, they expect their members to be tortured for information. And they test prospective members' loyalty by giving them a "secret" and then going all sex-obsessed!kid!Jack Bauer on them.

As Ben looked across at Paul, still sat on the arm of the chair on Victoria’s other side, he saw the screen of Victoria’s laptop for the first time and his brow creased slightly. There were eight small windows arranged neatly around the screen, and each one seemed to show a view of the hollow from all around the wooden building. Suddenly he realised they must have cameras hidden somewhere, and they must have seen him when he was spying the other day. He already knew that they knew, but he hadn’t known how they had known.
Holy fuck. It's like you got a club of prospective serial killers or something. They're... they're... ugh, you'd expect to see that stuff in a section on early lives of sick, perverted serial killers. Not as something positive!

“There’s a girl!” he blurted out “Are we going to get her?” he added desperately.
I stand by my description. They hunt innocent kids down and WE'RE SUPPOSED TO LIKE THIS! I say fuck the embarrassment, I'd go to the police and tell them everything about that little gang of psycho rapists they got hiding in the forest.

“But she might leave, we might miss the chance” he complained.
RUN AWAY, UNNAMED FLOWER-PICKING GIRL! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

“If you don’t want to take the test we can always just punish you” said Alison brightly.
Brightly. She wants to torture a kid. She'll get to torture a kid.
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