zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: When we last left off, Shannon and her centaur husband, ClanFintan, got hitched in their year-long handfast, with no witnesses and pretty much nothing to indicate that this was the uber-important event it was built up to be.

I apologize if any of that sentence caused anyone headaches.

Let's Spend A Chapter Reflecting On How A Hot Dancer Looks Like A Character We Never Met! )
zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: Whew! Sorry about the delay, folks! Because I'm so behind and because things are going to be slow-moving for awhile, I'm going to try to keep to a Monday-Wednesday-Friday schedule. For now, I think it's high time we had a little more of Shannon Sue and her Amazing Dimension-Hopping. From this point onward, we'll be in the magical Sue-land, where we get to see PC make hash of Celtic folklore and pretty much anything else she likes. Enjoy!

How Is A Dimension Shift So Boring? )
zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: When we last left off, Nora and Vee faked a bomb threat for the noble goal of reading Patch’s student records, which we found out were nonexistent. Also, Patch is a creepy mofo, but we already knew that.

Ket: I know it’s spring, but I’m cold. So let’s deal with Asshole and Moron, so I can climb under a pile of blankets.

Why Is This Chapter A Thing? )
zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: Before we begin, I want to apologize for the bizarre update schedule. I accidentally posted Chapter 9 here instead of at das_sporking and then took forever and a day to get it cleaned up. So to anyone confused by that, I'm very sorry. I'm going to knuckle down and catch up on updating over here.

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...

ZeldaQueen: So! When we last left off, Vee decided that somehow, breaking in to see Patch’s private records would be beneficial to Nora. Any takers on whether or not Nora acts sensibly over all of this?

Ket: That’s a sucker’s bet. We also got Chinese food instead of the usual booze and ice cream. *Offers Zelda fried wontons*.

ZeldaQueen: Ah, thank you kindly but I conjured a pepperoni pizza out of my hat. Mmmm...cheesy. And in a good way!

Now With RESEARCH On Bomb Threats And Why One Shouldn't Fake Them! )
zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: We last left off with Zoey packing very inadequately to leave home forever and hearing her stepfather calling for her. Want to guess how this is going to turn out?

Ruin: About as well as a kid coming out to his super-conservative parents?

ZeldaQueen: I think you’re being optimistic. Although that comparison will be biting our asses later.
You Guys, I Think Heifer Just Might Be Not Nice! )
zelda_queen: (badfic)
ZeldaQueen: After our opening chapter of fucking nothing at all, we open with Shannon berating herself for being creeped out. So yeah, this chapter is just directly continuing from the first. I see PC Cast plays as fast and loose with chapter breaks as James Patterson does.
Dear Lord, Shannon's Judgemental! Zoey, Eat Your Heart Out! )
zelda_queen: (badfic)
ZeldaQueen: So yeah, this book is split into three parts, for some reason. I have nary a clue why. Technically the book resets the chapters after each part begins (so the first chapter in the second part is Chapter 1 instead of Chapter 5), but because that's needlessly confusing, I'll just be counting the chapters as they go.
An Entire Chapter Of Nothing, Shoot Me Now! )
zelda_queen: (badfic)
ZeldaQueen: You guys, it is time for us to embark on a long and Sue-filled journey. We are starting off with the first book ever written by PC Cast. Is it as bad as House of Night? There is but one way to find out, so let us begin!
At Least There Are No "We HEART You!"s... )
zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: So in the last chapter, Zoey was marked as a vampire and… not much else happened, really. She just whined a lot and made fun of people we didn’t know and never would. This is going to be a pattern. Ready for the next chapter, Ruin?

Ruin: In a masochistic sort of way, yes. Let us spork.

Poor Zoey's Mom... )
zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: Hey, everybody! It’s this thing, again. I know, I know, I abandoned this series for ages and now I’m starting over instead of doing Chosen. I’m sorry! It’s just that I’ve been reading ahead, and there are a lot of things I should have covered in the first two book sporkings but didn’t. And so I decided it would be easier to just restart the sporkings, instead of spending a ton of time pausing to go over stuff from several books back.

Joining me for this new sporking is the wonderful Ruin Takada! Give this dude a big round of applause, ladies and gentlemen! He’s willingly going into this and taking down the House of Night!

Ruin: It’s true. I’m actually here of my own volition.

ZeldaQueen: Ready to get started? *cracks knuckles*

Ruin: *silently resists the urge to weep* Yes.

Nothing Says "Professional" Like "We Heart You!" )
zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: In which Coach continues to piss us off and we move into a slasher movie.

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...

In Which No Sense Is Made And Everything Is Pointless )
zelda_queen: (Spork)
ZeldaQueen: Well, we’re at one of Those Chapters. You know, one of the infamous ones that gets pointed out so very often in criticisms of this book.

Ket: Because the rest of the book was such a literary masterpiece?

ZeldaQueen: No, because this is one of the points that’s so hair-rippingly infuriating that it stood out amongst the general criticism of “this is boring”. This chapter is arguably this book’s equivalent of Edward stealing Bella’s car engine - really frigging creepy, meant to be charming and funny, and just horrible to read.

Ket: Again, sounds like the rest of the book.

Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...

In Which Nora Is Sexually Harassed By Her Future Boyfriend In Front Of Her Class )


zelda_queen: (Default)

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