zelda_queen | Marked: Chapter 25

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Marked: Chapter 25

ZeldaQueen: Oh look, four more chapters to go! How exciting! I feel like taking a nap

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter 25

ZeldaQueen: We start off with Zoey telling us how "The next day started with what I looked back on later as suspicious normalcy", which is fine and dandy except for the fact that - and I feel I cannot stress this enough - she has been there for FOUR DAYS!!! What the fuck is "normalcy"? We haven't been given the slightest clue as to what a normal routine is for her! We're also beat over the head with how Aphrodite and her cronies aren't around and how Vamp Sociology is just so interesting that Zoey has completely forgotten about the ritual with them that she has. You know, this timeline is so cramped that I'm feeling claustrophobic.

We're also told how Zoey has chosen a monologue from The Taming of the Shrew for her Drama class. I'm...really, really hoping that that's not supposed to be another "romantic" Shakespeare reference, because after Othello and Romeo and Juliet, this is just getting rather squicky. Zoey mentions that she has loved The Taming of the Shrew since she saw the movie with Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, which explains a bit if we're supposed to see it as romantic (Burton did make the movie with the idea that Kate and Petruchio really did love each other).

There's a totally random mention of Neferet asking if Zoey had read any of her Advanced Vamp Sociology textbook and how she is very disappointed to learn that Zoey had not. You know, the textbook she got yesterday. Are the Cast ladies aware of how screwy this timeline is? Anyway, Zoey meets Stevie Rae and Damien her her Lit class, and that's when the "normalcy" is ruined. You see, they're all sitting and listening to the teacher reading from A Night to Remember, when Elliot (remember him?) starts to cough. Zoey's immediate response is to be annoyed and wonder why he doesn't get a glass of water. She then realizes that his coughing is wet and she's smelling something sweet and finally notices that there's blood splattered all over Elliot's desk.

Elliot is clearly freaked out by this and the teacher shouts for someone to get Neferet as she scrambles for a towel. She gets the towel under his mouth and by now, he has blood coming out of his nose, ears, and eyes. He is clearly upset and shouts how he doesn't want to die. The teacher strokes his hair and tries to calm him down, and Zoey has the audacity to refer to his voice as "whiny".

By this point, Neferet comes in, along with the Dragon and two other male vampires. They have with them a stretcher and some milky liquid, which is given to him to numb the pain. Elliot asks if they'll stay with him as he dies and if they'll contact his parents. Neferet agrees to both, and they load him onto the stretcher and carry him away.

I've really got to say that this entire bit? This has got to be the best writing I've seen in the book. It really was easy to feel sorry for Elliot, I could feel how scared everyone was, and actually had emotion in it.

Everything temporarily comes to a screeching halt as Neferet delivers a long speech to the class about how she won't lie to them and any of them could drop over dead at any point in time and that they'd best live like each day could be their last because it damned well could be. After she leaves, the Lit teacher mops up the blood and then goes back to reading the chapter she was on, like nothing happened. Zoey is left rather shell-shocked and trying to recover from it all. Like I said, this was written very well and I'm scratching my head and wondering why this wasn't the main source of conflict.

We get a time jump to lunch, where we're told how it's unusual for fledglings to die so close together and that everyone is all sad and quiet. Stevie Rae and Zoey leave for their dorms early, and talk about it. And any and all credit for good writing goes down the tubes as they do nothing but talk about how absolutely no one liked Elliot which makes it so much harder, because with the likable Elizabeth, at least one could honestly feel sorry for the death. I guess Elliot was just one of those universally-hated guys. Zoey outright admits that she's more upset that she saw the death than the fact that some poor kid just died in his teens. These people are very unpleasant. Zoey also spends more time angsting about the fact that Elliot's puked-up blood smelled tasty and whether or not her friends would accept her with her bloodlust.

They bring up the Samhain ritual that evening and Zoey wonders if it will be canceled without the "refrigerator". Incidentally, Zoey puts together that Elliot was probably starting to reject the change at the last ritual, and she still thinks the kid was stupid and gross. Anyway, Stevie Rae says that they don't care who they get, so they'll just grab whoever. She then says that Zoey probably shouldn't go to the ritual because Aphrodite will do all in her power to make Zoey feel unwelcome. Keep that in mind for later, ladies and gentlemen. For now, Zoey just says that she's going no matter what.

Stevie Rae's next suggestion is that Zoey bring her (Stevie Rae) along as a guest, since members of the Dark Daughters can invite people along. Zoey says no, that's not a good idea. Anyway, Erik's there to watch her back. Stevie Rae says that he might not be able to stand up to Aphrodite, as they used to go out. Geez, they just aren't letting him live that down, are they? Incidentally, all of these claims that Erik could have trouble standing up to his ex-girlfriend? They might carry more weight if we actually had some scenes with him having trouble standing up to his ex-girlfriend!

The conversation is interrupted as Zoey realizes that her cell phone is buzzing. Apparently she has a shitload of messages and texts and never noticed at all. They are all from Heath, and are in this vein

"Zo call me I stl luv u
Zo call me plz
Got 2 see u
U & Me
Will u call?
I wnt 2 talk 2 u Zo!
Call me bak"

ZeldaQueen: Good lord, even when he's texting, he comes across as drunk!

