zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: When we last left off, Nora and Vee faked a bomb threat for the noble goal of reading Patch’s student records, which we found out were nonexistent. Also, Patch is a creepy mofo, but we already knew that.

Ket: I know it’s spring, but I’m cold. So let’s deal with Asshole and Moron, so I can climb under a pile of blankets.

Why Is This Chapter A Thing? )
zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: Before we begin, I want to apologize for the bizarre update schedule. I accidentally posted Chapter 9 here instead of at das_sporking and then took forever and a day to get it cleaned up. So to anyone confused by that, I'm very sorry. I'm going to knuckle down and catch up on updating over here.

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...

ZeldaQueen: So! When we last left off, Vee decided that somehow, breaking in to see Patch’s private records would be beneficial to Nora. Any takers on whether or not Nora acts sensibly over all of this?

Ket: That’s a sucker’s bet. We also got Chinese food instead of the usual booze and ice cream. *Offers Zelda fried wontons*.

ZeldaQueen: Ah, thank you kindly but I conjured a pepperoni pizza out of my hat. Mmmm...cheesy. And in a good way!


Now With RESEARCH On Bomb Threats And Why One Shouldn't Fake Them! )
zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: In which Coach continues to piss us off and we move into a slasher movie.

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...


In Which No Sense Is Made And Everything Is Pointless )
zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: Well, we’re at one of Those Chapters. You know, one of the infamous ones that gets pointed out so very often in criticisms of this book.

Ket: Because the rest of the book was such a literary masterpiece?

ZeldaQueen: No, because this is one of the points that’s so hair-rippingly infuriating that it stood out amongst the general criticism of “this is boring”. This chapter is arguably this book’s equivalent of Edward stealing Bella’s car engine - really frigging creepy, meant to be charming and funny, and just horrible to read.

Ket: Again, sounds like the rest of the book.

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...


In Which Nora Is Sexually Harassed By Her Future Boyfriend In Front Of Her Class )
zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: When we last left off, Patch was a creepy fucker and Nora was infuriatingly dense about it.

Ket: Doesn’t that sum up the whole book?

ZeldaQueen: More or less.

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...


In Which Nora Makes Some Piss-Poor Decisions )
zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: We continue on through Chapter 1, where we see the most bizarre homework assignment ever be used as an excuse to get the leading couple together.

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...

In Which This Insane Assignment Continues )
zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: Well, we met the male lead of our little tale in the prologue, so it's time we met our female lead! Oh boy!

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...

In Which Sex Ed Is Bonkers )
zelda_queen: (Spork)

ZeldaQueen: Time to continue onward, as the mysterious boy becomes infinitely more disturbing!

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...

In Which A Monster Attacks An Innocent Man (And Later Will Be Our Romantic Lead) )
zelda_queen: (Spork)

Projection Room Voices: You're redoing this one?

ZeldaQueen: Oh yeah! Greetings and salutations, folks! Welcome to the revamped sporking of
Hush, Hush! Some of you may recall when I sporked this the first time around, over at the Realm. Well, I took a look at it, and decided that my sporking skills improved and I missed quite a few things the first time around, so I’d be giving this a second shot. So please enjoy, and -


[Suddenly, the closet door flies open behind her and crashes to the ground. Ket Makura is standing inside of it, spatula between her teeth and an armload of papers clutched to her chest.]


ZeldaQueen: The hell?!?


Ket: *Spits out the spatula* I’m not letting you do this alone. This series is full of religious fail, and I aim to rip it apart. I am personally offended, and I demand satisfaction. I have done research! *Drops the stack of papers with a heavy thud.*


ZeldaQueen: Well, far be it for me to deny you the chance to inflict the torture of badfic upon yourself. And there certainly is quite a lot of religious fail. *holds out hand* Welcome to Hush Hush, Ket!


Ket: *Picks up her things, then shakes Zelda’s hand firmly* Thank you. *Sits beside her* Just a note before we begin: I’m an enthusiast when it comes to religion, especially things to do with angels and demons, but I don’t call myself an expert. Religious studies are not always concrete--to be blunt, it’s hard to get scholars to agree on what time it is. However, I’m here to point out the absolute fail that Fitzpatrick has done with even the most basic of research into Abrahamic religions.


ZeldaQueen: Well, no time to get started on that like the present! Let us begin.

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...

In Which A Nobleman Decides To Engage In Field Sex And Walk Home In The Rain For No Reason )

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