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zelda_queen) wrote2010-05-03 07:33 pm
My Inner Life: Chapter 18 - Evading The Shadow (Part 2)
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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My Inner Life: Chapter 18 - Evading The Shadow (Part 2)
We gathered the fairies and decided that since night air was brisk and cool, we should enjoy the rest of the evening out on the porch swing. We went outside and sat down on the swing. I cuddled into Link's arms, as he pushed the swing and caused it to move in a gentle rocking motion. Then I felt Link's muscular arms slink around me, pulling me into his gentle embrace. I just rested my head against his chest and listened to the soft chirping sounds of the crickets for a few moments until Navi decided to stir up a conversation about the upcoming Fall Harvest. We just sat there and talked in meaningless dribble about who was going to set up the decorations, or who just who might be the next lucky girl to win the dance contest,
Midna: "Meaningless dribble" is right. Get on with it!
ZeldaQueen: Wow, I don't think I've hear of characters pointing out how boring the story they're in is before. Fascinating
when I felt a sudden chill run up my spine and the feeling of being watched rushed over me again. Since our home was located inside a secluded spot in the Lost Woods, I knew that this time something was definitely wrong.
Link: Because it's not like there aren't any monsters in the Lost Woods, or the Skull Kid or anything!
I looked up into Link's eyes and whispered softy to him. "Link my love, I cannot help but feel as if we are being watched again. I know that this seems crazy, but this time I know that I'm not just worried, there really is something out the there watching us."
ZeldaQueen: Again with the watching. PDORD Count = 120
I lowered my head and nestled closer to him, seeking the protection of his strong arms.
Midna: *nastily* Yes Jenna, just go running to the Big Strong Man for protection. It's not like you can control the elements to save yourself!
"Whatever it is, it's causing me to shiver with a cold fear." I said in a shuddering voice. Link lowered his head down so that his lips were brushing my cheek, his warm breath tickled my skin. He took my hand in his and brushed his lips crossed my cheek. "Don't worry my love. I built this house inside a secluded spot, it would be too hard for anyone to find us without knowing the way."
ZeldaQueen: Jesus, these people deserve to be killed!
Link: Listen Suethor, I've been inside of the Lost Woods. I already know that there're monsters inside. And while it is tricky to find your way around, it's not impossible! Stop making me look like an idiot!
Link took his hand and gently lifted my head up until our eyes locked.
"Jenna my dear wife, I have never been the one to ever doubt you, I have always entrusted in your instincts.
Midna: There is so much wrong with that sentence that I'm just going to laugh at it. *does so*
Even though I find it hard to believe that…." Just then Navi cut in.
ZeldaQueen: Navi cut in? So nice of Link to just trail off at the end of his sentence then. Take note, Suethor, a dash indicate that one is cut off. Ellipses indicate that one stops talking on their own
"Shhhhh…..do you hear that." Navi said in a whisper, her blue aura flicking wildly.
Midna: (Navi) "Whatever it is, it made me forget my question marks!"
Gently
All: COMMA!
Link lowered my head and cocked
Link: That word is not allowed
his long
All: COMMA!
sensitive ear towards the sky, sitting in a dead silence while he quietly listened for any strange sounds. I too focused my hearing on the dead silence
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 121
of the night, waiting for any strange noises. After a few minutes went by with nothing being heard except for the soft chirping of the crickets and the sound of each other breathing, Link lowered his head, then looked back at Navi. "Navi I hear nothing, What is it you heard?" Link questioned slightly annoyed.
Ganondorf : (Link) "Now look, you made me mix up my commas and my periods!"
"It sounded like an low eerie grunting noise and I also felt as if we were being watched." Navi said then silenced everyone again.
Link: Probably just two Deku Scrubs having fun in the bushes
ZeldaQueen: Suethor, please take another note - if you're trying to make a noise sound scary, you probably don't want to describe it as a "grunt". Especially when your characters spend most of their time having sex or wanting to have sex
"There it is again." She said as she cautiously floated over towards a small clump of bushes. A light blue trail of fairy dust trailed behind her as she moved closer to the bush, each move she made taking in heed. Then she paused for a moment just a few feet from the bush, as if she was examining it. We watched in dead silence as she just floated there, her aura flickering wildly.
Ganondorf: Ah yes, going right towards the source of a strange noise. How intelligent
Link: Well Navi wasn't picked for her brains...
Ganondorf: And yet, your fictional self and Jenna have no problem with her doing it
Midna: Eh, they're probably thinking "better her than us"
Then suddenly her aura changed onto a bright red as she shakily started floating backwards.
Link: Huh, I never knew that Navi was a warning light
Link and I dropped off the swing and slowly made our war to the end of the porch. "Navi what's wrong?" Link called out to her worriedly. "Link…Jenna, I suggest that we all get the hell out of here!" Navi cried out as she turned around and started flying in a fast pace towards the house. Just then a loud shrill cry filled the air as a massive bat like creature shot out from behind the thicket and into the air. The beast's eerie red eyes were focusing down on us.
ZeldaQueen: Okay, ignoring the usage of "get the hell out of here", that makes no sense. How thick were those bushes? And what, that bat-thing was going to just sit there perfectly still, instead of attacking? It was just letting Navi fly away instead of catching and eating her? I kind of got the feeling that she was poking around for some time ther
"OH MY GODDESSES…. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT???!!!!" I cried as I backed into Link, thrusting my shuddering body against his.
Ganondorf: I suppose actually attacking the thing is out of the question?
"Oh Goddesses, I don't know love, but everyone get into the house NOW!" Link shrieked as he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me towards the house.
Link: Yes. I, the Hero of Time, who has fought giant dragons, demons, the undead, monsters made of water and fire, giant parasites, and living statues, am frightened off by a large bat. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? Just give me my damned bow and a light arrow and I'll finish the bastard in one shot!