Zoey sighs and says that this obsession is why she dumped him. Normally this wouldn't warrant much notice from me, except for two things.

First of all, she didn't seem that bothered when she was pitching a fit over the thought of Kayla dating him. I guess that weird, stalkery obsession just doesn't bother her if it looks like someone else might want him.

Second of all, I know for a fact that she still considers him a boyfriend of sorts to her in later books. So all of this talk about how she's dumped him because he's creepy and obsessive is rather meaningless.

Zoey says that she's got to see Neferet about this. She pointedly avoids mentioning the fact that she's worried he imprinted on her, because she doesn't want Stevie Rae to know. Stevie Rae comes to the rather reasonable explanation that Zoey is bothered by what is clearly unhealthily obsessive behavior and comments "It'd be bad if he ran into Erik". And there we end

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Onward to: Chapter 26

Back to: Chapter 24

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You know, with the whole Erik thing, its almost as if Zoey thinks him like he's 'damaged goods' for the simple fact that he's dated someone else before her, even though she likes him. What does she want? A complete virgin? No past romantic relationships, romantic or otherwise? Jeez, just when I think she has topped the bitch-o-meter, she becomes and even bigger bitch!

You're right. And given that Aphrodite tried to rape him and there's the implication that he was only ever used as a trophy by her, that just makes it even creepier. That poor guy.

It's like the very creepy switch of many misogynistic stories in literature where the guy won't take the woman because she's 'damaged goods' because she's been in a sexual relationship or was raped in the past. It's even more disturbing because you don't even know how many reviewers didn't like Erik because he was a bland, one-note character.

Mrs. and Ms. Cast, just because you flip those ideals does not make it okay. You are just as bad as the men I am quite sure you are trying to bash.

This is what I would like to do to Zoey's face:

~~yes I have too many Firefly GIFS~~

XD No, you can never have too many Firefly GIFS. ^_^

Elliot, noooo! Damn it, he was the only one I actually LIKED in this! D:
And real nice, Zoey. Some poor kid your own age, who was used as a refrigerator for God knows how long, is dying in a messy, scary, and quite likely painfully way, and all you can do is think of how nice the blood smells and "Oh God, what a whiner." Yeah, because if you were in his position, in class and everything being fine one second and then bleeding out every orifice the next, you would be all calm and collected and not at all crying you didn't want to die, not wanting to die alone.

Go die in a fucking fire, Zoey. >C

Your icon just makes me want to see Crocodile curbstomp the entire school. Good job.

I agree whole-heartedly with this entire comment. It sounds like Zoey is just rolling her eyes and turns to the reader and says "Gawd, can you believe this loser? Some people shouldn't have been Marked in the first place. I mean, jeez, have some dignity." I want to smack her with an anvil.

I also second slozar's suggestion of the Crocodile curbstomp. Or maybe it could be delivered by Miss Valentine's 10,000-kilo foot?

" Go die in a fucking fire, Zoey. >C"

*hands out bundles of sticks and a lighter* Care to do the honors? ^_^

So, she just up and watches a kid die and says there is no one there who likes him? Huh. That's ...nice. So now Pokemon Black & White is delving deeper into ethical issues than published literature?

I haven't played any Pokemon games beyond Yellow and Ruby, but I don't doubt it.

In black/ white, the whole issue of keeping pokemon and the ethics of it are brought into question, with the team of this generation wanting to liberate pokemon from trainers.

Ah, I see. Then yes, it certainly does.

Yeah, it's not exactly a polished story, but still it's nice to see them explore the implications.

It is an interesting thing to think about, especially when you consider that the entire world is more or less built on Pokemon.

Early in the game, a battle between to level 5 pokemon completely wrecks your room. between that and the whole stuffing-them-into-little-balls thing, it's always interesting to look deeper into the way the world works there. And I feel fantastic that I'm the first person here to compare Marked to Pokemon.

These people are very unlikeable. I am considering putting Zoe on the same level of sociopathy as Bella Swan. Scratch that, at least Bella never saw someone get killed in a terribly messy, painful way while screaming for help (not that I don't think Bella would react too differently). OK Zoe, you are worse than Bella Swan. I hope you are happy, Cast ladies.

Has Zoe still not realised that the vampires (no I will not spell it that way)don't give a shit unless you are one of them? I know that humans are food to vamps, but humans show more empathy for animals (in general) than these bastards. So Neferet can take her whinging about Dracula and SHOVE IT UP HER ARSE-HOLE, because if vampires in this story aren't evil BASTARDS, then I am a two headed chicken.

Going back to the Dracula thing, when were vamps in this universe 'outed'? Because there are real vampires in this universe, then surely the legends would be different and so Dracula may be different, or may not have been written at all. As if vampires could have come up with something like Dracula anyway, all the instances we see of beautiful fiction come from humans who the Casts have turned into vampires.

Also, am I supposed to think that Zoe is deep and literary? Because she isn't. Actually, back to the question, is she? I actually don't know. I keep imagining her as a Pseudo Wiccan/Cherokee/Whatever Bella Swan, so I am assuming that she is. I am so confused. I mean, this series was written to capitalise on the YA Vampire Romance genre (it is a genre now because I and the massive section in Forbidden Planet dedicated to it says so), so I might still have the same mindframe as when I think of Bella. Is that clouding my judgement?

