Earl Harry James Potter: Chapter 3

[zelda_queen]

ZeldaQueen: Hey there, everyone! I'm going to try to slog through this chapter and the next two. The rest should go by a lot quicker.

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...

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Chapter 3

Ranglock says to the group of teenagers "I will start with Ms. Weasley's inheritance ritual results first" then Ranglock grabs the piece of parchment from in front of Ginny to make a diamond shape design in the middle of the page using his fingernail to reveal the results.

ZeldaQueen: PUNCTUATION IS YOUR FRIEND!

In the meantime, Hermione asks everyone "Should we read the results out loud to each other?"

ZeldaQueen: No, you should communicate them via Morse code by humming into a kazoo.

Ginny, Neville, Harry, and Isabelle say at the same time "Of course"

ZeldaQueen: Did they say it like this, perhaps?

Watch on YouTube

but then Isabelle says "Maybe someone else should read our results instead of each other."

ZeldaQueen: ...Why?

Ranglock first reads the results before calling over another goblin named Bornok that was present in a whisper

ZeldaQueen: He's present in a whisper? How does he fit in there?

"Get the Prewitt & Walker files immediately." Then passes Ginny the results of the inheritance ritual, so then passes it to Neville.

ZeldaQueen: What did that sentence say?

Neville starts to read the first part of the results for Ginny out loud

ZeldaQueen: Okay folks, I'm going to try to make this as painless as possible. The suethor is going to go through a list that she's so fond of.

Ginvera Elizabeth Prewitt

ZeldaQueen: Fantastic, another secret adoption.

Born on August 11th of 1981

Father: Gideon Boris Prewitt (Died on August 10th of 1981)

Mother: Elizabeth Guinevere Prewitt nee Walker (Died on August 12th of 1981)


ZeldaQueen: ...You going to explain that, suethor?

Status: Pure-Blood

Inherited Titles: Viscountess Prewitt & Lady Walker

ZeldaQueen: NO, SHE'S NOT! STOP GIVING EVERYONE REGAL TITLES!

Ginny says in shock "The people who raised me are not really my parents but my uncle and aunt."

ZeldaQueen: (Ginny) "What is this, a cheesy soap opera?"

Harry tries to reassure Ginny by saying "At least they actually love you as one of their own not like the Dursley's treated."

ZeldaQueen: - him to ice cream.

By Harry just saying that it allows Ginny to calm down enough for Neville to read the second part of the inheritance ritual to everyone else about the special abilities that Ginny has.

ZeldaQueen: My, she recovers from life-changing news rather quickly.

Abilities

ZeldaQueen: She can sing like a charm.

Animagi (horse - English Thoroughbred)

ZeldaQueen: Um, just because her patronus is a horse doesn't mean that she'd turn into one if she were an Animagus. And how could she be one without knowing it?

Natural Occlumency - blocked 100% on September 1st of 1992 by Albus Dumbledore

ZeldaQueen: There is no "natural occlumency"! And if there was, how could you block it?

Prodigy at Charms - blocked 50% on September 1st of 1992 by Albus Dumbledore

Gifted at Transfiguration - blocked 50% on September 1st of 1992 by Albus Dumbledore

ZeldaQueen: Same for both of those. And why is this being read along with wills?

Bornok returns with the requested files for Ranglock. Neville reads out the inheritance from the Prewitt and Walker family estates.

ZeldaQueen: She got nothing, because they weren't canon. Sorry!

Inheritance from the Prewitt Family

Prewitt Manor located in Wales (under Fidelius Charm by the former Viscount)

Prewitt Place located in London

Vacation Home located in Turin, Italy

Penthouse Apartment located in Miami, Florida, United States

ZeldaQueen: Why does the suethor think that the characters all secretly have manors and homes in other countries?

Family Vault = 10,000,000 galleons

Jewel Vault

*one seat in the council of Old Families, school governor, & wizengamot*

ZeldaQueen: How can she not be aware of this at all?

Inheritance from the Walker Family

Walker Manor located in Scotland (under Fidelius Charm by the former Lord)


ZeldaQueen: - Voldemort.

