"Damn YOU...Link!" I screamed as I looked up at him. (but afterwards I told him I was sorry.)
That () was totally unnecessary and sucked any feeling that scene may have had. Plus you have to decide what type of first person you are doing.
Take the story that I sent you. I have two versions of that story. You have the narrating as it comes along version. That's why you don't see comments regarding future events and its more ambiguous at parts. The other version has Eliza 10 from then telling her story while another story is going on. in that version you get comments of the "I was to stupid at the moment to realize that just couldn't ignore that part of myself" variety. See the difference?
If I narrate as it happens I can't talk about the future! It makes no sense! That comment makes no sense because, as far as I can remember, this is a "narrate as it happens" story.
no subject
"Damn YOU...Link!" I screamed as I looked up at him. (but afterwards I told him I was sorry.)
That () was totally unnecessary and sucked any feeling that scene may have had. Plus you have to decide what type of first person you are doing.
Take the story that I sent you. I have two versions of that story. You have the narrating as it comes along version. That's why you don't see comments regarding future events and its more ambiguous at parts. The other version has Eliza 10 from then telling her story while another story is going on. in that version you get comments of the "I was to stupid at the moment to realize that just couldn't ignore that part of myself" variety. See the difference?
If I narrate as it happens I can't talk about the future! It makes no sense! That comment makes no sense because, as far as I can remember, this is a "narrate as it happens" story.