Methinks the Suethor is confusing Legend of Zelda with Harvest Moon. Seriously, this reads like she played a farming sim rather than an action-adventure game.

Speaking of Harvest Moon, I keep meaning to replay that sometime. I picked Muffy to be my character's wife, but Gustapha's reaction was so quietly heartbreaking that I deleted that file. I've decided to go for the princess in the 3rd mine :D