Ski Chalet located in Luxembourg, Switzerland

ZeldaQueen: Yes, skiing in Luxembourg. Whee!

Penthouse Apartment located in Paris, France

ZeldaQueen: HOW THE FUCK MANY PLACES OF RESIDENCE DO THESE PEOPLE NEED?

Family Vault = 20,000 galleons

Jewel Vault

ZeldaQueen: So wait, if there's a branch of the family that's filthy rich, why don't the Weasleys have any of this? Wouldn't this Walker family make some arrangement, that their daughter's guardians would get money to take care of her?

*one seat in wizengamot*

ZeldaQueen: What, another?

Business Invsetments

Daily Prophet - 1.5%

Quality Quidditch Supplies - 1%

ZeldaQueen: Erm, is it possible to inherit a business investment?

*peers at it again* No, wait, it's a business "invsetment". Totally different, my mistake.

Ginny says to everyone else "I never will to have to buy anything second hand again" but asks Ranglock calmly "Why could my mom I mean aunt access the Prewitt estate if she was born a Prewitt?"

ZeldaQueen: The lack of punctuation is driving me mad.

Ranglock then explains to Ginny "The reason why Mrs. Weasley could not access the Prewitt estate is because she was never the family's heir it was your father the first born son and he passes it on to his child you."

ZeldaQueen: Wait, if their mother was a Prewitt, then how was the father also the first-born son of that family? Unless...yeah, not going there.

Ginny asks Ranglock with sadness "Why did I go to my aunt Molly when my mother died?"

ZeldaQueen: Because the suethor was determined to rip canon for all it was worth.

Ranglock tells Ginny "Your mother was a only child and both of her parents passed away before your birth."

ZeldaQueen: Even though by now we know that she had two brothers.

Ranglock then grabs the piece of parchment from in front of Neville to make a diamond shape design in the middle of the page using his fingernail to reveal the results and places the parchment back in front of Neville who slides over to Ginny to read out loud:

ZeldaQueen: That run-on would make Halcyon proud.

Neville Frank Longbottom

Born on July 30th of 1980

Father: Frank Alexander Longbottom (Declared Incompetent on November 6th of 1981)

Mother: Alice Chelsea Longbottom nee Meadows

(Declared Incompetent on November 6th of 1981)

ZeldaQueen: When was this inheritance thing written? If it was written when they were of sound mind (as they presumably would have had to have been to get the will authorized), how would that have been...

Oh, never mind. You could play ski ball with the plot holes in this thing

Status: Pure-Blood

Inherited Titles: Earl Longbottom & Duke of Hufflepuff

ZeldaQueen: HOW?

Everyone is in shock because Neville is heir of one of the founders.

ZeldaQueen: Just because he's good at Herbology doesn't mean that he's Hufflepuff's heir!

However, Ginny keeps on reading out his abilities that he has:

Abilities

Wandless Magic - blocked 100% on August 1st of 1980 by Albus Dumbledore

Occlumency - blocked 100% on August 1st of 1980 by Albus Dumbledore

Legilmency - blocked 100% on August 1st of 1980 by Albus Dumbledore

ZeldaQueen: You can't block those things!

And yet another suethor trying to "fix" Neville. Oh, he just was "blocked" by Dumbledore, somehow! Wasn't his fault he wasn't a great wizard from Day One!

Elemental (Earth) - blocked 100% until he becomes Duke of Hufflepuff

ZeldaQueen: Oh for the love of - THE WORLD OF HARRY POTTER DOES NOT HAVE "ELEMENTAL MAGIC"!

And how would it know if he took a title, anyway?

Animagi (Badger & Fox)

ZeldaQueen: You can only take one Animagi form, darlin'

Resistance to the Imperius Curse - blocked 100% on September 1st of 1994 by Albus Dumbledore

Prodigy at Herbology

Prodigy at Defence Against the Dark Arts - blocked 50% on September 3rd of 1994 by Albus Dumbledore

Gifted at Dueling - blocked 80% on September 3rd of 1991 by Albus Dumbledore

Gifted at Potions - blocked 100% on September 1st of 1991 by Albus Dumbledore

ZeldaQueen: I'm really trying to make this funny, folks. It just seems to spork itself, though.

