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ZeldaQueen: Here we go! Let us take a moment to honor the dear readers who fought bravely with the things we call "sense" and "logic". Time for the spite fics!
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ZeldaQueen: Alright folks, this is it! With this chapter done, we shall be able to wash our hands of Ghosts of the Abyss. You all ready? Set? Then away we goooooo!

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ZeldaQueen: Because I will, by God, finish this sporking project up before the night is over

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ZeldaQueen: Nnnn just two more chapters, ladies and gentlemen! Why isn't this thing over yet???

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ZeldaQueen: We return to the Sporking Theater, everyone! I'm sorry, but these last few chapters are just boring. Nothing happens besides Kate repeating how Calypso is a monstrous baby-killer so Gethesemane is justified in killing her. No thank you

Joining us for the first time is Midna, who shall be playing Calypso!

Midna: I hope this is worth it. I learned the accent and everything

ZeldaQueen: Shouldn't have bothered. Gethesemane didn't

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ZeldaQueen: Back to the Sporking Chamber for now, just because you all have to see this thing. Behold this chapter, in which Gethesemane shows just how horrible she is.

Also, it's pretty much just one long train of "What the Fuck" from here on out, so the drinking game is pretty much done. Drink as much as you need to end the pain

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ZeldaQueen: Hey guys! I really want to finish this quickly and it's mostly more of the same idiocy, so we're goin to be in the Sporking Theater for a bit more. Returning for an encore performance as Jack Sparrow is Link -

Link: Thank you, you're too kind

ZeldaQueen: And joining us for the first time is Ganondorf

Ganondorf: Yes, of course

Link: ...What?

ZeldaQueen: He will be playing Captain Teague Sparrow

Ganondorf: Link, I am your father

Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ZeldaQueen: ...Right then

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ZeldaQueen: In which Gethesemane rips off more canon. We have a short act here, so out comes Link and onto the stage we go!

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ZeldaQueen: Hello everyone, back to the Sporking Chamber! Link demanded a break, so it's just me today. So yeah, stuff actually happens here, sort of. Oh, and Calypso's an evil bitch. If you forgot, Gethesemane is more than happy to remind you

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ZeldaQueen: Hey, everyone! Time for more Gethesemane! I'm so sorry things have been boring for the past few sporkings. I'm trying to get a lot of stuff figured out schedule-wise, plus I really want to just crack down and get this thing over and done with. This is pretty much a filler, like the last few chapters. I've noticed that that seems to be Gethesemane's main tactic. When she runs out of stolen plot, she resorts to endless fillers of sex and her lust object declaring his love for the Sue. Ah well. Link's back in his Jack Sparrow outfit, so let's get started!

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ZeldaQueen: Good news, everyone! After a long, insane trek, we are nearly finished with this horrible wank-fest! Just ten chapters left! Once again, I shall be playing Kate and Link, who can't seem to catch a break, will be playing Barbossa

Link: *examining himself in costume* Do you think the Props Department will notice if I stole this hat? It's really nice!

ZeldaQueen: Personally, I like your green one better

Link: That's because you never wore it when it was a really annoying and chatty wizard. The negative memory association, I'll tell you...

ZeldaQueen: Well, let's talk about that after this performance


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ZeldaQueen: Hey, everyone! We're just speeding through this fic, aren't we? Link's back to playing Jack Sparrow -

Link: *ripping garden hoses off of his cheek* Goddesses above, I hate these costume changes

ZeldaQueen: - and I am still playing Kate. Marvel as nothing happens!

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ZeldaQueen: And here we are for Round Two! For this chapter, Link shall be playing Davy Jones. Alright there, Link? How are those gardening hoses we glued to your face?

Link: *death glares, as he doesn't want to risk knocking off his "tentacles" before the show*

ZeldaQueen: Spiffing!

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ZeldaQueen: Hello folks, things are going to be done a little differently today. The next few chapters are just a lot of filler of the same old, same old. So for the first time, we're going to leave the Sporking Chamber and make use of the Sporking Theater, for a dramatization of the chapters. If necessary, we'll break for sporkings. And for these dramatizations, we're putting the drinking game on hold. We can't very well get snookered while acting. Well, we can, but we'd probably end up re-enacting the orgy from Lysistrata, which may not be a bad thing, but it won't finish the fic. So then, I'll be playing Kate and Jack Sparrow will be played by Link. Link? Link? Where did you go?

Link: *offstate* I am not coming out like this!

ZeldaQueen: Oh yes you are, or I'm going to tell everyone that you still feel something for Jenna Silver -

Link: I WILL KILL YOU!

ZeldaQueen: Oh come on, we both know you won't. Hero of Hyrule and all

Link: You're evil

ZeldaQueen: Maybe. Just come out on stage. The sooner you do this, the sooner it'll be over

Link: Fine. *Clomps out on stage in a black, braided wig and pirate regalia, sporting a very fake tan*

ZeldaQueen: You need more of a stagger in your walk

Link: *death glare*

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ZeldaQueen: Hello everyone! I'm sorry it's been so long since the last update, but I needed a little time to recover. Mervin's sporking was a tough act to follow, and this upcoming chapter really got me angry. Before we begin, I'd like to point out a bit of fridge horror, regarding the sex scene. First of all, Gethesemane apparently based that on a dream she had. Uhhhhhh yeah. Second of all, she only didn't post it for all the internet to see because she thought it would bother her Kate/Sparrow shippers. Not, you know, that she figured hentai harlequin sex would bother most people. But that leads to point three - I found the sex scene on her DA account and read all of the comments. They all went on about how marvelous it was. I think the best was the person who wrote "That part was sexy and sad at the same time". I can only assume that she chalked up anyone who pointed out the squick to being "flamers" and deleted them. So yeah. That nightmare's over, so onward to Act Two of this fic!

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ZeldaQueen: Okay, ladies and germs, this is it! Harlequin hentai sex, all here in one nasty-ass chapter of grody splooge. I'm not sporking this myself. Honestly, I'm too chicken to touch it with a ten-foot pole. Thankfully though, the very brave, very awesome [livejournal.com profile] das_mervin has requested this extra for spork and country. Let's give her a hand, folks!

Oh, and I'm vacating the sporking chamber for this bit. Because of this, the drinking game shall be temporarily put on hold. Don't worry, I'm sure you all will find plenty of points in here to get stone-drunk over.

Also - it probably goes without saying, but this chapter is Not Safe For Work


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ZeldaQueen: Alright everyone, have champagne and chocolate at hand! This is a chapter for celebration! Not only is it exactly halfway through this trainwreck of a fic, but it's also that chapter. You know, the harlequin tentacle sex one that we've all been waiting for. You all ready? Let's goooo!

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ZeldaQueen: I'm trying to speed through this, so we can get to that scene that I know you've all been waiting for

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