Anyway, who else thinks that Neferet is gonna dispose of Elliot herself in a 'lame cockroach' kinda way?

"Scratch that, at least Bella never saw someone get killed in a terribly messy, painful way while screaming for help (not that I don't think Bella would react too differently)"

No, she did. Remember how she didn't spend too seconds thinking about those people the Volturi were killing and eating? Or how her beloved vampire witnesses were killing people just outside of Forks? Still, Bella just shoved it out of sight and mind as well, so she and Zoey are on the same level, which is not a good place for a character to be.

"I know that humans are food to vamps, but humans show more empathy for animals (in general) than these bastards. So Neferet can take her whinging about Dracula and SHOVE IT UP HER ARSE-HOLE, because if vampires in this story aren't evil BASTARDS, then I am a two headed chicken."

That's just it. People defend vampires and say "but it's no different than someone eating a hamburger", except that VAMPIRES USED TO BE HUMANS! It would be like if a cow turned into a human and started killing and eating other cows!

And given Neferet's little tantrum about vampires who want to outlaw the use of humans as snack carts, yeah.

"Going back to the Dracula thing, when were vamps in this universe 'outed'? Because there are real vampires in this universe, then surely the legends would be different and so Dracula may be different, or may not have been written at all. As if vampires could have come up with something like Dracula anyway, all the instances we see of beautiful fiction come from humans who the Casts have turned into vampires."

I have no idea. That's what I was scratching my head about earlier. I suppose it could be that there were ancient Greek vampires that were known and that they went into hiding or something until the twentieth century, but it's hard to say. All we're ever told about vampire history is "This famous person was a vampire!" or "Vampires have these cool rituals and traditions that we're not going to explain at all".

"Also, am I supposed to think that Zoe is deep and literary?"

It's...really hard to say. Because the Cast ladies are clearly pushing a Shakespeare theme, but Zoey at least isn't taking time to make comparisons. I *think* Zoey is supposed to be the geeky girl who likes Star Wars and Monsters Inc, but we're given too little to take from that.

"Anyway, who else thinks that Neferet is gonna dispose of Elliot herself in a 'lame cockroach' kinda way?"

That would honestly be way more interesting than anything that's been going on. Think about it - most fledglings don't see their families and it's only Neferet's word that she'll contact their parents if they die. We're told that the vampires don't care about fledglings and they certainly don't seem to care about humans. It would be a really creepy twist if they just dumped the bodies into a river and called the family and said "Your son Elliot ran away last night, and we can't find him anywhere!"

*mourns for Elliot*

I want to write something featuring him, I do. :(

You and me both. :(

The poor guy did deserve better. :(

If you do write something, let me know! It's sure to be better than what he got here.

(Forgive me if I'm getting a few - well, a lot of - details wrong. I missed a few chapter recaps in between, and don't really feel like catching up right now, sorry.)

Elliot can never forget the night he was Marked.

There are times now when he's not sure of much else, when the days blur dizzily into each other like a sort of blood-tinged kaleidoscope, but he doesn't forget the night that changed his whole life. He can't.

He wasn't terribly special Before - he was an average student in an average school living in an average neighbourhood with average interests. He had a little sister, he remembers, and they would just as viciously fight over video games and the last slice of pie at dinner as they would commiserate later, when she would come into his room at night, whispering that she was afraid of the dark, asking for a story, sharing every little detail of what happened at school with all the sincerity and seriousness of discussing current world affairs. He remembers his parents, just as ready with a warm embrace and soothing words as they were with the sharp words they threw at each other behind closed doors as Elliot and his sister listened, scared and trembling.

Then that night, on the way home from football practice, he saw the shadow against the streetlights before he even saw the vampyre, and when he did - when his vision was consumed by a pair of bright blue eyes and the crescent-shaped Mark atop them - when time froze and his whole world was nothing but the searing pain that started from somewhere behind his eyes and exploded in his head and shot down his spine - when reality slipped its axis and the word vampyre set up a twisting chant at the back of his mind - he knew everything had changed.

-

He could barely hear the sound of his parents arguing over his own relentless coughing and his sister bawling, but he registered the resignation on his father's face and his mother's features pinched in worry as they bundled him into the back of their old SUV with blankets and his old inhaler from when he used to get asthma attacks as a kid, just in case. His sister sat with him, holding his hand, her eyes shining with a sort of heartbreaking bravery even as he continued to cough, his chest heaving with every laboured breath.

He got better as they approached the House of Night. He could sit up, his chest didn't feel like his lungs were imploding and sharp blades were no longer lodged in his throat. However, it only seemed to increase the sense of gloom within the car, and as they got closer and closer to the school, his mother dipped her face in her hands and began to cry.

He wasn't sure what to say - except, shut up, Mom, couldn't she see that it was making his sister upset? - but when his father snapped at Mom, his voice rough and hands shaking even with the white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel, Elliot was suddenly terrified. This was - this was - this was real. This was happening.

