I know, right? I would have just skipped ahead, past all of the have-nots and what-have-yous.

"*winces at illustration of Muggles* ...ye gods. Well. Those things? Are not the product of insanely fast evolution. They're the result of massive genetic mutations due to acute radiation poisoning in their ancestors. It's the only possible explanation."

In the parody, "The Legend of Ram and Buggery", that really was the explanation, that it was a mix between the radiation and "probably helped along by a mad genetic engineer who had watched too much Teletubbies" XD