The sound of massive beating wings stirred the wind behind us as Link urgently pushed everyone inside the house, then bolted the door behind himself just before the beast managed to grab him. We watched in horror as the massive black bat like beast tried to rip and claw at the windows, its long white fangs caked with thick saliva as they glistened against the dim moonlight.
ZeldaQueen: Either the bat-thing is smaller than they're letting on, or that's one hell of a door
I just cried against Link's chest while he held me close to him. "What are we going to do?" I said in between chokes of tears, my body shuddering with a cold fear.
Midna: SET THE THING ON FIRE! BLOW IT AWAY WITH A TORNADO! DROWN IT! OPEN A CREVICE UNDER IT! BY THE GODDESSES, YOU'RE USELESS!
Just before Link could answer, my head snapped towards the winding staircase. "Oh My Goddesses, Link….our son is all alone up there! We have to get him, we have to!" I screeched as I pulled myself out of Link's strong arms. Before he could stop me, I broke free and dashed into a dead run up the staircase towards the bedchambers. When I reached the top, I dashed into the bedchamber on my left, knocking the door aside as I flung past. Gasping and out of breath, I hobbled quickly over to the crib where our son was lying and reached my arms over the side to grab him when a loud death shrill echoed threw the room, rattling the windows relentlessly.
Link: I don't care. I'm rooting for the monster to eat the spawn
Quickly
All: COMMA!
I grabbed our son, hugged him close to my body and turned to run out when suddenly a large dark figure with massive weight crashed threw the window and landed on its hind legs, its massive leathery black wings beating with fury. Then the beast curled back its twisted lips, revealing long sharp white fangs dripping with thick salvia while its chilling deep blood red eyes looked me over with such evil that it sent cold shivers up my spine. I hugged our crying son closer to my body as I slowly begun to back up, the beasts' hollow-less red eyes watching my every move with bloodlust intentions flickering inside them. Slowly the massive bat like creature started matching my every move; its vicious snarls and grunts caused every muscle in my body to tremble in fear.
ZeldaQueen: Jesus H. Christ! Alright, this could be scary except for one stupid thing - SHE CAN CONTROL THE ELEMENTS! SHE'S BEEN BLATHERING ON ABOUT HOW SHE'S THE PROTECTOR OF HYRULE! AND SHE FOLDS LIKE A HOUSE OF CARDS UPON THE FIRST ATTACK! DID YOU EVEN PLAY THE GAME, SUETHOR? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA AT ALL WHAT BEING A HERO IN HYRULE MEANS? I NEED A DRINK!
It was at that point I knew the evil creature was trying to trap me inside the room, the intentions clear upon its twisted face, but I knew if my son, my unborn child and I was going to survive, I had to escape at all costs. I slowly continued to back up, watching the creature as it mimicked me,
Ganondorf: The monster was also backing up?
its fangs glistening against the dim light in the room as the saliva begun to drip faster and thicker from them, causing puddles of thick oozy slime to form on the floor, but I waited for the right moment, the right moment to make my escape. Then a strange noise begun to rumble inside the beast's body as its mouth begun to open wider causing a dank smell of dead flesh and rotting food to emit from it. With that the beast bucked its head back and let out an ear-piercing shrill cry that caused me to clench at my ears in pain, causing my eardrums to feel like they were going to explode inside my head. The minutes the beast spent locked in that death cry seemed to tick to an eternity, when suddenly all went silent and the next thing I knew the beast had gone air born and begun to dip into a death dive towards me. With a shriek and eyes wide with fear, I decided to make my escape. Swiftly I dashed towards the door, thrusting it aside as I darted past.
ZeldaQueen: Once again, it's your own fault that you're in that position, you little tart. You could easily take that thing down. I don't feel the least bit sorry. Also, aren't you seven months pregnant? How are you darting around like that?
I clenched my son tight against my shaking body as I went into a mad dash down the winding staircase; the sound of massive beating wings rang loudly behind me.
Midna: Is that kid a doll or something? Why isn't he crying or fussing, what with all of the noise?
Link: Maybe he's a really heavy sleeper...
Reaching the bottom, I grabbed a hold
Midna: No space needed
of Link and begun to pull him with me. "Oh My Goddesses Link, we have got to get the hell out of here, that flying beast attacked me upstairs and is now coming this way!" I said fervently in-between gasps of breath my hands trembling vigorously.
Link: (If I were canon) "Will you shut up and get a grip, woman? I've fought far worse things than that! Now get me my slingshot and a couple of Deku Nuts. There's no school like the old school!"
His blue eyes suddenly changed into a deep shade of gray, causing them to widen with a paralyzing fear. "Oh My…..Lilly, Navi, Aria we must leave NOW!" Link cried as he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me into a dead run along with him.
Midna: What? He's only getting upset now? Why is he even getting so upset? This makes no sense!
Using his shoulder Link bashed threw
All: "THROUGH"!
Link: Although one could pretend that it was a new way of breaking things. "He bashed-threw that boulder into little pieces"
the front door causing the wood to shatter into splinters just as the loud crashing sound of the metal staircase buckling and twisting under massive weight rang loudly behind us.
ZeldaQueen: Because I refuse to believe that a seven-month pregnant woman is so fast, I can only conclude that the monster is slow as heck. It only had one floor too go and the house isn't that big
Just before Link and I rounded the corner, I saw the massive black bat creature landing heavily in our now mangled living room, its mouth gapped wide as its death cry begun to fill the night with a cold fear.