He'd heard a lot about vampyres - about how they were the bastions of society, about how so much high-brow culture owed itself to them, but all that was the propaganda they stuffed kids with at school, at meetings and on TV. When people talked about vampyres? They talked about these blood-drinking creatures that stole their children away from them without warning, sequestered them in total secrecy where most of them either turned into vampyres themselves, or were never seen again. It was the kind of nightmare every parent hoped never to face, the kind of scary story that kept kids awake at night.

And it was happening to him, right now.

Elliot took his sister in his arms and began to cry along with her.

-

He thought he could stay here forever, just like that, his mother's arms around his shoulders, her warm breath on his neck, his father's hand on his head, his sister clutching his arm. But it wasn't to be: when his mother finally let go and he turned to the beautiful vampyre lady - she'd called herself Neferet - he knew forever was going to have a completely different meaning, and it didn't involve his family.

Neferet looked at his parents with a sort of measured indifference. "I assure you," she said, "you can leave him here with no worry. His destiny has called him here, and it is here he will meet his full potential."

His parents paid her no attention; his mother kissed him on the forehead with one last, "I love you" while his father ruffled his hair and his sister clutched his arm harder, pressing herself to his side.

And when they left, when Elliot watched their retreating backs even as the world blurred and shifted, all he wanted to do was curl up in a corner and cry himself to sleep. He felt Neferet place a hand on his shoulder and he flinched, but she didn't let go.

"You will learn to forget them, Elliot," she said, and when he turned to look at her, she was smiling. "They are but normal humans. You're special, Elliot, special enough that you are here with an eternity of success and glory stretched out before you." Her smile widened until it seemed to stretch from one end of his contracting world to the other, and Elliot could only shudder.

-

He quickly discovered that the vampyre school was nothing like he'd imagined.

They learnt things that Elliot couldn't imagine learning in his old school - fencing, horse-riding, sociology, drama classes where they pretentiously strutted about, delivering speeches about a higher culture and a life of endless refinement. He struggled through his classes, never quite understanding the obsession with highfalutin posturing, but going along with it anyway, because it didn't really seem like he had any other choice.

The other kids - fledglings, that's what they called them, and if Elliot wasn't already feeling like a test animal in a weird experiment, he sure was now - were mostly bewildered at first, but seemed to take to the lessons and the routine with more and more enthusiasm. They continued to learn more about the long history of vampyres, about their beliefs and goddesses and rituals, about how much human society owed them, about how much of a privilege it was to be sitting there, about to live a life of immortal glory, but all Elliot craved for was his family, and nothing they gave him seemed to compare to being able to come home to safe, nondescript, human life, where he was accepted and loved for who he was, and not what he was meant to be.

Clearly, a concept that the vampyres entirely disapproved of.

He'd tried phoning his parents the first night at school, and discovered his cellphone didn't work. He'd tried to find a telephone elsewhere in the school that would let him connect, but couldn't find any. The older students had laughed at him, told him there was no use or reason to connect to his old life; the teachers had insisted he forget his "human trappings" - after all, wasn't it more healthy in the long run, when he'd far outlive them?

Elliot had cried himself to sleep that night, shaking and utterly terrified.

The other kids seemed to adjust to this alarmingly well; they couldn't understand why he remained terrified and angry, and he couldn't understand how they could forget so easily and vowed to himself that he would never forget. He wouldn't.

He ploughed through his classes, determined and friendless, until the day that he met Rick Stanley.

-

He wasn't sure how he'd never noticed Rick before; after all, the tall, dark-haired boy with a nose-ring and a giant tattoo of what looked like a dragon-horse hybrid plastered over his forearm was kind of tough to ignore. But Elliot had pretty much given up on connecting with his classmates, and they him, so when Rick unceremoniously dumped his books on the desk where he was sitting, Elliot was more than a little surprised.

"Hey," Rick said, grinning, and stuck out one beefy hand. "Name's Rick. Don't think we've met before."

Elliot cautiously returned the handshake. "Elliot," he said.

"Oh, oh yeah, I know your name, don't worry," Rick said with a rueful smile. "You're, uh, kind of well known around here."

Elliot glared mutinously and looked away. "Well, yeah, if you're here to just rub it in, you can get lost."

Rick put up his hands. "Hey, I didn't say I agreed with them, did I?" Elliot looked at him again through the corner of his eye, and Rick's face looked so open, so honest, that he couldn't help but believe. A little. "This is just - it's a crazy place, y'know? Kind of hard to hold on to a sense of perspective when everybody around you is behaving like they've got into some herd-mind thing. I have to admit, it could be refreshing to know someone who doesn't think this whole shindig is the greatest thing ever, yeah?"

Elliot allowed himself a smile. "Yeah. It could be."

-

He quickly discovered that Rick was nothing like the others; he couldn't care less if he didn't excel in his classes, and unlike Elliot, made sure that people knew that he didn't care. He would lounge in the back bench of the classroom and take gleeful delight in telling the increasingly-annoyed professors that he had no idea about what they were asking him, and that he didn't give a shit that he did.

More than anything, Rick was utterly unawed by the adult vampyres or the things that they claimed they did, leave alone the Dark Daughters and the other student cliques.

