zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: Well, we’re at one of Those Chapters. You know, one of the infamous ones that gets pointed out so very often in criticisms of this book.

Ket: Because the rest of the book was such a literary masterpiece?

ZeldaQueen: No, because this is one of the points that’s so hair-rippingly infuriating that it stood out amongst the general criticism of “this is boring”. This chapter is arguably this book’s equivalent of Edward stealing Bella’s car engine - really frigging creepy, meant to be charming and funny, and just horrible to read.

Ket: Again, sounds like the rest of the book.

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...


In Which Nora Is Sexually Harassed By Her Future Boyfriend In Front Of Her Class )
zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: When we last left off, Patch was a creepy fucker and Nora was infuriatingly dense about it.

Ket: Doesn’t that sum up the whole book?

ZeldaQueen: More or less.

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...


In Which Nora Makes Some Piss-Poor Decisions )
zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: Well, we met the male lead of our little tale in the prologue, so it's time we met our female lead! Oh boy!

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...

In Which Sex Ed Is Bonkers )
zelda_queen: (Spork)

Projection Room Voices: You're redoing this one?

ZeldaQueen: Oh yeah! Greetings and salutations, folks! Welcome to the revamped sporking of
Hush, Hush! Some of you may recall when I sporked this the first time around, over at the Realm. Well, I took a look at it, and decided that my sporking skills improved and I missed quite a few things the first time around, so I’d be giving this a second shot. So please enjoy, and -


[Suddenly, the closet door flies open behind her and crashes to the ground. Ket Makura is standing inside of it, spatula between her teeth and an armload of papers clutched to her chest.]


ZeldaQueen: The hell?!?


Ket: *Spits out the spatula* I’m not letting you do this alone. This series is full of religious fail, and I aim to rip it apart. I am personally offended, and I demand satisfaction. I have done research! *Drops the stack of papers with a heavy thud.*


ZeldaQueen: Well, far be it for me to deny you the chance to inflict the torture of badfic upon yourself. And there certainly is quite a lot of religious fail. *holds out hand* Welcome to Hush Hush, Ket!


Ket: *Picks up her things, then shakes Zelda’s hand firmly* Thank you. *Sits beside her* Just a note before we begin: I’m an enthusiast when it comes to religion, especially things to do with angels and demons, but I don’t call myself an expert. Religious studies are not always concrete--to be blunt, it’s hard to get scholars to agree on what time it is. However, I’m here to point out the absolute fail that Fitzpatrick has done with even the most basic of research into Abrahamic religions.


ZeldaQueen: Well, no time to get started on that like the present! Let us begin.

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...

In Which A Nobleman Decides To Engage In Field Sex And Walk Home In The Rain For No Reason )
zelda_queen: (Zelda Queen Spork)

ZeldaQueen: And now for a chapter that somehow manages to feel entirely pointless, even though it supposedly involves Nora making a breakthrough. Also, warnings - this chapter has it made clear that Nora is aware Patch stalks her, but doesn't care.

Read more... )

zelda_queen: (Zelda Queen Spork)
ZeldaQueen: *cheerfully* Well, it's certainly been some time, hasn't it? How about we continue on, through the never-ending fail?
Read more... )
zelda_queen: (Zelda Queen Spork)
ZeldaQueen: And we’re back, ladies and gentlemen! Sorry for the delay, but this chapter is just bad. Have a snack and drink of choice on hand because…lordy!

WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER! Besides Nora being excessively humiliated (seriously, why does Fitzpatrick do that constantly to her?), we have her contemplating suicide at the very beginning here! Please, proceed with caution!

Read more... )
zelda_queen: (Zelda Queen Spork)
ZeldaQueen: Another two-parter, because this chapter is killing me with the stupid.

Read more... )
zelda_queen: (Zelda Queen Spork)

ZeldaQueen: In which we see that, like with underpants, Fitzpatrick has no clue how police officers work

Read more... )

zelda_queen: (Default)
ZeldaQueen: In which we get several sources of conflict, and they are all pointless. Also, Marcie is a whore


Read more... )
zelda_queen: (Zelda Queen Spork)
ZeldaQueen: And now, it is time for us to honor everyone who used the spite to fight against canon. Here we go!

Read more... )
zelda_queen: (Zelda Queen Spork)
ZeldaQueen: People! Hello! This chapter...this chapter is going to be bad. I mean, really bad. This is basically the pinnacle, the midpoint of all this book's fuckwittery, and by god it's terrifying. You remember how I have been omniously commenting about how things should be remembered for later and how it's going to get worse? Yeah, this is the chapter I've been alluding to all of those times. So. Because of this, I'm splitting the chapter into two parts. And should you need respite from the horrible taste that this chapter will undoubtedly leave in your mouth, I highly recommend [livejournal.com profile] gehayi's wonderful spitefic here

Read more... )
zelda_queen: (Default)
ZeldaQueen: Well, it's taken long enough, but the graphic novel of Twilight is finally getting roasted. Illustrated by Young Kim, this thing was overseen by Meyer, meaning that she stuck her nose in and refused to let it deviate from her precious book at all. Nothing for it, ladies and gentlemen. Let's dive right on in!

Read more... )
zelda_queen: (Default)
ZeldaQueen: *tiredly* This chapter? This chapter is possibly the worst one yet. Have a drink on hand, ladies and gentlemen

Read more... )
zelda_queen: (Default)
ZeldaQueen: Hey there, folks! It looks like this chapter might be three parts, instead of two, as I had planned. Ah well, that's how it rolls. You can look for the other two to show up tomorrow, maybe. Once this chapter's over, it's over! Oh, and to celebrate, I'm dragging in Link to spork for this!

Read more... )
zelda_queen: (Legend)
ZeldaQueen: Hello everyone, and welcome to another exciting horrendous boring as hell GODDAMMED INFURIATING sporking of Child of Grace! We're starting Holly's fourth year and boy howdy, is it a doozy! The only saving grace is that the suethor hasn't updated since she finished this year, so this very well may be the last of it. Or not. Only time will tell!

Read more... )
zelda_queen: (Default)
ZeldaQueen: Well, I guess the suethor missed bashing Ron and Hermione, because guess what this chapter is pretty much dedicated to? *sigh* Strap in!

Read more... )
zelda_queen: (Default)

ZeldaQueen: Hey folks, I'm really sorry about how boring this all has been. It's just...there is nothing to work with! This chapter is just more boredom, so I sent off Leah and Zyn for a bit of a break. Strap in, y'all!

Read more... )

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