Ganondorf: I, at least, am rooting for the bat-creature at this point
Link and I made our way threw
All: "THROUGH"!
the darkness and into the stables where our horses were dancing around in fear, their eyes rolling back as their frightened whinnies filled the surrounding area. We proceeded to free the horses, allowing all but two to run out the barn and into the deep thicket of the forest. Quickly Link saddled Midnight Star and Epona, then threw our saddlebags across them. "Jenna quickly, saddle our son then mount, we must leave quickly!" Link said with urgency as he rallied our fairies then mounted his stallion. "We must hurry and ride to the castle to take sanctuary!"
Ganondorf: Yes, let us run like children and do absolutely nothing to actually help ourselves!
Midna: So wait, this thing is so strong that they can't challenge it, but they think that Hyrule Castle can keep it out?
ZeldaQueen: I'm still wondering how they had time to do all of this and still weren't caught. This is just pathetic
Link: I'll say. I could have shot that thing down ten times by now!
With hast,
ZeldaQueen: There's that "hast" thing again. Perhaps they're talking in Shakespeare-speak?
I quickly secured our crying son into his small saddle then mounted Epona. With one last glance at each other, Link and I booted our horses in the legs, causing them to whiney and take off out of the barn and into the cold night at a dead run. We raced around the winding trails, made our way out the tunnel that led to the Lost Woods and out onto the peaceful rolling hills of Hyrule Field.
ZeldaQueen: A little running music.
I lowered my head down against Epona's white mane as it whipped wildly in the wind, the hollowing noises of the wind rushing past us caused the silence of the night to be filled with chaos.
Midna: Ohhh, she's trying to be impressive!
Link: Why's she riding Epona? That's my horse! She already has her own Sue-horse
ZeldaQueen: You've been righting Midnight Star. Don't take it too badly, the Suethor just can't wrap her head around the fact that men are allowed to ride female horses
Slowly the castle started to come into view just as the loud shrill cry of the bat beast rang threw
All: "THROUGH"!
the forest, followed by the sound of massive leathery wings beating in the air.
Ganondorf: So they can see the castle...but they are still within hearing range of the Kokiri Forest?
ZeldaQueen: I really think that the Suethor is using video game distance for these things. In other words, because it takes Link about a minute in real time to cross the field, she thinks that's about how long it would take in real life. She doesn't get that if Hyrule Field were a real place, it would take far longer to cross it
Slowly I turned my head only to be faced with the sight of the massive evil creature swiftly emerging from the forest and into the air as it took pursuit after us. With a shudder, I lowered my body closer to Epona's body and urged her on into a faster pace, causing her to catch up with Link's horse and the trailing dust that glittered behind our frightened fairies. We pushed on, the vision of the castle came closer into view, and the silhouette soon gave way to the sight of the shimmering stone that formed the castle's walls.
Midna: Blah, blah, blah, boring stuff
"Link…we must hurry….the beast is in pursuit!" I shrieked over the cascading noises racing threw
All: "THROUGH"!
the night, my hands twitching nervously on the reins. "Don't worry love
All: COMMA!
we're almost there, just hang on a little longer!" Link called back, his voice being warped over the loud howling noises. "We won't make it if that damned beast catches up with us!" I returned angrily as I looked back to see a large black shape with death red eyes thrusting its massive wings against the wind as it begin to dip into a death dive.
ZeldaQueen: Unless you actually try to fight it or anything
"OH MY GODDESSES……LINK ITS CLOSING IN ON US……I screeched…..LINK….OH BY FARORE….WE MUST HURRY!"
ZeldaQueen: *to Projection Room Voices* Permission to use collective emoticon?
Projection Room Voices: Granted
All: O_o
Link: Well that was a bizarre sentence...
Midna: Where are the quotes?
ZeldaQueen: They were sucked into the black hole that is the Sue
Suddenly the wooden bridge came into view as it lay across the small mote surrounding the shimmering walls that surrounded the Market. "Quickly Jenna…we must cross the bridge before it closes for the night!" Link cried out over the howling wind. Booting Epona in the legs,
Link: Ribs, damn you, you boot horses in the - fuck it, we're nearly done anyway
she bolted forward, as she raced across the wooden bridge causing a loud shuddering sound of hooves clicking wildly on it.
Swiftly Link and I raced threw
All: "THROUGH"!
the Market and up the winding dirt path that led to Hyrule Castle as the loud shrieking cries of the beast rained loudly in the distance.
Midna: Well it's a slow bugger, but it has one heck of a lung capacity
We raced past the first gate, which amazingly, was left open and up to the second gates, where two guards were resting lazily on their spears.
Link: Woah, quick question - this is nighttime, right? So how the fuck did they get in there to begin with? The castle town pulls up the drawbridge at sundown!
Ganondorf: Convenience for the Sue
Link: Of course
Quickly Link and I pulled our horses to a skidding halt and dismounted, waking the guards suddenly causing them to jump shakily.
ZeldaQueen: I think you need an "and" between "guards" and "suddenly
Then the guards looked at us skeptically. "What business do you have here Link at this time of night?" One of the guards asked questioningly.
ZeldaQueen: How is it that Jenna can hear that bat-thingy bellowing and the guards are still sawing logs
"This is not the time to ask questions, hurry we must see Princess Zelda NOW….its
All: APOSTROPHE!
of great urgency!" Link snapped as the shrill cry of the bat creature shattered the silence of the night, its twisted black image came into view as it flew in front of the full moon, causing the guards to jump in fear. "Oh By the GODDESSES….what the hell is that?!" One of the guards cried out as he pointed skyward.
Link: Okay, the guards fearing it I'll buy. But that's only because THEY HAVEN'T FOUGHT ANYTHING LIKE THAT BEFORE, YOU TWAT!
"That's what we came here about….now we must hurry and take sanctuary inside….open those damned gates NOW! I snapped as I grabbed one of the guard's spears and thrust it at him.