Hermione then asks Ranglock "Is there any way to remove the blocks?"

ZeldaQueen: (Ranglock) "No, because that's not canon!"

Ranglock explains to them "With seeing Viscountess Prewitt's results I have arrange for a goblin healer to come in and remove them."

ZeldaQueen: My, that was fast

A few seconds later Ginny starts to read out Neville's inheritance from the Longbottom and Hufflepuff families.

ZeldaQueen: So, he's the sole heir to the Hufflepuff family...wait? What.

Inheritance from the Longbottom Family

Longbottom Manor located in Scotland (under Fidelius Charm)

Penthouse Apartment located in The Amazon

ZeldaQueen: Because lord knows, that's a popular place for an apartment building.

Penthouse Apartment located in Venice

Villa located in Salt Lake City, Utah

ZeldaQueen: Another fine vacationing spot

Family Vault = 900,000,000 galleons

Jewel Vault

*one seat in the council of Old Families, school governor, & wizengamot*

ZeldaQueen: The council of "Old Families"? What?

Inheritance from the Hufflepuff Family

Hufflepuff Castle - unknown location under Fidelius Charm

ZeldaQueen: Ha! Good luck finding that!

Owns 1/4 of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry

ZeldaQueen: Um, I don't think it works like that

Family Vault = unknown

Jewel Vault

Business Investments

Daily Prophet - 10%

Camp for Quidditch - 50%

The Best Chewy Factory - 100%

ZeldaQueen: I'm really, really sorry folks, but what can one say to make this any funnier than it already is?

Will everyone is in shock from learning about what Neville is set to inherited. Meanwhile, Ranglock orders Bornok to get the Hufflepuff file.

ZeldaQueen: Is that at all like the X-file?

A couple of seconds later after everyone recoveries from that shock. Ranglock then grabs the piece of parchment from in front of Hermione to make a diamond shape design in the middle of the page using his fingernail to reveal the results and places the parchment back in front of Hermione.

ZeldaQueen: Someone please, put these run-ons out of their misery!

Hermione then passes the results to Isabelle to read out to everybody . . . . .

ZeldaQueen: There'll be a ton more boring lists, I'm sure.

And ellipses only have three dots in them, you idiot.

AN: PLEASE REVIEW NEXT CHAPTER WILL INCLUDE: HERMIONE, HARRY, AND ISABELLE INHERITANCE RITUAL RESULTS

ZeldaQueen: OH, WILL IT? THANK YOU FOR THAT HEADS UP! I THINK I'LL SHOOT MYSELF, NOW!

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Onward to: Chapter 4 (Part 1)

Back to: Chapter 2

Return to: Table of Contents

Comments

[miyuko-matsuda.livejournal.com]

WOW that fic...sucked Hard. Good luck with this sporking.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I should be able to just snip out the other lists, so it should go by quicker.

[miyuko-matsuda.livejournal.com]

Yeah,i've been looking forward to this Since the Sue`s name showed up in the Last chapter

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

She really hardly shows up at all in this thing. Then again, the plot of this fic is pretty much nonexistent.

[miyuko-matsuda.livejournal.com]

Very true.

[madamchaos.livejournal.com]

I have to admit to being highly amused by this just because the author has no capacity for showing instead of telling.

"And everybody was shocked. Then they got over their shock. Then Ranglock read something else and everybody was shocked."

And that's... about the only amusing thing here. God damn, this is just boring. At least the chapters are really short, but... but wow.

I guess the author thought that the inheritance rituals were just SO EXCITING she couldn't possibly put them all in one chapter without BLOWING YOUR MIND (or maybe realized that putting them all together would create a singularity of supreme boredom and decided to try and save the universe...).

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

"I guess the author thought that the inheritance rituals were just SO EXCITING she couldn't possibly put them all in one chapter without BLOWING YOUR MIND (or maybe realized that putting them all together would create a singularity of supreme boredom and decided to try and save the universe...)."

