Dear gawd. I'm laughing at the sheer insanity and the completely unrealistic situation as a whole. I can't even begin to wonder why some girls are attracted to Patch. And Zelda Queen, I've read almost all of your chapters for this book (absolutely fantastic job on the sporking, by the way; lately when I'm upset I'll just come here and read and be instantly cheered up) and I can't wait to move on to Crescendo. Part of me thinks you're too nice to Nora, though. xD She's kind of a raving moron to not think Patch is totally creepy while thinking Elliot is this massive threat.
Also. I've been wanting to do this for awhile, and maybe put Patch it a better light. Maybe he'd be more desirable if he was something like this...

Spitefic time~

I sat there in an awkward silence as Coach stared expectantly at me. It wasn't anyone's business as to what traits I looked for in a potential mate.
"Well?" asked Coach with a maddeningly smug look on his face.
"Why should she have to answer that?" Patch demanded out of the silence, much to my surprise. "That's not really a question pertaining to Biology now, is it? And it's a personal question, if you ask me."
I could hear whispers throughout the class at Patch's objection to Coach's demands.
"Well, Mr. Cipriano, what do you look for in a potential mate, since you so kindly volunteered?" Coach was such a jerk; why was he even allowed to teach at this school?
Patch shrugged, unaffected. "I guess I would want her to be somewhat attractive. There has to be some level of physical attraction. It'd be nice if she had a good personality, and if she was relatively intelligent, too."
"Now let's say you're at a party. what would you do if you saw such a girl that met your criteria; how would you know if she was interested?"
Patch raised his eyebrows, bemused. "Well the obvious thing would be to go up to her to strike up a conversation. If she was interested, she'd keep the conversation going. If not, then I'd go pursue someone else. Simple as that."
Coach made a face, displeased at Patch's calm demeanor. He cleared his throat and turned back to the whiteboard.
"Yes. Well. Anyway..." He continued on with the lesson.
"Thanks for that," I whispered to Patch.
"No problem," he responded. "That's a pretty rude question for a teacher to ask a student, especially a female one. But if you don't mind me asking- and it's fine if you don't- what traits do you look for in a guy?"
I felt my face redden. I shrugged. "It's fine. I guess I really haven't thought of it. It's just embarrassing when a teacher calls you out in front of a class."
He nodded. "Understandable. It's too bad you haven't thought of them, though."
"Why?" I quickly glanced at him.
He fiddled with his pencil a little. "I suppose I was hoping that I might fit into your expectations. And if it means anything at all to you-" he was staring lightly into my eyes at this point "-but you fit into all of my criteria. I'm serious, Nora. You're really attractive, and I can tell you're pretty smart based off of what I've seen you accomplish in this class. You've been pretty nice to me, too. Especially since I was such an ass the first day. I guess I was trying to come off as cool, but all I came off as was a complete jerk. I'm sorry for that."
I felt relieved; so there was a good side to this guy after all.
"Tell you what," he continued. "Why don't I take you out to lunch after school? Your choice?"
I smiled. "That'd be really nice."

I dunno. Maybe the book would be less infuriating if Patch actually possessed some redeeming qualities. Ha-ha...