ZeldaQueen: Oh that's charming! Once again, someone doesn't hop to and do what she says and she gets completely bitchy. And no, I refuse to accept "her life was on the line" as justification. She can control the elements, I cannot believe she is in danger at all. And anyway, how is it that a seven-month-pregnant woman is able to grab a spear off of a guard and stab at him with it?
Without any questions, the guards hastily opened the gates, allowing us to pass. I unfastened our son from his small saddle, then hastily followed Link and the guards into the sanctuary of the castle.
Upon entering the castle, Link grabbed one of the serving girls that was passing by and told her to go and wake Princess Zelda.
Link: Zelda, who lives to serve the Sue
A skeptical look crossed her face, but without haste, she walked quickly in the direction towards Zelda's bedchambers.
Ganondorf: Either the Suethor meant "with haste" or the serving girl was deliberately being slow. If it is the latter, I find myself quite fond of her
We were then directed to the throne room. A few minutes later, Zelda joined us along with her father in the throne room, tired and annoyed looks upon their faces. Zelda swiftly approached us, her blue eyes glowing with irritation. "Link, Jenna, what is of such great importance for you both to come to the castle at this hour of the night?" Zelda questioned as she crossed her arms across her chest.
Link: Thank you, dear Zelda, for calling the Sue out on her behavior for once
ZeldaQueen: Say, is the monster invisible or something? It's apparently huge and making a ton of noise and thus far, only Jenna, her sex-slave, and the guards have noticed it. You'd think Zelda would have received word of a giant bat attacking
"Princess, my dear friend, Link and I came her with terrible news, the news of a terrible creature that has entered Hyrule." I said shakily as I walked closer to Zelda, my brown eyes locking with hers.
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 123
"What…creature….speak up my friend, what has happened." Zelda returned, her ivory white hand resting upon my shoulder.
Midna: Ellipses don't work like that
"Princess what my wife is trying to say is that a terrible evil creature has attacked us in our home, causing us to flee from our house to take sanctuary here." Link added as Zelda's blue eyes begun to fill with a mixture of shock and fear.
ZeldaQueen: (Princess Zelda) "And you ran away from it? You wusses, how are you supposed to be Hyrule's guardians if you can't stand up to that thing? Grow some balls, go on, get out there and fight it!"
"I cannot quite explain it myself, but I can say that the creature was of some gigantic black like bat creature with evil red eyes and vicious fangs. And from the way it attacked me, I say it's soul propose
ZeldaQueen: Either that was a weird misspelling, or a great name for a rock band
was to attack and kill me, but for what reason I still don't understand." I said shakily as I went into Link's arms in search of comfort.
Midna: It's sole purpose was to kill Jenna
Ganondorf: *stares*
Link: LOVELY TO KNOW THAT I RANK SO FAR DOWN ON THE LIST, DESPITE THE FACT THAT I'M ALLEGEDLY THE GUY THAT THE GRIFFINS ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT!
I just watched as Zelda and her father's eyes widened, the fear apparent in their eyes. Just then our son started to cry loudly, his little pointed ears twitched uncontrollably as he squirmed in my cold arms.
ZeldaQueen: I think the boy's a changeling. Someone shove a white-hot, iron bar down his throat
I took the blanket I had stuffed in the small leather bag I had carried in and wrapped him in it. "Shhhh my son, quiet down little one." I cooed softly as I gently shook him in my arms. Then Aria flew down and floated softly around his head, the light blue glittery dust caused him to stop crying momentarily as he raised his hands up to grasp it. At that point I took the momentarily interruption of his crying to move off to one corner of the room.
Ganondorf: This pointless interlude brought to you by My Inner Life
"I think he needs to be fed, he's hungry, cold and tired." I said as I walked over to one of the velvety chairs in the corner, sat down and proceeded to feed him.
Midna: She's...just going to sit right there and breastfeed the kid?
Link: The amount of respect for the Royal Family is staggering
I just sat there feeding little Link, while Link had a fevered discussion with Zelda and the king about the new threat of the dangerous dark bat creature roaming Hyrule. As I listened to Link describe the creature to Zelda, haunting memories of the degusting creature filled into my mind.
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 125
The thought of those evil red eyes and dank breath sent paralyzing shivers up my spine, causing my body to shake with a cold fear. I looked down at our son suckling on my nipple
Link: Thanks, I really wanted to visualize that
and started to cry silently. Small crystal white tears
Midna: Alright, this is just stupid! How does she know what her tears look like?
begun to slowly stream down my face as the dread thoughts of what that evil creature might have done to our son should it have gotten a hold of him.
Link: No space in "ahold" and I thought she said the monster was after her
ZeldaQueen: She already milked the "Pity Me" angle from there. Now she's moving on to munchausen by proxy
And a mixture of fears raced threw my mind
Ganondorf: If I thought you had a mind, I would throw it
on what reasons the creature would've wanted with our son or me
All: "OR I"!
caused the feelings of trepidation to rage threw
All: "THROUGH"!
my body, threw
All: "THROUGH"!
my every vein. Then my head snapped and the cold fear raged up my spine again as the realization that I was still pregnant caused the color to drain from my eyes.
Ganondorf: Unless you are an anime character, color doesn't drain from your eyes
ZeldaQueen: She actually remembered she was pregnant. I'm shocked
Link: It was convenient to the plot
I begun to shudder at the thought that if the creature had gotten a hold of me, our unborn son……
Midna: And...she thinks about herself before her baby. How sweet
I clutched my son tighter as I slowly lowered my right hand to my belly, my fingers gently probing the wrinkles in the fabric of my gown. "Oh my Goddesses, was that creature really after me or was he really after our unborn child."
All: QUESTION MARK!