Elliot asked him about it one night, as they hovered around the dinner buffet table. "You do realise they're brainwashing us, don't you?" Rick said, raising his eyebrows. "All this stuff about Nyx, and these rituals, and the constant emphasis on how great vampyres are - it's all just propaganda, man. They're trying to convince themselves of being something they're not - like they're god's greatest gift to the world, except they're just, like, two steps above being blood-drinking child-snatching monsters."

"But --" Elliot frowned. "You - we... are going to end up like - like them, one day, aren't we?"

Rick stopped shovelling potato salad onto his plate, his smile abruptly fading. "I know," he said. "I guess - we just, we'll have to make the most of what we have right now, yeah?"

-

They were in Sociology class, playing rummy under the table when it happened.

Elliot didn't ever remember being happier since reaching the House of Night; he still wanted his family and his old life back, and the craving was like a physical ache in his chest, but being with Rick was so much fun, he was beginning to think he might be finally able to adjust to this life. He and Rick were becoming notorious for their carefree attitude to the dictates of vampyre life - there were quite a few mutters of how could Nyx allow this - and sometimes, when fooling around with Rick, Elliot could allow himself to think: maybe I can do this. Maybe I can be different. Maybe -- maybe I can get something good out of this.

Then, it happened.

It started off innocently enough, with Rick sniffing and coughing into his sleeve, Elliot telling him off for getting snot and germs all over the cards. Then the coughing began to get more intense; as Elliot watched, horrified, Rick dropped the cards, hugging himself, leaning forward as he heaved for a breath. The teacher was by them instantly, pushing Elliot away and bringing Rick to his feet even as he gave an almighty shudder and began coughing up blood.

The teacher waved off a very curious class and Elliot's increasingly desperate entreaties as a stretcher was brought in, and Rick was wheeled away.

Later that night, Elliot learnt that Rick had died not long after.

He'd never felt quite as alone as he did that moment.

-

You could die.

There was nothing else on Elliot's mind as he stumbled to class the next morning. He could die, anybody could die, just drop to the floor coughing their insides out like Rick did the previous day, and there was no telling who it would be, when it would be --

It could be you, next, some of the older students had told him with a sort of malicious glee. Y'see, we think Nyx is just taking out the sort of people who will be useless as vampyres. People who're nothin' special. First it was that loud-mouthed friend of yours, so, yeah, I'd be careful if I were you.

When he finally reached class, Neferet was already there. She looked at him with a weird expression on her face, caught somewhere between pity and disgust. He couldn't blame her; he must've a looked a mess, with his uncombed hair and snotty nose and red eyes and oh god why am i even worrying about this now oh god oh god--

She gestured for him to get inside quickly, and then delivered a speech to the class about how the goddess had taken one of them and how Rick's memory'd stay in their hearts forever. She then requested a moment of silence while they presumably prayed to the goddess to ensure that Rick had a safe passage to the afterlife, while Elliot stood and trembled. They don't really give a damn, he could hear Rick saying, almost as if he was standing right next to him. This sort of thing happens all the time. We're like cockroaches, that way.

Life went on, and Elliot's fear grew with everyday that passed.

He didn't know what eventually happened to Rick's body; they told him it'd been given to his parents for cremation, and Elliot had toyed briefly with the idea of requesting to meet them - any human contact, any at all - but had decided against it, figuring that there was nothing he could say to them. Could he be sorry that he was the only friend that their son had ever had, and still all he did was sit back and watch him die?

Everybody else was remarkably unfettered by the incident. Par for the course. Run of the mill. Nyx just picking the wheat from the chaff. And Elliot was sure exactly which category he'd end up in.

(i don't want to die oh god i don't want to die i don't)

A week after Rick's death, he met Aphrodite.

-

"What do you expect me to do?"

She stood before him, beautiful and resplendent and High-Priestess-to-be, and all that consumed Elliot's thoughts was desperation and anger. "I need - I need to know if, if there's way. For, uh. Nyx to forgive me."

Aphrodite tossed her hair and smiled at him. "It isn't so easy to ask favours from the goddess, you know. Once Nyx has something in mind..."

"But we can at least try!"

She raised a delicate eyebrow. "We?" She laughed. "Oh, that's cute. You expect me to ask the goddess to change her mind, for you?"

Elliot could swear he wasn't far away from getting on his knees and begging at that moment. He just - he needed to - he needed to get out of here, see his family and friends again, before he died alone and unmourned, surrounded by strangers who didn't really give a damn. "Please," he said. "Please."

Aphrodite stared at him for a long while with narrowed eyes before a slow smile curved her lips. "Well," she said. "I suppose there's one thing we could try."

-

:D That is amazing.

Thank you! :D

There's more to come, because this story's kind of taken a life of its own. I'm writing furiously in between study sessions.

Oh my God, I think I'm gonna cry. <:')

:( I'm finding this a sad story to tell, too.

The next part is up!

They made him sit at the centre of the elaborate ritual, pulling a loose black cloak around his shoulders. There were more symbols on the cloak, he noted, woven in silver threads at the hem and around the collar, twisting and dancing in the flickering candle-light. Aphrodite came to him, pushed a goblet under his nose. "Drink," she said.

Clear, sweet-smelling fluid swished inside the cup. He blinked up at her. "Why? What is this?"

She raised her eyebrows. "Oh, now you're starting to ask questions?" When he continued to stare at her, she let out an exasperated sigh. "This will make what we're going to do easier - on you, on me, on everybody. Now, go on. Drink." She pushed the goblet forward again.

