Betrayed: Chapter 8 (Part 2)

[zelda_queen]

ZeldaQueen: Alright. After that last bit, we still need to finish up the chapter. Not too much more to this one, folks. Let's go!

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter 8 (Part 2)

ZeldaQueen: So, after that...awkward conversation, Zoey and Stevie Rae head off to watch a movie with their friends. We're beaten over the head with the fact that YES, ZOEY LIKES BROWN POP and Zoey makes a joke about how Stevie Rae is addicted to Lucky Charms. Has she eaten Lucky Charms more than once over the course of the two books thus far? Stevie Rae also argues that Lucky Charms are good for you, to which Zoey comments "Really? So, tell me, what are marshmallows—a fruit or a vegetable?"

They meet Erin, Shaunee, and Damien in the front area of the dorm, and Stevie Rae tells them that they were held up because she had to take a bowel movement. In those very words. Yes, it's a callback to that horrible joke from the first book. Why do you ask?

Just as they're about the pop in the movie, what should appear but the plot! Hooray! Turns out that missing boy has turned up in the Arkansas River, dead from blood loss and apparently having been attacked by animals. Ruh oh!

Zoey's Deus Ex Machina feeling goes haywire at this, and it only intensifies when she sees that another football player at her former high school has gone missing. This dude is the cousin of the murdered boy, and yes we're reminded that both are very cute.

Stevie Rae comments "The Union football team is dropping like flies" and then notices that Zoey looks ill. Zoey insists that she's fine, and says to start the movie without her, she needs a breath of fresh air. Outside, Zoey gets all sick and dizzy from her Deus Ex Machina feeling and wonders why it's going off. After all, it's not like anything suspicious at all is happening, is it?

God, what a moron.

Zoey decides to calm herself by going to brush Persephone, so she heads off for the stables. As she sets off, she hears a wailing sound, like someone in pain. She goes to investigate and sees Aphrodite, all hunched over on the ground. Aphrodite is crying and going on about how she's cold and submerged in water and can't get out, and clearly is having a vision. Zoey tells her they have to see Neferet about the vision and Aphrodite flips out and starts shouting how she will not be goin to Neferet with this.

I have to agree with Aphrodite here. Zoey? You eavesdropped on that conversation. You were told by Neferet that the visions were supposed to be fake. Even if Neferet isn't up to something (*cough*), she clearly isn't trying too hard to take the visions seriously. And given how she drove Aphrodite to tears before, does Zoey really think Aphrodite will just trot on back, to be ridiculed and mocked and told that her visions of death were untrue and she's hated by Nyx?

Zoey's immediate reaction, upon seeing how scared Aphrodite is to go to Neferet? Decide that Aphrodite's powers don't really work and clearly this is all a bid for attention. Yes, that's why she's all alone by the stables, instead of in the recreation room or a dorm or some place where people would see her.

God, what a moron.

Aphrodite, who is still crying and chattering and flailing and apparently still in great distress, begs Zoey to stay and listen to the vision. Zoey basically tells her to piss off and starts to leave.

I would like to remind the jury that Aphrodite has visions of disasters and lots of deaths. She's actually upset over what she's seeing and trying to make sure someone hears about it. Zoey, because she just doesn't like Aphrodite and figures she's attention-whoring, is the one saying "fuck that noise" and ignoring the fact that innocent lives may be at stake. You know, like how how she bashed Aphrodite for in the first book, to the point where that was our main conflict.

I'm just saying...

Zoey tells Aphrodite to leave her alone, because "Whatever's going on, it's about you—not me". And, you know, the people who may or may not be dying. Just thought I'd toss that out there. Aphrodite says that if Zoey doesn't listen to the vision, her grandmother will die. And our chapter ends on that lovely cliffhanger
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Onward to: Chapter 9

Back to: Chapter 8 (Part 1)

Back to: Table of Contents

Comments

[kawaiicow.livejournal.com]

What is it with protagonists being horrible people these days? Horrible and stupid?