I thought to myself as the thoughts of the creature caused my body to feel like going numb. "What in all of Hyrule would it have wanted with our children," then suddenly my body felt colder, the shock of what came to mind caused me to feel paralyzed, "Oh Goddesses……NO…. that cannot be what it wants them for…or is it?"
Ganondorf: Perhaps it was after the Hero of Time?
Midna: No, you doofus, Link's a wuss! Why would it want him?
Suddenly I heard a gentle voice probe my mind.
ZeldaQueen: GACK!
"Are you ok love?" The voice called. I looked up and saw that Link was staring at me, his dark blue eyes filled with worry. "Link my love, I think we need to talk…alone." I returned weakly back to him in his mind. Link looked at me with a slight growing fear in his eyes, the color slowly draining from them causing them to turn a shade of gray.
Midna: I'm sick and tired of her talking about everyone's eyes
Link: I'm sick and tired of this fic! Are we done yet?
ZeldaQueen: Almost! Hang in there!
"What is wrong love, what has you all worked up?" Link asked me again telepathically. My eyes faltered. "Link….I just need to talk to you…alone." I returned. "Ok Jenna my love, its ok…we'll talk alone."
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 126
Breaking the connection, Link was able to temporarily pull himself away from Zelda and her father to speak with me alone.
Ganondorf: Yes, how dare the Royal Family try to find out about the giant monster running around in their kingdom?
He came over and sat down on the velvety chair beside me, taking his strong warm arms and embracing my shaking body gently in them. I gently moved our son to the other breast so he could finish feeding,
ZeldaQueen: Please shut up about that
the looked up at Link, my eyes locking with his.
I just sat there a moment at looked at him, unable to speak, then Link's eyes penetrated deep into mine as he finally broke the silence. "Jenna what's wrong, you do not look well." Link said with concern, his hands stroking my shoulders. "Link…its just…that creature, I believe I know why it attacked me, and its those very reasons that scares the shit out of me."
ZeldaQueen: And that. Stop using that phrase
I said shakily as small tears begun to well up in my eyes. "What…what reasons, Jenna tell me what's troubling you." Link pleaded as his grip on my shoulders tightened.
Link: My counterpart apparently isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer
Then my eyes lowered. "Link…I believe I know what the creature was after….I feel that it was after our children…our son and our unborn child." I returned nearly on the verge of tears. Suddenly Link's face went a shade of white, the color completely draining from his eyes. "What……are you serious Jenna…are you sure?"
Midna: In case no one's noticed, the Suethor has mistaken ellipses for dramatic pauses
My eyes locked with his again. "Link, why do you think it came after me when I went to get our son?
ZeldaQueen: Saw you were a Sue and went to kill you? *is hopeful*
When we first ran into the house, it was shrieking and clawing at the windows downstairs, but don't you find it a bit odd that it suddenly flew up and threw
All: "THROUGH"!
the window upstairs right after I ran up there?"
Ganondorf: Not really, no. It apparently couldn't get through the door and then was able to see someone through the window...
Link: I'm still confused. She originally said that it was after her. And somehow the fact that it chased her is a sign that it wants her kids?
Suddenly Link's eyes lowered towards our son. "By the Goddesses you don't suppose…? No he cannot be what it was after!" Link spurted suddenly, shaky and raspy. I took my free hand and rested it gently on Link's "Love, yes I believe that it was our son and unborn child the creature was after." I fear that Ariakas is behind that attack, he sent that evil creature to carry out his revenge against us for helping Dalamar and for I killing those two Draconians."
ZeldaQueen: So...how in the nine hells does this Ariakas dude even know that they have kids? And if he does, why single the spawn out? Why not say "go kill them all".
Ganondorf: Indeed, evil villains ought never kill their enemy's offspring and leave said enemy alive. Has Ariakas never read MacBeth?
Just then little Link stopped suckling, looked up at his father, giggled and smiled. His little blue eyes seemed to sparkle as he locked eyes with Link's. I watched as Link smiled, took him from my arms and cradled him in his own. With a teary smile, I inched over closer to Link and rested my head on his shoulder. Our son just giggled happily as his father teased and tickled him, causing tears to fall in steady streams down my face as I watched them.
Midna: Oh isn't that cute! I think I'm going to vomit!
ZeldaQueen: That kid giggles way too much. I'm almost certain that children don't giggle every other second. Is it possessed, maybe?
Link: I'm disgusted that the Suethor thinks that this is how I'd act! If there were a monster chasing me, I'd kill the damned thing, if only to make sure that no one else was hurt! And she thinks that I'd be huddled in a castle, rocking some weepy woman and tickling a kid? Get real!
Then I felt something move in my stomach. Lowering my hand, I placed in upon my belly and felt the sudden thrusts from within. Our unborn child was kicking, and suddenly my head snapped.
ZeldaQueen: ...the unborn kid killed the Sue.
AND THERE WAS MUCH REJOICING!
It was at that point I came back to the realization that it was that tiny life and the life of our son that was in danger.
Link: She's not dead. Fuck
My face suddenly faltered as I looked back up at Link and directly into his eyes. "Link, I'm afraid. I'm afraid that Ariakas will continue his attacks on our children until he kills them….." I stammered as I started to cry uncontrollably. "I fear that Ariakas will stop at nothing until he extracts out his revenge on us."
Ganondorf: She seems surprised by this. Did it honestly never occur to her that if she stuck her nose in the business of an evil magician, he'd attack her family to some dgree?
ZeldaQueen: All I know is that she used "Ariakas" way too much. PDORD Count = 130
I felt Link's warn palm on my cheek as he kissed me gingerly. Then he handed our son back to me as he gently embraced me again. Slowly he rocked me in his arms while I cried, all the fears inside caused my stomach to clench up. "Shhhh Jenna its alright, I swear by my own life that I will not let anything befall you or our children."