He hesitated for a second more, a billion what ifs fluttering around inside his head, before deciding that he had nothing left to lose, so he might as well go for it. He took the goblet and drained its contents in one gulp. It tasted just as sweet as it smelled, and there was already a strange warmth spreading through his chest, a pleasant buzzing in his head, as he handed the goblet back.

"Wonderful," she said, smiling widely. "Enyo!" she called. "If you'd do the honours."

Already Elliot was beginning to feel numb and light-headed; when another girl approached him, the light glinting off the blade of the long knife in her hand, he could do nothing more than blink blearily at her. The ever-present smoke in the room was making things hard as well, muddling his thoughts and messing with his vision even more.

The new girl - Enyo, Enyo, he's got to remember these things - grinned at him and grabbed his arm, stretching it out. She positioned the knife over his wrist and brought it down and across in a single, quick movement. Elliot flinched involuntarily, waiting for the pain, but he felt nothing more than a swift pressure and a burning sensation before the blood started to well and dribble. Enyo gave a delighted little laugh, plucked another goblet out of nowhere, and stuck it under his bleeding wrist. "This is going to be so good, Elliot. Just you wait."

He didn't hear anything else she said as the words began to blend into each other, and the world dissolved into a moving, organic mass of colours and confused patterns. The only time he was ever brought into a brief bout of coherency was when they cut his other wrist, but he remained suspended in that weird limbo until somebody was pushing his head back, forcing his jaw open, trying to get him to drink something.

"-- c'mon, just swallow already --"

"-- maybe we took too much for a first time --"

"-- nsense. He'll be fi--"

He sputtered and gasped, forcing his eyes open. Aphrodite it was, trying to get him to drink the contents of yet another cup. She smiled tightly at him. "You did great, Elliot," she said, tipping the cup against his lips. "But you need to drink this."

He wasn't really in the mood - or the condition - to be resisting, so he opened his mouth and drank. This time, the drink was bitter, burning his throat as it went down. He coughed and hacked, but Aphrodite was able to coax more of the liquid down until he'd finished it all.

He was able to focus better, most of the feeling of having cotton balls stuffed in his head gone, but this also meant he was no longer immune to pain. He curled around his heavily-bandaged wrists, hissing and squirming as the pain hit him with all the gentleness of a two-ton sledgehammer to the face.

"Elliot." Suddenly Aphrodite was crouched beside his face, her fingers running gently down his jawline, brushing away the tears he didn't remember shedding. "Hey, listen. We made good progress today, okay? I think the goddess is accepting your penance. But it's not over. She's asking for more."

Elliot trembled and moaned. "How -- how much more?" he forced out through clenched teeth.

"We don't know yet," she said. "I'll help you find out, but Elliot? You can't tell anybody we're doing this. It'll ruin everything."

Elliot closed his eyes, felt more tears seep out. "Okay," he whispered.

-

That was beautiful!

Thanks muchly! :D

This was a great, very dystopian take on the House of Night, series, I really liked it. It doesn't really fit with the canon perfectly, but whatever, still - amazing. It reminded me of Uglies. I think you should read that trilogy, I think you'd like it.

That was so freaking emotional wow! That was really good and much better than what we've send so far in the actual published book!^^

So, let me get this straight.

Zoey sees a fellow classmate of hers coughing up blood. He's panicking, he's bleeding everywhere, he's terrified that he's going to die, and he has to be wheeled out of class on a stretcher.

And her reaction to all of this is to call him "whiny?" Her reaction is to complain to her friend about how nobody will miss him because he was annoying?

And we're supposed to be rooting for her? We're supposed to see her as a nice girl who deserves to win the day and get the guy?

I-I just...

WHAT IS THIS?

How on earth are we supposed to like her now? How can *anyone* like her now after this scene? Zoey doesn't come across as likable; she comes across as a complete sociopath! This poor kid is *dying* and she doesn't even feel the least bit sorry for him! I don't care how annoying Elliot was, *nobody* deserves that!

Tell me something, Zoey, what is the same thing happened to you? What if blood started oozing out of your orifices like it did with Eli in "Let the Right One In?" Would you be calm and collected? Or would you yourself be "whiny?" What if someone started complaining about you, then? Would you think that that person was kind, compassionate, and considerate? Or would you think that that person was a completely heartless, callous monster?

Yes, that's her response. Yes, this is almost completely forgotten by the next chapter. I say "almost" because...well, you'll see.

I think that I might see how many of Zoey's traits do apply to that Dr. Hare list that Mervin used. It really is frightening.

Of course Zoey won't die. She's been blessed by Nyx and has Plot Armor. -_-

Oh my giddy aunt Gertrude, that is not how you react to someone dying - even if you don't like them! Gad! She is amazingly calm for having just watched someone hack up his own lungs.

---

I stared at Zoey uneasily - I thought she was nice. She was nicer than the other girls, and I was kind of stuck with her as she was my roommate, but Elliot had just died. I didn't like him either, but he had died.

It had an awful sort of finality to it, dead. You'd hear all these stories about vampyres; beautiful, strong, powerful, immortal, and then you get here and find out that its just as bad, that you've just been diagnosed with a virus, with a cancer that will either take your life or make you someone who doesn't care about it.