[lurkythespork.livejournal.com]

Low standards will eventually yield low quality.

[tsukasabuddha.livejournal.com]

Well now that it someone I know dying... Tres Bella Swan.

[greenerygripes.livejournal.com]

...a girl your own age, who was driven to tears, is screaming and crying that she can't breathe and is trapped (thanks to a terrifying and realistic vision), begs you not to leave her alone and please listen to what she has to say...and you just leave her.

Zoey...fuck you.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Oh no wait, she stays with Aphrodite...when someone she knows is on the line. And she thinks Aphrodite is a bitch. -_-

[lurkythespork.livejournal.com]

And I'm sure Zoey will get full marks in Comportment, too. She acts just like a typical adult vampyre, according to what we've been told AND shown!

And this causes me to start talking about what this would look like if it were a GOOD story (besides that it would have taken more than a few days to get to the end of Marked):

Zoey would have come to this school just as she did, and enjoyed the Good Life for a while, but then started noticing how nobody cares about anyone. Sure, for a while, she'd try to ignore the death of "lesser beings" like ordinary humans and those who reject the Change--just like all the other kids, who've been told that it's "immature" to grieve or have compassion. The cliquishness and snobbery of her old school was nothing compared to this House full of nothing BUT mean girls (male and female).

Zoey is expected by those impressed with her Mark to be just brilliant and mature and everything all the time. When she fails to measure up (no matter how), the hyenas pounce. She is isolated and alone, can't even trust the people who pretend to be her friends. It's just how teenagers are sometimes.

The bright point of light shows up with Heath and Kayla. They figured that maybe, just maybe, Zoey wasn't answering her phone or e-mails because the House wasn't letting her, and they show up that night. (Kayla brought Zoey's favorite cookies, just in case.) Yes, they're sober. Heath got in trouble and is now doing AA or something.

Zoey contrasts her human friends with her vampyre ones and realizes what she's left behind. She confides in them, often, as to what's going on, and while they don't understand most of it, they comfort her and try to help her figure it out.

When the danger goes down, Kayla and Heath go for help. Zoey pulls off the elemental solution after the spirits are distracted and rattled by...a shotgun blast from her stepfather who, despite her belief that he hated her, is there to protect his daughter! (I'm borrowing a moment from the Elenium there. Yes, Sparhawk had to use the magic jewel to stop the Evil God, but a moment's distraction from an axe thrown by a friend of his is what tips the balance so he CAN.)

Quoth stepdad: "I don't agree with the life you chose, Zoey, but I'm still going to be there for you. It's what you do for people you love."

Thereafter, you have an ongoing story about Zoey trying to find a balance between the life she used to hate (and now is in confusion about) and the life she is forced to live (and isn't sure she wants anymore). There's plenty of conflict that can be had from "clinging to her old life and you mustn't do that", from "ew, you're friends with humans?", and from "I'm sorry, I just don't accept what you believe in." Who is Nyx anyway, and why do her worshipers act like this? Who is Neferet really? What does that creepy Blake want? Will Stevie Rae ever stop talking about her bathroom activities? Tune in next volume!

WAS THAT SO HARD TO CONCOCT? NO.

[lurkythespork.livejournal.com]

Also, at risk of spammery, more details from a better rendering of this premise:

Grandma Redbird's willingness to take Zoey under her wing would be revealed as due to her animosity toward Zoey's mother. Some people just gotta make disagreements personal.

We would see more of Zoey's siblings.

As Zoey influences her vampyre classmates, her Nakama becomes increasingly sensitive. The endless gay jokes are actually a symptom of an absence of compassion, as it turns out, and those eventually stop. Yes, Damien probably has an outburst about it at some point.

Damien's lack of interest in female *ahem* companionship, in this version, causes a problem because, as a Designated Protector, vampyre society is worried that he will lack the necessary devotion to whatever Lady he's supposed to protect. His flamboyancy is shown to be a reaction to his physical frailty and the hell he catches about it, so he just prefers to retreat to things that aren't so physically demanding. He's actively practicing in-yo-face defiance at all times because he gave up. (PERSONALITY. IT IS NOT HARD.)