Midna: (Link) "Just you and our children. Hyrule can go down the crapper"
Then Link put his hand underneath my chin and lifted my head up until our eyes met. "But I agree with you darling, I fear as well that Ariakas will stop at nothing to carry our his revenge against us.
Ganondorf: Oh, he agrees with her. HE OUGHT TO KNOW THIS ALREADY! He, at least, has fought with me before!
So I believe that it is time for us to locate this Shadow Realm and take out Ariakas from within." Suddenly my eyes went ghostly white. "You cannot be serious!" I screeched. "You cannot actually believe that we can enter that cursed place and hope to come out ALIVE!" I reached over and clasped both hands on Link's shoulders. "If we go there Ariakas will kill us for sure,
Link: GODDESSES, DON'T I WISH!
and besides we don't know what kind of evil creatures live in that place!" "We will be walking right into his hands!" I cried as I shook Link profusely.
Midna: Bitch, I hope you're arrested for domestic assault and battery
Link looked up at me and smiled. "That's why love," His eyes seemed to glow with some kind of certainty. "He will not know we're there."
Ganondorf: Ah, so he will be continuing in the grand tradition set by Dark Link, that villains in this fic shall be utterly retarded
Path of Darknes
ZeldaQueen: It was supposed to be the title of the next chapter. But that's all there is
Link: You mean...?
ZeldaQueen: YES! It was never written!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ZeldaQueen: And because God is merciful, that's all there is! It honestly just cuts off there. Probably for the better though. I hope you all enjoyed this trek through drek. I'll be fishing up something or another new to spork after I smite this abomination with the Holy Hand Axe of Avalon. Until then, strap in!
Final notes - the Department of Redundancy Department was paged 130 times
Back to: Chapter 18: Evading The Shadow (Part 1)
Return to: Table of Content
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Dear God, that is one stupid fic. I don't even KNOW that fandom, and I can tell how bad it is.
As for a new sporking--what are your fandoms? I have quite a cesspool of badfics stored up from my travels. You want one?
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Well I actually have one that I had in mind, but after that, sure! I'm into a lot of fandoms, but Harry Potter for sure (just not a lot of smut ^^;; I never know what to say about that usually)
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Harry Potter, I've got the Jennifer Craw series. However, that would be a MASSIVE undertaking. I wouldn't recommend it. 20 fics in the whole damn series, and the Sue is highly annoying and attaches herself to Snape's face. But 20 fics--all novel-length and above.
Gethsemane Butler! She has written two fics for the Pirates of the Carribean fandom. Oh, BROTHER, is that Sue of hers toxic. Perfectly delicious sporking material, and I'd gladly take on any sex scene she has in there--I already did one, wherein she has sex with Davy Jones. No, he is not human at the time. Yes, his extra-long tentacle fingers goes where no tentacle finger should ever, EVER go. Yes, it was meant to be harlequin and romantic.
"All Souls Night"! That is a classic LOTR fic with an especially horrid tenth walker Sue. She rescues Boromir from death. I don't think she's got any sex scenes.
daydreamer8301. Any of her fics are ripe for sporking--she is predominantly an LotR Suethor, and hasn't latched onto any male in particular--she wants them ALL. So take your pick.
While I lay claim to the Gethsemane Sweeney Todd Sue, Captain Turlow has written a little trio of ST Sues. She's particular vile because she's not satisfied with just one Johnny Depp character--she crosses his movies over left and right.
Hmmhmmhmm...."El Pistolero Loco y El Pantera Negra" is Once Upon a Time in Mexico. Dunno if you know that fandom, but Sands wants it sporked because he is forced to have sex with a panther lady in it. That Sue is AWFUL. I mean, to the point that I can't take it on at ALL.
Of course, there is always Halcyon! "Sanctuary of Arda" would keep you busy for a while, as it's an HP/LotR crossover by him. It's got plagiarism galore and maybe you could spot the fandoms I miss.
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Hmm, the Captain Turlow ones sound tempting. I'll take on those ones, along with Ms Butler's POTC ones. >:D (Ohh, Johnny Depp! XD)
Thank you so much! :D
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*throws Smash Balls to canon Link, Zelda and Ganondorf*
*unsheathes Excalibur*
*makes ready the TIGERS OF WAR*
For canon!!
*leaps at Sue and begins carnage*
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FOR CANON!ZELDA! *draws Light Spork and follows*
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as evidenced by the fact that they hid in their homes when monsters invade the woods.
Mikey: Well except for Saria who bravely went to the forest temple cause she’s awesome (personal theory is that OoT’s Courage was somewhat inspired by her), Mido who was trying yo help Saria and his people, and Fado who is a disturbing little girl anyway and might be a Sage (and in theory some think she‘s Mido‘s Sister). http://www.zeldawiki.org/Fado_(Ocarina_of_Time)
It was said that the only way to gain a Unipegs trust, is you have to be pure of heart and you must also believe in them
Mikey: Isn’t it supposed to be that only Female Virgins could… oh right Sue isn’t a virgin…
Since horsemeat was a dragon's favorite meal
Mikey: So true! My dragon won’t eat anything but horse meat! The vet gave me vitamins because of it.
Then I felt Link's muscular arms slink around me, pulling me into his gentle embrace
Mikey: Reminds me of a fantasy I had. The only difference is I didn’t go around telling everyone it was a dream I had to justify some f’d up fanfic!
"Whatever it is, it's causing me to shiver with a cold fear
Mikey: What the hell is cold fear? Is it like cold sweat?
Jenna my dear wife, I have never been the one to ever doubt you, I have always entrusted in your instincts.