I can see it in Zoey's eyes, she doesn't care about Elliot, not even that he's dead really, because he was annoying. The others are surprised, shocked - she's acting like an adult. They don't care. To them its just the birds and the bees - and of course the posoinous sting that could kill you.

I don't really want to be an adult, not if you can shrug it off like that.

I knew Elliot, I went to class with him, and I poked fun at him behind his back, and sometimes I talked to him, and we all watched him in class and now he's gone and she doesn't care. She watched him die and she doesn't care.

If this is what vampyre maturity is, I almost wish for death. It stings me how she's acting, after something like that. It's not right.

That's an accurate response. If only Stevie Rae were this sensible in the book.

I love this! :)

I love this. I have to stay, when I was in highschool, one of my classmates died too and even though we didn't like him very much, even I, someone who is supposed to be a good person, poked fun at him a few times, but it was sad, it really was. We never really talked about it after it happened, I certainly still think of him sometimes, I think the others do as well, but we just don't like to mention it. (Though in this case, it was a little different, because we had suspicions he'd killed himself, even though it was deemed an "accident".)

Oh man, I'm really sorry about your classmate. :(

And yeah, not only does Zoey never feel bad about him dying, but when he comes back wrong later, she repeatedly refers to him as a "creature" and a "thing", even though she never refers to the OTHER vampire-zombies as such.

That's ok, I mean, it's been, what five years, almost. Thank you.

Yeah, she is pretty awful.

Edited 2014-04-10 06:56 (UTC)

I had to write something in memory of Elliot too. ;_; I honestly can't believe that no one liked him, so I made him a friend.

This is quite likely a fledgling-Sue, but I don't care at this point. ><" Poor Elliot...

------

I liked red hair.

My mother has red hair. I always wanted her hair color when I was little, I thought it was much cooler to have "firetruck hair" instead of "tan hair."

I guess that's what first attracted me to Elliot. The red hair could be seen from the other side of the room, and...well, I just said, I like red hair.

I bet I came across like a creepy stalker the first time I actually talked to him. When class had let out, I'd waited for him by the door, tapping my fingers against the wall impatiently. He wasn't coming out at the same time everyone else was--maybe he had some things to put away. Or he had a question for the teacher. Or something. But he finally showed up and I practically leaped away from the wall, staring wide-eyed and grinning at him, asking if his hair color was natural or if he'd dyed it or something. "Because red hair is the best hair color ever and I wanna know were you born that way or do you just like red hair as much as I do, 'cause--"

He gave me a Look and I shut up, mumbling an apology a moment later before running off.

Next period after class, I felt a tap on my shoulder. "It's natural," he said.

----

Hair color is, admittedly, a weird thing to bond over initially. He didn't act like he minded though. He cracked a tiny grin when I mentioned my parents, saying that Mom had the exact same shade of hair that he did and wasn't that awesome. He said something about it seeming really Freudian, and I blushed a bit in embarrassment as I realized he was right. But then he laughed, so I knew it was okay.

Eventually we started to talk about and bond over other things, despite the fact that our tastes in everything was completely different. He liked fighting games and I liked the puzzle ones; he didn't care much for reading while I kept asking if there were any good dramas in the library recently; he liked the rock and punk music and I liked those "girly pop stuff" as he called it. We both, however, had a fondness for Madonna and Queen, so...

Last week I tried to dye my hair red--not shocking red like his hair, I didn't think it'd ever work. More like an auburn shade. At first I thought I'd write to my mom and ask for a bottle of dye, but the teachers told me...they told me that my Mom was human, so I should forget her. (I decided I didn't like the teachers after that. I loved my "mommy," she did not mean nothing.) My friends didn't know where school was, where I was, so they couldn't send me something...My only hope was to try to dye my hair with some juice or wine or something, like how Elliot said he and his friends had dyed their hair with Kool-Aid when they were ten and wanted to look like rock stars.

All I got was wet and smelly hair. Elliot laughed at me.

"It's not funny!" I wailed, half-heartedly punching him in the arm.

"You...you look like a dog!" he gasped between laughs, practically crying.

"I do noooot!" I hit him again, but it clearly didn't hurt him, as all he did was keep laughing. I opted to skip class that day, too ashamed to sit there with wet, smelly hair while everyone stared and giggled. Elliot and I spent the day in the girls bathroom (we hid in a stall every time we heard footsteps, sitting with our feet on the toilet), alternatively trying to wash my hair in the sink with the hand soap and drying it off with the paper towels that got wet too easily and came apart in my hair. I worried he'd get in trouble at first, but he said it didn't matter--his grades were so low and all he did was sleep in class anyway, so actually being absent wouldn't make much of a difference.

"Are you sick?" I asked, tilting my head up to try and look at him as he squeezed locks of my hair through the paper towel. "You really shouldn't even be going to class if you're sick, you should spend that time sleeping in your room instead."

"Hold still," he grumbled, pushing my head back down. "It's fine, okay? I'm not sick...I just got something to do after school and it keeps me up, okay?"

He couldn't have meant homework. Maybe he was having little parties, or playing video games or something...

"Can I come?" I asked. "Please."