...The wrong people get published. If I can come up with this stuff without much effort, they have no excuse.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Dang, if that were all true, this would be so much better! Especially:

"Damien's lack of interest in female *ahem* companionship, in this version, causes a problem because, as a Designated Protector, vampyre society is worried that he will lack the necessary devotion to whatever Lady he's supposed to protect. His flamboyancy is shown to be a reaction to his physical frailty and the hell he catches about it, so he just prefers to retreat to things that aren't so physically demanding. He's actively practicing in-yo-face defiance at all times because he gave up. (PERSONALITY. IT IS NOT HARD.)"

This. So much.

[yemi-hikari.livejournal.com]

We need to get started on the Round Robin then. Still need a title and need to make a few decisions before it gets started, but now I REALLY want to get it up and running.

[overlordmikey.livejournal.com]

Not to barge in but also-

Such a story Aphrodite's attempted rape in the beginning would have not only been addressed, but also have been treated in an appropriate fashion. Erik would be startled by the fact that a fellow vampire fledgling cares. He also still has a unique connection with his human life.

It would have also been shown that Aphrodite was reacting to her own lousy life combined with the attitudes of the other vampires; she had no friends on the outside to contact (they told her to piss off in contrast to our lead; you know in a better book) and was desperate to be accepted by the vampires.

Originally when she arrived she was much like Zoey, but now she was broken and unable to comprehend human empathy; she used Erik for sex until he got sick and tired of such a loveless relationship that went nowhere. (He had original been with her in hopes of rekindling her human emotions with his love and kindness, because at the time it seemed like there was hope , but alas it was to late)

This would have been used to draw a comparison to Zoey's life making each a deeper and more fascinating character.

[aikaterini.livejournal.com]

Yet if the roles were reversed, we'd be expected to despise Aphrodite for being so insensitive and callous to poor Zoey. *rolls eyes*

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

That sort of comes next chapter. Really.

[winki-pop.livejournal.com]

Just had a thought: wouldn't it be a greater story to read about a girl who has visions that no one believes are real and just her trying to get attention, until shit really starts going down because they ignored her, rather than a vapid story about some idiot and her stupid friends who put their dumbarse interests like 'hawt' guys and Count Chocula before real stuff like, I don't know, PEOPLE'S LIVES, and abuse their positions within the school?

Another thought: This is a vampire story, right? I keep forgetting, because we hardly hear anything about vampires doing vampire things and whatnot. I feel like this is some sort of mythology story. My point is don't call it a vampire story if the vampires barely feature in it at all! :P

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Agreed. I'd much rather hear about Aphrodite than Zoey.

And agreed again. It's actually something I've noticed in vampire stories as of late - the focus is all on the supernatural powers and whatnot rather than them actually being vampires.

[yemi-hikari.livejournal.com]

Meant to post the thing about the Round Robin here... D:

[yemi-hikari.livejournal.com]

Holly crap! She displaced Aphrodite in the first book because she thought she was evil for not telling her visions and now she does this! The only reason she listens is because Granny is involved.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

You're right. >_< But it's fine that Zoey was going to ignore it and walk away, because *Zoey* thinks it's alright, just like *Zoey* thought Aphrodite was an evil whore to hide the visions in the last book.

[yemi-hikari.livejournal.com]

I think it would be fine if the Cast ladies weren't trying to present their character as such a good character who has no flaws, but instead played on her stupidity as a flaw.

[illyriasacolyte.livejournal.com]

Yes, that's why she's all alone by the stables, instead of in the recreation room or a dorm or some place where people would see her.
Silly Zelda. The Sue is the only person who matters. She picked that place so the Sue could see her having seizures, and thus manipulate the Sue. Because really, it's all about Zoey.