Mikey: Mostly because you are the god of this story and I am but your sex pawn!
and
that's all I got :)
Wow that was crappy*, but your sporking helped me make it THROUGH. Thanks!
*Understatement
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*snerk* XD
And you're most welcome! Glad I could be of assistance. ^^
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Oh, and if you feel like doing another Zelda spork sometime in the future, may I recommend Desert Fortress? You could balance out the bad het fic with a bad slash fic!
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Another very-late comment
You wanna hear useless? I just found out about a minific she'd written where Ganondorf finally shows up to have his revenge, threatens to kill Link and all four of their children...and Jenna just sits there and sobs. Eventually, he children (the youngest being six) all go to Link and declare that THEY WEEL PROTECT THEIR MOMMA!!1 and she still does jack-shit, just sits there and sobs and feebly calls out to her children, instead of even going forward and dragging them back her damn self!
I personally found that the most infuriating part--it's a special kind of low to write about your character's six-year-old children trying to fight off a monster to save your uber-powered character.
Re: Another very-late comment
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I've been reading sporkings, especially by you and das_mervin and company, and you are all so inspirational!
On this story.
For one, it saddens me because one of my dear internet friends here...her real name is Jenna. :< And Jenna is a lovely name! And the Suethor had to ruin it.
I have to ask...how OLD is Link's Queen? Really, how old? I only ever was this badly obsessed when I was TWELVE.
Yes, I've been there. :< When I was younger, I was all over Link like this. Living in a fantasy world, hating Zelda, and just...I was so sick back then, it's not even funny. :< Thankfully, I'm not like that anymore. But oh God, it's scary seeing it all again.
This story was either so boring, pretentious, stupid, annoying, and stupid. ...I said stupid twice, I know. XD
I have to applaud you for being able to do this! I've just started doing little sporkings myself (My first was snarking a Mary-Sue fanfic for "The Nightmare Before Christmas"), and you are all so inspirational. ;w; I applaud you so much for doing this.
XD And bringing Link, Midna, and Ganondorf in were fun! Always a pleasure to see them!
Well done! OwO
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As for how old Link's Queen is...I honestly don't know. The discussion page on TV Tropes for My Inner Life had someone suggest that she was about 14 or 15 when she wrote it, and given that I believe the fic was on FF.net sometime around 2000 or 2001, she's probably in her twenties or so, by now. Apparently when last she appeared online, she was rather pissed about the whole MIL thing and is trying to forget about.
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Really? Pissed about it and trying to forget about it? Mmm, think maybe she learned from it and realized how dumb it was? I wouldn't blame her, I guess. I too realized what an idiot I was in being a nightmarish fangirl and moving on and maturing.
MIL, without the delusional undertones, almost reminded me of something I'd write back when I was eleven or twelve and super obsessed with Link. ;_; *Shiver*
Oh well, at least it's over now and there won't be any sequels!
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Yeah, it sounds like she was. She seems to have abandoned the LOZ fandom altogether. Last I saw, she was writing slash for the FMA fandom. O_o
Someone actually is writing a sequel, though it's pretty obviously a parody. XD It's on FF.net, titled something like My Inner Life: The Legend of Jenna.
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Wow, so from LoZ Sueness all the way to FMA slash? Hmm. O.o XD Oh well, at least that phase is over and one less Suethor! ...Kinda, I guess.
XD Oh boy, now that I'm curious to read! I'm going to check it out. OwO
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no you weren't the only one
(Anonymous) 2012-11-13 03:32 am (UTC)(link)i said that wrong
(Anonymous) 2012-11-13 03:39 am (UTC)(link)Spitefic
(Anonymous) 2012-01-30 08:52 am (UTC)(link)~~~~~~~~~
Tossing and turning, Link finally managed to wake up. He looked around frantically, trying to figure out where he was as he rubbed the sleep away from his eyes. When his gaze settled, he saw that he was in his treehouse in the Kokiri Forest. When he looked down at himself, he saw smaller hands. Child hands.
Was he, really? Or was he just dreaming within a dream? Did he really manage to escape the horrendous, terrifying, and very descriptive dream? He almost felt scared of it. It was by far worse than any nightmare he had ever come to have in the past, worse than any monster he fought. He could even wager that it was worse than facing Ganondorf! Okay...that was debatable, but it was still up there with being terrible.
Link got out of his bed, and yawned as he stood up, stretching. If he was here, in the Kokiri Forest, in the present time-did that mean this Jenna woman he met, married and...did things with wasn't real?
What if she was? No. He took a deep breath to calm himself down. He was the Hero of Time, he had faced great and terrible evil, traversed the land of Hyrule, and traveled through time. He could deal with this. He just had to double check. And he would do so as calmly as possible.
~~~~
Link snuck into the Castle courtyard, as per usual. Even though he had been here some days before, having to tell Zelda about the future events, it almost felt like he hadn't been here in years. After the events of his nightmare, it almost felt to be a relief that everything looked the same.
Come to think of it, an indication that his dream wasn't real was definitely the fact that he had, for some reason, stayed in the future time rather than returning to the present time. Why was that? Sure, he may have been very curious as to what the rest of an adult life would have been like, after the adventure was all over. But, he knew, and Zelda knew better, that he really was just a child trapped in an adult's body. He hadn't naturally grown up. He wouldn't have been able to properly adapt. Link felt relieved. Maybe he was overreacting after all.
Finally coming to see Princess Zelda where she had been before, she turned around and faced him.
"Oh, Link. You've come by. Is there...something the matter?" She looked at him curiously, noting how troubled he seemed.
Recalling how that Jenna woman was friends with Zelda and the King, he decided to go out with it. "Princess Zelda..."
Zelda smiled in understanding. "Yes?"
"Do you...well, I know this may seem like an odd question, but I'm only curious. Do you know a traveling merchant named Jenna?"