The way he said "No" told me that I was never to suggest that again. I never did find out what he did.

----

It's been a week since then. I don't feel so good. I'd noticed Elliot coughing a few times earlier, so maybe I caught what he had. Sitting in my bed, reading, I wonder what's happening in class right now. I'd ask Elliot to get my homework for me, but he sleeps through the period anyway so it wouldn't make much of a difference. I'll have to ask someone else, if anyone else will even talk to me. Being a friend of Elliot's and all that.

But surely he'll visit or something, right? If I can't ask what happened in class today, I can at least yell at him for making me sick.

There's a bit of a commotion down the hallway. I can hear a few people running down the hall, shouting for Neferet. I wonder what happened...Hopefully I'm not missing something too exciting. I'll ask later.

The commotion dies down as I guess they found her and left with her. Putting my finger between the pages of my book so I don't lose my place, I cough. It hurts more than the other times and lasts a bit longer than them too. I think I taste something in the back of my throat.

Stupid Elliot...it's a hell of a cold he gave me.

...When we get better, I'll have to yell at him a little, never meaning it.

Cough, cough.

----
Note: The "I'll have to yell at him" bit was taken from the movie My Girl, and is one of the saddest scenes I have ever seen in a movie. ;_;

Hey, that was great! You're right, I can't believe Elliot was universally reviled. :(

That was great, actually. I did like your character. I don't think you can tell, if a character is a Sue in that short of as story.

Scene: Elliot is suffering the affects of rejection on his system of vampirism, students and teachers alike are hysterical and rushing to his aid.

Kid #1: 'Elliot, oh my God! What's happening to you?!'

Kid #2: 'Quick, get Neferet!'

Zoey (sitting in her seat, watching with disdain): ' Like, ew! Would you all, like, be quiet, I'm trying to read so I can, like, look literary and stuff. God, Elliot, get a Strepsil or something!'

My God, Zoey really IS the Native American Bella Swan. She had just as much contempt for others. And the Casts think Zoey reacting the way she did here is just all fine and dandy? You're right, it could have made for quite a chilling scene where Zoey starts seeing the House of Night for what it really is and its seedy underbelly, especially with Neferet and the other teachers quickly cleaning up the mess and Neferet not really doing anymore to warn other students other than say 'live every day like it's your last. Sorry, y'all!' :D

Elliot, sadly, was also another wasted character. Someone who may have been perceived as annoying and dorky at first, we soon start to see him as a rather introverted kid who only is snarky as a way to protect himself from others, yet it isn’t enough as he is the usual whipping boy for the popular set and, unfortunately, their 'refrigerator.' God, PC Cast, you were already an established writer, you should know better than to produce writing that looks like it got crapped out of Fanfiction.net!

'They bring up the Samhain ritual that evening and Zoey wonders if it will be canceled without the "refrigerator". Incidentally, Zoey puts together that Elliot was probably starting to reject the change at the last ritual, and she still thinks the kid was stupid and gross. Anyway, Stevie Rae says that they don't care who they get, so they'll just grab whoever.'

Okay, Stevie Rae, I officially hate you now and are no better than Zoey. Did anyone see that? She just pretty much joined Zoey in her disdain for others and was all blasé about using somebody as a refrigerator for the next ritual, like it was nothing! That's all they're concerned about! Zoey: 'Oh no, Elliot's gone, who will be our refrigerator now?' Stevie: 'Oh, whatevs, we'll find someone else, no biggie, LOL!' :O :O :O Like they'll just go get takeaway or something for the party! How could you, Stevie Rae?! Where did that suddenly come from? Couldn't make Stevie Rae look better than Zoey Sue, so you had her character derailed?

Awesomesauce, Heath is back, now drunk in SMS form! I think if he were drunk-texting, it would have been more apt to write: 'Zoeo5 nasdkfj asdffhlll lopi mm,m LOL!' :P

"And the Casts think Zoey reacting the way she did here is just all fine and dandy? You're right, it could have made for quite a chilling scene where Zoey starts seeing the House of Night for what it really is and its seedy underbelly, especially with Neferet and the other teachers quickly cleaning up the mess and Neferet not really doing anymore to warn other students other than say 'live every day like it's your last. Sorry, y'all!' :D"

That's what really gets me. They think that THIS is how a likable teenage character would act? Um...okay then!

"Okay, Stevie Rae, I officially hate you now and are no better than Zoey. Did anyone see that? She just pretty much joined Zoey in her disdain for others and was all blasé about using somebody as a refrigerator for the next ritual, like it was nothing! That's all they're concerned about! Zoey: 'Oh no, Elliot's gone, who will be our refrigerator now?' Stevie: 'Oh, whatevs, we'll find someone else, no biggie, LOL!' :O :O :O Like they'll just go get takeaway or something for the party! How could you, Stevie Rae?! Where did that suddenly come from? Couldn't make Stevie Rae look better than Zoey Sue, so you had her character derailed?"

The sad thing is, while Stevie Rae's character goes mucho downhill, she's still second Sue in command, so to speak. We're supposed to still think well of her.

She just has to drink all the blood from some innocent person for the crime of annoying her and her transformation into Enoby will be complete.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Marked: Chapter 25

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continued...

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