I suspect the former. Reading the lists, I get the feeling that she's got the mentality of a little kid who plays that they're the queen, with five billion gold coins and a crown and twenty castles across Europe.

[yemi-hikari.livejournal.com]

I am kind of hoping that this isn't the case. Actually, I am thinking some off this comes from the Suethor's like of the 'Tudor' fandom.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Probably. That would make sense, especially the love of the regal titles.

[anakinnotvader.livejournal.com]

The inheritance ritual results sound like descriptions for some character in The Sims or whatever, what with all the random traits. Except that these can be blocked by Dumbledore for no reason.

Also, the amounts of gold everyone's getting seems REALLY implausible to me. But maybe it's reasonable, I don't know much about the wizarding economy.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

We're never really told how much is considered "a lot" by way of wizarding gold, but I also think it's ludicrous. Methinks the suethor has no concept of proportion.

[yemi-hikari.livejournal.com]

I like leaving critiques for Suethors to help them. There is however, no help with this fanfic. Not when she has three Possession Sues in here. Not when there is an obvious dislike for canon. The blocking of abilities. No, just... no. Everything listed were things that you learn... you aren't born with them.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Oh, but why bother having them learn stuff? That might run the risk of character development and plot!

[yemi-hikari.livejournal.com]

Lol on that.

[slozar.livejournal.com]

So, the reason people have to work for years at magic is because Dumbledore randomly decided to block most of their abilities? Eh, still better than "Time to Fix the Mistakes"

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

I know, right? You'd think that those things would require *work* or something!

Yeah, at least this is laughable. "Time to Fix the Mistakes" was infuriating.

[aravistarkeena.livejournal.com]

I don't know what is going to be left for Harry or the Sue to inherit...
What an incredible boring story, great sporking btw.

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Apparently the Suethor realized this, because she started it over. I haven't read how far she got, but I know that the Mary Sue long-lost relative of Harry shows up in chapter one, mysteriously carrying several of his missing birth certificates on her. So yeah, more of the same.

And thank you! ^_^

[beacon80.livejournal.com]

I'd wonder why Dumbledore is blocking all these abilities, but that would require him to actually have motives for what he does. Manipulative-Bastard!Dumbledore just likes to mess with people for no reason.

Also, these natural abilities hurt my head almost as much as the titles. I could accept somebody naturally being an animagus, or even having natural occlumency, but Ginny has both and Neville has both, plus legilimancy, elemental magic, and wandless magic. Magic gifts like parseltongue and being a metamorphmagi are supposed to be extremely rare!

Also, why didn't Molly have access to that money? Her brothers were dead, and seemingly without an heir, since Molly was claiming Ginny as her own child.

[beacon80.livejournal.com]

Also, why did James give the Longbottom's a house in Salt Lake City if they already had one?

[zelda-queen.livejournal.com]

Because the Suethor thought one just isn't enough, I guess.

[bluesunnyday.livejournal.com]

Crispy fried Jesus! What in the world is with this girl?!?!

Why don't you just make Harry the ACTUAL HEIR TO GRYFFINDO-wait shit she actually does it, doesn't she?

(Note: yeah, I know, really late. Whatever.)

[katistrophe.livejournal.com]

Duke of Hufflepuff. Duke of Hufflepuff.
Why do I think this sounds so funny?

Also: I'm guilty of making monstrous lists for my fanfic ideas (which never get realized, mostly, and the rest of the time fall victim to my stilted not-quite-native-speaker grammar), but I keep these as background information for myself, not enormous infodumps. If, say, I were to write a PotC fanfic, and I found a list of ships stationed in the Caribbean at the time, I might make an offhanded reference to HMS Such-and-such, not have Norry look at them and rattle off their guns and whatnot.

[sith-droideka.livejournal.com]

To be fair, Salt Lake City was chosen for the 2002 Winter Olympics for a reason- it's near good skiing territory. If you were an avid skiier, and you were also filthy rich, then I could see you owning a vacation home in Utah just for skiing.