A look of surprise came to the young Princess' face before she thought for a moment. After a few moments of contemplation, she shook her head. "Why, no. I don't know anyone by the name of Jenna at all. But why do you ask, Link?"
Biting his lip, Link felt unsure whether or not to tell her about what his nightmare had been about. Deciding against it, at least for now, he shook his head. "No reason. I think I may have just gotten some facts mixed up."
He felt better, knowing that this Jenna woman really wasn't real. The dream was just a dream. He was so relieved! He just hoped never to meet a woman like her, EVER!
A couple of hours later, Link returned back to the Hyrule Castle Town Market. Maybe while he was out, he could go and pay a visit to Malon, get some more milk...
"Excuse me, do you have a minute?" A female voice spoke from behind him.
Link turned around, and his face paled.
Behind him was Jenna. Albeit a much-younger Jenna, but there was no mistaking those features. The hair, the eyes, the face! It was her!!
"Um..." Link stammered, taking a step back from her.
"I'm sorry, my name is Jenna, and I was wondering if you knew where I could find the-"
Link took off faster than a rocket before she could finish.
The young teenager, Jenna, stared off after him weirdly. "...What's his problem?"
She shrugged, and headed off into the market to ask someone else for directions. Never again did she see that boy, nor did she ever think of him.
You did it!
*gives Entropy Spork*
Here! I normally use this thing, but it's all yours for the next series you spork! Just poke it into whatever chapter you were reading once you finish, and it'll turn to dust in a matter of seconds! It's actually really fun to use.
Re: You did it!
sporking
(Anonymous) 2012-10-21 10:11 pm (UTC)(link)sporking
(Anonymous) 2012-10-21 10:55 pm (UTC)(link)aaaaaauuuuugggghhhh horrible thought
(Anonymous) 2012-11-14 02:56 am (UTC)(link)Re: aaaaaauuuuugggghhhh horrible thought
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(Anonymous) 2012-12-31 07:17 am (UTC)(link)"Would you like to go to the mall with John and I?"
"John and me are going to the mall; would you like to come?"
In the first sentence, it should be "John and me", and in the second sentence, it should be "John and I." See, the conjunction "and" joins two separate sentences. Take out the "John and" in both sentences and here's what you get:
"Would you like to go to the mall with I?"
"Me am going to the mall; would you like to come?"
Neither of them really make much sense. The first sentence should therefore be "John and me", because "Would you like to go to the mall with me?" makes sense, and the second sentence should be "John and I", because "I am going to the mall; would you like to come?" makes sense. Just remove the "[other person] and" in a sentence to figure out if you're suppose to use "and I" or "and me". So now you know ^^
Though I wouldn't give the Suethor enough credit to know that...
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(Anonymous) 2013-01-13 06:00 am (UTC)(link)no subject
XD And if you see that fic on ff.net, please let me know! I would LOVE to read it!
What the hell?
Re: What the hell?
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(Anonymous) 2013-11-16 06:40 am (UTC)(link)no subject
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(Anonymous) 2014-05-28 04:14 am (UTC)(link)...well, that is a mental image I could have lived without.
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Creepy afterthought
(Anonymous) 2014-07-27 12:29 am (UTC)(link)I'm creeped out by the breastfeeding imagery (not because it's gross or unnatural, but because it's the slimy sue and her spawn), but even more so when I think of her showing up to the castle in a dress that "(leaves) nothing to the imagination." O_o The king, the guards, and Zelda were embarrassed and polite enough not to wonder why she showed up in lingerie, THEN just got up and started breastfeeding with little preface and no decorum.
Whew! The story is finally over! It is a little annoying that it just ends there; I hate reading a story, only for the author to leave it unfinished. Sometimes they have reasons, of course, but it makes me feel like they think so little of their readers. "You are to heap praise upon me whilst I hop from story to story with no consistency and no end in sight!"
I think I figured it out.
Sue=Dark Samus
"Canon" Characters=The Ing
Suespawn & Sue Fairies=Inglets
"Evil Beast"=NintendoCapriSun (The guy's lung capacity is something to behold.)
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"Link…Jenna, I suggest that we all get the hell out of here!"
No, no, no. That's not what Navi would say at all. She'd say something like this:
Lookout! That's a Big Keese. They usually travel in packs of six. Make sure you kill all of them, or they'll return with reinforcements.
I hugged our crying son closer to my body as I slowly begun to back up
What really gets me here is that they haven't even tried to attack it. If Link pelted it with Arrows of Light and Jenna set it on fire, but it kept coming, then I could understand the "Crap! Let's run!" mentality*
* Although most of the bosses Link fights could shrug off those attacks unless you hit them with the right item first**.
** Maybe that's why Link's so scared. He hasn't picked up any items recently, so he's worried that he doesn't have whatever item it is he needs.
the metal staircase buckling and twisting under massive weight rang loudly behind us.
A monster can be:
1) Heavy enough to crush a metal staircase*.
2) Small enough to fit inside their house.
3) Capable of flying.
Pick two. You can't have all three.
Also, how the hell did this guy sneak past all the flying patrols they're supposed to have?
* Why is the staircase metal, anyway?
I quickly secured our crying son into his small saddle then mounted Epona.
Either she's putting Junior on his own horse (who doesn't even get a name, poor guy), or else she's got some kind of weird car-seat/saddle hybrid. Either way it's stupid. Pick up the child and get on the horse.
Also, she's seven months pregnant. I'm not sure she could safely ride a horse to begin with, but I'm quite certain she couldn't mount one without help.
Link: Why's she riding Epona? That's my horse! She already has her own Sue-horse
But if you got separated, you'd be alone with a female, and the bonding ceremony clearly says you're not allowed to do that.